When something traumatic happens, the shock can continue in our thoughts and feelings for long periods. The time it takes to recover depends on the severity of the loss and how much the mind remains tied to the event and continues to relive it. Trauma remains constantly present in the very deep emotional structures of the mind, and if we don't use reason to deal with the emotional aspect of shock, trauma can easily turn into an endless drama that we have to unconsciously deal with. Here are some practical tips for dealing with a traumatic event.
Steps
Step 1. Recognize what is happening in your mind
The mind is a storyteller who loves to embellish the story in each episode. So stick to the facts. Only the facts! Don't start thinking about how things could have gone or how it would have ended if you could have made a phone call, or dwell on what could have happened “if only”. What happened has happened and the mind cannot change reality.
Step 2. Go back to the present moment again
Traumatic events tend to be reviewed like a movie, they come back over and over again in the mind. When you realize that you are reliving the nightmare, go back to the present moment again by breathing deeply and feeling your feet. Observe what is happening right now: the chair you are sitting on, whether it is day or night, the sounds you hear, and so on. You can't do these things at any time other than when you are, but also realize that, at least initially, you may need to do this exercise a thousand times a day.
Step 3. Take a deep breath before taking action
Many of us treat emotions with action. If we don't take a deep breath and try to think clearly before acting, we may also be spending a lot of energy doing things that aren't constructive at all and, in fact, could even be harmful. If you can't assess your behavior on your own, ask a trusted friend, who has no interest in the outcome of your actions, whether what you want to do makes sense or not. On the other hand, if you feel stuck when you actually know you need to take action, take a deep breath and deal with it as best you can.
Step 4. Wait for the emotional wave to subside before making any important decisions
After a traumatic event, the flow of emotions is like a tsunami, its power to distort reality is enormous. Wait, wait and wait a little longer. Doubts created by turbulent emotions usually resolve themselves over time as clarity and serenity return. Since most of the things you think about when you are terribly upset are not quite true, wait for the emotional wave to calm down and don't think for a minute that getting what you want will fix something, especially if that decision is made prematurely..
Step 5. Listen to your feelings
Try to distinguish how you feel from how you are reacting to your emotions. You may feel angry about how this event is affecting your life. You may feel confused about the things you fail to understand. And surely you feel tremendous pain and sadness for what you have lost, even if it is now only a vague reminder of what was once dear to you. Feelings occur in the present moment and are responses to what is happening right now. Emotional reactions, on the other hand, concern the past or the future. How do you feel right now about what you are living now?
Step 6. Embrace uncertainty
Most traumas trigger the fear of uncertainty. Our universe has changed suddenly and traumatically, we feel terribly lost. One of the effects of this is that the uncertainties you were unaware of before the event have now become evident. Losing a job can lead to enormous financial uncertainties. The loss of a partner or spouse can raise doubts about many things that we once took for granted. A health problem can lead to many of our worst fears about pain and even death. Then, identify the specific uncertainty factor that is causing your fear and ask yourself, "Can I accept this uncertainty, at least for now?"
Step 7. Don't make things up
The past can only be experienced as a memory and the future is pure supposition. The narrator in your mind wants to keep his script on the facts of the past and imagine what the future holds. No matter what happened before this moment, the now is all there really is. The distortion of reality gets worse when you believe in a future you imagine, based on what you make up of the past. Break this vicious circle by asking yourself, "Is this really true? Or was I making it up?"
Step 8. Make an effort to accept what happened
A feature of trauma is our incredible emotional resistance to accepting that the event has occurred. We want to relive the idyllic and peaceful moments before the trauma and we desperately want all that we lost back. We can think with all our might that we should have made a choice other than the one that led to the traumatic event. If we believe we have made a mistake that caused it to happen, we can indefinitely wish we hadn't. None of this is productive because what is done cannot change. Over time we can work towards accepting what has happened; the sooner we begin to accept what has happened and the sooner we will be able to feel inner peace again.
Step 9. Don't stare into guilt
Shame, responsibility, guilt, anger, pity, and self-pity are corrosive and false. Don't get stuck in these emotions! The best we can do when negative events happen is to realize that we are imperfect human beings trying to be perfect, and this is not a bad thing. Unfortunately, bad experiences happen to good people, and when they do we are able to overcome the challenge, grow in wisdom and become stronger people. Sometimes we are responsible for what happened, and at other times, others are responsible. If we start to blame, no one can be responsible and no one can grow.
Step 10. Seek appropriate help
If your loss is truly catastrophic, or if you find that you are unable to overcome it and move forward on your own, ask for appropriate help. Friends and family may not be the best people to give you ongoing support. Instead, you should consult a qualified counselor or spiritual guide. If your loss is the death of a loved one, many communities offer free support and services through treatment centers. If you think you can't afford professional help, check with your local health facilities or service organizations to find appropriate care.
