Sooner or later everyone gets hated. If you have wronged someone, you should apologize and work towards forgiveness. However, if someone hates you for reasons beyond your control and that are not justifiable, such as your identity or taste in clothing, don't change who you are. Instead, do your best to protect yourself from detractors, mentally and physically. Just remember that it is impossible to please everyone, so don't let yourself be beaten down by unwarranted hostility.
Steps
Part 1 of 4: Dealing with Detractors Indirectly
Step 1. Ignore the detractors
If possible, don't even bother to relate to people who hate you. Bullying is often fueled by the thrill of provoking a reaction. In many cases, detractors try to feel better about themselves by making others suffer. This can cause a vicious circle: the person who hates you insults you, you react, then she reacts to your reaction in turn.
- Bullies are particular types of detractors. For an individual to be considered a bully, their actions must be repetitive and involve a certain imbalance of power. All bullies are detractors, but not all detractors are bullies. For example, your little brother can insult you without being a bully, because you are probably bigger and stronger than him. Similarly, if your classmate says one nasty phrase to you, it's not bullying. In general, passive methods are preferable for dealing with bullies, while confrontation can be more effective for other types of detractors.
- If your detractor is bothering you in class, pretend you don't hear him. If it provokes you or tries to get your attention, don't respond at all.
- Remember that ignoring hatred isn't always the right move. If the person who hates you starts attacking you physically or verbally, it's best to involve someone, especially someone with authority, such as a teacher or supervisor.
Step 2. Express self-esteem
It is your best weapon against detractors. Laugh at insults, shake off sarcastic comments and think positive. If you don't allow your self-esteem to be scratched, a detractor will end up feeling some frustration and leave you alone.
- For example, if someone insults your art, be superior. Try saying to him: "I'm sorry you think this, but art is subjective. But I am giving my all to improve, so if I made constructive criticisms, I would appreciate it."
- If someone tells you you're weird, you might say, "Maybe a little bit, but I like myself just the way I am. What's wrong with being weird?"
- When you meet someone who hates you, don't look down or turn away. This type of posture would make her think that you are afraid, that you are giving her what she wants. Instead, stand straight, with your head held high.
Step 3. Avoid the detractors
This doesn't mean you have to hide. Never let bullies take over your life. Just try to prefer environments and situations where you won't be forced to interact with these people.
- If you are a teenager, you will probably often get a lot of hatred from people who don't understand your interests and passions. Instead of hanging out with these kinds of people, try to cultivate what you love by getting out of the crosshairs of their negativity.
- If you're dealing with particularly evil detractors at school, try changing classes. If, on the other hand, you happen to be in a club or group, you may want to look for one with a less negative vibe.
- If you know that a certain particularly nasty person is always in the same place every day, don't go there. Try to find an alternative route or ask your friends to accompany you when you need to pass by.
- Avoiding detractors is also helpful in improving your self-esteem. This gives you the opportunity to pursue your interests without becoming obsessed with negative thoughts.
Step 4. Prove your detractors that they are wrong
If they tell you you can't do something, the best way to silence them is to prove them wrong. Do this activity. Above all, do it right. Use their hatred to fuel you up.
- For example, if your detractors tell you that you will never be good at a certain sport, you can prove them wrong by working hard. Play a sport that interests you by joining a team (if you don't already have one) and practice regularly.
- If your detractors think you are afraid to talk to the person you like, let that motivate you to ask them out.
- Proving your detractors wrong won't always stop them. In some cases, your success may make them even more envious. It is not a valid reason to prevent yourself from exceeding the goals that you propose, but do not do something just to give yourself satisfaction. Live as you see fit, always keeping your well-being in mind.
Part 2 of 4: Confronting the Detractors
Step 1. Make yourself heard
If you can't take it anymore, don't continue to suffer in silence. Avoiding detractors doesn't always solve the problem. Try to find the right time to honestly confront them. Try to explain your point of view. Talk to every detractor in a mature and conscious attitude of equality, regardless of the bad treatment you have been given in the past. This is especially important for passive detractors, who do not insult you directly.
- Try saying to your detractor, "I've been getting a lot of negative energy from you lately. I would appreciate it if you kept these thoughts to yourself. Your behavior is childish and I don't want to have to find myself in such a situation anymore."
- Try to understand why your detractor is behaving this way. Ask him, "Did I wrong you? You are showing me great negativity and I don't understand why."
Step 2. Don't act on impulse
Detractors feed on your emotions. If you respond hastily and emotionally, chances are you won't be able to adequately support your point of view. If you verbally attack someone who hates you, you will give them other reasons to tease you. Don't let your words be clouded with anger and frustration. Before answering, take your time to calm down.
Step 3. Don't resort to physical violence
Resolve conflicts with calm words, confidence and maturity. If hate was fire, be like water and put it out. Be calm and composed. Fighting fire with fire doesn't work.
Never fuel a fight, but don't let a detractor hurt you. Learn to stand up for yourself and protect yourself. Throw the same strength as the attacker at him
Part 3 of 4: Confronting the Cyberbullies
Step 1. Don't respond to trolls
The detractors you meet online can sometimes be even more persistent than the ones you see every day. Either way, remember that motivations don't usually change - they're looking for a reaction from you. Thankfully, there are several ways to silence them.
- Block them. Most virtual platforms allow you to block any kind of communication with certain users. Take advantage of this to prevent a detractor from contacting you. On many forums, this feature also hides public posts from blocked people, so they won't ruin your day.
- Read the rules of a video game or website. Most prohibit trolls, threats, and other types of provocative communication. Instead of responding to these attacks, report them to a moderator.
Step 2. Protect your privacy
Don't use your real name outside of Facebook and professional sites. This is especially important if you have a unique name that can be easily found through a search engine. Use a nickname when playing and posting on forums. Try to come up with different designs to prevent persistent trolls from following you on different web pages.
- Remember that everything you post on the internet can be found forever. Even thinking that a forum is private or that they have deleted something, a detractor can still download it or take a screenshot for later use. Think before you post.
- In particular, if you are a minor, pay attention to the type of information you give online. Do not post data that could allow a stalker to find out where you live or what you do exactly every day.
Step 3. If you feel threatened, tell someone
When a detractor goes from petty insults to direct threats, just ignoring them may not be enough. Should this happen to you, contact a trusted person. If you are a minor, be sure to inform your parents.
Don't delete anything. As tempting as you may be to make nasty comments go away, it's best to keep them. Save all emails, messages and chat histories. Certain types of cyberbullying are illegal. If the situation worsens and the intervention of competent authorities is necessary, it is essential to have proof of what happened
Step 4. Take criticism with elegance
If you run a business, you will likely read negative reviews online. The anonymity guaranteed by the internet can encourage dissatisfied users to express much harsher opinions than they would give in person. Don't let their words destroy your self-esteem, but evaluate them carefully. An opinion expressed in a negative way is not necessarily wrong. It is best to regard these kinds of detractors as severe critics. The same is true if you are a writer or artist and you post your work online. Unpleasant comments like these stand out clearly from troll harassment or an end in itself, so they should be approached very differently.
- Try responding to criticism with personalized comments. Be supportive, logical and polite. Offer solutions. Try not to react with anger by using unwary words.
- Consider not intervening at all. It is difficult to please everyone, just as it is difficult to have a deep interpersonal exchange on a bulletin board. This is especially true with a person who has a habit of making nasty remarks. When you are online, it is normal for all of this to happen. Some people may hate you for things that others love.
Part 4 of 4: Keep Your Feet on the Ground
Step 1. Maintain the right perspective
Detractors can be incredibly annoying and may even make your life hell, but think about the true importance of all of this. Probably, before you know it, you will find yourself in a completely different situation, with an equally different mindset. Life is changing by nature. Don't let detractors dominate your existence when they can be relegated to a corner.
Step 2. Remember this experience is temporary
How long will you have to deal with these people? Imagine yourself five years from now. Consider where you want to go and what you want to do. Ask yourself if they will still be a part of your life at that point. You probably see them at school. Almost certainly in a few years you will never have to see them again. Hold on until that moment.
- If they will still be a part of your life in five years, ask yourself what you can do to improve the situation. Can you go to another school? Change yourself? Confront them and solve the problem?
- If they won't be a part of your life in five years, think about why. Maybe you will go to study elsewhere, change jobs or change your social circle. Could you make this transition happen sooner?
Step 3. Forgive the detractors
Understand that their hatred is their problem. They probably don't hate you because you did something wrong or there are shortcomings on your part. They may have difficulty accepting their identity. Some people also behave this way because they are envious or because they don't stop for a moment to think that their words are capable of hurting. Try to find the right empathy to open your heart.
- If you forgive your detractors, you may find that their words no longer bother you. Try to understand why they behave this way. Cultivate greater awareness by moving beyond your experiences and insecurities.
- Don't confuse belittling with forgiveness. Don't tell yourself that your detractors are stupid, mean, or closed-minded, even if all of this is true. Remember that they too are human beings, with unique thoughts and feelings.
Advice
- Always remember to be strong. Strength of character always beats physical strength.
- Don't provoke hate. Don't put on airs and don't be unbearable.
- When someone shows you the middle finger or insults you, reciprocate with the peace sign.
- If they hate you, remember that it's usually not your problem. If you haven't made a mistake, the fact that you are hated for petty reasons doesn't have to matter. When someone has a problem with you, they should be mature enough to leave you alone.
- If the hatred is due to factors such as gender, ethnicity, religion, disability, or sexual orientation, it should not be tolerated. If this happens at school, talk to a teacher or principal. If this happens in the workplace, talk to your supervisor or human resources.
- Don't let other people's opinions take up space in your mind. You have better things to think about and more positive things you could focus on.
- If someone hates you, that's not a problem. You can't please everyone, and you'll likely run into people who won't like you for foolish reasons or out of envy. If they hate you, be proud - basically you own or do something that attracted this kind of attention in the first place.
- Before the situation escalates, it is good to confront a detractor. Maybe they don't like you because of a misunderstanding. If you don't try to clarify the situation, you may miss the opportunity to make an important friendship.
- Don't worry, on the other hand it is likely that these people will not stay forever in your life. Surround yourself with people who make you happy.
Warnings
- Don't argue, otherwise you risk getting in trouble at school or with the law.
- Don't seek revenge. This will likely backfire on you.
