Many friendships go through difficult times, but following serious differences you may think that the relationship with a friend has become unrecoverable. If you care a lot about the other person, it is worth addressing the problems that have arisen in your relationship. It's not easy, but by saving your friendship, you will even be able to make it stronger than before.
Steps
Part 1 of 3: Reestablish Communication
Step 1. Don't hesitate to take the initiative
If you don't talk to each other, one of you will have to take the first step. Don't be hesitant! You will show the other person that you don't give up on their friendship so easily and that you really want to work things out. Think about how you can contact her. You will need to try different ways to approach her depending on her character and the seriousness of the situation.
Step 2. Get in touch with her in any way
If he doesn't answer your phone calls, leave a message on the answering machine saying you want to fix things, then send a text message of the same content. If she blocked you, send her an email. If he ignores it, he tries to communicate with a private message via a social network. If your attempts are unsuccessful, go directly to his home.
- Contact her once and wait for her to reply before trying another way. Don't give her the impression that you intend to harass or pressure her;
- If he agrees to meet you via text message or email, perhaps it's best to see you in a public place to choose from together, so none of you feel intimidated or pressured.
Step 3. Respect your friend if he needs space
If he doesn't want to see you or talk to you, or if the idea of going to his house isn't a good solution, you should take a step back. He probably wants some space and, therefore, you have to respect his wish. Use this moment to reflect on the whole situation and prepare what you are going to say.
Don't push him if it's clear he wants to be on his own. You will only confuse him and make him nervous
Step 4. Talk about the problem honestly and openly
Explain honestly how you see the situation. Then ask him to do the same. Let him speak freely and listen carefully without interrupting. In this way, each of you will be able to tell your version of events and put your cards on the table.
Express what you are feeling without making accusations and provocations. For example, instead of saying, "You made a really foolish decision," ask him, "Why did you decide this way? I can't understand."
Step 5. Speak in first person
By doing so, you will avoid making him feel guilty and will create a calmer atmosphere during your confrontation. For example, instead of exclaiming: "You have been selfish!", Try saying to him: "I had the impression that my state of mind did not interest you, so I felt hurt by your words".
Step 6. Ask for forgiveness and accept his apology
Even if you have done nothing and believe he is wrong, apologizing will open the door to reconciliation. You might say, "I'm really sorry things got to this point between us. I wish they would get better."
- If you are wrong in any way, ask him for forgiveness sincerely;
- If he makes an apology, accept them with pleasure.
Step 7. Avoid arguing again
It is important that at this stage of the confrontation you do not say or do anything that could hurt him, otherwise you will further ruin your friendship and risk that the situation becomes irretrievable. So, do your best not to complicate it. If tempers heat up, don't let things degenerate.
For example, if he says to you, "I can't believe you did this to me! I will never believe you again!", Say, "I know, I acted like an idiot. I'm very sorry. I'd like to fix it. Please tell me. What can I do"
Part 2 of 3: Rebuilding Friendship the Healthy Way
Step 1. Let go of anger and frustration
If you are really going to recover your friendship, you need to get rid of the negative feelings that have arisen regarding the whole thing and sincerely forgive your friend. Invite him to do the same. Leave the past behind and look to the future.
Step 2. Come up with a plan to rebuild your friendship
Ask the other person if there is anything you can change to make your relationship stronger in the future. You might ask her, "Tell me how we can avoid such a situation in the future. What do you want me to do to avert this risk?"
If you have a request, now is the right time to make it. You might say, "I just want you to respect my feelings from now on. Let me know that you care about what I confide in you."
Step 3. Don't rush
If you've had a serious fight, being together every day after school as you always have is probably not the healthiest way to rebuild your relationship. Don't resume any of your old habits. Go slowly by calling and meeting your friend sporadically. This way, you will have time to lick your wounds as you regain your friendship.
Step 4. Avoid making the same mistakes in the future
Excuses are useless if you don't correct your behavior. So, go out of your way to improve and maintain your friendship. Pay attention to the way you talk and interact. If nothing changes between you and things seem to be taking a bad turn, maybe you should reconsider your relationship.
Part 3 of 3: Identifying a Toxic Friendship
Step 1. Examine how each one treats the other
It's not easy to accept, but keep in mind that in some circumstances it's not worth saving a friendship. If the other person has always treated you badly or repeatedly makes you feel inadequate, ask yourself if it's still a part of your life.
A friend should be kind, encourage, respect, and understand you. If most of the time he can't give you these things - and vice versa - yours is not a nice friendship
Step 2. Find out if you can be yourself in his company
A clear sign that a friendship is toxic is the feeling of not being yourself in the presence of the other person. If you're constantly feeling tense, your relationship is probably not healthy. If your friend is constantly criticizing you, the bond you have formed is harmful.
A good friend is understanding when he makes a criticism
Step 3. Make sure there is balance
A healthy relationship is based on mutual exchange and communication on both sides. If your friend doesn't call you or look for you, or if you're always the one organizing something, chances are there is an imbalance in your relationship.
- A person who represents a harmful presence in your life can compete with you, while a true friend accepts you and takes the time to be with you without exception;
- Toxic people force you to let go of your most serious problems in order to get you to solve theirs.
Step 4. Ask yourself if your friendship is healthy and beneficial to both of you
Think about how you feel around the other person and ask yourself if there is support and encouragement on both sides. You should be sure that you can trust your friend, but also feel mutual support.
Your friend should push you to grow and you should do the same with him
Step 5. Eliminate bonds with toxic friends
If you have decided that a friendship is not worth recovering, you will need to cut all ties with the other person. Be firm and direct. It's not enough for you to just block her phone number and avoid her forever. Try to clarify yourself before ending your relationship.
