Do people tell you that you are too stiff? Do you feel like you can never relax, even when everyone around you is being stupid and having fun? Would you like to be able to take a joke? If so, it's time to put on your sweatpants, put your worries aside and learn to let go! If you want to know how to go from being a worried nail biter to being the girl who stays at the beach without a worry except when the sun goes down, go to step 1 and get started.
Steps
Method 1 of 3: Change Perspective
Step 1. Accept that you can't control everything
One of the main reasons many people can't let go is that they want to control every situation. They want to be able to tell what will happen, and when. They want to know when they are successful, how their boss / best friend / parent will react, and they want to believe they know exactly what they need to do to get what they want. Unfortunately, life doesn't work like that: it's full of surprises and difficult, beautiful and ugly trajectories. If you really want to relax, then you need to be ready for the unexpected.
- It takes many small steps to get here. One way to start is to start thinking about the various possible outcomes. Let's say you are waiting for a promotion. Instead of thinking that you will have it, think about other options and how you would react - you may be promoted, or they may tell you that they will soon, or that you need to work harder if you really want that promotion. Either way, if you've prepared yourself earlier, you'll be less taken aback when the unpredictable happens.
- There are things for which it is not possible to prepare in advance. Maybe you and your boyfriend are leaving for a romantic weekend, and the car breaks down. Yes, it sucks, but sometimes you have to learn to laugh about the things you can't control.
- Stop planning everything in detail. If you schedule every quarter of an hour of your day, then you are guaranteed to be frustrated and disappointed when something doesn't go your way.
Step 2. Stop chasing unreal standards
This is another of the things that may be preventing you from relaxing. You may be expecting everyone to perform their best all the time. Whether your boss, your friends, your sweetheart, or anyone else in your life can read your mind, always. You may believe the world should give you what you deserve. Well, if you want to relax, you have to learn to accept the imperfections of the world around you; if you want to be able to determine the behavior of everyone around you, then you should go and play The Sims.
- If you stop expecting people to behave as you think they should behave, you will be pleasantly surprised when it exceeds your expectations.
- People aren't perfect. Sometimes they are rude, numb and immature. And that's okay. It's back to the topic of letting go of control - forget your high expectations for everything around you, and you're sure to relax.
- This includes letting go of the unrealistic standards you have set for yourself. If you expect to be an Oscar winning CEO / actress by age 25, well then yeah, chances are you'll be tense and disappointed when none of that happens.
Step 3. Also accept the fact that you are wrong
Stiff people go crazy when something they have planned doesn't go perfectly because they made a mistake, big or small. You must learn to accept failure as a learning experience, instead of punishing yourself for not doing something as well as you could. Mistakes are part of life, and life wouldn't be fun if we all completed our duties as robots. If you made a mistake, think about what you learned by doing it, what you would have done differently, and how you can use this knowledge in the future.
People who can't relax are so stuck trying to be perfect that they feel like a big loser if they take some misstep in the path
Step 4. Learn to let things pass
People who can't relax get angry about every little detail wrong by others and every annoying little detail of the personality of those around them. Sure, Carla was too drunk on your birthday, or your lab colleague didn't finish his part of the project, and it all sucks, but how much energy do you want to spend hoping others will act differently? The answer is: none. Learn to take a deep breath, accept that there is a need for all kinds of people in the world, and get on with your day.
- If someone is really acting in a way that drives you crazy, take deep breaths, go to the bathroom if you have to, and learn to let it go. The worst thing you can do is tell everyone within a 20km radius how annoying that person's behavior is; talking about it will only make you look stiff and will certainly make you feel worse.
- Try to think about the general scheme of things. Will the numbers Giacomo is doing or Chiara's gossip really bother you in twelve hours? If the answer is no, then why not stop paying attention now?
Step 5. Get a realistic idea of the expectations created by a certain situation
This, too, can help you relax a little. Before you get into any situation, make a list of everything that could happen, instead of just what you expect to happen, and you will feel better. Let's say you throw a party for your birthday. Best possible scenario: everyone comes, best party ever, people will talk about it for years, etc. More realistically, something will go wrong: maybe some guests who said they were coming will not show up, some will drink too much and maybe fall on your bookshelf, and maybe whoever you like will behave badly. The more possibilities you imagine in your head, the less likely you are to freak out if something doesn't go according to plan.
That's not to say you shouldn't be optimistic and expect the best. But if you realize the other possibilities, you're much less likely to freak out and cause a scene if something happens
Step 6. Don't take yourself too seriously
It's another quality that all people who have trouble relaxing share. You may not laugh in times of crisis, or not understand when someone is just joking, or even have a hard time understanding your whims because you think you are a serious, important and busy person who can't waste time on their imperfections. Make a list of your faults and learn to laugh at them. Better to figure out your weaknesses on your own than to wait for someone to point them out to you.
The key is: don't be so damn touchy. If you act like you are going to cry for every little thing that is said about you, then no one will think they can relax with you. You don't want to be the one who keeps people from having some fun, do you?
Step 7. Look at the situation from another point of view
Another trick to be able to relax is to understand what situation all those annoying people who get on your nerves are coming from. So Marzia got too drunk on your birthday, and she tried it with your chandelier. Maybe it's annoying, but remember that she was broken up last week and has been a little weird ever since. Maybe Marco didn't deliver the project on time; he remembers that he was taking care of his sick mother and she is not so well. People are, well, people… and if you think about some of the reasons why they don't behave as you would like, then you will be able to accept their behavior better.
This doesn't mean there's always a good reason for someone's over-the-top behavior. But more often than not, if you dig deeper, you will find an explanation. And this is what makes people who have to relax live, the explanations
Method 2 of 3: Take action
Step 1. Have fun like a kid
You can always think that you are the serious or smart one and at the same time have fun once in a while. Play bowling, have charades, drink some wine and chuckle with friends. Try on some ridiculous costumes. Run to the beach. Do something that requires 0% brain. It will make you feel good. Forget worries, ambitions and problems and live in the moment. Doing this, and being funny and silly, will help you be happier and less tense overall.
- Be spontaneous. You don't have to plan when you're having a silly fun. If you are hanging out with friends and suddenly you don't want to talk about stocks, be stupid!
- Do something completely new. A salsa class, a comedy show, or have fun getting temporary tattoos on your friends' faces. If it seems suitable for one of elementary school, even better!
Step 2. Learn to take a joke
It is the key to relaxation. If someone makes fun of you, or responds with a joke to a comment you made, you need to learn to just laugh at it - and maybe even respond right away! If you are never able to take a joke aimed at you, even if it is harmless, you will have a reputation for being rigid and not fun to be around. Laugh at yourself, let them see you agree with the person, and then respond in kind. If the joke really wants to hurt, then you have every right to be angry, but in most cases people just want to make you alert and let you know that no one is perfect!
Step 3. Break some rules
It doesn't mean getting into other people's cars or stealing an iPod. But it does mean that you should stop being so obsessed with following the rules that you go crazy if you see someone breaking them. It means that you can cross not on the strips, if you have the opportunity. Take a shortcut, whether at work or at school, if you know it's the best way to get the results you want. Don't do every job entrusted to you down to the last comma. It feels good to do things your own way, instead of how others tell you all the time.
And if you are hanging out with friends who are acting reckless - drinking too much, going a little hard, being stupid at McDrive - then yeah, you can be the person who says: Guys, that's it!, or you can join the group and see that nothing bad happens
Step 4. Take a break
Sometimes you need a break in the middle of all the action to be able to truly relax. If you are feeling as tense as a drum at work, school or even while having fun with friends, then you really need to disconnect for a few minutes, go out, look at pictures of cute cats, call your mom, or do whatever it takes. help you feel like always. There's nothing wrong with taking a break from action, and it doesn't prove you have any weaknesses. If leaving for a moment during a tense moment helps you relax, then do it!
If you are really a type A person, who works hard, then you will feel like you don't have a breather until the work you are doing is done, but in reality, if you leave everything for half an hour, you may be able to to finish more easily and with a better head
Step 5. Get some rest
One of the reasons you can't relax may be that you are chronically physically tired, and don't realize it. If you get enough rest, you will have more energy and peace of mind to get through the day, and you won't allow the smallest things to bother you. Aim to get at least 7-8 hours of sleep and go to sleep at about the same time every night, and wake up at about the same time every morning. Limit caffeine after the afternoon so you don't feel tense and restless when it's time for bed. These small changes can have a big impact on how you see the world.
If you're feeling really stressed out in the middle of the day, don't underestimate the power of a 15-20 minute nap to recharge your batteries
Step 6. Exit
Just getting out of the house, getting some fresh air, and walking around 20 minutes a day can make you feel more relaxed, at peace, and more in tune with the world. Make sure you go out at least 2-3 times a day if you work around the house, or if you are prone to spending most of your time indoors. It will surprise you how relaxed and invigorated just being away from home makes you feel, and how much less bother you about the little things.
Step 7. Go out with relaxed people
This is important. If you want to relax and not be obsessed with being perfect, then you need to hang out with other people who are much more relaxed than you are. They don't have to be hippies playing the guitar, but people who are much less obsessed with details than you, who can be spontaneous and let go whenever they want. These people will infect you and you will feel more relaxed in no time.
On the other side of the ladder, dating people who are super stiff, obsessed with perfect grades, perfect careers etc. it will make you like them
Step 8. Get your life in order
While tidying up your desk or cleaning your closet may not seem like the way to a more relaxed life, you will find that if you feel more organized and at your best, you will actually feel more relaxed. You may find it difficult to relax because you find nothing in the closet or because you keep losing important documents, or just because of all the clutter in your life. So, take some time (maybe just 30 minutes a day) to start tidying up your space, and you'll be amazed at how much lighter you feel.
Step 9. Exercise
It will help burn off tension, give your body a positive release valve, and give you the energy you need for the day. Make it a goal to do at least 30 minutes of exercise a day, whether it's running, biking, climbing or swimming, and you'll see that you'll be able to burn off a lot of accumulated negative energy. Find a friend to exercise with so you can have a few laughs too.
If you're always super stressed out, you may feel like you don't have time for things like gymnastics. But if you can change your schedules a little, you will find that you can make time for your mind and body
Method 3 of 3: Make an Effort to Relax
Step 1. Get a massage
Go to a spa and take care of the tension in your neck, back and body. If you're not comfortable doing this, ask a trusted friend to give you a massage. It will certainly help you relax, especially in times of great stress or tension. Don't discard it until you try it. Before you know it, you might want to get a membership!
Step 2. Do yoga
Yoga has been shown to have tons of beneficial effects on the body and mind, one of which is helping people relax and live in the moment. You can take power yoga classes if you are more interested in the physical side, or a more meditation-based and calming course if you want to focus on the mind. Doing it just 2-3 times a week can really help you relax and feel more centered. If you really enjoy classes, you might even start practicing at home on your own.
Step 3. Dance
Blast the music, and dance alone in your room, or start an impromptu dance challenge with friends. If you are at someone's home, or at a nightclub, or even at a dance class, dancing can help you release some of the negative energy, learn to experiment, and not take yourself too seriously. It can also help you let go and have fun.
Step 4. Meditate
Just 10-20 minutes a day can help keep you feeling loose and relaxed for the day. Find a quiet place at home, sit down, close your eyes and focus on your breathing. Feel the air in and out of your body as you relax one part at a time. Ignore all noises and distractions and focus on getting to a quiet, happy place. Once finished, you will be better equipped to face the challenges that await you.
Step 5. Have a cup of tea or coffee
For many people, the routine of making a cup of tea or coffee is already as relaxing as the drink itself. Therefore, take part in this daily ritual to start the day in a calm and relaxed way. Make sure you don't overdo the caffeine though, or it will make you even more tense.
Step 6. Laugh more
Laughter is truly the best medicine, and it can certainly help you relax, no matter how bad your day has been up to that point. Try to make laughter a daily habit in everyday life, whether it's watching a comedy show, or silly videos on YouTube, or hanging out with your funniest friend; it will help you face every challenge without taking it literally, and be able to step back to laugh at your phobias instead of feeling tense whenever something goes wrong.
Step 7. See if you really need to make a drastic change in your life to be able to truly relax
Maybe your work absorbs all your energy. Maybe your three best friends are psychiatric cases that made you completely anxious about nothing. Maybe you've been trying too long to force yourself to do exactly what your parents wanted, and you feel with no room for maneuver to do what you really want to do. If changing your behavior and making a series of small changes doesn't work for you, maybe you better stop and think about big changes that may be needed for your future happiness.
Make a list of all the things that cause you to be stressed and unhappy. If you notice a repeating pattern, and see that most have a common origin, it may be time to take a big step. It may be a thought that scares you, but in the end you will be a happier person for doing it
Advice
- Breath deeply.
- Try enjoying nature. Water your plants. Go to your garden.
- Take a walk alone.
- Drink water slowly.
- Leave your muscles soft, let your shoulders drop.
- Eat something good.
- Don't do any kind of work while trying to relax.
