Friendship can be a rewarding thing. After all, you have someone to celebrate the good times and to listen to you when things aren't going well. However, people aren't always who they seem to be, so you may need to tell them that it isn't working and that you don't want to be friends with them anymore. To avoid hurting feelings as little as possible, it's really important to be understanding and kind.
Steps
Part 1 of 3: Is It Really What You Want To Do?
Step 1. Stop and think before ending a friendship
Don't make a rash decision in anger to stop being friends with someone. Instead, take a quiet moment to sit down and reflect on the reasons for being a friend of this person and then list the things you don't like about this friendship anymore. You have to figure out whether or not this person is really a bad friend.
- Are unpleasant things just bad habits? If it's something like calling you too often or picking your nose, you can politely confront your friend about the habit, ask him to stop, and continue to be friends.
- Are things unpleasant aspects of personality? Maybe your friend tends to be forgetful or to blurt out your secrets. Maybe your friend is socially anxious, shy, or inept. Are the reasons good enough to ruin a friendship or maybe you see the possibility of guiding your friend out of these problems?
- Do unpleasant things create serious problems for you? If your friend steals, offends people, or is generally the bearer of bad news, and you seem to be involved in all of this, then it's probably not your destiny to "fix" things. You must prioritize your needs in these circumstances.
Step 2. Give your friend at least a chance
If you haven't raised the issue that's gnawing at you before, politely inform your friend that you'd like him to try to do things differently, such as being more solicitous, less gossipy, or whatever the problem is. If, however, this is a topic you have already raised, perhaps it is time for a change of heart.
Part 2 of 3: Gradually Withdrawing from Your Friendship
Step 1. Make yourself unavailable
By being busy with other things, you can distance yourself from this soon ex-friend. Obviously, you have to choose things that your friend is unlikely to do too.
- Join clubs or activities without asking your friend to join. Or, genuinely interested in a hobby or school job.
- Spend time with other friends or family.
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If he's acting aloof and then all of a sudden he calls and wants to spend time with you, that's a mixed sign. If your friend calls you, return the call if you missed it to be polite, but end the conversation as soon as possible. If the friend tries to make plans, explain that you don't have time and that you only called because you thought he had something to communicate.
Politely Stop Being Friends With Someone Step 3Bullet1
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The point is, you should always be busy when calling this person. This may be all that is needed to give the signal that you don't want to be friends.
Step 2. Talk as little as possible
When you see this person, don't talk as much as you usually do. Respond in a word or two and have a chat, rather than starting a deep conversation.
Part 3 of 3: Being Loyal
Step 1. Talk to the other person if necessary
Sometimes the person does not want to pick up the signal that you do not want to continue this friendship. In this case, you may need to openly tell this person that you don't want you to be friends.
Step 2. Plan what you will say
The person will likely want to know why you don't want to be their friend, so be prepared to give them essential, brief reasons and examples.
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Don't insult the other person. It's not polite to let slip: "You wouldn't be able to keep a secret, even if I put tape over your mouth to keep it shut!" Rather than having this offensive approach, he explains the problem in a clear and mature way.
For example: "Sometimes I get the impression that you don't care enough about me to keep my secrets". This is especially important if you write the reason. It is not recommended to appear petty if the person decides to show everyone the e-mail or note
Step 3. Choose the time and place carefully
Choose a place away from people and where this person can find a place to unload his emotions if necessary.
Also, there is nothing wrong with giving a person an email or a note, but be very careful what you say
Step 4. Think twice before dragging things along without clarifying the situation
If you don't want to tell your face that you no longer feel this right friendship, take a deep breath. Think about how you would feel if someone kept making excuses and avoiding you; it would soon be a blow to your confidence and make you feel disappointed and probably quite bitter. While you think you're being nice, dragging on the moment of parting is ultimately a rude way to treat a person you once cared about. In reality, you are just postponing the inevitable because you lack courage and are worried about having to handle the consequences. If a relationship doesn't work out, find ways to say it politely and kindly, rather than leaving the other person in doubt.
Advice
- Do not create a conflict where there is none. If the friendship seems to be on its way to an end anyway, and of course you spend less time and talk to each other less, don't tell him you don't want to be his friend anymore. Just keep making new friends and talk less with your old friend and eventually you won't be his friend anymore. Avoid hurting feelings and creating stress, even if this takes a little longer. Plus, there's room to become friends again if you interrupt on a good note.
- Eventually, if you spend time with other friends, you may eventually be out of close relationships.
- Make sure you get back the things you loaned before breaking up a friendship.
- If he tries to apologize for confronting him to end the friendship, say something like "Sorry, but this doesn't make us happy for all the unpleasant things you've done, I'd like to keep my distance."
- Talk about how great your friends are that he doesn't like and he'll get the message that you don't want to spend time with him.
Warnings
- Regardless of anything he may say to you, never be rude. This could escalate into a fight (physical or verbal) and what you say or do can backfire.
- Regardless of how nice you are, no one likes to be told they're a bad friend. Be prepared to hear nasty things about yourself said behind your back.
- Only do this if you no longer want you to be friends, nothing more.
- Never be rude to her back - however much she may wish it!
