You may have a natural predisposition to help people who are going through a difficult time. However, if you're not careful, you risk saying or doing something that could negatively impact their already precarious state of mind. Therefore, learning effective techniques to use is very helpful when you want to offer emotional support to someone.
Steps
Part 1 of 3: Listen actively
Step 1. Choose a secluded spot
You need to make sure that those who need your support feel comfortable sharing their problem with you. If possible, choose an empty room. However, even a corner away from prying eyes is sufficient if you do not have a free room available. Try to speak softly, especially if you are in a place where other people might pass by and listen to the conversation.
- Avoid distractions as much as possible. Choose a quiet area where you cannot be distracted by television, radio, or other electronic devices. Also, avoid texting or rummaging through your wallet while the other person is talking.
- An alternative to the secluded place could be a "walk to talk". Instead of standing still somewhere, you could take a leisurely walk and chat. In this way, you will allow your interlocutor to feel comfortable as he confides his problems to you.
- You can also collect his confidences over the phone. However, choose a time when you have no distractions that prevent you from listening carefully.
Step 2. Ask questions
You can ask the other person what happened or how they feel. The essential thing is to ensure that you are willing to listen to it. She needs to understand that you are genuinely interested in what she has to say and that you actually intend to support her.
- Formulate open-ended questions to give direction to the conversation and stimulate dialogue. By asking questions that prompt your interlocutor to open up, you will be able to get a clearer idea of what he or she is thinking.
- Questions should begin with words such as "how" and "why" and encourage discussion rather than having monosyllabic answers.
- Here are some examples of open-ended questions: "What happened?", "What will you do next" and "How did you feel?".
Step 3. Listen to the answer
Watch the other person talk to you and turn your attention to them. That way, he'll feel more important.
- Eye contact is important so that your interlocutor understands that you are listening to him. However, try not to overdo it. Be careful not to stare.
- To show that you are listening, try to communicate openness to your body and other non-verbal cues. Every now and then try to nod and smile at the right moment. Avoid crossing your arms, otherwise you will appear to be on the defensive and whoever is in front of you may react badly.
Step 4. Rephrase what the other person is saying
Empathy is an essential element in helping others feel supported. To empathize with your interlocutor, you need to clearly grasp what he is trying to communicate. You will have less doubts about his point of view if you take note of what he says and reflect on his speech. Also, this way the other person will feel your support and understanding.
- Don't just repeat exactly what it says as if you were an automaton. Rather, rephrasing it in your own words will stimulate dialogue. Just try to rework what he says using his words. You could express yourself in the following ways: "I understand that you are saying …" or "If I heard correctly, you said …" or use similar phrases. They will allow the other person to understand that you are actually listening to them.
- Don't interrupt her while she's talking. Show your support by giving her the opportunity to express her thoughts and feelings without intervening. Just reflect on what he said during the silences that normally occur between sentences or when it is clear that he is waiting to hear your opinion.
- This is not the right time to judge or be critical. Listening and putting yourself in the interlocutor's shoes does not necessarily mean agreeing with what he is saying, but rather communicating interest in him and in what he is experiencing. Avoid saying: "I told you so", "It's not such a big problem", "It's not worth it", "You're exaggerating" or other phrases that tend to criticize or minimize. Your goal right now is simply to show support and understanding.
Part 2 of 3: Recognizing the Interlocutor's Emotions
Step 1. Imagine what the other person is feeling
Try to understand what his mood is as he talks to you. Some individuals have a hard time distinguishing what they are feeling or may even try to mask their feelings. It often happens when someone in the past has criticized their sensitivity, misinterpreting their state of mind. Still others may be emotionally confused and mistake, for example, frustration for anger or happiness for enthusiasm. If you help those in front of you to identify what they are actually feeling, you will allow them to recognize and accept their feelings.
- Don't explain how he is feeling. Instead, offer some suggestions. You might say, "I get the impression that you are feeling very disappointed" or "You look pretty agitated."
- Observe body language and facial expressions as he speaks. The tone of his voice can also give you a clearer idea of his state of mind.
- Remember that he will correct you if you are wrong. Don't dismiss her comments, but keep in mind that she is the only person who really knows how she feels. Accepting when he corrects you is also a way to validate his emotions.
Step 2. Try to be understanding
In other words, you need to put aside any thoughts or prejudices about the situation. Be present and pay attention to what the other person is saying. Your job is not to solve her problems or find a solution, but to think about offering a safe ground in which she feels heard and understood.
- Avoid offering advice unless asked for, otherwise you may feel like you are criticizing and discouraging her.
- Don't try to influence his mood. Remember that he has every right to feel the way he does. Giving emotional support means accepting that a person has the right to feel his emotions, whatever they are.
Step 3. Reassure your interlocutor by saying that what they are feeling is normal
It is important that he does not have difficulty expressing his feelings. This is not the time to criticize either him or the situation he is in. Your goal is to communicate support and understanding. In these cases, it is best to speak simply and concisely. Here are some examples:
- "There are many issues to be addressed."
- "I'm sorry for what you're going through."
- "You look really heartbroken."
- "I see".
- "I too would have been angry."
Step 4. Watch your body language
Human communication often takes place non-verbal. This means that body language is as important as words. Therefore, make your body indicate to your interlocutor that you are listening to him and you are identifying with his situation without any criticism or rejection.
- Try to nod, smile, and make eye contact as you listen. According to some research, people who engage in this kind of behavior are often considered more empathetic by those who observe them.
- It is especially useful to smile because the human brain is predisposed to recognize a smile. In this way, not only those who receive it feel the support of those who give it closer, but both feel more heartened.
Part 3 of 3: Show Support
Step 1. Ask the other person what they intend to do
If she thinks she needs emotional support, there is probably something wrong with her life. This is a great opportunity to help her understand what steps she can take to restore her emotional balance.
- He may not know how to answer you right away, but that's not a problem. Don't push her to make an immediate decision. Maybe it just needs to be heard and understood.
- Suggest some hypotheses. You will help her reflect on actions she has never considered. It is more encouraging to put forward various kinds of possibilities in the form of questions, because they do not require any course of action. This approach will allow you to offer her suggestions and support without taking away her decision-making power.
- Remember that you don't have to solve problems for the other person, but simply help them find a solution.
- For example, if your friend is having financial problems, you might ask, "What if I talked to your manager about a possible pay increase?" If your granddaughter feels overwhelmed by work and family responsibilities, you might ask her, "What if you plan a vacation with your whole family to get rid of the stress?" Any question that poses a different perspective will be helpful.
Step 2. Identify the most concrete measures to take
Your interlocutor may not be able to answer you right away, but you need to help him solve his problem gradually. It's important to identify the next step, even if it's a trivial one (like agreeing to talk to you again the next day). Usually, we feel more supported when we know we can count on trustworthy people to help us see the big picture.
- Continue to encourage the other person to take concrete steps until their problem has been resolved. He will appreciate your support even if the situation slowly improves.
- There is not much that can be done when a person is grieving. Everyone experiences it differently and the pain can last for a year or longer. If you want to support someone who is grieving the death of a loved one, listen to the anecdotes they want to share and accept their state of mind without minimizing their loss.
- In certain circumstances, it is necessary to consult a mental health professional to take concrete action.
Step 3. Demonstrate your support in a tangible way
Sometimes, instead of intervening, it may be more appropriate to say, "I'm here if you need me" or "Don't worry. Everything will work out." However, you also need to concretely show your support in addition to saying nice words. Once you have listened to the other person, you will surely have a better idea of what you can do to help them feel more protected. If you don't know where to start, below you will find some indications that will allow you to reflect on the whole situation:
- Instead of saying "everything will be fine", try to help make things better. For example, you can help a sick friend find a good specialist or identify treatment options.
- In addition to saying "I love you," you may have some kind gestures towards the other person. For example, you could buy her a gift, spend more time with her, or take her to her favorite place so she can relax.
- Don't just say "I'm close to you," but take her out to dinner or help her run some errands so she can address her problems and solve them.
Step 4. Don't abandon it
Everyone has their own schedule and sometimes life is really hectic, but you have to find the time to help the other person. He will probably have received a lot of moral support, but would prefer to receive more concrete help. Remember that small acts of kindness can be very effective.
Advice
- Do not minimize what he is experiencing. Even if it doesn't seem that bad to you, emotional stress can make the whole situation quite exhausting.
- Avoid giving your opinion unless asked directly. There are times and places to give unsolicited advice, especially in dangerous situations. However, if it's all about emotional support, it's best to avoid adding your opinion unless desired.
- Remember that offering support to a person does not mean accepting their decisions. If you think something is hurting her, you don't have to agree with her to show that you are supporting her emotionally.
- When analyzing the various solutions, questions that suggest different perspectives ("What if …?") Are a great way to suggest healthier and more balanced remedies without seeming intrusive.
- Remember that you don't have to decide for the other person. Your job is to offer her your help and assist her in her decisions.
- Keep calm. Before you try to offer your support to someone, make sure you are emotionally stable. It won't do you or the other person any good to help them with an upset mood.
- Try to help her by doing everything you promised her. It's better if you offer to help her out with the things you know how to do rather than risk disappointing her by taking your word back.
- Focus on the other person. Be cautious when talking about your experiences trying to help out. While it is sometimes effective to open up about your past, others can backfire especially if others feel that you are trying to minimize their problems or what they are feeling. So, you'd better stay focused on their situation.
- Intuition can be helpful when trying to understand someone by putting yourself in their shoes. It is right to rely on your instincts when you need to understand the mood of another person or make suggestions. However, if he corrects you, accept his clarifications unreservedly: this attitude is essential to emotionally support others.
Warnings
- Research has shown that physical contact is sometimes helpful when trying to give support. However, it is very important to restrain yourself if you don't know the other person well. A hug might go well with a friend, but with an acquaintance, even the simple gesture of welcoming him in your arms could trigger a strong agitation. So, try to limit physical contact and ask for permission before hugging another person.
- If you are giving support during an emergency situation, pay attention to your surroundings so that everyone's safety is guaranteed. If necessary, prioritize the intervention of doctors.
