At some point in your life, you may feel lost, hopeless, and feel like things will never go back to the way they used to be. Following a breakup or the loss of a loved one, you may feel completely alone. On such occasions, it is easy to think that all is lost now, but fortunately the psychological pain does not last forever. Take courage to be able to overcome the hardest moments and finally find the light at the end of the tunnel.
Steps
Method 1 of 2: Expect a Positive Future
Step 1. Look for solutions
In many cases, it is not possible to simply "fix" things as if by magic, but there is certainly a way to be able to ease the suffering. If you feel overwhelmed by work, studies, or family, consider taking a day off to put some order into your life. If you are feeling psychologically fragile, take the time to be alone with yourself to tidy up your ideas. Finding solutions allows you to reduce the distance between your current condition and the desired one. While you can't make problems go away, you can still scale them down.
- Your home is a real mess, but are you feeling too tired or stressed to be able to take care of it? Hire someone to take care of you.
- Set a deadline for each task, then do one thing at a time.
- For more tips on how to fix a problem, read this article.
Step 2. Pretend everything is fine
Anglo-Saxons often use the expression "fake it til you make it" (pretend until it gets better) applying it to different situations, even those that are seemingly hopeless. If you keep telling yourself that things can only get worse, it is very likely that it will happen just like that. Instead of letting your own negative prophecies ruin your day, train your mind to believe that you can succeed and be happy again. The expression "pretend until it gets better" urges you to behave exactly as if things are already going for the best. The more you trust in yourself and in the generosity of life, the more positive results you get.
- Think that everything will go exactly as it should go.
- Make an optimistic forecast. While it is true that your predictions tend to come true, it is best to assume that the situation will turn in your favor and that there is no chance of making a mistake.
Step 3. Make plans for the life you want
Turn on a light yourself at the end of the tunnel. Imagine what your life will be like in several years, when the current situation is just a distant memory. How will your daily routine have changed? What are you doing, what do you foresee will happen? Where you will live? What kind of work will you do? What are you going to do for fun? Now that you've brought those mental images to life, take the necessary steps to make them come true.
If you dream of having a different job, start wondering what you can do to make that wish a reality. You could resume your studies or acquire new skills. There is nothing you can't accomplish and it's never too late to decide to learn something new if you think it will make you happy
Step 4. Fill your life with joy
You don't need to have a lot of money or expensive things to live a prosperous life. Often, true happiness lies behind the little things of everyday life. If you have had to move and are suffering from a lack of loved ones and friends, make time to call and video call them each week to stay in touch. Especially when you're feeling low, it's important to be able to find happiness in the little things: a delicious dessert, a sunny day, or a special offer at the supermarket. Give yourself a smile every time life has something good for you.
- Think about the aspects of your life that make you feel happy (playing with your children, volunteering, cycling) and make the decision to find more and more. Play with your dog, dance in your room, sing out loud while you're behind the wheel.
- Bringing new joy into your life can also mean eliminating situations you don't like. For example, you can decide to stay away from people who make you feel sad or upset, cancel your credit card, take a cooking class to stop eating pre-cooked food, avoid watching TV or reading the newspaper, and much more.
Step 5. Improve your interpersonal relationships
Surround yourself with people you respect and feel comfortable with. Hang out with happy people who have an optimistic and positive attitude towards life. Especially if you are facing difficulties, you should strive to stay away from those who are constantly critical or pessimistic. Befriend people who love to laugh, who smile frequently, and who have the ability to make you feel good.
- Find ways to spend quality time with others to build strong, valuable relationships. Instead of meeting up to spend the evening in front of the TV, propose playing games or plan a trip out of town. Choose activities that allow you to enjoy each other's company and create good memories for the future.
- As previously suggested, try to keep in touch with the people you care about.
Step 6. Face your days with optimism
Having positive thoughts helps you live a happier and less stressful life. What you need to do is look for a positive side in every situation, even in seemingly unpleasant ones, and feel grateful for all that is good in your life. Nobody stops you from judging restaurants, movies and ways of doing things, but don't let this critical attitude affect every aspect of your life.
- Try to be reasonable rather than simply classifying each experience as "good" or "bad". Remember that in almost every situation there are different shades of gray, it is rarely all black or white. If you are blaming yourself for losing your job or financial difficulties, remember that each outcome is affected by multiple factors. You definitely can't call yourself a total failure.
- Whenever you realize that you have formulated a critical or negative thought, dismiss it and make an effort to modify it or create a completely new one. For example, you can stop complaining about rain by reflecting on your plants' need for water and rejoice that it doesn't rain every day.
Step 7. Take a break
If you feel stuck in a difficult situation and still can't see the light at the end of the tunnel, take a break. You can plan a weekend of leisure or even just an afternoon in nature. If you feel like you don't have the time, you can try to distract your mind from problems even by standing still, for example by reading a good book.
Taking a break and trying to distract yourself doesn't mean running away from your responsibilities. Just do something you like to relax a little! This could be a long hot bath, writing in your journal, or playing your favorite instrument
Step 8. Contact a psychotherapist
Often, we feel that all the tensions, difficulties and commitments we face on a daily basis are too much for one person alone. Psychotherapy can help you gain a better perspective on your life and teach you to react more constructively in times of crisis.
- Psychotherapy allows you to analyze yourself and evolve as a person.
- For more information, you can read this article.
Method 2 of 2: Accept the Present
Step 1. Accept the situation you are experiencing
As unpleasant as it is, you need to understand that there are certain things you cannot control. It is not possible to magically bring a person back into your life or suddenly increase your bank account balance, the only thing you can do is accept the current reality. This is certainly not an easy task, but it is essential to relieve stress and live more peacefully.
- When things don't go your way, pause, breathe deeply for a few moments, then tell yourself that you're ready to accept what happens, even if it's not what you hoped for.
- You can apply this technique at any time in your life, and not just when you are in the middle of a serious problem. Accept what's going on even just as you drive through traffic knowing that you will be late for work, when your kids are yelling at a tantrum, or when you feel disappointed that you got a bad grade.
Step 2. Understand what you can control
While most events are out of your control, there are some that you can influence. If it seems to you that none of your actions matter and you can't find a foothold to help you get up, maybe it's best to take a break. Identify situations you can actually control, then act accordingly. Also remember that even on occasions when you can't influence the situation, you can still dominate your reactions.
- Make a list of all the situations that are causing you stress, then think about which of them have a solution. Perhaps you are anxious because you know you do not have what you need to prepare dinner, in this case you can go to the supermarket or ask a friend to go there for you.
- Don't rely on other people's decisions assuming they are wiser than yours. It is your life and you are solely responsible for it.
Step 3. Understand that suffering is a choice
Psychological pain is inevitable, it is an integral part of the life of every human being, but suffering is not mandatory. Suffering is a mental attitude based on brooding over negative thoughts about the past or about other people. Stop getting depressed by constantly telling yourself that you are sad because you are in a terrible situation. Feeling pain at some point in life is inevitable, but you can learn to contain the pain.
- This doesn't mean you have to ignore your emotions or pretend they don't exist, you just have to change the way you evaluate the situation. Instead of telling yourself that you are hopelessly unlucky, admit that you don't like your current condition, but commit to accepting it and doing everything in your power to change it. Stop feeling sorry for yourself.
- Even if you are experiencing intense pain due to a natural disaster or the end of a relationship, don't consider yourself a victim. Remember that tragedies happen (to varying degrees), everyone has to deal with pain sooner or later; the same goes for you too.
Step 4. Take advantage of the difficulties to get to know yourself better
When things go well your inner self remains dormant, while in difficult situations it is ready to reveal itself. Do you like what you have discovered about yourself? If not, take advantage of this moment to understand what aspects you would like to change and improve.
- Take a step back and see how you deal with people and situations during this difficult time. Are you more irritable or do you use pain as an excuse for not taking on your duties? Or on the contrary, have you decided to fight and are you doing your best to overcome the problems? Don't judge your behavior, just see it for what it is: how you react to a difficult situation.
- Notice if there are any new aspects of you that only emerge during these times, good or bad.
Step 5. Practice compassion
When you struggle to overcome a difficult situation, your full attention is likely to be focused on yourself and your needs. But when you feel compassion for another person, you have a chance to feel happier, less lonely and stressed out. Even if you feel sad, make a point of treating others with kindness and respect and offering them your help, even when you think they don't deserve it.
- Remember that you are definitely not the only grieving person who needs help.
- When you can, offer to help those in need. Help an elderly person carry groceries, make dinner if your partner is very tired, or be extremely patient with your child if he or she is having difficulty with homework.
- If you are sitting on the plane next to a screaming child, take a deep breath and remind yourself that he is upset and that his parents are probably feeling quite frustrated and embarrassed already. Instead of expressing your disappointment, ask if you can do anything to help them.
Step 6. Be grateful
Even if you still don't see the light at the end of the tunnel, take a moment to appreciate the current situation. We often focus solely on what is wrong or what we don't have, but it's important to remember that there are many beautiful things we already have. Gratitude helps you broaden your view to see beyond the bad times.
Express your gratitude every day. Give thanks for the little daily pleasures: a walk in nature, finding parking easily or the chance to watch your favorite TV show. Each day brings with it small joys to feel grateful for
Step 7. Laugh and enjoy
Find ways to laugh or at least smile. You could watch some hilarious videos on YouTube, arrange a meeting with a group of fun and positive friends, or catch a cabaret show. Laughing helps you relax your whole body, improves your mood and brings various benefits to the mind.
