In life it is essential to know the motivating factors that influence your own behavior and that of others. Human beings are victims of multiple insecurities (mistrust, indecision or uncertainty) that largely interfere with their actions. The ability to recognize insecurities, both one's own and others, is beneficial in every situation and relationship. The first step if you want to change is to recognize and admit your weaknesses. This article will help you become more aware of your insecurities, motivating you to improve and be more understanding towards others.
Steps
Part 1 of 3: Observe Yourself
Step 1. Analyze your internal dialogue
Do you ever pay attention to the constant conversation going on in your head? Internal dialogue can affect your well-being in two completely different ways: the first positive and constructive, the second negative and harmful. Focusing on those qualities that you have labeled as negative will only trigger a perennial state of insecurity. There is no benefit to judging yourself harshly.
- When you criticize yourself harshly, the only result you get is to create an unfair representation of yourself. Taking it out on yourself damages your mood and outlook on life, while also depriving you of any kind of motivation.
- Look in the mirror every morning and say three positive sentences about yourself. Make a commitment to notice your strengths; the more you can show yourself positive, the more likely you are to be able to stop the negative internal dialogue and increase your self-confidence.
- When we try to support ourselves, our negative internal dialogue can be a major obstacle. Saying positive self-affirmations will improve your ability to take your side.
Step 2. Address social situations
Some people feel anxious and insecure due to more common social circumstances. Maybe the idea of attending a party makes you nervous, or you fear that you will speak in public or walk down the school corridor to get to your classroom. Sometimes, when we feel doubtful about our abilities, we tend to feel insecure. The good news is that it is possible to identify and resolve these triggers.
- Some social situations can trigger negative feelings and thoughts, convincing you that you are not suitable or that you are not in the right place. So learn how to use visualization techniques to calm yourself down and stop feeling uncomfortable. Visualize yourself completely calm as you just observe and enjoy the experience.
- If you think you have a social phobia, see a mental health professional to help you examine and control the thoughts that cause a distorted perception of reality. Thanks to his support you will be able to gain greater self-confidence.
- Insecurities often manifest themselves in negative social behaviors, including bullying, for example. In this regard, it should be emphasized that bullying is nothing more than an attempt to take control of the situation when one feels insecure. Don't try to achieve your goals by bullying others, instead try to cooperate constructively.
- Notice if you feel uncomfortable expressing your needs and wants to others, which can cause resentment and frustration. Simply expressing your needs passively will prevent them from being met and you may begin to feel anger and contempt.
- Practice expressing your needs using assertive language. You may feel uncomfortable at first, but as your needs are clearly expressed, you will begin to feel better about yourself.
- Fear of being exposed to danger can trigger negative behavior. For example, being nervous, anxious, and irritable ahead of a trip may hide your fear of not being safe.
Step 3. Ask for the opinion of others
Sometimes it is helpful to know what others think about a given situation. You may not be aware of some of your behaviors, so advice and suggestions from friends and family may prove invaluable. For example, they may point out to you that you tend to be very quiet around particular people, while showing that you are totally blocked and apathetic in other circumstances.
- Not everyone is able to provide constructive opinions; refer to a trusted friend or family member who can be completely honest without being offensive or arrogant.
- Talk to your chosen person and find out if they've been able to notice any particular insecurities of yours. Ask her to answer completely honestly.
- Exposing yourself to the judgment of others could make you feel vulnerable, remember that your goal is to get to know yourself better in order to reduce your insecurities.
- The following could be a constructive opinion: "You seem to be particularly eager to please those you think are very" cool ", and in their presence you tend to exaggerate and lose control. offer and that you are certainly able to develop greater self-confidence ".
- An example of harmful feedback might be: "You are a total disaster."
Step 4. Check how you react in conflict situations
You may notice that you tend to engage in aggressive behavior during a fight and get defensive right away. Or you may find that you want to close in on yourself, as well as feeling shame and humiliation. Your actions may differ from one situation to another, or perhaps in the presence of certain people. In the face of conflict, many people tend to show their worst side.
- For example, you may feel unsure about your ability to learn because you had particular difficulties learning to read as a child. Even if you are an adult, if someone makes fun of the fact that you have misunderstood a text, you could react in an angry way because his words have awakened the insecurities related to your past difficulties.
- Reflect on the major fights you have had in your life. Try to identify the factors that triggered your reactions. Sometimes your actions or words may have seemed out of proportion. As a rule, the latent emotions that are aroused by the present situation are strictly connected to an insecurity.
Part 2 of 3: Probing Others
Step 1. Study how people behave in private
In general, they act differently than when they are in public. In an intimate situation, they may be more open, sincere, or act extravagantly. The reason may be that they feel more comfortable. Highlighting any insecurities can be useful because it allows us to be more understanding and available.
- Note any traits or behaviors such as: manifestations of jealousy (distrust and suspicion that others are acting behind our backs), selfishness (excessive attention to one's own needs, which leaves little room for others), long faces (moods specially orchestrated to try to take control of situations).
- If you decide to talk to someone about their insecurities, keep in mind that this is a sensitive topic. The person in question may refuse to answer a direct question, for example, "Does the fact that my sister spends time with me make you insecure?" Consider phrasing your thoughts differently, for example "I am very grateful to be able to spend time with my sister, she is very supportive and allows me to feel happier, thus improving our relationship as well."
Step 2. Become a keen observer
Whether you are among friends or strangers, you can try to identify their insecurities through observation and interaction. Connecting and relating to a very insecure person may not be easy. Insecurities manifest themselves in multiple ways.
- Go in search of traits and behaviors such as: craving to always please everyone (trying to please anyone to be sure of pleasure), arrogance (exaggerated vision of oneself and tendency to strut for each result achieved), excessive competitiveness (transforming every situation or conversation in something to come out of winners); excessive materialism (surrounding oneself with expensive objects to convince others of one's importance).
- Observing body language is another way to identify insecurities. Insecure people tend to assume a crooked and slouching posture, giving the impression of wanting to hide from the eyes of the world. The opposite happens for those who are self-confident, those who have confidence in themselves keep their back straight, the chest out and look for eye contact.
- Avoid publicly pointing out the insecurities of others. If you wish, speak to the person privately; not all of us are aware of our behaviors and what they suggest. You can let the person in question know that their actions generate an undesirable result by searching for the right words to do so, for example: "I know this could be a sensitive issue, but I have the impression that your being extremely competitive causes discomfort to many people., I'm not sure you realized it."
Step 3. Analyze the reactions in the event of a collision
Realizing that someone is getting defensive or highly upset can make us feel bitter, especially if we are an active part of the discussion. When a person feels he has to stand up for himself, he tends to manifest his insecurities through his behaviors. By observing carefully, you will be able to better understand its nature and motivations.
- Note particular traits and behaviors, including for example: extreme despotism (showing oneself pundits and bullies, constantly trying to impose oneself on others), being on the defensive (refusing to accept the opinions of others always considering them as a personal attack); extreme passivity (never react and never take your own defense).
- Analyze conflict situations by asking yourself the following questions:
- Does the person use physical force when defensive? In this case it is important to contact the authorities.
- Does the person remain silent or agree to then have a passive-aggressive reaction (indirect resistance to your requests, sometimes comparable to procrastinating)?
- What if the person does not feel good about himself, for example because he has lost his job, is being short-tempered, is easily irritable and seems indifferent to most stimuli?
Step 4. Analyze verbal responses in times of discord
Sometimes oral reactions result from hidden insecurities. Understanding these factors is not intended to excuse any negative behavior. The goal is to understand in order to stay safe, to avoid or move away from unwelcome situations and to be able to definitively resolve conflicts.
- As you examine the verbal aspects of a conflict, ask yourself the following questions:
- When confronted, does the person tend to want to hurt you by hitting you in your weak spots or verbally assault you in a disrespectful way?
- The person reacts by saying "Are you calling me stupid?" although you have made no reference to his intellect?
- Does the subject attribute unsaid phrases to you or tend to turn your words around to transform your every sentence into a personal attack?
Part 3 of 3: Evaluating Personal Relationships
Step 1. Assess your personal relationship insecurities
On an emotional level, the ability to connect with others is closely connected to our childhood and to the relationship we had with our parents (or whoever took their place). If our first emotional relationships were influenced by insecurity, it is likely that during adult life the same problems characterize our relationships as a couple. The situations can be varied, but generally it is possible to highlight four categories of attachment. Determine which one might be relevant to you:
- Safe: the person easily attacks others.
- Anxious-worried: The person wants to establish intimate relationships, but thinks that others do not have the same intentions.
- Disdainful-elusive: The person is independent, does not want to rely on anyone and does not want anyone to rely on them.
- Fearful-elusive: the person wants to establish intimate relationships, but is afraid of being able to suffer.
- If you recognize yourself in any of the above definitions, it means that you need to make some changes. Start by learning about attachment theory, then seek out a therapist who is experienced in the subject. Choose a partner with whom you can live a solid relationship, use couple therapy, talk about your relationship.
Step 2. Examine the family dynamics
During childhood, our family gives us countless information that can influence our adult life. Some are positive and wonderful, others will make life difficult for us. Insecurities often arise from past and present interactions with the family, also affecting the types of relationships we seek in adulthood.
- Make a list of the closest members of your family. Next to each name, list the positive aspects that you have developed with its help; then highlight those factors that you believe may be contributing to your negative feelings and behaviors.
- For example, if your father favored your brother and excluded you from certain activities because you are a woman, you may always feel inadequate. This will not only affect the relationship you have with your father and brother, it could in fact become a recurring theme in many of your life experiences even in adulthood.
Step 3. Analyze your friendships
The main difference between friends and family is that the former can be chosen. Friendships can sometimes be stronger than family ties. In some cases, insecurities can also negatively interfere in this area. Identifying a friend's insecurities and showing empathy towards them will help strengthen your friendship.
- Some of your friendships may be triggering your insecurities. For example, one of your friends could be very charming and therefore receive a lot more attention than you when you are in his company; as a result, you may feel left out and unattractive. If so, try to acknowledge your many positive qualities and try to have fun rather than judge yourself.
- Likewise, if one of your friends is insecure, try to reassure him to help him overcome the problem. For example, in case he hasn't passed a theatrical audition and he reproaches himself by saying: "I am deluded, I knew I would not make it, I have too big a nose, they will never choose me", cheer him up with these words "Don't talk to you in this way, you are a beautiful and intelligent person, they are simply looking for specific characteristics for a given role. You have not had any fault and there is no reason to believe that you will not be able to fill fabulous roles in the future."
Step 4. Highlight any self-destructive behaviors
It's hard to see a friend making bad choices, harming himself and the people who love him. Unfortunately, however, insecurities can cause us to take unhealthy actions that need to be corrected or stopped by outside intervention.
- A friend who has promiscuous sexual behavior may be hiding deeper problems. A friend who uses his sexuality to win the favors of others may be highly insecure and value himself solely on the basis of his own degree of sexual appeal, without being able to see himself as a complete person, endowed with numerous other qualities. This type of behavior puts health at risk, undermines self-esteem and allows others to take advantage of our weaknesses.
- Sometimes people try to erase their insecurities by using alcohol and drugs. You may have a friend who tends to drink too much in order to feel safer and more relaxed in situations that upset him. The problem is the exaggeration and the addiction that comes with it, a condition that requires extreme attention and professional medical support. Help yourself or a friend by contacting a doctor, family member, or trusted person for initial contact with a therapist.
Step 5. Review employment reports
In the workplace, insecurities can affect our livelihoods. When the person in charge of your department is a bully and you are forced to tolerate the rules, you need to be very cautious. Identifying a colleague's insecurities will help you avoid putting your job at risk. The goal is to recognize the other person's weaknesses to avoid actions and discussions that may highlight or aggravate them.
- If a colleague refuses to share information because he feels insecure in his position, instead of seeking confrontation, identify another way to obtain it. In case the situation gets complicated and jeopardizes your workplace, talk to your supervisor. Respect the command hierarchy and ask for advice on how to best manage the situation.
- Maybe you work on the internet and don't have the opportunity to meet your colleagues in person. In such a case, the chances of developing relationships may be very small and you may fear for the longevity of your position. To combat these insecurities, offer high-quality work as your guarantee. You can strengthen your self-confidence in several ways: by exercising, volunteering or participating in group activities.
Advice
- Insecurities can be overcome by deciding to face your fears and take the necessary actions to develop new healthier behaviors.
- Expressing your insecurity to a friend or family member is positive and allows you to reduce the degree of secrecy of the problem, or to take an important step on the road that will lead you to develop a new and better behavior.
- Be understanding of someone with insecurities and avoid highlighting them so they don't feel embarrassed.
- Be understanding of other people and treat them as you would like to be treated yourself.
- Time helps us overcome many insecurities simply by allowing us to get used to new situations. Practice makes us safer.
- It is never too late to ask for help if you feel your insecurities are preventing you from living the life you want.
- Change is not easy, but it is always possible when you are willing to commit yourself and find ways to overcome problems.
Warnings
- Letting your insecurities take over could make you regret your behavior, sometimes forcing you to pay a very high price for your actions. Stop and think before acting negatively.
- If you are the victim of physical or mental abuse due to the other person's insecurities, reach out to the authorities for help.
