The urge to hold on to the past can be overwhelming, especially if severe pain, trauma, or embarrassment haunts you. For your well-being, it would be a healthy and fundamental gesture to leave the past behind, especially if you want to make the most of life. Turning the page means assuming the right attitude and, depending on the situation, accepting yourself and / or forgiving others.
Steps
Method 1 of 4: Adopt a Positive Attitude
Step 1. Take a step back
To face the past and leave it behind, you will need to think objectively. Reflect on your past and try to pinpoint exactly what is holding you back. The most common obstacles can take several forms:
- Physical difficulties (for example, obsession or shame about sexual matters or material aspects);
- Aversion (for example, past pain leads you to avoid a person or an opportunity);
- Grudge (desire to harm or annoy others);
- Restlessness or agitation
- Lack of motivation or energy
- Doubt.
Step 2. Change wrong beliefs
Often, strongly rooted beliefs exist at the origin of our actions and thoughts. When you have a hard time putting the past behind you, the cause is likely to be in a conscious or irrational belief. By questioning it and changing it, you will have more opportunities to move on.
- For example, you've always told yourself that to be happy you need to achieve a certain standard of living. However, your goal may be holding you back from doing what you really enjoy, such as a hobby or spending time with your family. Question your idea, deciding to give more space to other areas of life, and evaluate how you feel.
- It can be difficult to change the deepest beliefs, especially when they are shaped by powerful conditioning, such as those of a cultural, family and religious nature. Therefore, give yourself plenty of time to rework your beliefs and talk to a friend or counselor if you need help.
Step 3. Accept the change
It can be terrifying to move forward in life. Instead of fearing the unknown, however, accept change as an intrinsic part of your existence and your person. Think of it as a positive force.
For example, if you lose your job, try to keep a positive attitude, seeing this as an opportunity to try to acquire new skills and gain other experiences in a different position or profession
Step 4. Meditate or pray
The strong emotional reactions caused by pain, regret, and other stressors can have persistent effects on the mind. It is imperative to have mental balance and calm when leaving the past behind. Meditation and / or prayer can help you regain the stability and focus you need.
- Mindful meditation helps focus on the present. Typically, it involves focusing on your breathing as you try to clear your mind of distracting thoughts.
- If you have a religious belief or are spiritually open, it can be very helpful to pray. If you are a believer, try saying some prayers. Alternatively, you can do this by expressing yourself in your own words, silently or aloud.
Step 5. Write down your history
Journaling and other forms of writing (such as personal blogging) can be a great way to accept your past and move on. Try to describe your worries, gestures that hurt you, or anything you feel is holding you back. Expressing yourself can be cathartic. Since this exercise is all about yourself, you don't even have to fear what others think or say, and therefore, it can help you build self-confidence.
Method 2 of 4: Accept yourself
Step 1. Forgive yourself
You may be tempted to hide a painful past and pretend it doesn't exist. However, by fighting against what you have experienced, you will only drain your energy. Rather, start absolving yourself instead of judging yourself consciously or unconsciously.
- For example, try saying to yourself, "I know I haven't lived up to my expectations because of X. I recognize that and I want to commit to moving on."
- Give yourself time to recover. Instead of repeating to yourself "My heart will never heal from its wounds", try saying "All the pain will ease and pass over time."
- You probably won't be able to completely overcome certain things, such as the loss of a loved one or the pain of a betrayal, but if you accept the idea that you can move forward, from some point of view you will still have the opportunity to recover.
Step 2. Confess
Often, by taking a weight off your stomach, you'll get the relief you need to start moving on. If you have hurt someone, been a victim of some situation, have done something you regret, are ashamed, or are trying to work through suffering, consult a trusted friend, counselor, or spiritual guide.
Step 3. Apologize
When you hurt someone, you may feel guilty or feel uncomfortable. By finding the right opportunity to apologize to a person you hurt, you will show yourself capable of recognizing how much they are suffering and give yourself the opportunity to ease your pain. Be honest and specific when you apologize and make a point of fixing the situation.
For example, if you have lashed out at your partner, find a moment to say, "I know I hurt you when I did / said [such a thing]. I was wrong and you didn't deserve it. I am sincerely sorry for that. How can I fix it. ?"
Step 4. Repair the damage done
Unfinished business, outstanding debts, and other such situations can be emotionally heavy. If you wish to free yourself from the pangs of conscience, forget the past and move on, you will need to find a remedy.
- If you have financial problems caused by ongoing debt, unpaid bills, or other problems, ask a financial advisor for help. Taking the first step can be scary or embarrassing, but you will feel better once you do it.
- If you hurt someone a long time ago and your mistake is still etched in your mind, get in touch with that person and try to right the wrong you have done to them.
- If you'd rather avoid another conflict situation, you may feel better by remedying anonymously. For example, if you've stolen someone's money, try sending it back in an envelope without writing the sender.
Step 5. Don't be afraid to fail
Nobody is infallible. If your past triggers some sort of panic in you about certain circumstances or part of your life, make a commitment to face that fear and push it back.
Remember that even when you fail at something, you have everything to learn from your experiences and that you can use the lesson in the future
Method 3 of 4: Accepting Others
Step 1. Forgive people
It can be very easy to hold on to a grudge if someone has hurt us in the past. However, there are enormous psychological benefits to forgiving those who have hurt us.
It can be helpful to express your forgiveness clearly. If someone has said something cruel to you, try to explain how you feel: "I was upset when you talked to me like that, but I also want to tell you that I intend to leave this situation behind because I want to move on. So, I forgive you."
Step 2. Don't blame
While you may think that the easiest way to get rid of a problem is to blame someone else for it, the reality is quite different. When you blame one person, you may subconsciously expect the other party to heal the situation. However, it is more effective to recognize a problem and go to great lengths to address it.
For example, if the way your partner spends money has caused you financial problems, just saying, "You screwed it up!" Rather, try to be more constructive: "We are having financial problems and we need to make some changes in our spending habits."
Step 3. Put the grudge aside
Holding a grudge is a particular emotional state that can cause you to hit rock bottom due to a past problem. If someone has hurt you or wronged you, don't ponder revenge. As strong as the idea is that you could get great satisfaction from seeing that person suffer, you will feel better shaking everything off.
For example, if you are angry because you think someone took an ex away from you, approach that person and say, "At first I was furious, but I want everyone to be happy and I want to move on. I would also like to tell you. that I accept your report"
Step 4. Commit to change yourself, not others
It is difficult to make changes in your life to overcome a problem that happened in the past. It is a difficult task to change oneself, let alone others. If you allow people to deal with their problems, you will have more energy and attention to devote to yours.
Step 5. Allow more space if needed
If you've tried unsuccessfully to mend a past relationship in which you felt trapped, maybe you should give yourself a breather. It can be beneficial to take the time to reflect.
You may want to agree with someone to come back to a particular issue later. For example, if you are having a relationship problem, consider taking a break by distancing each other
Method 4 of 4: Turn the Page
Step 1. Focus on the present and the future
Once you are able to settle the accounts with the past, you can begin to leave it behind. Think about living in the present to the best of your abilities and see the future as a motivation to move forward.
- By setting concrete goals, you will increase your chances of success. For example, you could earn a college degree, look for a new job, or practice and improve your skills in a particular industry.
- Try to get involved in the present. For example, pursue a new hobby or volunteer that gives you a sense of satisfaction.
- Start small. If a serious car accident has left you feeling anxious when you are driving, start calmly by sitting in the car for a while when it is parked. Then take a little tour nearby. Go slowly this way, until you no longer have a hard time making a long journey to head somewhere.
Step 2. Change behavior
If you always act in the same way, you will have the impression that the past continues to loom. If you really intend to put it behind you and move on, you will probably need to make some changes to your behavior in a precise and rational way. It can be tiring to change the way you act, but it's easier if you remind yourself that you are trying to improve a situation. For instance:
- If you keep dating an ex (or come across things that remind you of your relationship), try choosing other places to eat, shop, hang out, etc. A change of scenery can ease the task of leaving the past behind.
- If your problem is that you spend too much money, take a "shopping break". For a certain period of time (for example, a couple of weeks) do not buy unnecessary things and make sure you take advantage of the free moments to locate the items you use or get rid of those you already have.
Step 3. Use regret or loss as fuel for the future
You will be able to overcome past pain when you are determined to use it as a motivation to successfully face the future. If you are haunted by a regret or a loss, think about how they can help you move forward:
- Mistakes can be learning experiences. If you haven't done your job well, you can use your skills to do better in the future or decide if you need to change jobs.
- If you've hurt someone you care about, apologize and promise yourself you won't let them down again.
- If someone criticizes you, admit that you have been hurt, but be determined to improve for yourself, not to please others.
