If you are interested in this article, it is probably because you think, or are certain, that you have a passive personality, and you want to learn to be more assertive in your daily interactions with others and thus gain their respect. Read this guide, and learn how.
Steps
Step 1. Learn the true meaning of "assertiveness"
It might seem obvious, but many people confuse being assertive with being aggressive as, in both cases, they try to enforce their rights. Do some internet research on sites that talk about the subject; you can also find manuals and courses that teach how to relate to a more assertive approach.
Step 2. Start by identifying your passive behaviors:
if these have become an unconscious habit over time, you must be able to understand which of these passive attitudes you have towards others. Change can only happen if you become aware of your behavior. You can start by asking yourself a few questions, such as the following:
- Do I usually consider the rights of others more important than mine?
- Do I often apologize more than necessary?
- If I have the need to complain, does this create problems for me? I'm worried? Do I prefer to let it go for fear of making the situation worse?
- During an argument, do I tell the person what they want to hear to quickly close the situation or do I present my point of view?
- Do I let others make the decisions for me, or am I able to choose independently?
- Do I allow myself to be "trampled" by others? If so, does it happen habitually?
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Do I feel compelled to avoid problems for others? I prefer to be the only person who feels bad, but do I safeguard the calm and serenity of those around me?
Note: If you answered positively to all or most of the questions above, it means that you are definitely passive towards others. It would help you to make a list of these behaviors and keep it: it is essential not to forget them
Step 3. Find out how to replace your passive attitudes with assertive ones
Based on your reflections on the passive attitude of your behavior (you can reread the list you wrote to help you), try to figure out how to transform your actions to make them demonstrate assertiveness. Take your time: This change is not easy, and takes time to implement. You could try to write another list, this time putting next to the passive attitude (for example, when you are asked for something you are not able or do not want to do) the assertive alternative that seems more appropriate to you (perhaps saying a "no" firm but polite). Try writing down alternatives for each behavior you want to change.
Step 4. Now, get to practice
Start with a behavior that seems easier to implement, then, when you are more sure of yourself, dedicate yourself to the more difficult ones. Even at this juncture, take your time, don't rush, and be very patient. Try to consolidate an assertive attitude before moving on to another situation: you will see that self-esteem will grow as you apply these new behaviors, without forcing yourself and without accelerating when you are not yet ready.
Advice
- Do not give up! Persevere and you will reach your goal.
- Do not be disheartened if, in the face of your assertive attitude, someone reacts badly, or if you feel you have made a mistake. You just need practice, and to be able to master assertive behavior, it takes a lot. Learn from your successes, as well as from your mistakes: experience will help you face the next challenge better.
