It is quite common to have some uncertainty when talking or interacting with a person with a physical, sensory or mental disability. The ways of socializing with disabled people should not be different from those adopted in interpersonal relationships with any other individual; however, if you are not familiar enough with a particular disability, you may be afraid of saying something offensive or making a mistake in offering your assistance.
Steps
Part 1 of 2: Talking to a Person with a Disability
Step 1. Before anything else, behave politely
A person with a disability deserves the same respect and dignity as anyone else. Evaluate the individual, not his disability, focusing on his unique personality. If you really have to label her, it is preferable that you ask her for the term she prefers and that you follow her instructions. In general, you should respect the golden rule "treat your neighbor as you would like to be treated".
- Many people with disabilities, but not all, prefer that the right emphasis be given to the person, rather than his deficit, by putting the name before his disability. For example you should say: "Your sister, who has Down syndrome", instead of "Your sister Down '".
- Other examples of correct terminology are: "Roberto has cerebral palsy", "Lea is visually impaired" or "Sarah uses a wheelchair", instead of "He is celibate / handicapped" (which are often considered condescending definitions) or "The blind girl "or" The girl in the wheelchair ". If possible, avoid these generic terms when referring to a particular person. Plural nouns such as "disabled" or "handicapped" tend to group people with disabilities, and some may find them offensive or deliberately discriminatory.
- It is important to underline that the classification system varies significantly between people and groups. In particular, many autistic subjects in terminology reject the centrality of the person, to the advantage of his deficit. For example, in deaf communities it is common to use the terms deaf or hard of hearing to describe audiological deficit, and the noun Deaf (with a capital S) to refer to the deaf community or to someone who is part of it. If in doubt, politely ask the person concerned what they prefer.
Step 2. Never treat a person with disabilities from top to bottom
Regardless of his deficit, no one likes to be treated like a child. When talking to her, don't use a childish vocabulary, endearments, or a higher than average tone of voice. Avoid rude gestures such as a pat on the head or shoulder. These bad habits denote your lack of confidence in the person's intellectual abilities and your tendency to compare them to a child. Use regular language and tone of voice and treat her as you would anyone else.
- It is best to speak more slowly with someone who is hard of hearing or who has a mental disability. Similarly, it would be acceptable to raise your tone of voice with a hearing impaired person, to allow them to understand you better. Someone may point out if you speak too slowly, but if necessary you can also ask specifically if they think you are speaking too fast or if they would prefer you to speak better.
- Don't think you need to use basic vocabulary unless you are talking to someone with severe intellectual or communication impairments. Confusing your interlocutor is most likely not considered polite, nor is talking to someone who can't follow your reasoning. However, if you have any doubts, express yourself casually and inquire about their needs.
Step 3. Don't use offensive labels or terms, especially carelessly
Pejorative labels and names are inappropriate and should be avoided when talking to a disabled person. Identifying someone with their disability or assigning them a label (such as handicapped or handicapped) is offensive, as well as irreverent. Always pay attention to what you say, censoring your language if necessary. Always avoid adjectives such as deficient, retarded, crippled, spastic, dwarf, etc. Do not identify a person with his deficit, but with his name or with the role he holds.
- If you present a person with a disability, you do not need to refer to their condition. You could say: "This is my colleague Susanna", without specifying "This is my colleague Susanna, who is deaf".
- If you miss a common statement like "I have to run!" while you are talking to someone in a wheelchair, you don't have to apologize. This kind of statements are not used for offensive purposes, so if you apologize you would draw the attention of your interlocutor to your awareness of their disability.
Step 4. Talk directly to the person, not their companion or interpreter
It is frustrating for someone with a disability to deal with people who never speak to them directly, in the presence of a carer or interpreter. Likewise, address the person in the wheelchair rather than the person next to them. She is probably confined to a wheelchair, but she has a brain that works great! If you are talking to someone who has a nurse to assist him or to a deaf person, accompanied by a sign language interpreter, you should still address the person with disabilities directly.
Even if you do not notice the typical body language signals that indicate that the other person is listening to you (for example, a person with autism has an evasive look), do not think they are unable to hear. Keep talking to her
Step 5. Position yourself at its height
If you are talking to someone who is forced by their disability in a lower position than yours (for example, if they are in a wheelchair), do your best to put yourself on their level. This will allow you to talk to her face to face, and thereby make her feel comfortable.
Pay particular attention to this aspect during long conversations, which could cause your interlocutor to have to look upwards for a long time and cause stiffness and pain in the neck muscles
Step 6. Be patient and ask questions if necessary
It may be tempting to cut short or end sentences from someone with a disability, but such behavior can be irreverent. Let her proceed at her own pace, without encouraging her to speak or move faster. Also, if you don't understand something because she talks too slowly or too quickly, don't hesitate to ask her questions. Believing you know what he said could be counterproductive and embarrassing if you misunderstand his reasoning, so always check.
- It may be particularly difficult to understand a person with a speech disorder, so don't rush them and ask them to repeat if you feel it is necessary.
- Some people need more time to process their speech or to describe their thoughts in words (regardless of their intellectual abilities). It is okay that there are long pauses during the conversation.
Step 7. Don't hesitate to ask questions about a person's disability
It would be inappropriate to ask questions just to get you out of curiosity, but if you believe this could help you make a task easier (such as asking her to take the elevator with you, rather than using the stairs, if you notice that she has difficulty walking) you should ask them. some questions. Chances are she has been asked about her disability countless times in her life, so she knows how to answer you in a few sentences. If the disability was caused by an accident or if the person believes it to be personal, they will most likely reply that they prefer not to address the subject.
Pretending to know your disability could be offensive; it is better to ask than to assume that you know
Step 8. Not all disabilities are visible
If you see someone with an athletic appearance parking in a place reserved for the disabled, do not accuse them of not having any disabilities; he might have one you can't see. The so-called "invisible disabilities" are those that are not visible to the eye, but are nonetheless disabilities.
- It is a good habit to behave kindly and thoughtfully towards everyone, as you cannot recognize all of a person's problems just by looking at them.
- The needs of some disabled people change from day to day: someone who yesterday needed a wheelchair, today just uses a cane. This does not mean that he is pretending to be disabled or recovering, but simply that he alternates between good days and bad days, like any other person.
Part 2 of 2: Interacting Appropriately
Step 1. Put yourself in the shoes of a person with a disability
It might be easier to figure out how to interact if you imagine you have a disability. Think about how you would like people to talk to you or address you. Chances are you want them to treat you the same way you get now.
- Therefore you should reach out to people with disabilities like anyone else. Welcome your new colleague with a disability as you would welcome any other newcomer to work. Never stare at a person with a disability or act condescendingly or arrogantly.
- Don't focus your attention on the disability. It is not important that you discover the nature of someone's disability, but that you treat them equally, talk to them like anyone else, and behave as you normally would if a new person came into your life.
Step 2. Offer sincere help
Some people hesitate to offer their assistance to a person with a disability for fear of offending them. In reality, if you offer your help because you are convinced that he cannot do something on his own, your offer could be offensive; but few people would be offended by a specific and sincere offer of help.
- Many people with disabilities are reluctant to ask for help, but they may be grateful if you offer them your assistance.
- For example, if you go shopping with a friend who is in a wheelchair, you might ask him if he wants me to bring his bags or if he would prefer to hang them in his wheelchair. Offering assistance to a friend is usually not an offensive gesture.
- If you are not sure how to be useful, you can ask: "Is there anything I can do to help you?".
- Never "help" someone without asking them first; for example, do not grab the wheelchair to push it up a steep ramp. First ask him if he needs a push or if you can do something else to help him.
Step 3. Don't play with guide dogs
Obviously these dogs are cute, well trained and lend themselves well to cuddling and playing. However, they are used to assist people with disabilities and are necessary to carry out common tasks. If you waste time with your dog without asking his owner's permission, you may be distracting him from an important task. But remember that you may also be rejected and in that case you shouldn't feel disappointed or annoyed.
- Don't give your guide dog food or anything of any kind.
- Don't try to distract him by calling him endearments, even if you don't actually touch or stroke him.
Step 4. Avoid playing with someone's wheelchair or walker
The wheelchair might seem like a great place to rest your arm on, but doing so may make the person sitting on it uncomfortable or annoying. Unless you are asked to push the wheelchair, you should never touch or play with it. The same advice applies to the walker, electric scooters, crutches or any other tool used for carrying out daily activities. If you feel the need to play with someone's wheelchair or to move it, you should first ask for permission and wait for an answer.
- Think of disability aids as body extensions - you would never grab or move someone's hand, or lean on their shoulder. Behave the same way with his equipment.
- You should never touch any disability-assisting instrument or device, such as a pocket LIS translator or oxygen canister, unless you are specifically asked to touch it.
Step 5. Understand that most people with disabilities have adapted to their condition
Some disabilities are congenital and others have arisen later, due to accidents or illnesses. Regardless of the cause of the disability, most people learn to adapt and be self-reliant. Therefore they are autonomous in the management of daily activities and do not require particular assistance. As a result, it may be offensive or annoying to think that a person with a disability is unable to take care of themselves or always do things for them. Assume that she can do any task on her own.
- A person who has become disabled as a result of an accident may need more help than someone who has been living with their deficit from birth, but you should always wait for them to ask you for help before assuming they really need it.
- Do not hesitate to ask someone with a disability to perform a certain task, for fear that they may not be able to do it.
- If you offer your help, be sincere and specific. If you do it with kindness and not with the belief that the person cannot do something, you will not offend them.
Step 6. Don't stand in his way
Try to be courteous to those with physical disabilities, keeping yourself aloof. Stand aside if you see someone trying to get around in their wheelchair. Let those who use the cane or walker pass. If you notice someone who doesn't seem stable or strong enough, offer to help them. Do not invade its spaces, as you would not do with anyone else. However, if someone asks you for help, don't hold back.
Do not touch anyone's dog or equipment without asking first. Remember that a wheelchair or other aids are part of the living space and the person, so respect them
Advice
- Some people may refuse help, and it is understandable. Others may not need help, and still others may be embarrassed if they notice that you notice their need for help, as they don't want to appear weak. They may have had negative experiences in the past with other people who have helped them. Don't take it personally, but wish them well.
- Avoid guesswork. It is ignorant to make any kind of prediction based on abilities or disabilities, for example to assume that people with disabilities will never find a job, will never have a relationship, will not marry and have no children, etc.
- Unfortunately, some people with disabilities are easy prey for bullying, abuse, hatred, unfair treatment and discrimination. These attitudes are unfair as well as illegal. All human beings have the right to always feel safe and to be treated with kindness, honesty, justice and dignity. Nobody deserves to be the victim of bullying, abuse, racial crimes and unfair treatment of any kind. Those who are in the wrong are bullies and harassers, certainly not you.
- Some people customize their assistive devices, such as canes, walkers, wheelchairs, etc., for a purely aesthetic requirement. Complimenting an attractively designed cane is perfectly fine. After all, they also chose him because they thought he was cute. Others choose them for a matter of functionality. A person who has hooked a cup holder and a torch to the walker would not mind if I made a comment or if I asked to take a closer look; it would certainly be much better than staring at it from afar.
- Sometimes it may be necessary to step back and see things from a different perspective. Does that baby bother you by humming continuously? Before you lose your temper, ask yourself why. Ask yourself what kind of life he leads and what difficulties he faces. Then, moved by greater compassion, it will seem easier for you to make a sacrifice.
