Learning a secret can be both a pleasure and a burden. You should be honored that a person trusts you to the point of revealing a secret to you, but you will be aware that if you betray their trust, you could damage your relationship. You may also have to keep your own secrets, and it may be as difficult as keeping those of others. Cultivating the willpower to remain silent will help you keep your secrets and your reputation as a trustworthy person.
Steps
Method 1 of 5: Keeping Another Person's Secrets
Step 1. Consider the seriousness of the secret before listening to it
If someone tells you they are about to reveal a secret, ask for more information first.
- Find out if it is a "small" or a "big" secret. You will understand the importance of keeping it. You can also decide whether to give the person your full attention when they speak (using the phone during a serious conversation is rude).
- Get ready to hear the secret, knowing if it's something you can handle.
Step 2. Ask how long you need to keep the secret
It may be easier to keep a secret if you know you only need to do it for a while. If you're going to have to keep the secret forever, you better know first.
Step 3. Find out if you are allowed to tell someone else
When a secret is revealed to you, ask if you can tell someone about it, such as a sibling or your partner.
- Asking if you can tell someone a secret can save you from unpleasant situations.
- If you know you will tell someone, such as your wife, let the other person know right away. Do this before you know the secret.
Step 4. Stop the person before they reveal the secret to you
If you know you are unable to keep a secret, tell the person not to reveal it to you.
- The person will appreciate your honesty and still have a chance to reveal the secret, knowing that you could tell someone else.
- Suggest that the person reveal the secret to you shortly before they go public so you don't have to keep it for long.
- Studies have shown that keeping a secret causes stress. If you want to avoid stress, say no to secrets.
Method 2 of 5: Keep Your Secrets
Step 1. Decide how long to keep the secret
Depending on the type of secret, it may have an "expiration date".
- Something like a pregnancy or a surprise gift will have a natural due date.
- Other secrets may have no natural limits in time; you just have to decide when you are ready to reveal them.
- Try to wait a few days if the secret causes you strong emotions. You may regret telling someone right away, and letting a few days pass to calm down can help you make more rational decisions about who to reveal it to and when.
Step 2. Make a plan to reveal it to someone
If you know that you will be able to reveal the secret to someone in the future, preparing a detailed plan will help you keep it in the meantime.
- If it's a "funny" secret you want to surprise someone with, finding a funny way to reveal it will help you occupy your time.
- If it's a serious secret, make a plan that gives you enough private time with the person concerned.
Step 3. Push the secret out of the mind
Stay busy with other things and try not to overthink the secret. If you always think about that, it will be harder not to say.
Step 4. Think about the benefits of revealing your secret
If you are keeping a secret that is troubling you, you may be creating problems for yourself. Revealing this to someone may give them the opportunity to help you in unexpected ways.
Step 5. Tell a person the secret
If you absolutely have to tell someone the secret, make sure you choose the right person.
- Think about your past experiences with that person. Was it trustworthy and discreet in the past?
- Explicitly express your expectations when you reveal a secret to a person: are they allowed to reveal it to someone? To whom and when will they be able to tell?
- Consider that telling your secret to anyone increases the likelihood of it going public.
Method 3 of 5: Avoid the Argument
Step 1. Don't talk about the subject with anyone
If you talk to someone about the subject of the secret, you will be tempted to reveal it. You could (consciously or subconsciously) talk about a related topic in the hope of having a chance to reveal the secret. Recognizing this attitude can help you avoid holding it unconsciously.
Step 2. Change the topic of the conversation if necessary
If you're talking to someone who mentions something related to the secret, you may need to change the subject.
- Continuing to talk about something you remember the secret may be tempting to reveal it.
- Try changing the subject inconspicuously so that the person doesn't notice that you are avoiding telling them something.
- If necessary, find an excuse to walk away. In some cases, avoiding conversation is the only way not to spill the beans.
Step 3. Pretend you don't know anything
If someone suspects you know a secret, try to answer vaguely if you are asked a direct question.
You may be able to pretend you don't know anything by asking questions about the secret
Step 4. Lie if you have to
You may have to lie about the secret. If you decide to do this, remember what you will say to the person to make sure you don't get "caught". It is better to lie and say you know nothing than to invent a complex and detailed lie.
Step 5. Be honest
If someone continues to pressure you for information, say "I can't talk about it." Even if you are admitting that you know something, you are not betraying anyone's trust.
If a person is very pushy, ask politely if they can stop asking
Method 4 of 5: Satisfy the Need to Reveal a Secret
Step 1. Write the secret and destroy the paper
Writing the secret in detail on paper and then destroying the evidence can be a good way to "let off steam."
- Make sure you destroy the evidence so it is unrecoverable. Consider burning it (safely) or putting it through a paper shredder.
- If you decide to throw the paper in a trash can, tear it into small pieces and hide it under the rest of the trash. Consider throwing the pieces into a separate bin and going to take out the trash right after you put the paper in the bin.
Step 2. Find an online site where you can reveal the secret anonymously
There are forums where you can post the secret so you can let off steam, but remain completely anonymous.
Make sure you are really in an anonymous environment
Step 3. Reveal the secret to an inanimate object
Telling the secret to a stuffed animal, pet, or collectible can help you feel like you've told someone. If you feel like you're breaking out because you haven't talked to anyone, this may help you cope with the temptation.
- Make sure there is no one who can eavesdrop.
- Make sure your phone and computer are not communicating with other people before speaking aloud to an object.
- You may also want to consider sharing the secret with children who cannot speak. You may feel like you are communicating it to a person, but the danger of the secret being made public is very low.
Step 4. Tell the mirror
If you feel the need to tell another person the secret, try telling yourself in the mirror. Imagine you have a twin brother or sister. It may seem silly to you, but it can help you.
Again, make sure there is no one to eavesdrop
Step 5. Expel the secret energy from the body
In some cases, knowing a secret gives you the impression of exploding. There is a physical connection between the body and the secrets. Release the tension by screaming or dancing - anything that can release the energy within you will help you not reveal the secret to anyone.
Step 6. Reveal the secret to a truly trustworthy person
If you have to tell another person the secret, make sure they are trustworthy.
- If you are keeping a secret about a person, try telling a third party who doesn't know the people concerned.
- If you decide to tell someone, be sure to make it clear that it is a secret and that they shouldn't reveal it to anyone.
- Consider that telling someone the secret opens up the possibility that it will be made public and that you are identified as responsible.
Method 5 of 5: Knowing When to Reveal a Secret
Step 1. Assess if the secret is dangerous
If the secret is about people who have been abused, you may need to tell someone who can help, especially if children are involved.
- If someone is a danger to themselves or others, you may need to report it.
- If someone tells you about a criminal activity they are involved in, you could be held legally responsible if you don't report it.
Step 2. Consider if there is a deadline or a time limit
If you've asked how long you should keep the secret, check that the timing is really appropriate before revealing it. Some events, such as surprise parties, place an obvious limit to secrecy.
- Ask if your "reward" for keeping the secret is to reveal it yourself. Whatever you do, DO NOT text the secret as you will leave proof of your betrayal. Say it in person.
- Depending on the secret, you may not want to let people know that you have known about it for a long time. You could hurt the feelings of your closest friends or family.
Step 3. Evaluate the risks and benefits of disclosing the secret
When you decide to tell someone the secret, you must evaluate the risks that can arise from the fact that many people become aware of the fact and that you are considered a person not worthy of trust in relation to the satisfaction you will feel at the moment of revelation.
