Not all friendships last forever and can actually end for various reasons. Regardless of the reasons that led to the end of a relationship, losing a friend can be a painful event. Fortunately, there are a number of ways to turn the page after losing someone you care about a lot.
Steps
Part 1 of 3: Processing Your Feelings
Step 1. Don't blame anyone
Trying to do this is harmful and only serves to increase resentment. Maybe you are both guilty of the end of your friendship, but you do not have the responsibility for the thoughts, feelings, choices and actions of the other. It is important to understand that both you and your friend contributed to the end of the relationship: it will help you to consider all the possible causes from your point of view and also from that of the other person.
Step 2. Analyze negative emotions
Realize that you may feel anger, guilt, sadness or pain following the end of the friendship. All of this is absolutely normal and it is important to process and analyze the sensations we experience, alone or with the help of a mental health professional. Some methods of doing this are:
- Write down what we feel.
- Talk about your emotions.
- Create artistic works that express your feelings.
- Direct your feelings towards something else.
Step 3. Allow yourself to go through the emotional processes
It is possible to experience a range of different emotions following the breakup of a relationship - it is important to take the time to analyze them and understand where they come from.
Step 4. Ask yourself why you feel this way at the end of the relationship
Maybe you miss the person in question, or the support they gave you, or the activities you did together. Understanding the reason for your state of mind is the first step in living with your emotions.
Step 5. Experience the emotions with the necessary depth
Do not close the door to negative or painful emotions that arise: addressing them will ultimately allow you to overcome the situation and feel better.
Step 6. Understand that it takes time to heal
You have to be patient if you want to recover from the loss and move on: rushing natural processes is not healthy and does not help to dissolve negative feelings properly.
Step 7. Recognize that people change and grow
You are not the same person as when you first met the friend in question and neither is he. Over time, people's interests change and this can cause distance and disagreement between friends. Understanding that this is a normal fact in life can help you better accept the end of your relationship.
- Think about the person you were when you met the friend in question.
- Think about who he was when you met.
- Consider the reasons that led you to become friends.
- Think about who you are now: how have you changed during the time of your friendship?
- Think about whether the person in question has changed from a time.
- Make a list of the significant changes that you and he have gone through from the time you met to the end of the relationship.
- Scroll through the list and understand that changes, even if subtle, are inevitable. You have both changed and it is possible that you are no longer compatible. Understanding and accepting this fact without attributing blame will help you move forward.
Step 8. Accept the end of your friendship
While it may be difficult, it is an important step to be able to move on. Also, if you accept the situation, it means that you have found peace and that you are no longer letting yourself be tormented by doubts, by what cannot be changed, or by negative emotions.
Part 2 of 3: Shifting the Focus to Other Aspects of Life
Step 1. Focus on the things you can control
If you focus on the actions of others, you will be plagued with doubts about things that cannot be changed. On the contrary, try to invest time and energy on your personal actions: it will also serve you to live in the present, rather than in the past. Among the actions and personal choices you can focus on are:
- Recognize and process your emotions.
- Act kindly and generously towards others, including the person in question.
- Deciding to spend time with other friends and family.
- Get busy to keep going.
Step 2. Break contact with the friend in question
It will allow you to distance yourself from this person and direct the time and energy that you would have invested in them elsewhere. Also, if you end all relationships, you will think about it less and avoid the arising of possible negative interactions. You can consider cutting contacts:
- By blocking his phone number.
- By ignoring and / or deleting their emails.
- By not replying to his messages.
- Unfriending him or blocking him on social networks.
- Avoiding face-to-face meetings.
Step 3. Do some activities that allow you to distract yourself from the present situation
If you're looking for a short-term distraction, you might want to go shopping, go to the movies, or go for a walk. Instead, if you think you need activities that last longer, you might consider pursuing a hobby or dedicating your time to others. Regardless of what you choose to do, it is important to fill your days in one way or another, to positively divert your energies and emotions. Among the activities you might like consider:
- Dance.
- Play.
- Light.
- Exercise.
- To play a sport.
- Starting an art project.
- Volunteering at a charity.
- Give private lessons.
Step 4. Spend moments working on yourself
You need time to process the end of the relationship and, in the meantime, you need to make sure you take care of yourself. Make sure you eat healthily, get enough rest, constructively process your emotions, and don't isolate yourself. Remember that there are times when you need to focus on yourself first, before others. You can improve your situation in several ways:
- Seeking the company of friends and family when you feel alone.
- By eating healthy food and in the right quantity.
- Exercising.
- Spending time alone to recharge your batteries and relax.
- Sleeping regularly.
- Investing your time in activities you enjoy.
Part 3 of 3: Look for Company Elsewhere
Step 1. Confide in a friend or family member
Holding on to your feelings can become harmful over time. This does not mean opening up to the friend in question, but you should certainly share your feelings with someone you know, love and trust. This person can offer you support and love by listening. Although not a substitute for the person in question, a family member or friend can mitigate the impact of the loss.
Step 2. Find new friends
You can hang out on social networks or just start a conversation with people you meet in your daily life. While making new acquaintances, understand what are the characteristics you are looking for in a friend: you may even be looking for some of the positive qualities of the previous friend. Here are some ways to find new friends:
- Start a conversation with a stranger while standing in line at the grocery store.
- Talk to the bartender at your favorite club about his interests.
- Go to an art or music event and talk to someone.
- Make new acquaintances online on social networks.
- Start giving confidence to other people.
- Mutually confide in someone else.
- Invite a few acquaintances to go out with you.
Step 3. Talk to a mental health specialist, in case the pain of the loss is too great to deal with on your own
These professionals are impartial listeners, whose job it is to avoid making judgments. If you need to let off steam with someone, or if you feel that the end of the friendship has produced a serious imbalance in your emotions, seek help: you don't necessarily have to face the situation alone.
Step 4. Adopt an animal
Although it cannot replace the lost friend, there is the possibility that an important bond of friendship and love will be established between you that can help you accept the loss you have suffered. Studies have shown that a pet can also reduce stress levels, improve psychological health, and provide emotional support. All these emotional and physical benefits will certainly help those who are facing the end of an important friendship.
Advice
- Although you may feel alone, know that this is not the case: you have friends and family who care about you.
- Dealing with the loss of a friend can be very difficult: be patient with yourself and with the other person.
- In relating to the other, behave in a mature and generous way, that is, do not attack, humiliate or insult him: remember that once it meant a lot to you, and perhaps it still is. If you feel the need to say or do something rude or bad, try to remember the reasons why you had a high regard for this person.
- When you remember the moments you shared, don't dwell on the negative ones, but rather on the positive memories you have in common.
- Avoid making negative comments about the person in question on social media - it is inappropriate and rude and can haunt you negatively.
