Have you ever had to ask something without knowing how to get the answer you were hoping for? Always being told no, at work, at school, or at home, can be stressful and disappointing. While you will never be sure that you will be able to get someone to say yes, there are strategies you can adopt to greatly increase your chances of success!
Steps
Method 1 of 3: Prepare for Success
Step 1. Speak confidently and accurately
When you make a proposal or a question to someone, you have to start off on the right foot. The chances of getting the other person to say yes go a long way if your exposure is perfect. Speak confidently and clearly, without using interlayers and without eating your words.
- Remember that practice makes perfect. Before asking a question, test what you are going to say. Don't get to memorize every single word or you'll look like an automaton. Just practice asking for something until you feel confident and prepared. If you are primarily learning visually, it can be helpful to write down exactly what to say and practice that way.
- Practicing in front of the mirror is especially helpful, as it helps you notice non-verbal behaviors you shouldn't engage in, such as playing with your hair or avoiding eye contact.
Step 2. Nod as you speak
Studies have shown that nodding while presenting an idea helps you feel more positive and confident, thereby appearing more confident and competent to the public, whether it's your boss, a client, or your partner.
While it is important to use this non-verbal attitude, it is equally important not to overdo it. Only nod when it feels natural to you. Don't force this gesture or it would just be a distraction from your words instead of a useful complement
Step 3. Point out to the other person that your proposal is also useful for them
People have a tendency to say yes more often if you can show that what you propose can benefit them. Emphasize what they have to gain if they agree.
- For example, if you want to take vacation, ask your boss what times of the year are the least busy and start with that. This way, the boss will notice the benefit of taking vacation: you are responsible and you will go on vacation at a time when activity is low, so you will not create problems for the company.
- If, on the other hand, you want to take your wife out to dinner and need to convince your teenage son to babysit his younger brother, you can offer him to extend his curfew, increase his pocket money, or use your car. This shows him that saying yes has benefits for him too.
Step 4. Ask the other person questions to figure out what is most important to them
You can't get someone to accept your idea or proposal if you're not prepared, so you need to gather information beforehand or in the course of the conversation itself. If the other party is not interested in what you suggest or offer, it will be impossible to persuade them to say yes.
If you try to sell a two-seater sports car to a family of five, you are wasting your time. Ask questions like "What is your primary use of the vehicle?" and "What features should your ideal car have?". Try to understand exactly what the customer needs so they are more likely to say yes and complete the purchase
Step 5. Start with a small request
This technique involves asking for something small as an introduction to a larger request, in order to take advantage of people's habit of saying yes more willingly to an offer after they have already agreed to something else. For example, if you convince your child to try at least one bite of dinner, they are more likely to agree to continue eating, especially if they receive a reward!
Step 6. Try to make your request in a positive environment
Nothing ruins negotiations like a bad mood. If you can, don't try to compromise with an angry or hostile person. Wait for his or her mood to improve before making your proposal. One of the best times to do this is during meals, at home or in a restaurant.
- Of course, this advice cannot be applied in situations at work where you necessarily have to negotiate, for example to sell something to an unhappy customer. You do not always have the possibility to choose the ideal environment for your request. However, if you can, wait until the person you want to receive a yes from is in a good mood and your chances of success will increase.
- Some non-verbal cues that reveal that you should wait are crossed arms, external distractions (for example, a phone call or children throwing a tantrum), rolling your eyes or scowling. Even if the person responds to you out of courtesy, they are not really listening to you, so it is best to wait and approach them at a better time, when they are not distracted or angry.
Method 2 of 3: Employ Persuasion Strategies
Step 1. Take advantage of peer pressure
People have a tendency to make decisions by listening to the opinions of others. For example, we read restaurant reviews before trying them and do the same for the movies we want to see in the cinema. This "herd mentality" can be a useful tool to get someone to say yes to you.
- For example, if you are trying to sell a house, you can use this technique by printing all the neighborhood ratings you find on the internet, in order to show potential buyers the value of the property, which is located in an area with the best schools in the city. This pressure from other people's positive reviews may allow you to close the sale.
- Likewise, if you try to convince your parents to let you go and study abroad, let them know how unique the program you plan to attend is and the favorable opinions of students and parents (as well as future employers!) They have. lived this experience.
Step 2. Give the other person a reason to accept your request
If you ask a person for a favor without showing them an obvious benefit, they may decide not to help you. However, if there is a reason why he should do it, the chances of getting a yes increase. It is important that the motivation is truthful and valid, otherwise, if your lie were discovered, you would seem dishonest and it would be even more difficult to receive a positive response.
For example, if you are in a queue to use the bathroom and can't wait any longer, you can try asking the person in front of you if you can walk past them. Simply asking "I have to use the bathroom. Can I walk past you?" the likelihood of getting a yes is much lower than if I said "Can I walk past you? I have to use the bathroom urgently because I have a stomach problem"
Step 3. Make sure you use the "law of reciprocity"
This psychological concept is based on the fact that when someone does something for us, we feel obligated to respond with a favor for him. For example, if you covered a coworker's shift when he was sick, the next time you need the same favor, ask that coworker and remind him of your kindness.
You can say, "I need to take Friday off and since I covered your shift last weekend, I was hoping you could return the favor." The "debt" your colleague owes you will make him say yes more likely
Step 4. Emphasize the rarity of your service or product
Advertisers use this technique very often, claiming that an offer is "limited time" or only available "while stocks last". You can also use this trick to get people to say yes to you. If you want to sell something and point out that it is only available for a certain period or in limited quantities, you are more likely to find a buyer.
Method 3 of 3: Accept Only an Affirmative Answer
Step 1. Offer a choice between yes and yes
Studies have shown that people feel overwhelmed and discouraged when they have too many options available. If possible, try to limit your proposal to a couple of choices to avoid the problem.
To apply this strategy, you can propose only two restaurant choices to your partner or ask a friend which dress she prefers of only two options. This narrows it down to the more difficult and vague questions like "Where do we eat tonight?" or "What should I wear?". By offering specific and limited solutions, you lead the other person to choose between two yeses and help them make a decision
Step 2. Be open to compromise and partial yes
You can't win all battles without negotiating. If you try to get a person to say yes and they are willing to bargain or accept under certain conditions, this is a step in the right direction. Consider it a victory, because you managed to meet halfway.
- This advice is especially relevant when dealing with a supervisor, such as a parent or boss. For example, if you try to get your parents to extend your curfew, there is room for negotiation. If they want you to come home at 11pm, while you want to be out until 1am, getting the chance to come home at midnight is a win. Alternatively, if you talk to your boss about getting a 7% raise and he gives you a 4% raise, consider it a success, because you still managed to convince him that you deserve more money. You got what you want (more time with friends or higher pay) indirectly.
- Don't look at compromises in a negative way, but as a yes with conditions. Your persuasion skills have put you in a significantly better position than you were in previously.
Step 3. Ask questions that will be answered in the affirmative
In some cases it is useful to ask for something that leads to a yes. Instead of convincing someone of something or selling them a product, you can use positive reactions to create a cheerful atmosphere or a relaxed atmosphere. This strategy is useful for example on first dates or family reunions, when your main interest is to make sure everyone involved gets along.
On a date you might say "Isn't this wine great?" or "Don't you love this city too?". Alternatively, at a family reunion you can try "Grandma's turkey isn't the best?". Questions of this kind almost force you to answer yes and help you find points in common with the people present
Step 4. Close on an active note
Even if you haven't been able to get the other person to say yes at all, you should still try to end the meeting or conversation proactively, with an eye to the future. This takes you out of a stalemate and pushes you towards your goal.
