Do you ever think about that special person … and then slap yourself as soon as you realize that's not the case? Maybe she is too young for you or maybe she is your subordinate at work. Whatever the reason, the problem is not having a crush on someone. The real issue lies in your ability to maintain composure and self-control. If you want to know how to get rid of an inappropriate crush and continue with your life, start reading this article.
Steps
Part 1 of 2: Assessing the Situation
Step 1. Examine the reasons why having this crush is a bad idea
Ask yourself why you are interested in this particular person. Obviously, the primary factor of attraction presents itself; in fact, there will always be certain people that you will find attractive, whether this is appropriate or not. But the key here is to voice your objections so you can finally have proper behavior. Here are some possible reasons:
- If this person is much younger than you or much older than you, why are you interested in the possibility of having such a partner, whose interests and priorities will be very different from yours?
- If you like a guy who works for you, are you sure it's not because you are drawn to the idea of filling the position currently occupied by your boss?
- If you have a crush on your brother's girlfriend, you may want to take revenge on him for some reason, you may not have a real interest in the girl. Perhaps you feel in need of affection and vulnerable to a variety of circumstances, which makes this the wrong time to do anything.
Step 2. If your crush is inappropriate because you are already in a relationship, consider your background and the risk of it damaging your relationships
If one or both of your parents have had extra-marital relationships while you were growing up, or if you often cheat on someone, you may have some latent problems to solve in order to be able to live and enjoy a stable relationship
Step 3. If your crush is inappropriate because you are already in a relationship, ask yourself about the current status of your relationship
For example, if you have a crush on a guy but are already in a serious relationship, then you need to ask yourself if the crush is really meaningful or if it's your way of telling yourself that it's actually not working out between you and your boyfriend. If you and your boyfriend were truly happy together, would you have "room" to develop strong feelings for another person?
- Of course, everyone, even the happiest couples, can have small, harmless falls in love, but if your crush becomes more severe, you should question your current relationship.
- You should especially ask yourself about the status of your current relationship if these kinds of things keep happening. If you occasionally like someone outside of your relationship and have a harmless crush on him or her even though you know it will lead nowhere, that's one thing, but, if you frequently feel involved in one-sided falling in love, then you need to ask yourself about real reasons behind your feelings.
Step 4. Project potential problems
If you were to start having a relationship with this person, what would the consequences be for you? And for her? For your friends, for your family, for your work colleagues? Consider the situation as if it were a game of chess: visualize the next moves; “If I do this, then she will do that; my brother will hate me; at the first discussion I will lose my job; I will die alone and without money and no one else besides my parents will love me”. Well, the consequences may not be that dire, but thinking about the possibilities helps you get an idea of what's going to happen. Is the potential relationship with this person worth all the problems you will face? What are the chances that the relationship will survive all the chaos that will result?
Ask yourself if the potential relationship with this person is worth the risk of all the trouble you could experience and what the odds are that the relationship will survive in all the chaos that would ensue
Step 5. Consider your reputation
What will others think? Will they have a better or worse opinion of you? Although we often say that it doesn't matter what they think and that love wins everything, in some cases, the point is that it matters what others think, because their disapproval, or even their contempt, could make it very difficult for you to realize. your potential inappropriate relationship. It's important to take a step back and look at everything from a broader perspective, so you can consider how other people would react to your relationship. If you are already certain that it is inappropriate falling in love, then considering how others would react will be a further dissuasion for you. Here are some scenarios to consider:
- It's not nice to try and steal your friend's girlfriend. You could break up with her in addition to losing that friendship. If you are older than the guy you like, still a minor, you will be considered a "crib-stealer" and, as if that weren't enough, if you actually carry on with this relationship and it becomes sexual in nature, you could end up in jail. Sex with a minor, in addition to being inappropriate, is a crime.
- Sure, you can have a crush on your wife's sister. But imagine what would happen if something happened - would your wife ever be able to look you in the eye? Could his family ever forgive you?
Step 6. Think about your future
If you get involved in an inappropriate relationship, you won't have to face problems just now. You will have to do this in the future too, and in the long run, maybe for years. It is one thing to think about the exciting adventures you will have with your inappropriate crush if he or she reciprocates your feelings, but another is to try to imagine what your relationship will be like in a few years. Will it really be possible to feed it? Will your feelings really last? It is important to think about whether you can actually have a future with this person or if you just want to sacrifice everything for a few fleeting moments of joy.
Suppose the person you're crazy about doesn't actually have the best character. She's nice to you, but she's not nice to your friends or relatives. You begin to pit your friends and family to spend time with her. This girl has a very unstable personality, and slowly you too become like that; will always have to say about everything you do in your life and will not even allow you to dedicate yourself to what you want. It will take you away from everything and everyone. If you break up with her, everyone who knows you will still see you through the lens of distrust, even after a good deal of time has passed since the breakup. They will always question your judgment because you liked someone like that in the first place
Step 7. Focus on its negative aspects
Almost by definition, a crush predicts an idealized image of someone else. But everyone is human, and even the person you like has characteristics that are probably not pleasant. Maybe he says nasty things about others or maybe he listens to music that you consider bad. Or maybe he just ignores you. Try to develop negative energy about this individual, on which you can gather in order to weaken your crush.
- Make a list of all the bad qualities of your crush. If you really think he is a perfect person and you can't see a single negative trait in him or her, then it means that you don't know this person well enough and that you are idealizing him or her.
- One of the reasons your crush may be inappropriate is simply because the person is "bad" for you. Writing down the reasons - perhaps this person abuses alcohol or is a well-known inveterate player - can help you understand that there is no future, despite the momentary butterflies in the stomach.
Part 2 of 2: Take Action
Step 1. Distract yourself
Now that you have analyzed, considered and actually pondered how terrible this idea is, you need to stop obsessing about this person. As much as you try to think about her, imagine moments spent together and get excited about it, stop. Do something else. Using very broad psychological terms, this means redirecting one's behaviors and thought patterns. You will need to find ways to stay busy and stop thinking about your inappropriate crush. If all you do is stay indoors all day, then your inappropriate crush will be much harder to forget than if you had your own job, studied, and had an active social life.
- At first, not thinking about your crush will be even more difficult, because you will be so busy not thinking about it that you will end up with that fixed thought. But have faith - soon enough, you will be able to move on.
- Learn to redirect your thoughts. Practice thinking about something else every time you start thinking about him / her - think about how much you love the person you are with instead. Think about what you have done and will do. Everything.
- If you are at home, turn on the radio or television and let other thoughts flow through your mind.
- If you find yourself once again returning to thoughts centered around your forbidden crush, call a friend.
- Start a new hobby or activity. Try tennis, yoga, writing short stories, or training for a marathon. While these activities alone won't make you forget your crush, they will bring more wealth to your life and help you think about other things.
Step 2. Avoid this person
If you can get as far away from this person as possible, the crush will weaken. In order to maintain our adoration of someone, we generally need to reinforce our feelings by seeing this individual personally (the truth is that absence usually does not allow for one's affection to grow). Of course, this isn't always practical, but do what you can to minimize contact with the other person.
- Unfortunately, there are some cases where it is quite difficult to limit complete contact with the person. If you have a crush on your married boss and he won't leave, for example, you may need to consider looking for another job. If you have a crush on the teacher and he won't pass, see if it's possible to move on to another class.
- If you have to be in the same room as this person, try to minimize eye contact and conversation. You shouldn't do excessively embarrassing things by avoiding or ignoring the person entirely, but you should limit the time spent interacting.
Step 3. Give yourself some time
All crushes fade with time. If you can avoid doing something unpleasant and keep your feelings in check, those powerful emotions will eventually take their course. You may feel like you are trapped and forced to have these feelings forever, but it won't happen. One day, you may find yourself looking back at this moment, wondering how you could have felt such feelings. If you have faith that you won't always feel this way, you will be on your way to getting through this situation.
Unfortunately, there's no telling how long it takes to get over a crush. But if you can live a fulfilling, busy life instead of spending your time in depression and yearning, you can be sure to get over it faster
Step 4. Start meeting other people when you are ready
If you are single, then you should start dating when you start getting over your crush. You don't have to feel 100% healed, but you should feel ready to start a meaningful relationship with someone else - if you're still completely lovesick, it wouldn't be fair for the other person to hang out with them just to distract you. But when you're ready, you can ask a friend to help you meet new people - your crush will soon be out of your mind.
It doesn't matter if that person doesn't fit into your "wrong crush". What matters is that you will be able to spend moments in the pleasant company of a person who is different "from the other". Start dating other people and keep an open mind. "That person" is off-limits to you and you have to start resetting your brain to be able to see yourself with someone else
Step 5. If you can't fight it, find a way to make it right "first"
Let's face it: Sometimes, you just can't seem to force yourself to feel a certain way. If you've tried to fight her, to no avail, and still find yourself sighing for him or her, then that's okay. There are ways to make an inappropriate crush totally appropriate - the most important thing to remember is to make it right 'first' - and 'then and only then' - get involved. Besides, true love always wins!
- If she is your brother's girlfriend, then you must act like a true gentleman, never making advances to her. In case your brother breaks up with her, you can ask him if you can invite her to go out with you, that shouldn't bother him. Maybe it won't be a problem for him and certainly this has already happened to other brothers in other situations. Does he stay with her or does he not give you "permission"? Unfortunately, you don't want to step forward with her if you don't want to jeopardize your relationship with him, unless you are ready to accept the consequences: your brother may not speak to you anymore.
- If you are interested in someone much smaller than you, wait for them to grow up. Don't start an illegal relationship. Wait for time to pass, stay friendly to him, but don't get too close. Love her from a distance until your relationship has a chance to be appropriate.
- If you like your subordinate, then you need to decide what steps to take at work before continuing the relationship. You can move to another department or take a different position or do anything else so that the relationship is not seen as inappropriate or a power play.
Advice
Remember that emotions and physical attractions can and should be controlled to adapt to different social situations. Just because you feel something, that doesn't mean it's okay to always follow your heart. Taking time to build healthy relationships now gives you a long-term way to safely explore all of your feelings
Warnings
- If you're dating another person to get your crush out of your mind, they probably won't take it well if they know you've only used it.
- Nobody deserves to be chosen as a fallback. If you have strong feelings for someone, you definitely don't want to be with another person just to not think about it.
- You have to be honest with this new person. Let her know that all you need now is a good friend, nothing else.
