If you really don't want to give weight to what others think of you, you have to remember that, as Taylor Swift says, the purpose of haters is precisely to hate ("The haters gonna hate, hate, hate …") and that 'is nothing you can do to avoid it. What you can do instead is develop a self-loving mindset, do things your way, and forget about everyone else.
Steps
Part 1 of 2: Change Your Perspective
Step 1. Develop self-confidence
If you want to stop caring what others think of you, you need to do what you can to improve your confidence. While it can take years to truly love yourself and be happy with yourself, taking small steps in that direction will help you feel more confident and less likely to listen to others' negative judgment. Here are some ways to build your self-confidence:
- Write down everything you love about yourself. Take the time to recognize what a wonderful person you are.
- Work on accepting defects that you cannot change. You will never be truly confident until you are able to accept some things about yourself that you cannot change, whether it is your voice or your height, for example.
- Spend more time doing the things you are good at. You will feel more confident by spending time doing those things that make you feel skilled and talented.
- Spend time volunteering. Realizing that you have something to offer the world will make you feel worthy.
- Take care of you. Make a conscious effort and exercise, eat right, shower regularly and wear clothes that enhance your figure, you will feel better about yourself.
- Pretend to feel safe until it really is. Keep a good posture, smile, do not move constantly and assume a position of "openness" when you talk to other people, in this way you will be able to project a level of confidence that exceeds that which is actually perceived.
Step 2. Don't over-analyze everything
Another way to give less importance to other people's thinking is to simply get distracted in other things. If you tend to mull over every comment made by someone for a long time, always question yourself about what people think about your new outfits or never believe the compliments you receive, you risk never being able to feel good about yourself. Instead of analyzing what people think of you, focus your thoughts on the positive reinforcement received from others and don't waste your energy worrying about what was not positive.
- You are your own worst enemy when it comes to weighing what others think or say about you. Only you have the power to decide how much importance you attach to the judgment of others.
- Instead, focus on the things you are good at, on making exciting plans for the future, or on people who can make you feel good.
- Sometimes you may think that there is no one in your life who can provide you with positive reinforcement, but by focusing further you should be able to identify a positive figure for you, for example a teacher, a neighbor or a fellow student.
Step 3. Create a gratitude list
You will be less likely to care about other people's judgments if you focus on all the positive things you have in your life and all the things you can feel grateful for. Take the time to sit down for at least 15 minutes and write down all the things you are grateful for. The list may include those things you love about yourself, the roof over your head, favorite parts of the city you live in, your pet, your friends, and anything else that brings joy and meaning to your life.
- Keep writing for at least 15 minutes, until the page is filled. You will find that there are more things to feel happy about than you thought.
- At least once a week, review and update your list. You can hang it over your desk or keep it in your wallet, however you like. Having a list that lists everything that is good in your life will remind you that you shouldn't spend too much time worrying about negativity.
- If the list isn't enough, you can also spend some time expressing your gratitude. By telling friends, family and loved ones how important they are to you, you will realize how important it is to focus on the good things people do for you, rather than on some negative thoughts of others.
Step 4. Learn to think more positively
Even in the most difficult moments, for example when because of the many people in your school who show themselves negative, perhaps simply saying terrible things about yourself, you find it really difficult to be able to think positively, you have to make the effort to notice the positive side of each What. Make a commitment to focus on the things that make you happy and excited rather than those that make you sad and upset, and do what you can to talk about the good around you rather than the bad.
- Even if you feel that, despite your bad mood, you are struggling to be able to talk about positive things, remember that doing so will help you change your perspective, and focus more on what good awaits you.
- Make an effort to smile more. Even if it involves smiling more at strangers, the result will be to make both of you happier.
- Learn to live a little more in the present. When you spend too much time worrying about past mistakes or dreading the future, you are unable to enjoy all the good things life puts right in front of you.
Step 5. Feel sorry for the haters
As you learn to love yourself more and begin to care less about other people's thoughts, you can begin to develop a more mature perspective, in which you realize that the behavior of those who have been mean to you is only due to their insecurity and unhappiness, and that theirs is just trying to look better by making you look worse.
- Such people are mean and have low self-esteem, and you are better than them. Instead of hating them in turn, learn to have compassion for them and to keep your distance from them, so you will feel like you've got the better of them.
- They don't need to know that you feel sorry for them. You just need to know.
Step 6. Realize that most of their time, people are certainly not thinking about you
You have to keep in mind that, most likely, while you worry about their judgment, they worry about their problems. As a rule, others are too absorbed in themselves or distracted to give you their time and effort. This shouldn't be depressing, but liberating, 99% of the time you fear people are judging you you are in fact the last thing that crosses their minds.
- This means that even if you have a new haircut, wear a new outfit, say something explicit in class, or just do things your way, most people are unlikely to give it even a single thought.
- Think about it: You're too busy worrying about what others think of you to consider what they're wearing or saying aren't you?
Step 7. Accept that you can't please just anyone
There are likely many who think that you have to follow a different path in your life. Teachers, parents, friends or fellow students probably all have different ideas about what makes behavior acceptable and what you should do, say and wear in order to be the best yourself. In fact, the best thing you can do is realize that you can't please everyone and know that what you need to do is what's best for you.
- There will always be someone who will react negatively to your actions, but that doesn't mean you don't have to make your own decisions or that you have to spend all your time trying to please everyone rather than finding out who you really are.
- The truth is, the only person you have to commit to please is yourself. If your idea of what's best for you conforms to that of your parents and friends, so be it, but that doesn't have to be your goal.
Part 2 of 2: Take action
Step 1. Spend time with those who know how to make you feel good about yourself
One of the easiest ways to stop caring about other people's thoughts is to try to surround yourself with as many caring and supportive people as possible. If one of the people who upset you is a pseudo friend or one who pretends to be, why not choose to use the company of someone who wants to see you succeed rather than fail. By spending more time surrounded by people who only want the best for you, you will become a happier person and waste less energy worrying about what others think.
- Think about it: is there anyone in your social circle who never gives you positive reinforcement and always tends to put you down in your spirits? Even though this is an old friend, you should consider whether it is okay to maintain such a relationship.
- Certainly sometimes we find ourselves stuck in the company of people who make us feel bad about ourselves, for example in a family reunion or in a chemistry class. Just try to create as much distance as possible between you and these annoying beings and focus on those in the crowd that you like.
Step 2. Pursue interests that make you feel good about yourself
The more time you spend doing the things you love or are skilled at, the less you feel inclined to give weight to other people's thoughts. Whether you're good at skiing, enjoy playing basketball, volunteer at your local library, or spend a lot of time cooking with your family, it's important to recognize what makes you happy and try to do as much as possible.
- The more time you spend doing the things you love, the less time you spend worrying about haters. If you are too busy doing something that makes you smile, you won't have time to stop and worry about what other people think.
- Also, dedicating yourself to the things you love or taking courses related to what you like will make it more likely that you will be able to meet people who share your interests. This support network will help you feel less alone.
Step 3. Set goals and achieve them
Another way to stop caring about what others think about you is to set yourself ambitious goals and take action to achieve them. Whether you want to write a novel or cross the 10km finish line, follow that direction. In pursuit of a goal, make a list of everything you should do to achieve it, and once you've achieved it, be proud of yourself for working hard to make your dreams come true.
- Giving yourself and achieving goals will not only make you feel better about yourself, it will also distract your mind from the haters. If you are too busy chasing success, you won't have time to stop and think about others.
- Along the way, giving yourself multiple small goals will help you improve your self-confidence and give you a greater sense of satisfaction.
Step 4. Do not try to put out the fire with fire
You may mistakenly feel that the best way to deal with those who are mean to you is to do the same, but you are better than them. Instead of being just as miserable and disrespectful, act superior by not making fun of it or being tempted by gossip. You don't want to be involved in an endless struggle or a circle of gossips that will rob you of your peace of mind.
Instead, find comfort in the fact that you are choosing the correct path, knowing that you are better than those who do not wish you the best
Step 5. Don't let others see your upsets
Even for those who are more self-confident, it is not always possible to leave the comments of others behind. However, you can work hard to control your emotional reactions and not allow others to see the effects of their negative comments. If someone has been mean or scornful towards you, try to ignore them and keep a calm expression. Do what you can not to be frustrated and not to show that you are giving importance to his deeds.
- While it's not always easy to control emotions, if you feel really upset, you can at least try to apologize and walk away to find a private place to calm down.
- By realizing that they are unable to upset you in any way, people will be more inclined to stop their unwelcome behavior. So avoid showing yourself down every time they tell you something bad if you want to get rid of it.
- You can talk about your feelings privately with a friend or describe them in a journal, but in public try to be as calm and indifferent as possible.
Step 6. Learn to speak frankly
As you become more confident, you should feel more comfortable expressing what you think and supporting your beliefs. You don't have to be frank just for the sake of it, but when you have an opinion about something, whether you are in class or in a social situation, you should be able to share it confidently without trying to indulge what you think others want to hear. As long as you speak clearly and have a way to support your ideas with clear evidence, you will be able to get closer to your goal of subtracting importance from the judgment of others.
- Also, by building a reputation as an assertive person who says what he thinks, others will be less likely to judge you because they will notice that you feel good about yourself.
- If others have ideas that differ from yours, listen to them respectfully and find out if you have anything to learn. Still, don't immediately change your mind or back off just to please them.
Step 7. Learn to love doing things on your own
By feeling more comfortable doing things yourself and learning to love the time you spend alone, you will become less inclined to worry about other people's thoughts. By being comfortable being yourself and pursuing your own interests, whether it's reading, watching a movie or just taking a walk, you will tend to give less importance to what others have to say..
- While you don't have to be constantly lonely, feeling comfortable with yourself rather than constantly looking for people to be with will make you more confident and reduce the chances of others being able to upset you.
- Find hobbies that you enjoy doing on your own, such as yoga, writing poetry, watching classic movies, or running.
Step 8. Stop apologizing when you haven't done anything wrong
One of the things that people who place too much emphasis on other people's judgment tend to do is to keep apologizing, even when they really haven't done anything wrong. You may tend to apologize just because you want to have access to the good side of a person instead of being judged by them, but if you really feel in your heart that you have done nothing wrong, then it is good to avoid giving up and apologizing just because you don't want to worry about what. people can think of you.
- Build the confidence to assert yourself and recognize when there is no need to apologize for your behavior. This is a sign of strength that, by getting into the habit of staying firm on your beliefs, will earn you more respect from people.
- If someone blames you for something that clearly isn't your fault, you can answer something like “I'm sorry that…” but don't give in and don't apologize just because you think doing it might make things easier.
Advice
- You determine your life. Don't let the judgment of others decide how you should live.
- Be yourself, not the image of the person others force you to be.
Warnings
- Avoid engaging in bad behavior just to conform to others, such as by drinking or smoking.
- Don't hold back your emotions. You need to find a way to let out the anger or sadness you feel about feeling judged.
