Stopping worrying about what others think can be really difficult, but there are several steps you can take to become more confident, learn to formulate your own opinions and develop a personal style. It is also important to stop assuming that other people are always watching and judging our every step, and to avoid giving too much weight to their opinions. Learn to formulate your ideas based on facts and hard evidence. Make your decisions based on your values rather than jeopardizing what you believe in order to give credit to what others think. Also remember that style is a completely subjective concept, so no one can claim to have the "truth in their pocket" and tell you how to dress or behave.
Steps
Part 1 of 3: Becoming More Confident About Yourself
Step 1. Accept yourself as you are
Be yourself, do what you can to improve yourself, but also learn to accept aspects of yourself that you cannot change. Don't try to be different just to please others.
- Create two lists. In the first, list all of your qualities that you like, while in the second write down all the aspects of yourself that you would like to improve. Now think about some practical actions you can take to become a better person. For example, if you often overreact and have an aggressive attitude towards others, you can decide that from now on, whenever someone expresses their opinion, you will pause and think about what you want to say. before answering.
- Accept aspects of yourself that you cannot change. Maybe you would have preferred to be taller, but there's nothing you can do about it. Instead of thinking about how nice it would be to have a few extra inches, try to find some positives related to being short, such as being less likely to hit your head.
Step 2. Visualize your positive results instead of worrying about embarrassment
Try not to focus on making mistakes, being ashamed, or what others might think if you make a mistake. Break your goals down into small actions and visualize in your mind the moments when you accomplish them successfully.
- Let's say you want to feel more confident when talking to someone. Break this goal down into individual actions: maintaining eye contact, listening to the other, nodding when he says something important, asking questions, and offering honest answers based on your personal experiences.
- If things don't go the way you hoped, try to learn from your mistakes rather than feel ashamed. Remember, every circumstance is a learning process and no one is good at everything, especially on the first try.
Step 3. Don't question every single step you take
Don't assume that others are always ready to judge your every little gesture. By constantly doubting yourself you risk losing confidence, so try to understand that other people have something else on their mind and do not waste time criticizing your every single thought or action.
- Do your best to notice times when you overthink or question your behaviors unnecessarily. Repeat to yourself: "Stop overthinking, calm down and don't worry."
- Being introspective and learning from your mistakes is a good thing, as long as you aspire to positive personal growth rather than brooding over negative thoughts.
Step 4. Don't let the negative judgments of others define you as a person
Try to keep a real and balanced perspective, knowing that any negative judgment is neither universal nor permanent. If you think there is something true in a criticism, use it as an opportunity to improve rather than take it as a personal limitation.
For example, suppose someone says you have a bad temper. If that person doesn't know you at all and you barely interacted, don't care about their words. Conversely, if it is the opinion of a friend or colleague with whom you usually spend a lot of time, think about the reasons that led him to formulate this thought. Try to implement strategies that help you stay calm, such as counting as you breathe slowly and deeply when you start to feel irritated
Step 5. Ask yourself if the person who is judging you has good intentions
The way she expresses her opinions can let you know if her judgment is better not to be of any importance or if her opinion is worth listening to. Ask yourself if he is trying to help you because he has your best interest at heart, try to figure out if this is a tip you can use to become a better person or a simple mean insult.
For example, suppose a close friend points out that you have been acting strange lately and seem distracted. This is an opinion that is certainly worth considering. Otherwise, it would be right to ignore the words of a person who, while not knowing you well, allows himself to label you as a bungler with his head constantly in the clouds
Part 2 of 3: Formulating Personal Opinions
Step 1. Collect information from multiple sources
In order to express an opinion on a new topic, for example a topical one, it is important to consider multiple sources. Read articles published in different newspapers or websites, trying to include those who adopt perspectives that question the things you believe in. Try to get the information yourself, instead of instinctively agreeing or disagreeing with the opinions of others.
For example, suppose your parents have formed an opinion on a news story. Instead of simply agreeing with them because they are your parents, you could search online for articles on the subject from different news outlets. After reading various ideas on the subject, you can form your own opinion based on what you have learned
Step 2. Assess whether your interlocutor is informed about the topic of discussion
Before you worry about what someone else thinks, review their skills and how they express their opinion. If your teacher has written his or her thesis on a particular historical event, you will likely value his opinion more than that of someone less informed.
In addition to considering the source of the information, it also analyzes how it is expressed. Consider whether the person informed on the subject is able to express their opinion in a clear and balanced way or if they are simply cursing, insulting and criticizing your thinking for the simple purpose of disagreeing with you
Step 3. Don't pretend to agree just to please others
Don't be afraid to have a different opinion than most people, especially if you've taken the time and effort to formulate it. Instead of trying to conform to others and satisfy them, find the right balance between facts and your gut impressions. Respect the thinking of others and accept that not everyone has to think exactly the same as you.
- For example, suppose you prefer dogs to cats - don't pretend you like cats more just to please like-minded friends. It's important to back up your personal opinion even when others disagree.
- It is sometimes helpful to challenge your personal beliefs, but you should avoid questioning them just to avoid appearing unpopular. For example, if you were raised according to a certain religious belief, as an adult you may find that a healthy dose of mistrust was helpful in delving into matters of faith. This does not mean, however, that you should change your beliefs just because someone criticized you out of ignorance.
Part 3 of 3: Discover Yourself and Your Style
Step 1. Do your best to connect with yourself
Consider the similarities and differences between how you behave when you are in private and when you are around people. Ask yourself the following question: "How do I introduce myself to strangers, to the people I feel most comfortable with and to myself?".
- Try to identify what are the aspects that make you unique. Make a written list of your character traits that you consider important, such as being honest, faithful, or ironic.
- Find time to calmly reflect on your qualities, talents, and favorite things. Try to give importance to every aspect that makes you a unique individual.
Step 2. Make decisions based on your personal values
Make choices that are consistent with your priorities instead of doing what others consider appropriate. For example, suppose your friends want to go to a party and get drunk, but the next day you have to play a game with your soccer team that you consider very important. Instead of going to the party just to feel part of the group, choose to prepare and rest as best as possible, as this is an event that you care a lot about.
Step 3. Choose a style that makes you happy
Think about how you can incorporate your interests, preferences and aversions into the way you dress, your spaces and your life choices. Try to create a style that makes you feel good, rather than just indulging in the style of the moment to feel accepted.
- For example, if you like to combine clothes and accessories of different styles, don't give up wearing what you love just because you are afraid of what others might think.
- Decorate your apartment or room with items that hold sentimental value to you, even if someone else thinks you should prefer something more modern or embrace a minimal style. For the same reason, you should avoid filling your home with decorative furnishings if you are a lover of empty spaces. Simply indulge your tastes to make the environment as pleasant as possible for yourself.
Step 4. Create an inspirational booklet to stay true to your style
If you feel the need to deepen your tastes in dressing, browse some blogs or fashion magazines in search of ideas. Save or crop the images you like to create a file, or a digital folder, from which to draw inspiration for your look. You can combine clothes and accessories to create a style that makes you feel unique and confident.
You can choose to give a unique touch to your style by adding a particular ornament, for example a hat, a scarf or an object of costume jewelry. Think of an accessory that can put you in a good mood and express or enhance a particular aspect of you. For example, if you love boating, you could wear a necklace with an anchor pendant or navy blue and white striped dresses
Step 5. Remember that taste is subjective
Whenever someone comments on your choices, remind yourself that it's just their personal opinion. Taste is subjective, so you may also not like the way other people dress or decorate their surroundings. Variety is a highly positive element: imagine how less interesting it would be if everyone wore the same clothes and if every house was exactly the same.
Dressing in a way that expresses your uniqueness is important, but in some situations a t-shirt and ripped jeans may not be appropriate. When circumstances require it, it is a good idea to wear formal clothes or stick to the dress code suggested, for example, by the company where you work. That way others will treat you with more respect
Step 6. Avoid unsolicited comments
Social networks are a very useful tool when you want to stay connected with others, but they give anyone continuous opportunities to judge other people's choices. If you want to avoid getting criticized about your looks or clothes, consider posting fewer selfies.
