If the positive pregnancy test result scared you, telling your parents about it can be an even scarier experience. Follow these steps to honestly talk about it and decide what to do next.
Steps
Method 1 of 2: Part 1: Prepare the Conversation
Step 1. Prepare what you will say
Your parents will be shocked by the news, but you can arrange a mature and articulate speech to cushion the blow:
- Prepare the opening sentence. Don't scare them by saying "I have bad news". Instead, say, "I have a hard thing to tell you."
- Explain the pregnancy: do they know you're having sex or have a boyfriend?
- Take it easy. Sure you'll feel agitated and have a hard time talking, but hold back the tears and make sure you're in shock and sorry for letting them down (if that's the case). Say that you are going through the most difficult time in your life and that you would appreciate their support.
- Prepare the answers to their possible questions; don't get caught by surprise.
Step 2. Anticipate their reactions
Once you understand how to convey what you feel and what you will say, you need to start thinking about how they will respond. This depends on many factors, from what they know about your sex life to their values; try to remember how they reacted to difficult news in the past. Consider:
- Do they know that you are sexually active? If you have been for months or years and they have no idea, they will be even more surprised.
- What are their values? Do I agree with premarital sex or not?
- How have they reacted to bad news in the past? While it is unlikely that you have given that many before, you need to consider, for example, how they took it when you were given a bad grade or when you chipped your car.
- If your parents tend to react violently, get a trusted, more open-minded relative or take them to your doctor or school counselor.
- You can practice the conversation with an already informed friend and try the different possible reactions.
Step 3. Choose the right time for the conversation
Do it when your parents are receptive. Here's what to consider:
- Don't be dramatic. If you say “Something happened. Can we talk?”, Your parents will probably want to know everything right away, even if you're not ready. On the other hand, if you calmly say "Should I tell you something, when can we talk?", You will get better results.
- Pick a time when your parents can really pay attention to you. Do this when they are home, but not while they are getting ready to go out or helping your brother with his homework. They should be free by the time you start talking so they can gradually process the news.
- Choose a quiet time. Parents are usually busy all the time, so wait until dinner when they'll be calmer. If, on the other hand, they always seem tense throughout the week, talk to them on the weekend. Better to do it on Saturday than Sunday, when they are already starting to worry about the coming week.
- Choose the right time for you: don't neglect your feelings. When you talk to them, you shouldn't feel exhausted after a school day or worried about a class assignment.
- If that's the case, ask your boyfriend to be there, but make sure this doesn't make things worse. If they don't know him or aren't fans of him, it's best to face them alone.
- Don't put off the conversation. Choosing an optimal time to talk will make it easier, but not dealing with the speech for weeks can cause even more tension.
Method 2 of 2: Part 2: Giving the News
Step 1. This is the hardest part of the plan, even if you've prepared yourself, anticipated your parents' reaction, and picked the right time to talk about it
- Take it easy. You may have imagined the conversation thousands of times, but you have probably almost always thought of a bad reaction. Maybe your parents will react better than expected. Relaxation will make everything easier.
- Make them comfortable. Chat about something else before breaking the news.
- Say “I have to tell you something. I'm pregnant". Say it firmly.
- Look them in the eye and check their body language, without shutting yourself down.
- Explain how you feel. They may feel shocked and not react right away. Talk about your emotions and difficulties.
Step 2. Listen to them after breaking the news
Whether they are angry, confused, hurt or full of questions, listen to their point of view without interrupting.
- Reassure them. Sure, they're adults, but right now you should be strong for them.
- Answer their questions. If you are prepared, you will be able to respond honestly and calmly.
- Ask your parents how they feel. If they don't say anything, give them time to collect their thoughts and then allow them to share their feelings, otherwise it will be difficult to keep talking.
- Don't be angry if they get angry. Remember that this news has turned their lives upside down.
Step 3. Discuss the next steps after discussing your feelings
Decide what to do about the pregnancy. If you have different opinions, the dialogue can get complicated, but remember to feel relieved now that everything has been revealed and that you can work together.
- You may not be able to speak right away. Maybe your parents will need time to calm down.
- This crisis will be one of the most complicated moments of your life, but remember that you and your family will come out stronger, especially if you cooperate.
Advice
- The conversation will be difficult, but your parents love you, and your bond will strengthen after this experience.
- If you've asked your boyfriend to accompany you, make sure your parents already know him. Bringing a stranger home for the conversation could make things worse.
Warnings
- If your parents are prone to violent behavior, it's best to get help from a doctor or school counselor.
- Not sure whether to keep the baby? Talk to your parents as soon as possible. The longer you postpone the conversation, the more at risk the miscarriage will be.
