If you spend a lot of time in close contact with your female colleagues, it's not so strange or incomprehensible that you have a crush on one of them. If you intend to woo and flirt with her, you must be able to maintain a friendly attitude and be careful not to precipitate the situation, risking to spoil the climate in the workplace.
Steps
Part 1 of 3: Maintain a Friendly Climate
Step 1. Smile at her
It's simple, but if you smile and are polite and kind, you will subtly let her know that you like her. Workplaces are professional environments, therefore, by spurring the situation and being friendly and outgoing, you could distinguish yourself from other colleagues.
A simple smile or a joke allows you to flirt without exaggerating and overcoming the formal limits imposed by the work environment. If she smiles back at you and looks pleased, you can be sure she cares. Alternatively, if he seems unfriendly and turns off your every initiative, you will know you need to back off without any embarrassment
Step 2. Use the work to break the ice
Try putting a joke in a work email or when you send her a funny photo via webchat while you work. Make a funny joke about the meeting you attended during the day.
You both have at least one thing in common: work. Use it to strike up a conversation. Just don't do bad gossip about your colleagues; you must look like a positive person, not a depressing one. Also, avoid making inappropriate jokes. Keep the climate friendly and light
Step 3. Offer to help her with a business project
If she's assigned an important project or has to stay in the office late, offer to stay and help her out. Ask her if she needs help or if there is anything you can do for her. By being helpful, you will be kind to her, but you will also show her that you enjoy spending a little more time with her.
If she misses a meeting or is not at work when a new kind of equipment is made available to staff or they give instructions on adopting new rules, keep her up to date by leaving a few notes on her desk or giving her a phone call. Again, not only will you help her out, but you will also show her that you are interested in her. Tell her, "I noticed you weren't there the other day, so I made some notes for you at the meeting." You will also let her know that you have noticed her absence
Step 4. Bring her coffee or lunch
It will be like giving her a gift, but not too flashy or important. It's much more understated than a bouquet of flowers, but you will let her know you were thinking of her. Plus you will have a reason to approach and talk to her about something other than work.
When you go for coffee, ask her if she wants it too. If she says yes, she'll tell you how she prefers it and, next time, you'll know exactly what to wear. It is also the umpteenth opportunity to express your interest in her, smile at her and make a nice gesture, without going beyond the limits imposed by the employment relationship
Step 5. Don't overdo the physical contact
Displays of affection in the workplace can make others uncomfortable, too, and a colleague may report these behaviors to a supervisor. On top of that, physical contact risks embarrassing her too, and it's certainly not what you want.
- Try to be professional, even when flirting. You can be flirtatious without touching her. Eye contact, smiles, and fleeting glances are as effective as physical contact, but they won't make you seem too direct or inappropriate. You could also congratulate her on her dedication to work. Give her a compliment if you know she has recently completed a successful project.
- Try to take everything lightly and carefully, just to be safe. Don't make sexual comments or say something that might offend her. There is always a danger that these kinds of outbursts have negative consequences, such as complaints or reports of harassment in the human resources office.
Part 2 of 3: Flirting Outside the Workplace
Step 1. Ask her out after work
In the beginning, propose something in which other colleagues are also present, so that she does not think that your attention is directed exclusively to her; in this way you will not give the impression of wanting to pursue her. After that, once you have met in a group, you can suggest that they go out alone together outside the workplace.
When you ask her out with you, don't make it seem like a formal invitation. Give her the impression that you have already decided to go to a place and that you have thought about proposing it to her too. If it doesn't seem like a date with all the trappings, she won't feel in awe. Tell her: "Today after work I think I'll go to my favorite bar for a drink. Would you like to come with me?"
Step 2. Find something in common with her besides work
When flirting with a coworker, it's easy to run into the usual office talk. Instead, ask her what she likes to do in her spare time. Not only will you show her that you care more than just a colleague, but she will feel appreciated as a person.
If you work in a company with departments, desks or cubicles, as you walk take a look at his station to see what kind of knick-knacks he has placed. They may suggest what their interests are and use them as a starting point for conversation
Step 3. Offer to take her to lunch on a weekday
One way to spend a few moments alone without too much pressure is to take advantage of the lunch break to be together. You might ask her if she wants to grab a bite out of the office with you or even go sit next to her in the refreshment area while she's eating.
Lunch is a great opportunity to chat, break the ice and get to know her a little better. If you take it out of the office, you will be away from the prying eyes of your colleagues and the atmosphere will be a little more informal and quiet
Step 4. Avoid being too explicit
Even if he comes forward, you don't want to be too enterprising, but use caution. It is best not to reciprocate a contact or a hug only to realize later that things are going badly and that he has filed a report against you. Be gentle, friendly, and appropriate with both gestures and words.
It's hard to go out and flirt with a co-worker if you're not careful. Make sure you are not too explicit right away and try to interpret his body language and the signals he sends you to know if he reciprocates or not
Part 3 of 3: Consider the Risks
Step 1. Learn about the rules of workplace relationships
Some companies have quite strict rules on any kind of close relationship between colleagues. The anticipated consequences can even include being fired, so be sure to check this out before courting a coworker.
Sometimes, these kinds of rules are applied only if the collaborators belong to different levels. For example, it could be a violation if a coordinator goes out or courts his subordinate. Other companies may not have policies governing romantic relationships in the office
Step 2. Avoid courting more than one colleague
Not only is it tacky and somewhat unfair, but you risk putting yourself in a pretty complicated situation if you get caught. If you want to flirt or hook up with a woman who works with you, don't do it with others as well, and don't try to hook up with every colleague in the office.
Gossip often circulates in the workplace. It is undesirable for some women to speak ill of you and for everyone to know about it. There is a risk that the workplace becomes a very unpleasant environment
Step 3. Avoid flirting with a colleague who is higher (or lower) than yours
This kind of relationship risks generating a lot of friction in the office, as other employees may be convinced that favoritism will arise sooner or later. Therefore, make sure that the colleague you are flirting with is of the same level as you.
Women are particularly prone to criticism when they go out with their male colleagues. Make sure you don't put the person you're dating into a position of being negatively judged
Step 4. Realize that she probably doesn't like you wooing her
If he reacts negatively to your gestures, jokes or attention, acknowledge it and don't insist. There is a risk that you will report your attitudes to your boss or that the situation in the workplace becomes very embarrassing.
- If he doesn't reciprocate your interest or let you know that you need to stop, listen to your instincts and don't continue. If you feel persecuted or threatened, you may be able to file a sexual harassment report or refer the matter to a supervisor.
- If she seems uncomfortable or unfavorable to your courtship, talk to her after work. Offer your apologies and explain yourself. You may find that his attitude only served to dampen your resourcefulness in the office. Interpret non-verbal cues and body language. If she backs off or looks agitated and irritated, back off.
Step 5. Realize that when a relationship between colleagues is wrecked, it could make the climate in the workplace more difficult
If things go wrong, you risk feeling awkward and embarrassed when you are in the office. You may find yourself in the middle of unpleasant gossip, or you may feel distressed when you are forced to interact with the colleague who has rejected your advances.
Consider all the pros and cons before flirting with a coworker. If the risk of things going wrong and fueling an unpleasant atmosphere at work doesn't seem to outweigh the supposed benefits of this venture, consider looking for a woman in another context
Advice
Take your time and build a relationship slowly. You see each other every day
Warnings
- Do not force it in any way. If she clearly shows you that she is not interested, it is best to let it go. If she just wants to be your friend, get over it and accept her decision.
- Take a step back if you notice that she feels uncomfortable in your presence.
