One of the reasons we make friends and acquaintances is to have a network of people who can help us when we are in trouble. Unfortunately, even though we have potentially endless help at our disposal, asking for a favor can be a difficult thing to do. For many of us, it's hard to admit that we need it, even though the consequences of moving forward unaided can be severe. Fear not: this short guide will teach you how to ask for favors with tact and grace.
Steps
Part 1 of 2: Asking a Favor with Courtesy
Step 1. Approach the person at the right time
If you miss the timing, you can embarrass or anger the person. This could decrease the chances that you accept. If you need to ask the teacher for help with the math test, don't do it in the middle of the lesson. Definitely don't ask if you know that a fire has destroyed his house! Generally, try not to interrupt another's work and not ask for it in a moment of joy or sadness.
Depending on the favor you may also need to use a private seat when you ask. If the favor is embarrassing for you or the other person (for example if you need to get a 'slut' fixed), don't do it in front of others
Step 2. Say you need a favor
The sooner you mention your intentions, the better. It is education to be in front of the person, but it is a symptom of intelligent choosing the right moment. If you ask for the favor at the end of a long conversation and the person replies that you can't do it, you've wasted time you might have spent looking for someone else. It's easy, all you have to say is, "Hey, I was wondering if I can ask you for a favor" within the first few sentences. Then, simply submit your request! Your potential help will likely appreciate that you haven't been sneaky about what you want!
Step 3. Choose your words carefully
You must be polite and kind but also clear in your request. Explain the facts. Not leaving anything to chance. Then, without hesitation, explain what you need from him. Ask directly if it helps you using an interrogative form. Do not leave the field to possible misunderstandings. If it's important enough to ask for a favor, you should approach it head-on. Say, "Do you think you can help me with tomorrow's homework?", Not, "Hey, if you want to show me those math stuff that would be cool!"
- Specify any important deadlines or information first. For example, again with regard to the math test, if you have to do it at the end of the week, make sure the person knows so they will have an idea of how long they need.
- Don't try to force someone or make them feel guilty to get them to do you the favor. A favor is not a favor if it is not genuine and intentional.
Step 4. Go to the point
Don't procrastinate - the longer you wait before explaining what you need, the higher the chance of losing your temper and ending the conversation without having done so. If you let that happen, you will be full stop! Say hello, exchange a courtesy or two, move to a quieter area if you need to, and tell the person you need a favor right away. Don't let it go before you've mustered the courage to do it!
Step 5. Flatter those who need to help you
Let this person know that they are the only one suitable for the job, even if they are not. Compliment her abilities - in our example, you might say something like, "Can you help me with my math homework? You're a god of trigonometry - didn't you get 10 last time?" Praise can range from subtle to enthusiastic, depending on how desperate you are!
Step 6. Offer this person a reason to help you
Those who are reluctant can get upset if you tell them about the consequences that their failure to favor would cause you. Give him the worst case scenario in case of rejection. Using our example, tell him that if he can't help you with your math test, you'll end up failing!
You don't have to overdo it or be whiny to be convincing, but if you're desperate, so much the better
Step 7. Give your helper a chance to "escape."
"If you really need a favor that much, you may be tempted to argue with his possible excuses for not helping you. If you do, however, you will regret it as soon as you receive the favor. For your own peace of mind, avoid focusing on discomfort or hurt feelings, better devise a subtle exit "strategy" for the person you ask for pleasure. Mention a potential reason why they may not be able to help you - they will likely use it if they really don't want to help you.
In our math test example, you would say something like, "Hey, I'd really appreciate it if you could help me with my homework" unless you have other commitments."
Step 8. Accept rejection politely
The act of asking for a favor requires the possibility of a 'no' for an answer! Don't be angry if the person doesn't know or can't help you - instead, be happy that they've been honest about it. If, out of guilt, he accepted but then gave up later, it would have made you waste a lot of precious time. By doing this first, it gave you a chance to look around to find another person. Tell him you understand and ask him nothing more.
- You can, however, ask if he knows anyone who might be right for you. With any luck, he may recommend someone you haven't considered.
- Don't take it personally if a person can't do you the favor - it's not a reflection of what they think of you. If you suddenly start ignoring him, he'll think you only cared for him because you wanted to ask him for help.
Step 9. Make a plan B
Asking someone a favor doesn't necessarily imply that they have to help you! He may be busy or not knowing how to do it. He might just not feel like it. In any case, do not get emotionally depressed by the first choice, find alternatives in case you have to go elsewhere.
In the example of the math test, you first have to ask the girl who gets all 10. If she can't help you, ask the boy who has answered the most questions in class. If he can't, then and only then go to the professor
Part 2 of 2: Accepting a Favorable Favor
Step 1. Thank those who help you
It is good practice to offer your sincere gratitude three times: when the helpers agree to do it, when they have finished doing it, and the next time you meet them. Remember that this person has no obligations towards you, they do it only out of kindness.
- Your thanks doesn't have to be flowery and complicated. "Thank you very much" is simple and effective. Most people recognize sincere and genuine thanks, so even a "Thank you" said from the heart is better than a convoluted speech.
- If the favor was large, you can write a card and accompany it with a small gift. Remember when you do this, that the emotional weight and sincerity are greater than the material value of the gift itself.
Step 2. Get involved
If your favor requires your participation, you must be there. Nothing is worse than asking for a favor, then not offering those who do it full attention and participation! For example: you have to do your math homework, if you ask a classmate to give you a repetition first, it is unfair to show up unprepared or text your class.
If the favor requires the use of certain things, do your best to secure them for those who help you. If your friend uses part of his day to support you in your task, try to be found with paper, pen, calculator, etc
Step 3. Be ready to help when someone is in need
If you accept help from others, you should do something in return. You could try asking yourself if they need, if there is anything you can do. If not, go ahead and take a look in case there's an opportunity to be useful. Remember that the initial reaction when someone asks for a favor may be reluctance or hesitation. Try to overcome these feelings. If you can (realistically) help someone, just do it.
- Think about how relieved you are when a person agrees to help you. Helping others will give them the same sense of relief.
- Don't help others only after they've helped you. Fight for others when you can, you will feel great!
Advice
- Take pride down! Don't feel embarrassed to ask for a favor. Asking is not a sign of weakness. Admitting that you need help often is harder than denying it, so you should be proud of your willingness to seek it.
- Remember that every single individual in human history has had to ask for help at some point. Alexander the Great wasn't too proud to ask Aristotle when he was young, so you shouldn't refuse to ask for a helping hand with the task!
