Emotions play a fundamental role in our lives. They are the senses of our psyche, and they are as powerful as the physical senses. Your emotions will tell you what you like and what you despise, what you want and fear, and because they convey such important messages, you will need to be aware of your feelings. When you are controlled by your emotions, they can seriously affect your performance and your ability to think clearly in important situations. When you have to give it your all, you need a set of tools that keep emotions from controlling you.
Steps
Part 1 of 4: Emotionless Thinking in the Moment
Step 1. Eliminate self-destructive thoughts
Don't go into a spiral of pity and self-contempt. Media images of perfect bodies, perfect lives and perfect jobs are meant to make us feel "at fault". You can choose whether to give rise to these thoughts.
- Stop comparing yourself to others. The moment you compare yourself to others, you belittle your uniqueness. You have talents, skills and abilities that are yours alone. Be aware of your possibilities and try to give your best. Recognize them and help them shine or disappear, according to your needs. Comparisons are made with product prices, not people.
- Stop thinking that you can't handle a situation or that everything will go wrong anyway. Thinking like this will prevent you from expressing your full potential. Instead, replace these thoughts with rational thoughts, and try to find solutions to your problems.
Step 2. Don't anticipate the future
Because you will probably be wrong about the result! When we start thinking, "Oh God, X will happen if I do this," it's very easy to start losing our temper. By not worrying about the consequences, you will not give room for fear and worry. Just act by following your instincts. You can't really predict the future, so why give it a try?
If you have to imagine the future, imagine yourself 5 minutes from now, totally losing your indifference. Do you want to be that person? Probably not! Use negative imagination to determine who you don't want to be
Step 3. Disassociate yourself from the situation
Think of your life and what's happening around you like a movie. Rise above what is happening and pretend you are watching someone else, not yourself. This action will allow you to objectively interpret a situation without emotional involvement.
- Imagine looking at the situation as a stranger, without knowing anything about the subject and without being emotionally involved. With dissociation, you will manage not to give in to subjectivity; you will remain objective, like a doctor treating a patient. In neuro-linguistic programming, this technique is called "reframing".
- Be careful when using dissociation, as it carries risks. Disassociating yourself too often can have unhealthy consequences for your mind and personality. Dissociate only on special occasions, not as a reaction to all difficult situations. In some cases you will have to deal with chest problems.
Step 4. Think rationally
Instead of making inferences based on fear, anger, or similar emotional reactions, just analyze the facts. Logic often combats out of control situations and allows you to see things as they really are, rather than through your own interpretation.
- If you're afraid you won't make a good impression during a job interview, remember the facts. First, you wouldn't have gotten an interview if you didn't have the right qualifications. Second, if you don't get the job, you probably weren't the right person for that company, but that doesn't mean you're not a good candidate.
- Indulging in an emotional crisis will involve using mental shortcuts, preventing us from thinking about things in depth. When you are used to emotionally reacting to difficult situations, you will need to train your mind to think rationally.
Step 5. Understand that emotions have their place
From time to time, they come in handy. We have them for a reason, if they weren't useful, we wouldn't have involved them. In fact, studies show that when we decide to follow an intuition, sometimes (usually when our energies are low) we make better decisions. So if you're feeling something, determine if it's valid. If it is, you may want to stick with it.
- If it is invalid, throw it out the window. If it is in any way paranoid, neurotic, disturbing, frightening or nauseating, let it go. It's just that voice in your head that wants to drive you crazy.
- If it's valid (pain, for example, is a valid negative emotion), acknowledge it. You can't let it go until you admit it. Accept that you had that thought and then let it go. Over time it will be replaced by another.
Part 2 of 4: Staying Calm
Step 1. Take a deep breath
The deep breaths will calm you in difficult situations and can promote an overall improvement in your health. Try some of these ways to use your breathing to calm your emotions:
- Breathe in through your nose for 2 seconds. Hold your breath for 4 seconds. Exhale through your mouth for 4 seconds. Repeat until you feel your emotions subside.
- Sit in a comfortable chair and become aware of your breathing. Continue to breathe normally, clench your fists and press your thumb against your index finger. Release and then press again. You will notice that your breathing will become deeper and slower with each breath, you will relax and drive away the emotions.
Step 2. Calm down by distracting yourself
Instead of getting trapped in a creepy whirlwind of thoughts, get up and do more. Thoughts come and go, you can accompany the bad ones to the exit by distracting yourself with new ones. You'll soon be thinking, "Did I really feel upset about that thing?"
- Choose a dynamic activity that makes you feel good. If you are sad or worried and can't stop thinking, run outdoors with your dog, go to the gym and work out, or grab your camera and go nature photography. Do something that engages your mind and takes your thoughts away from emotions.
- Choose an activity that requires intense concentration. Try knitting, sewing, or another repetitive activity that requires your concentration.
Step 3. Don't use alcohol and drugs to bury your emotions
It might seem like a good idea at the moment, but the next morning you'll wake up with doubled remorse. This is a very temporary solution to your problems, completely useless to keep them from coming back.
Also avoid eating too much or too little in response to overwhelming emotions. By denying him the proper nourishment he needs, you will only put additional stress on your body (and your mind)
Step 4. Keep a journal
Dedicate it to your emotions. Dedicate it to yourself. It will help you become more aware and serve as an outlet. Therefore, the next time you experience an emotion (better if it is a particularly intense emotion), grab your diary as soon as possible and start writing.
What triggers your emotions? Do you warn them to arrive? What impression do they give you? How do they show up in your body? How do you manage to dispel them? Or are they themselves to fade away?
Step 5. Remove toxic friendships
If you are constantly feeling drained and sad, it doesn't necessarily have to be your fault. You may simply find yourself in an environment that demoralizes you. Most of us have people in our lives who are too lazy or too kind to avoid. Put an end to this situation! They can trigger negative emotions that we don't need at all. Starting today, immediately stop this behavior towards the first person that springs to mind. You don't need that idiot!
Unfortunately, people have vast power or influence over our emotions. Or rather, they don't actually have it, but we give it to them. Life is too short to surround ourselves with people who make us feel bad, so let them go. They will find other people to attach themselves to like leeches
Part 3 of 4: Developing the Habit of Controlling Your Emotions
Step 1. Practice meditation
Meditation is one of the most effective ways to control emotions. With meditation and mind control, you will learn to recognize your emotions, accept them and overcome them. While some people are able to detach emotionally on command, that ability can only be achieved after years of meditation and daily exercise.
- Find a quiet place where you won't be disturbed and get into a comfortable position that allows you to breathe deeply. You can practice meditation by simply focusing on your breath. Inhale through the nose and feel the air coming up to the belly; exhale from the belly through the nose. As you breathe, focus on the movement of the air in your body.
- Analyze your body with awareness from head to toe. Be aware of your feelings. Is it hot or cold? Can you feel the floor under your feet? Try to notice everything.
Step 2. Use visualization during meditation
Imagine something you associate with serene feelings, and focus on that image. Whenever your mind wanders, take note, accept the thoughts that come to you and let them go. Bring your attention back to the visualization.
- If you feel any thoughts or emotions, accept them. Don't try to change or fix them, just accept them. Let them go and continue to breathe deeply.
- A good meditation session can last anywhere from 5 to 30 minutes, or longer if you prefer. When you have reached your "temple", you will notice a change in mood, thoughts and behavior. As you get better at it, you can use meditation techniques in situations that challenge your emotional stability, to quickly regain your composure.
Step 3. Admit your mistakes
Many situations in life don't have a single answer, and you can't always think in terms of black and white. When you're wrong, make up for your mistakes or apologize to avoid drowning in guilt or regret. Your life shouldn't have room for negative emotions. They don't do you any good!
As in meditation, admit when you are wrong and let the emotion go. It is about the past. Now you have learned your lesson! It's a mistake you'll never repeat, so there's no need to worry about it. You have to be a person of great value to admit that you are wrong, it is more admirable than being right first of all
Step 4. Avoid self-harming behaviors
Regardless of how frustrated, angry, or worried you may be, don't act against these emotions until you've taken the time to carefully evaluate the situation. Put yourself in a position to think clearly and evaluate the consequences of your actions. If there is even the slightest chance that you may decide to act differently after sleeping on it, do it.
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Think before you talk. Often emotions can make us give answers that do not put us in a good light. Take your time and use your wisdom. If you are dying to say something before you have thought about it, remember the saying It is better to remain silent and make people believe that you are stupid than to talk and confirm it.
If a colleague criticizes your work, avoid writing them an email full of anger or offending them because you are angry. Instead, take the time to understand if his criticisms are valid, if you can improve your work thanks to his observations, or if you need to ask him to change the tone of his criticisms and behave more professionally
Step 5. Know yourself
If you feel that a situation might be upsetting you, take the reins in hand as quickly as possible. Leave the scene, get distracted in some way or lead it in a different direction, only you know what is best for you. For you to succeed, however, it is necessary that you know yourself, the causes that trigger your reactions and your ways of acting on which you can always rely. So analyze that one thing you have access to 24/7, yourself.
Doing so will only prove easy if you make an effort to help yourself! So instead of just dealing with a situation and wondering why the hell you can't get yourself back in control, act as you know! Breathe. Distract yourself. Heck, reread this article. Ask others how they manage to get out of it. Habits take practice, not miracles. Train yourself to be impassive and sooner or later you will become. Although you may not notice it until someone else points it out to you
Part 4 of 4: Train Your Brain
Step 1. Just accept that this is life
It is not about being unfair, about being disgusting or about being beautiful and painted in rainbows; it is simply a matter of being that way. There is no way to change it, nothing can be done about it. You exist, therefore she exists. There is nothing elaborate, romantic or terrible about it. This is the mindset you have to learn to assume. When nothing matters, when nothing has meaning, emotions fade.
Really, what is worthy of a display of emotion? The love? He is a passenger. It is everywhere and by no means exclusive. And it is often shrouded in a selfish or sexual motivation. Children? It might be better not to have to deal with them. Convince yourself that there is no sense, life is just like that, that way everything will be a little easier
Step 2. Think about the good of the community, not the individual
It is much harder to be emotionally involved if you are focused on others. In individualistic communities, the self becomes fundamental, at the expense of the sense of community. This can cause our emotional involvement to be excessive, because we are focused only on ourselves.
- Making connections with other people is healthy and cheerful. By helping others, volunteering, spending time mentoring or guiding other people, sharing your knowledge with other people in your community, you will find that your emotions will never overwhelm you.
- By focusing on others, you will leave less time and space for emotions, which will no longer lead you to inactivity or stress. When others rely on you, you will find the courage to move on and stop basking in your emotions.
Step 3. Create new thought maps
According to neuro-leadership expert David Rock, it's very difficult to reconfigure our neural pathways. It is much easier to create new ones. The good news is that the new connections, the new ways of thinking, will be stronger, because they are fresher.
- Instead of wasting time trying to overcome your view of yourself as a sad, hopeless, and future-less person, create a new image of yourself as an inspired, ambitious, and exciting person.
- Use all of your energy to create these new thought maps with actions that objectively confirm that you are that person. With practice you will create new neural circuits, and you will be able to ignore your old beliefs, the ones that have troubled you so emotionally.
Step 4. Monitor your positive emotions too
This is about being emotionless, and sadly that also includes the bright side of the spectrum. So when your mom buys the concert tickets you want to see or when your best friend walks into the room, recognize the person or gesture, but don't give your feelings free space. Smile and be grateful, but stick to that.
If you really want to look cool, you don't have to be excited or enthusiastic about anything. The good news here is that if there's nothing that can make you happy, nothing really can make you sad. You will simply abide in basic neutrality about everything
Step 5. Let go of what you cannot change
You may feel angry or helpless because you can't change a situation, but you need to know how to recognize your anger in order to vent it. Make a commitment to change what you can so that you direct your mind in a positive direction rather than get bogged down in sadness.
Thinking positive sets the stage for emotion. While this is entirely an option, consider not thinking about it at all. The human brain is capable of disengaging. So if your purpose is to be entirely neutral, don't think positive or negative. Experiment with the option of turning off completely
Advice
- Don't consider those who criticize you. Just give him a bored look to show your disinterest.
- Many people feel better after crying because it is a physical mechanism for putting your emotions in order. If you get overwhelmed by emotions at work, you will hardly be able to cry in front of everyone. Try to give yourself a very hard pinch on the skin between your thumb and forefinger. You will be surprised at how effective this method is in stopping tears.
- To learn more about studies on how to use logic to change reactions to emotions, do research on Cognitive Behavioral Therapy. The scientific community considers this therapy an effective tool to change the way of thinking.
Warnings
- Cutting or injuring yourself (ex: slitting your wrists or squeezing hard) is not a helpful option for releasing your inner pain. Not only will it hurt you and can leave you with permanent scars, it will transport you to an even darker way where you will feel even worse.
- If you get overwhelmed by your emotions and can't stop them, you may be suffering from depression, anxiety, or another condition. Don't wait any longer and consult a psychiatrist right away. The sooner you get help, the sooner you will have access to those tools that will help you for the rest of your life.
