It's part of human nature to feel like having sex. However, this desire can interfere with daily life and romantic relationships, even going so far as to affect them. By finding a way to control libido, you can improve your quality of life, relationships, and personal performance. You can learn to avoid situations that arouse your sexual desire by talking to others about your concerns, or even enlisting the help of a professional if you feel they are negatively affecting your life.
Steps
Part 1 of 4: Finding Immediate Solutions
Step 1. Get out of the current situation
Try to get away from any context where you have a hard time controlling your libido. For example, if you are at home and feel a compulsive urge to masturbate, try going to the shops. If you don't have a chance to go out (maybe because you're at work), try talking to a colleague or taking a break.
It may also be helpful to ask someone to help you out, such as a close friend or therapist
Step 2. Keep a to-do list in your pocket
Write down any homework, errands, or housework you need to complete throughout the day. If you feel the need to indulge in compulsive behavior, read your list and distract yourself by choosing something to do.
If you think you can't do anything useful when your sexual appetite awakens, try to have something on hand that you can easily distract yourself with, such as an interesting book or a puzzle to solve
Step 3. Postpone what you want to do
By postponing the implementation of a compulsive gesture, you are led to reflect before performing it. Additionally, you will learn to tolerate the sense of discomfort and distress.
- Set a time limit. Try saying to yourself: "I'll be watching a porn movie in an hour" or within the longest time frame you can tolerate as long as it allows you to postpone what you plan to do. It's okay if you can postpone it even for a minute: be patient for a minute.
- Once the allotted time is up, you can choose to postpone again or go along with your wish. However, try to postpone it as long as you can, even if only for another minute.
- Gradually you will be able to extend this period of time without feeling the need to immediately satisfy your desire.
Step 4. List all the negative consequences that would ensue
By describing any risks or negative consequences associated with the behavior you want to indulge, you will be able to resist your sexual desires. So, write down all the risks and consequences you might face. Always carry the list with you and read it when libido takes over.
Part 2 of 4: Avoiding Triggering Situations
Step 1. Identify the factors that trigger your sexual urges
Think about your behavior and what arouses you sexually. Think about all the stimuli, the moments of the day and the contexts in which you are subject to these impulses. See if any behavioral patterns emerge.
- If you've discovered a pattern, try to figure out if you can break it by adopting new behaviors or changing your lifestyle. For example, you may notice that you feel at the mercy of sexual desire especially in the evenings and weekends when you are not working and have nothing to do. You may want to pursue a new hobby in order to take your mind off the thought of sex.
- Maybe it's the situations that stimulate your libido. For example, if you get aroused by watching a rather fiery love scene, you may be watching another genre of film until you have gained more control over your urges.
- Consider keeping a journal on behaviors that encourage your libido. It can help you identify the triggers and patterns you are subject to.
Step 2. Avoid pornography
Pornography has morphed into a billion-dollar industry and it is now more acceptable than ever to consume its products. This makes it hard to ignore, but since it induces sexual urges, it's best to avoid it if you're having a hard time containing them.
- You could activate some browser extension or parental control on your computer to make it less easy to access porn sites. Also try asking a friend or partner to install these features and forbid them from giving you your password.
- Get rid of any pornographic magazines, books, or movies you have around the house.
Step 3. Avoid masturbating
It would be advisable to avoid auto-erotic practices for a certain period of time in order to keep the sexual urges in check. For some people, refraining from masturbation may be more important than for others. Ask the therapist for suggestions on what to do next.
- For example, if it is a compulsive problem, it would not be a bad idea to abstain from masturbation for a while. It may also be appropriate if you are addicted to pornography.
- For other people, masturbation can help improve sexual intimacy and health.
Step 4. Give up the use of alcohol and drugs
Drugs and alcohol can lower inhibitions, including sexual control. Stay away from parties and contexts that can be problematic.
If you are under the influence of drugs and / or alcohol, you risk engaging in risky sexual behavior
Step 5. Use effective methods to control your thoughts
Use some mental techniques to help distract you when your sexual urges start to take over. Consult a therapist to find out how you can handle the most obsessive thoughts. Here are some methods:
- Freeing the mind through meditation or full awareness practices. Don't throw in the towel if it seems like an impossible task at first! It happens to most people. Trust that with practice it will be easier. If you are a believer, you might as well rely on your faith and try to pray to stay focused on your goal.
- Bring attention back to what you are doing. Recognize your sexual urges by repeating to yourself, "These are just thoughts. They are not helping me right now, but they are making it more difficult for me." Then breathe deeply and focus your attention on what you are doing.
Step 6. Reduce Stress
Sometimes obsessive thoughts creep into the most demeaning and stressful moments. If it happens to you when you can't control your libido, find a way to lead a less stressful life.
- For example, you might obsessively think about sex on days when you are late for work. Try getting up or going out earlier in the morning to see if these mental patterns change.
- List all the tasks you need to complete and see which ones you can delete or delegate. Try to engage smarter, not harder.
Step 7. Keep busy
This way, you'll be able to keep your mind busy and focused on things other than sex. Cultivate a new hobby or enrich your social life by offering friends various activities.
- Channel your sexual energies into a creative project. Controlling the strongest emotions through imagination is a form of sublimation that allows you to transform a "negative" or unwanted feeling into something more positive or useful.
- Choose a hobby that takes you away from the triggers. For example, if you're in the habit of watching porn movies when you're home alone, find a passion that allows you to hang out and surround yourself with people, so you don't stay in an environment that encourages certain behaviors.
Step 8. Exercise
Physical activity is one of the healthiest ways to control and manage a wide range of feelings and emotions, including the urge to have sex. Exercise regularly to better channel your sexual energies, or go to the nearest park or gym as soon as you start to feel these sensations.
Consider setting a sporting goal. For example, you might decide to lose weight, get to lift a certain amount of weight in the gym, or train for a long-distance run or bike race. When you're not exercising, spend your time studying a way to achieve your goal instead of getting distracted by your sexual urges
Part 3 of 4: Talk to People Who Can Help You
Step 1. See your doctor
Consider visiting your doctor to rule out any physical problems that are causing your sexual urges. Sometimes, certain ailments or diseases can alter hormonal balance and fuel libido.
- Your doctor may advise you to see a psychologist or psychiatrist to evaluate any mood disorders. For example, strong sexual desire could be a symptom of bipolar disorder.
- Be honest with your doctor about your sexual desires and express your concerns. Estimate how many times a day you think about sex or act on your sexual urges. For example, you might say, "I watch porn movies and masturbate four times a day." Your doctor can help you figure out if yours is problematic or normal behavior.
Step 2. Describe to your partner the feelings you are experiencing
If you are in a relationship, expose your sexual needs to the person next to you. If you are feeling sexually dissatisfied, be honest and talk about how you might try to prioritize this.
- You might say, "I wonder if I have such a strong urge to have sex because we haven't had sex lately. What do you think? Are you happy with our sex life?"
- Keep in mind that sexual desire may be different for each of you. Chances are, unlike your partner, you want to have sex more often. This does not mean that you are right and the other person is wrong, nor vice versa, but only that everyone is made in their own way. Be honest with yourself and those around you, trying to figure out if this is a surmountable problem or if it puts your relationship at risk.
- If you feel the urge to cheat on your partner, talk to him about it. Be honest, even if it can be difficult. Try saying, "I know it's painful to hear that, but I want to have sex with other people. I'm telling you because I want to be honest with you, even if it's not easy at all."
- Consider getting a relationship counselor who specializes in sexual addiction or sexual problems to help you manage your relationship.
- Talking to a trusted friend can also be a good idea. Ask him to help you follow your goals, listen to you when you need to let off steam, and offer you an objective opinion.
Step 3. Seek the advice of a spiritual figure
If you are a believer and fear that you will not be able to control your sexual urges, consider seeking religious guidance. You could talk to a priest, pastor, or leader who manages the kids who attend the community.
- Try not to get embarrassed. Most likely the guides of your religious community have already learned of similar experiences in the past and know how to deal with this kind of problem. Avoid hiding your embarrassment when you ask to speak to them, for example by saying, "I'm dealing with a slightly embarrassing personal problem. Can we talk about it for a moment in private?"
- Ask your religious guide if he can give you any resources to help you clarify your inner conflict from a spiritual point of view.
Part 4 of 4: Seeking Help for Compulsive Sexual Behavior
Step 1. Know the warning signs of sexual addiction
Sexual addiction, or compulsive sexual behavior, is considered as such when sexual desires and urges begin to negatively affect one's life. If you are starting to lose control of your libido, consider getting a therapist to help you develop a treatment plan. Some warning signs to watch out for are:
- Spending large sums of money to meet your sexual needs (for example, buying pornography, attending strip clubs or sex professionals).
- Feeling the need to have sex without getting any pleasure from it.
- Ruining interpersonal relationships, including those with your partner.
- Being forced to apologize for your behavior.
- Having risky sexual behaviors that can cause relationship and health problems (for example, having sex without a condom or with people from the same professional background).
- Seeking gratification in sex, wasting personal time and resources.
Step 2. Go to therapy
Consider seeing a therapist who specializes in sexual addiction. To find a competent one, contact your doctor, the ASL psychologist or search online.
- You should find a therapist who specializes in problematic sexual behavior or sexual addiction. He will have the necessary skills to recognize the causes and treat the sexual compulsion.
- Thanks to his preparation and his studies, the psychotherapist treats patients with an open mind, does not judge them and accepts their problems. Don't feel embarrassed or ashamed if you need to enlist the help of a mental health professional. Therapists are also required by law to confidentiality, so they protect the privacy of patients, unless their safety or that of others is at risk or they have to report violence or abandonment.
Step 3. Attend a support group
There are several sexual addiction support groups that usually follow a 12-point program (similar to the Alcoholics Anonymous scheme). During their meetings, you can receive support, faithfully follow your recovery path, and have a structure that helps you respect and achieve your goals. To find a support group, visit the following websites:
- Sex Addicts Anonymous® Italy:
- Sex and Love Addicts Anonymous:
