Do your relatives just annoy you? Getting them to stop is not always the best solution; sometimes, it's up to you to look at the matter from another perspective. However, sometimes they may overreact. In this case, you need to understand how to deal with the situation and avoid doing the same yourself.
Steps
Step 1. Relatives who are bothering you
- Think about it. Why do they behave this way? Let's say, to formulate a hypothesis, they force you to wear a sweater when it's cold. Why would they do it? Maybe, because they care about you. If you think carefully about their possible motives, you will find that most have your well-being as their goal. You should try to indulge them, because otherwise you would make them suffer.
- Talk to them about it. Explain that this behavior bothers you. Even if these are your elderly aunts, who you think may not have a clue what a teenager is thinking about, remember that they were young too, believe it or not!
- Be as kind as possible. How much time do you spend with these people anyway? The best approach is to try to maintain civil relations when you are in their presence.
- Ignore them if the dialogue doesn't work. Be polite and say hello to them, but don't do somersaults to please them. If they don't respect your needs, you shouldn't have too much regard for them either.
- Tell your parents about the problem. If you are not the only one in the family who is under this pressure, talking about it with others will help you.
- Unfortunately, if they have a close relationship with a member of your family, especially an adult, it will be very difficult to avoid having to deal with them. If this happens to you, go visit your friend, ask a partner to come to you or pretend you need to do some urgent work and put yourself somewhere in the house where this person is unlikely to bother you.
- At the very least, you should make sure they can't ruin any special days, like your birthday, for example. Remember that your parents may not agree on this point either.
Step 2. Relatives you really hate
As this is a more serious situation where you feel a grudge against a relative, the above steps may not offer you a solution to your problem. There is probably no solution that can be defined as simple.
- Try to understand the reasons behind the hatred you feel. These could be complex issues, each of which has left deep wounds.
- Did your relative lie or rob you? If so, and you have no way of clarifying yourself with this person, the best path to take may be to avoid having to deal with them.
- Older siblings or older cousins may have been cruel to you or even hurt you. Children should address these issues by discussing them with their parents as serious accidents could also occur if this has not happened yet.
- There is no simple solution for reacting to abuse or figuring out how to deal with your attacker. The most suitable choice is to find a person you can confide in and who is able to offer you the protection you need.
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The following life philosophies, interests, or lifestyles can cause resentment, hatred, and even hatred or anger.
- If your relative holds a different point of view than yours, it can be difficult for you to find common ground. Warning: sexual orientation is not a valid reason to feel resentment towards a person.
- Your relative may be financially better off than you are.
- For a humble or quiet person, being able to connect with another outgoing and lively person could prove to be a challenge. This can lead to resentment.
- Address the problems listed above, as best you can, depending on the circumstances in which you find yourself. A person is expected to socialize with their relatives during holidays or at social gatherings. If many people are present at these activities, try to isolate yourself with your friends or other relatives with whom you feel more comfortable.
- Make plans for those circumstances in which you are forced to meet with your relatives, in order to avoid having direct contact or getting involved with the person you hate. You could, for example, have a small Christmas dinner, or a visit, before the actual dinner, so that you have time to spend with the relatives you care about. You may need to explain your motives to these people, but don't go into too much detail, or you may cause new breakdowns in the family.
- Make excuses if you can't find other solutions. This is a strategy that could be useful during the holidays or in other circumstances where you cannot bear to be close to the hated relative. You may want to work late, change shifts, or, if you are still very young and live with a family, you can try to get invited to a friend's house.
- Directly address the issue that is causing your resentment. This isn't always a feasible solution, of course, but if the resentment you feel is caused by jealousy or some circumstance for which you could be compensated, you should try this option. It is better to forget the past than to brood over years and poison your life.
- Accept your relative for who he is, hide your feelings, and spend as little time as possible with him.
Advice
- If you can't solve them otherwise, just avoid them.
- Some relatives can be selfish and cruel, so in order not to be upset by them, you need to distance yourself or ask them to change their attitude towards you. You should only rely on relatives who have your best interests at heart.
- Don't blame yourself for the way they treat you; it's not your fault.
- Don't expect them to understand. If they do, that's fine, but many people are too dumb to do it.
- Respect their privacy as you want them to respect yours.
- However, try to take their feelings into account as well. How would you feel if you were in their place?
- Don't be rude or selfish.
Warnings
- If you are being abused, contact social services or talk to a teacher.
- One day, your relatives will be gone and you will no longer have any chance to clarify with them. Remember, it is useless to tell a deceased person that you love them. By then it will be too late to resolve the situation.
- In a few years, your relatives may need you. Try to be superior and try to be nice to them if that happens.
