If you're reading this, it probably means you've just had a bad birthday. It seems particularly unfair to have a bad day on one of those special days when everything should revolve around us. However, precisely because it is a day full of so many expectations, it can often be the cause of great disappointment and consequent depression.
Steps
Part 1 of 4: Recover
Step 1. Give yourself a little pity and then turn the page
Having a bad birthday is a cause of great disappointment. It is important to recognize our emotions and cry over a little: pretending not to be upset could prolong the moodiness. Eat some ice cream or give yourself a good cry, then go ahead! It's time to plan something fun.
Step 2. Have a second birthday party
If your birthday didn't go the way you imagined, take matters into your own hands and organize it again. Pick one of the following days (make sure you leave enough time for people to get organized) and treat yourself to a party. Here are some tips for throwing a great second birthday party:
- Invite as many people as you like - you are in control of the guest list!
- If you decide to go out, choose one of your favorite restaurants or, if you're feeling adventurous, opt for a new place you've been wanting to try for some time.
- If you stay at home, buy or prepare some food and birthday decorations, or consider choosing an unconventional theme, such as a particular historical period or your favorite style to spice it up even more.
- Buy or bake a cake to make it look like a real birthday party!
Step 3. Give yourself other gifts
There is no rule that you can only accept gifts on your birthday, so take a tour and buy yourself some gifts. For your second celebration, make sure you do something on that specific day (or throughout the week) that you enjoy doing. Giving yourself some gifts won't make up for a bad birthday you've had, but it can help make you feel better.
- Give yourself a gift that you would have liked to have received but did not reach you.
- Rent a movie you love and order takeaway from your favorite restaurant.
- Invite a few friends over for a home spa day, or enjoy it alone.
Part 2 of 4: Express Your Expectations
Step 1. Reflect on your disappointment
Take a moment to understand why you feel like you've had a bad birthday. Did you expect to get more attention from a particular person? Would you have liked to dedicate yourself to an activity that you were unable to carry out? Does your birthday always make you feel depressed? Understanding exactly why you feel disappointed will help you deal with your bad mood.
Step 2. Evaluate if you have already planned to be disappointed
For some people, the birthday is a source of such concern in the days leading up to the event, that they feel disappointed even before celebrating it. Find out if you felt before your birthday:
- Focus on what you feared "wouldn't" happen. In case you were very worried about the gifts you would or would not receive or who would or would not call you, you have been excessively agitated before your birthday even started. These kinds of thoughts cause such expectation anxiety that having fun becomes a battle that is virtually impossible to win.
- Excited at the idea of what "would" have happened. It is a much more optimistic kind of attitude towards the future than the previous one. It means that, instead of looking forward to the future with anxiety about what might or might not have happened, you were already looking forward to your birthday with a sense of excitement and anticipation.
Step 3. Consider what your expectations were
Birthday expectations - the predictions that often make us have a bad day - generally fall into one of the following categories:
- Expectations regarding the birthday party itself. Many people expect great things from their birthday and imagine it as a day filled with gifts and attention; if this is not done they have the feeling that the day was a great disappointment. They focus so much on what the birthday "should" be, that they don't enjoy what it actually "is".
- Expectations about what our life should be like and where we should have gotten to. Since the birthday is celebrated once a year, it is the ideal time to reflect on the past year and to make considerations about the future. For some, this means confronting the (unfulfilled) goals they had planned for themselves. Expectations like this are often more difficult to deal with and can definitely ruin a birthday.
Part 3 of 4: Directing Your Thoughts Elsewhere
Step 1. Understand that your disappointment is coming from yourself
Birthday is certainly a special day on which we deserve to receive warmth and love. However, there is no rule that everything must revolve around us on that day. Disappointment is a feeling that arises within us, therefore understanding that we ourselves are the cause of our unhappiness is the key to changing our feelings about this day.
Step 2. Identify the exact cause
Since disappointment is created by ourselves, recognizing the precise emotion that generates it can help us fight a bad mood.
- Do you feel rejected? Since every event is posted on social networks, even the smallest refusal, for example the fact that few people have congratulated you on your wall, can be very painful. Try to remember that each of the people who got in touch with you in any way made a beautiful gesture: it is not a competition for who receives the most messages or "likes".
- Are you worried about the goals you haven't achieved? If expectations about your life are causing you a bad mood, first try to understand when and why you decided to set those goals. Making comparisons with others is never a good idea. It may also be that the goals you set for yourself when you were younger no longer match what you want now.
- Are you mulling over the fact that a particular person didn't wish you on your birthday? Maybe an ex-girlfriend, or the person you have a crush on, did not come in for your birthday and this can annoy you. Instead of thinking about the one person who didn't call you, focus on those who did. Reread the greeting cards or messages you have received and direct your thoughts elsewhere.
Step 3. Overcome the disappointment
Ruminating on the negative aspects of the day will not change the situation or the impression that some people have forgotten you on your birthday but, on the contrary, it will make you feel worse. Therefore, direct your thoughts towards something positive. For instance:
- Think about everything you have achieved in the last year and even before. You may not have reached the milestone you promised yourself, but you shouldn't deny the goals you have accomplished. Take a minute to draw up a list of the "hits" of the year.
- Make a plan of the goals you would like to achieve over the next year. Just remember to establish reasonable ones, so as not to find yourself even more disappointed the following year.
- Plan to properly celebrate someone else's birthday. If a friend's or family member's birthday is imminent, overcome your disappointment by helping to prevent this person from having the same experience as you. It will make you feel better And will make the other feel loved.
Step 4. Lower your expectations
It may be that as a child you were used to a week of celebrating your birthday, culminating in a big party with a giant cake. It's a beautiful thing, but it may have profoundly affected your expectations for current birthdays. Instead of hoping for big celebrations, next year try not to expect anything from anyone. It might seem like a negative attitude, but this actually means that whatever good happens will be an unexpected surprise!
Part 4 of 4: Communicate More Effectively
Step 1. Understand that you can only exercise control over yourself
You can't make your friends and family celebrate your birthday, but you can control the effect that disappointment has on you. Don't let it consume you, but don't ignore it either. Recognize what you are feeling, then proceed with the inner dialogue.
Step 2. Talk to your friends and family about it
Your loved ones may not have noticed that you think you've had a bad birthday. They may have the impression that they have adequately celebrated you and think that you have too high expectations, or the birthday is not such an important issue for them. Either way, consider starting the conversation one of these ways:
- "I was thinking of booking a massage for my birthday just past." This will let them know that you were hoping to get more attention on that occasion.
- "Could you help me organize a late exit for my birthday?". There is nothing wrong with this request: it will not only help them understand that your expectations have not been met, but it will also ensure that the planned activities are exactly what you want to do!
- "I know we went out for dinner for my birthday, but I'd also like to go dancing: what do you think?". It is a clever, but not passive-aggressive way of letting people know that you liked what you did for your birthday, but that you were hoping to have some more fun before the end of the day.
Step 3. Learn from this experience
Whether you constantly feel disappointed with your birthday, or whether it's the first year you're having a bad day, learn from what happened and carry this awareness into the rest of the year. Also look at it in a future perspective: will you remember this disappointment in 6 or 3 months? Be grateful for everything you have! Congratulations!
