Asking a guy to be your boyfriend may seem like a tough endeavor, but you don't have to freak out - with the right approach you can seriously talk to him about the future of your relationship without stressing yourself out.
Steps
Part 1 of 3: Knowing if You Are Ready
Step 1. Find out if you are ready to commit
It is not easy to decide to get engaged. The ability to enter into a serious and exclusive relationship can be determined by a number of factors. Every situation is different, so you may have certain expectations during a romance. Therefore, ask yourself:
- What do I feel for him? Do I feel excited when we are together? Do I miss it when it's not there?
- Am I able to dedicate time to a serious relationship right now? What kind of relationship do I want?
- Have we ever had a fight so far? If so, how well have we been able to handle the situation?
- Does he respect me? Are there any sensitive issues that worry me? Do I have any uncertainty about his character? I trust him?
- What do I think about exclusive relationships? Do I want to establish such a relationship with this person? If so, am I willing not to betray him? Otherwise, are we open to having a polyamorous relationship?
- Do I want to get engaged to him because he makes me happy, or do I feel pressure from other people to find a boyfriend?
Step 2. Consider the length of your relationship
If you ask a guy too soon to consider getting engaged, you risk frightening him if the intentions are different, but waiting too long can be confusing and hurt your feelings. Since every relationship is different, there is no specific period of time before asking the other person if the relationship should be made more serious. Trust your instincts. If you believe the time is right, it may be the right time.
- If you've just met a guy, you might want to invite him out before declaring you. It is not appropriate to engage with someone you have just met.
- Most of the time, the partner is asked to build a stable or exclusive relationship after about a month or six dates.
- Some people wait to date for three months before they clear up.
- If you are in a long distance relationship, you should start this conversation as soon as possible. This way, you will both know what to expect even when you are away.
Step 3. Find out if he's interested
You should have some clues that will let you know how he feels about you. The only way to be absolutely sure is to ask him, but you can spot some signs that give you an idea of his location.
- If she talks to you about her future plans, chances are she is thinking about moving your relationship forward.
- If he praises you in the presence of other people, especially his friends, he may be proud to be with you.
- If he sends you text messages during the day to ask how you are doing, chances are you think about yourself often.
- If you see each other multiple times over the course of the week and over the weekend, this behavior could indicate that you are feeling more and more involved.
Step 4. Be prepared for any rejection
Even if you hope he will agree to be with you, keep in mind that he may say no. Maybe he's not ready to start a serious relationship with you or maybe he doesn't like using expressions or labels to describe your relationship. Think about how you would react to a possible rejection from him.
- If, unlike you, the other person doesn't have the slightest intention of building a stable relationship, you might want to consider going your own way. This way you will have a chance to find someone who really wants to start a deep bond.
- If you are satisfied with the relationship you have, you can choose to leave things as they are until your partner is ready to get engaged.
- If you have strong feelings towards him, there will likely come a time when you will have to decide whether to continue dating him. You can choose to remain friends with him or stop contacting him until you can forget him.
Part 2 of 3: Picking the Right Time
Step 1. Get organized
That way, the situation will be easier when you ask him the big question. You can prepare your speech or find the best opportunity to bring up the matter. There is no right time to declare yourself to a guy. Consider the circumstances carefully.
- Some people prefer to organize a special evening and wait until the meeting is over to speak. Others find it best for the conversation to arise spontaneously when they are alone together. In any case, choose the right day in advance.
- Don't state your feelings when stressed, upset, or busy. He may feel taken aback and give a response influenced by the mood of the moment.
- If you are feeling nervous, anxious, or on edge, prepare what you will tell him. Try introducing the conversation and asking the question in front of a mirror.
Step 2. Meet
You may be tempted to ask them via text or chat, but it's always best to ask these kinds of questions in person. By talking to him face to face you will be able to understand what outlets your relationship can take. Also, if there are any questions or concerns on your part, you can address them together.
In the case of a long-distance relationship, the opportunities to see him will be few. If you have the opportunity to talk to him closely, you may want to wait until the meeting is over before asking the question, in case you receive a negative response from him. If you can't ask him in person, your best bet is to call him
Step 3. Choose the right place to discuss
There is no right place to talk about a relationship, so make sure you find a place where you can express your feelings and discuss your future together. Choose one that works for both of you.
- In these circumstances it is preferable to speak alone. So, try to bring this up on a walk at the beach, at the park, or at home.
- If there is a place that you both consider special, like your first date place or a monument you are fond of, you may want to choose it to make this moment memorable.
- Make sure he's not distracted. Don't ask him when you're at the movies, hanging out with friends, or he's working.
- If you come out while in your car or eating at a restaurant, they may feel trapped. Introduce the conversation when both of you are comfortable.
Step 4. Ask him the question at the right time
Try to stay relaxed on the date of the appointment. Take the right opportunity to talk to him. Wait for the moment that you feel is "right" or "special". If you have difficulty, you can follow some basic guidelines.
- If he gives you a compliment, you may want to reciprocate by highlighting what you value in him. It's a great way to carry on a conversation about the couple.
- You could bring up the subject as soon as silence falls. Tell him how happy you feel right now and see if the conversation continues along these lines.
- Towards the end of the meeting he tries to add: "Before leaving, I wanted to tell you something".
Step 5. Wait until he takes the initiative
If it's not your priority to call yourself "engaged", see if it introduces the subject first. This will also help you figure out if she feels comfortable using affectionate expressions to describe your relationship. This could be a great approach if you don't know how she feels about you or if you think she has some uncertainty about your relationship.
Don't wait for him to talk about it. Establish a waiting period before asking them. For example, you could give him a month before you step forward
Part 3 of 3: Ask Him the Question
Step 1. Start with a compliment
Tell him what you like about him. He will feel flattered and comfortable. At the same time, you will have less difficulty introducing the question. A compliment on his sense of humor, his intelligence or his kindness will allow you to express what you think of him.
- You might say, "You know, I always enjoy your company. I've never met a guy like you before."
- Another effective compliment could be: "You are really thoughtful. I am always impressed by your gestures."
- If he smiles, thanks you, or gives you a compliment, he may have the same feelings as you.
Step 2. Explain how you feel
Once you start the conversation on the right foot, you will have less trouble coming out. If she has reacted positively to your compliments, try to be more incisive. Tell him how you feel about him. You could highlight moments spent together or make it clear that you are beginning to feel something deeper about him.
- You might say, "I've been so good with you so far. You're a special person and I've thought a lot about our relationship."
- At this point, avoid telling him that you are in love. He may be frightened or worried that you are running too fast. Rather, try to say that you are "trying something" or that "you really like it."
Step 3. Ask him if he wants to be your boyfriend
It's best to ask him if he's ready to get engaged without beating around the bush. You can ask this question in different ways, depending on the situation.
- You can ask him directly, saying: "Do we want to formalize things? Would you like to become my boyfriend?".
- If you are unsure of where your relationship is, you can ask him, "Where do you think our relationship is going?"
- If you are dating other people, try asking them, "Have you ever thought about dating just me?".
- If you want to understand how he sees you, you could say, "I would like to know what to say to others when they ask me what relationship we have. Would you say that you are my boyfriend?".
Step 4. Clarify your expectations
Each of you may have a different idea of what you mean by the term "stable relationship". Maybe he is ready to build an exclusive relationship, but not to get to know your family. Maybe he wants to have sex, while you prefer to wait. When you speak, you should clearly state what you expect in your situation.
- You could start the conversation by asking him, "What does it mean to be engaged to you?"
- Answer truthfully if he asks you what your expectations are in a relationship. For example, you might say, "I expect the other person to be faithful and honest with me. I'm not ready to get married yet, but I would like to know if there is a chance for a more serious relationship."
Step 5. Give him time to respond
Your question could put him in trouble or under pressure. If he seems anxious, uncomfortable, or hesitant, try giving him a day or two to think about the answer. Even if you feel like he wants to get away, he probably needs time to figure out if he's ready.
- You can ask him, "If you want to think about it, that's fine. Take some time before you decide."
- If he asks you for space, respect his wish. You can ask him, "How long do you think you need?". Then don't insist.
- If he doesn't quantify the time he needs, ask him again after a few days. Tell him, "You know, I just wanted to know if you've been thinking about our relationship. Do you understand what your position is?"
- Don't text him, don't text him in chat, and don't call him repeatedly. If he didn't give you a clear answer right away, you can send him a text message only once after asking him the question and again after a couple of days. Give him the space he needs to decide.
Step 6. Handle any rejection with elegance
If he doesn't want to start a serious relationship with you, don't get discouraged. Try to smile and let him know that you have grasped the situation. Probably he is content to keep seeing you from time to time or he prefers to quit your date. Consider how you feel before moving on.
- If he wants to end your relationship, respect his choice. Thank him for the good times we spent together, but tell him you understand: "I'm sorry, but I had a good time with you. Good luck in the future."
- If he wants to continue seeing you without committing himself, but it doesn't suit you, you can tell him, "I think it would be better if we stopped seeing each other, then." If he asks why, just say, "Of course we want different things."
- Maybe he wants to remain your friend. Don't accept unless you want to too. If you think it is difficult to carry on such a relationship, be honest. Tell him, "I'm not sure if it works. You're a good guy, but I need to be on my own for a while."
- Some men may "disappear" or cut off contact. In these cases, it's normal for you to feel upset, but that doesn't mean they don't like you. He is likely to feel uncomfortable about the situation.
Advice
- If you have decided to be together, don't be in a hurry. Even if the evolution of each relationship follows different times, it is not certain that the other person is ready to take big steps forward, such as meeting your parents or going to live together.
- Clearly state what you expect from a relationship so that no one gets hurt.
- Each relationship develops under different times and conditions. Don't feel pressured or embarrassed if your romance doesn't evolve as fast as your friends' relationships do.
Warnings
- Don't harass or harass a man to become your boyfriend. If he's not interested, the best thing you can do is move on.
- It is natural for you to feel sad, upset or depressed after a rejection. Try to distract yourself by engaging in your favorite activities and spend some time with your friends.
- Don't be angry if a man doesn't want to get engaged to you. There are many reasons behind a refusal. Maybe you don't feel ready for a relationship or maybe you're not meant for each other.
