Holding a conversation isn't always easy. Sometimes you let yourself be taken by shyness, or there are not many arguments in common with your interlocutor. Learning to be a proficient conversationalist is easier than you might imagine, but it takes some training. Whether it's a dinner, school setting, or a phone conversation, dialogue is constructive when two or more people feel comfortable talking. Here are some steps you can take to learn how to relax and have a brilliant conversation with just about anyone.
Steps
Method 1 of 3: Start the Conversation
Step 1. Perfect your timing
Timing is key when starting a brilliant conversation. Nobody likes to be interrupted when they are busy with an activity. If you are looking to strike up a conversation, remember that timing is crucial. For example, if you need to discuss an important topic with your boss, try to determine first when you will meet to talk. This way, you'll make sure there's enough time to have a productive conversation.
- Timing is also important in impromptu conversations. If you're trying to figure out how to get to know a new neighbor, it's best to avoid hitting up when you see him walking into the building drenched in rain, exhausted and with a bag of take-out in hand. In such a situation, a simple "Hi, how are you?" will be more than enough - you will find a better opportunity to introduce yourself later.
- If someone looks you straight in the eye, it might be a good time to start a conversation. For example, if you are browsing the shelves of a bookstore and the person next to you is constantly glancing in the direction of the pages of the book you are leafing through, try to strike up a button. You might say, "This book seems interesting to me. Do you like biographies?"
- If you would like to discuss getting a puppy with your husband, be sure to find the right time to do so. Knowing that he is not a morning person, do not bring up the subject if he has not yet had coffee and has not yet been able to wake up.
Step 2. Comment on the environment around you
Engaging in spontaneous conversations is a great way to improve your communication skills. Take some time each day to train yourself to find ways to interact with the people you meet in daily life. For example, you could try to do this with the person behind you standing in line at the bar downstairs. Make a comment or ask this person a question about the environment around you; your gesture will seem spontaneous and will be the right way to start exchanging a few words.
- Try saying, "I like how they make the coffee here. What roast do you prefer?". This will show that you are interested in exchanging views and that you are starting a conversation in a completely natural way.
- Infuse positivity in the tone of your voice. Presenting joyful comments will certainly be more effective than addressing sad topics. You might say something like, "Doesn't it seem like a great day? I love when it's cold enough to put on a sweater."
Step 3. Remember the people
The number of people who meet every day is incredibly vast. It doesn't matter if you work in a large company, if you meet a lot of people in your neighborhood or at your child's school: in any case, it is difficult to associate the right face with the right name. However, it has been shown that it is not only important to remember a person's name, but also to call them by name for the purpose of a deeper interpersonal relationship.
When you learn someone's name, repeat it during the conversation. When a person shows up saying "Hi, my name is Marta", you should answer them like this: "Nice to meet you, Marta". Repeating his name immediately will help you fix him in memory
Step 4. Give a compliment
Saying something nice is a great way to break the ice. Most people react positively when they receive compliments. Try to find a particular detail to comment on and don't forget to be honest. It's hard to hide your thoughts behind your tone of voice and facial expression, so it's important to be absolutely honest when giving compliments.
- Try speaking encouragingly to a colleague you want to know more. You could put it this way: "I really admire the way you managed the presentation. Would you give me some advice on how to organize an effective speech?".
- A statement like this will not only help you start the conversation in a positive spirit, but also open the door to further development.
Method 2 of 3: Actively Participate
Step 1. Ask the right questions
A brilliant conversation requires the presence of at least two people. Try to contribute and actively participate in the discussion. One of the best ways to do this is to ask the other person questions that allow the discussion to evolve naturally.
- Ask questions that require an elaborate answer. Instead of saying, "It's a beautiful day, isn't it?", Ask, "What are your plans to enjoy this beautiful day?" For the first type of question it is sufficient to answer yes or no, which would prevent the conversation from continuing further. Ask questions for which a complex answer is expected.
- Ask about what the other person said. If you are discussing some rules with your teen, try saying, "You say you are frustrated because you don't seem to have enough freedom. What can we do to find a solution that is good for both of you?"
Step 2. Practice being an active listener
Being an active listener means responding to an interlocutor by demonstrating that you are involved in the discussion. You can demonstrate that you are an active listener by using both physical and verbal cues. Active listening will allow you to make the other person feel appreciated and respected, which is very important when trying to develop effective conversations.
- You can convey to a person the feeling of being heard by positively using body language. Make sure you make eye contact during the conversation. Also try nodding or shaking your head when you see fit.
- You can transmit verbal cues to let the other person know your involvement in the conversation. Nothing simpler than an "Interesting!" or, better, a "I didn't know. Can you describe me better how it feels physically when you run a marathon?".
- Another way to show that you are actively listening is to reiterate some concepts of the conversation. Try paraphrasing. For example, you might say, "It's interesting that you're exploring new volunteer opportunities. It just seems like you're really excited to try something new."
- Remember that actively listening requires memorizing information and reflecting on what the other person is saying. Instead of trying to formulate an answer, focus on listening to the words of others and storing the information.
Step 3. Be honest
When talking to someone, try to show that your interest is real. For example, it may happen that you want to get to know your boss better. The boss is likely a busy person who doesn't have much time to chat. Instead of getting lost in pointless talk, try to make a real connection. If you are working on a project for this person, ask for advice on how to manage a particular client. Speak truthfully and show that you value his opinion.
If your neighbor has hung the flag of a football team away from home and you want to learn more, you could say openly: "I noticed that you are a fan of this team. What do you think of how the championship is going this year. year?". This is a spontaneous and genuine way to start a conversation. You can explore other topics as well from the moment you get to know this person
Step 4. Find common interests
Having a brilliant conversation means thinking about the other person's interests. You can find common elements from which to start to deepen your mutual knowledge in an optimal way. You will need to ask numerous questions before finding common ground, but your efforts will pay off.
If you want to engage in a dialogue with your sister-in-law even if you are two totally different people, try talking to her about a new show you saw on television or a book you just read: you may find that you have similar tastes. If you don't find anything you have in common, bring up some infallible topic that everyone likes. For example, it's hard to find someone who doesn't like to eat well - ask them what their favorite dish is and go from there
Step 5. Keep up to date with the latest news
Always try to know what is happening in the world. That way, you'll be ready to respond when asked about the latest events. Take a few minutes each morning to browse the headlines. Being well informed will allow you to participate more actively in conversations.
- Another technique is to get to know the latest cultural news. Talking about recently released books, movies, and music is a great way to have fun conversations with friends, colleagues, or even people you meet in the morning on public transit.
- Avoid talking about controversial topics (politics, religion, etc.); often such arguments lead more to an argument rather than a conversation.
Step 6. Check your body language
Bodily attitude is an important component in any face-to-face dialogue. Making eye contact is very important - looking someone in the eye will help show that you are engaged in conversation and attentive.
- Remember that making eye contact is not just about staring at someone in the eye. Instead, spend 50% of your time looking your interlocutor in the eye as you speak and 70% of the time listening to what he or she has to say.
- You can also use non-verbal cues when engaging in conversation. Try nodding your head to show understanding or smiling when you expect a positive response.
- Also remember not to stand still like a statue during a conversation. Make small movements with your body as you speak and listen. Cross your legs if you have to, but make sure your body hints at some movement to show interest. Remember: body communication is more powerful than verbal communication.
Step 7. Avoid revealing too much personal information
Revealing too much personal information means saying something that will embarrass you who is speaking or, worse, the person who is listening to you. Many times, people let information slip out of their mouths and regret it soon after - it's embarrassing. Providing too much information can make both you and your interlocutor uncomfortable. To avoid this, try to recognize the circumstances in which it happens most frequently.
- Revealing too much personal information happens very often when you are nervous or especially eager to make a good impression. For example, if you are going to have an important job interview, take a deep breath and calm down before entering the room. Also spend a few minutes thinking about what you will say before actually expressing your thoughts.
- Assess what kind of relationship there is between you and the other person. Before sharing information, ask yourself if he or she is the right person to discuss this topic with. For example, it is best not to talk to the person after you in line at the bar about the reappearance of your hemorrhoids. There is no use knowing this information, in fact she would certainly feel uncomfortable.
- Keep in mind that sharing some personal information in small doses is fine when it comes to getting to know your interlocutor better. Try hinting at a hint or two about your personal life with each conversation as a way to show some kind of vulnerability and deepen your relationship. Sure, sharing personal information can be a double-edged sword, as you put yourself in a position to risk being rejected or judged, but it's essential to make a relationship develop.
Method 3 of 3: Take Advantage of Brilliant Conversations
Step 1. Use conversation to strengthen your interpersonal relationships
Dialogue is one of the best ways to strengthen relationships with others. Talking is one of the most effective forms of communication, so it makes sense to say that creating a verbal understanding favors the creation of close personal bonds. Try engaging in an in-depth dialogue with the people you really care about.
- One way to do this would be to have conversations during meals. For example, if you live with your significant other, avoid turning on the television during dinner. Instead, try to discuss interesting topics more than once a week.
- Ask the other person some fun questions, for example, "If you won the lottery, what would you do first?" These kinds of questions can help you bond and get to know each other.
Step 2. Improve the relationship with your colleagues
Having brilliant conversations is an excellent way to improve your quality of professional life. Not only will it help you progress in your profession, it will make everyday life more enjoyable. Try to deal with topics other than those in the workplace with your colleagues: it will help you to create bonds on a personal level as well. This way, when you work together on a project, it will be more natural to communicate effectively.
If you've noticed that your roommate has put pictures of his cat on his desk, ask him questions to get to know him better. This will lead you to have more in-depth conversations in the future
Step 3. Be happier
It is scientifically proven that people who are satisfied with their conversations are generally happier. This mainly concerns complex conversations, but even superficial chatter can increase the level of endorphins. Basically, by engaging in everyday interactions, you will discover how simple it is to appreciate life in general.
Step 4. Smile while talking to someone to improve your mood
When you smile you feel happier because your body releases endorphins, so it's an easy way to improve the quality of your conversations and to have more and more.
Remind yourself to smile before, during and after the conversation to enjoy the benefits of this simple action
Advice
- Compliment the other person. For example, a statement like "I like your bag" could spark a discussion about shops, bags, or any other related topic.
- Only start a conversation when the time is right for both of you. The other person will not be willing to talk if they are running out of time, in fact they may even get annoyed.
- Answer the questions appropriately.
- If you know the other person, mentally review a list of previously discussed topics and continue with one of them. For example, an important event in a child's life, a life plan or a problem shared with you.
