Change in life is inevitable, but that doesn't necessarily mean it's a bad thing. A great man once said, "To change something, you must first change yourself." Personal change takes time and dedication, but if you're willing to work, you have the power to do it.
Steps
Part 1 of 3: Allowing Yourself to Improve
Step 1. Keep in mind that the most important changes have to start from within
If you don't rely on yourself to change, no one will do it for you. Real change must come from a desire to be better, feel better and have a positive outlook on life. It will probably scare you, but you can get out of this process unscathed if you love and trust yourself.
Think about the big changes you have made in your life so far. In hindsight, are they really that bad? How did you manage them? What lesson can you draw from it?
Step 2. Learn to express yourself positively
To promote change, it is essential to have a positive outlook on life and the future. Therefore, you must first change the way you see yourself. Think of it this way: if you want to improve your love life and become more open, you won't get very far if you believe you don't deserve the love of others. Abolish negative language and address yourself constructively, repeating phrases such as "I love myself", "I can do it" or "I can change" every day.
Don't punish yourself and don't get upset if a negative thought crosses your mind. Rather, try replacing it with a positive one. If you thought, "Women don't like me," retort with "I haven't met a woman I've found out to be compatible with yet."
Step 3. Take care of your body and mind to encourage change
Being healthy and in a good mood will make it easier for you to improve who you are, even if your goal isn't strictly related to a physical transformation. Make sure you eat a balanced diet, sleep 6-7 hours every night, and do whatever you like to eliminate stress.
Step 4. Recognize the behaviors or thoughts you want to change
Don't judge yourself and don't get nervous when you make a mistake. It is time to look at your behaviors from an impartial point of view, trying to understand exactly which aspects of your person you want to change. There is a reason you intend to improve, so you need to think carefully to find out. When the reasons are clear, change will happen more easily. Here are some questions you will need to ask yourself:
- Can this make me happy?
- What are the facts, not the impressions, about this situation?
- Why do I want to change?
- What is my ultimate goal?
Step 5. Develop an action plan
It has to be precise and focused. By setting small, manageable goals, you will "fool" the mind into believing that you will have no difficulty in achieving your goal and carrying out your purpose. For example, if you want to change on the love front and become more confident with the opposite sex, taking small steps, you will be less afraid of the main idea of having to "change your love life".
- First step: think about what you are looking for in a partner. What attracts you? What not? Make a list.
- Second step: think about the cause of the failure of your previous relationships. Start going to the gym, clean up the house or focus more on work in order to increase your chances of success in love.
- Third step: try to increase your social life by going out at least once a week, or sign up on a social network for dating.
- Fourth step: invite someone out in a completely random way. Don't worry if you get rejected, ignore it and keep trying.
Step 6. Start by making small changes before tackling the big ones
If you are trying to eliminate junk foods, it will be extremely difficult to suddenly stop eating pizza, sweets, candy, fast-food sandwiches, and drinking sodas. Start reducing your consumption of these foods gradually, so you will be able to appreciate your first successes and gradually get used to the most important changes. For example, you could start cutting carbonated drinks out of your diet. After a week or two, remove the pizza, then the candy, and so on.
It can be helpful to organize a schedule to keep the situation under control. If you write that you will eliminate pizza on April 20, it is much more likely that you will actually stop eating it instead of contenting yourself with saying that you will make it one of these days
Step 7. Strive to do the minimum every day
What is the least you can do each day to respect the resolve to change? This attitude is independent of long-term goals or plans, because it puts you in the mental condition to commit to making your change. If you plan to change your love life, for example, you might get to know someone new every day, be it on the bus or at work. By doing so, you will allow yourself to practice towards your main goal, without stress or fear.
Your daily commitment does not necessarily have to cost you a lot of energy: all you need is to set a minimum threshold. For example, you could do 10 pushups a day, but nothing stops you from doing 100 once in a while
Step 8. Don't talk about your plans
This suggestion goes against the common belief that you are more likely to pursue your goals by confiding them to someone. However, numerous studies have found that people feel less motivated to complete a task after disclosing their plans, because the sense of satisfaction they feel in following them diminishes. The exception to this rule is when working in a team, since collaborating with other individuals for a common goal often leads to greater commitment on the part of all.
Write down your goals and motivations. It's a great way to "formalize" your projects without feeling obligated to talk about them with other people
Step 9. Simplify your life
Change often involves getting rid of everything that no longer matters in your life. This gesture will allow you to focus on what really matters, apply your energies to what makes you happy and physically healthy. Think carefully about your life and identify all that is not essential. What activities regularly leave you dissatisfied? What are the projects or appointments that you systematically tend to postpone? Is there a way to eliminate these tensions from your life?
- Think of the little things first: cleaning up your inbox, unsubscribing from the magazine you never read, changing how you spend your time, and so on.
- Your goal is to gain more time in life to focus on yourself, using free time to improve yourself.
Step 10. Be patient and realize that it is not easy to change
It takes time because, if this were not the case, everyone would be subject to constant transformations. You need to work hard over several months to make sure you deliver on your purpose. Know that you will falter, slip into old habits, and even the thought of giving up everything will come to you. It's natural, but throwing in the towel at the first sign of trouble will never make a real change.
- To allow the brain to develop powerful new neural connections that last a lifetime, you will need to make your changes over a period of 4-5 months.
- Keep your goals in mind when things get tough. The important thing is not how long it will take you to reach them, but the final destination.
Part 2 of 3: Adopt Healthier Habits
Step 1. Form a group of friends around your new habits
You will have less difficulty changing habits if someone is willing to collaborate with you. Each will have to be responsible to the other, remind the partner what the goals are and support him when the situation becomes more difficult. If you can't find anyone who agrees to join you, search the net for a group or community. There are forums and discussion groups for all kinds of habits: from the abandonment of drug use to the weekly commitment to artistic projects.
- Ask a friend to quit smoking together.
- Pick a buddy to get in shape so you can find the right push to hit the gym.
- Make a commitment to send chapters of a book, poems, or other ideas to a pen pal once a week.
Step 2. Make a daily commitment to solidify your habit
There are some exceptions to this rule: for example, you shouldn't lift weights every day without giving yourself a day off. However, the more often you dedicate yourself to developing a habit, the faster it will become a part of your life.
- Come up with little tricks to get busy every day. While you can't do weight lifting every day, you could go to the gym and jog for 20-30 minutes to keep fit.
- This also applies to "bad habits", but in reverse. Whenever you succumb to a habit (smoking, eating junk food, lying), it is more difficult for you to get rid of it. Try to fight this temptation one day at a time.
Step 3. Work on your chosen activity or habit within the same hours each day
The body has an amazing mechanism. When you repeat an activity at the same time or do it every day, the brain and body wait for it and begin to prepare, making it more natural. This type of conditioning is invaluable to anyone trying to develop new habits and can be used in any case. So, know that consistency and regularity are on your side when you intend to acquire good habits.
- Go to the gym at the same time every week.
- Find a room or desk to study or work every night.
Step 4. Insert the new habit into the old patterns
Instead of saying that you will be cleaning the house more often, you may decide to do it every day when you return home, one room at a time. This way you will give your habit an incentive: every time you cross the entrance, you will not forget to tidy up the house.
This also applies to bad habits. If you always go out during your work break to smoke, avoid it so you won't be tempted to light a cigarette
Step 5. Eliminate the obstacles
It is much more difficult to quit smoking if you always have a pack of cigarettes in your pocket. Likewise, it is much easier to eat healthy if you have a choice of healthy foods at your disposal. Reflect and try to understand where in your mental patterns the habit you are trying to acquire "collapses" in order to eliminate the obstacle. For example, you might:
- Get rid of cigarettes.
- Prepare a healthy meal in the evening before going to work.
- Exercise after work instead of before so you don't sit tired and sweaty at your desk.
- Carry pen and paper everywhere to jot down ideas, anecdotes or insights.
Step 6. Realize that there is no time frame for a habit to take root
It is commonly believed that it takes 21 days to adopt one, but that's not true. Each person needs a different period of time. Some researchers have found that you enter the automatism of a routine only after 66 days, not 21. This means that it is not your fault if you have difficulty turning a gesture or a purpose into a habit, but it also means that you have to find the right motivation to keep it longer than 2-3 weeks.
- Don't worry if you miss a day or make a mistake - you have 66 attempts, so if you miss one it makes no difference.
- Focus on the final goal, not the number of days it takes to reach it.
Part 3 of 3: Changing the Course of Your Existence
Step 1. Outline a concrete picture of who you want to become
Whether it's ending a lasting relationship or changing jobs, it's usually terrifying to make a major change in life because you don't know what's going to happen next. This uncertainty can paralyze you if you don't find the time to figure out exactly which direction you are going. You don't need to know every detail - no one would - however, you need to gain insight into how you are changing.
- What do you want to eliminate from your life?
- What would you like to add?
- Where do you see yourself in a year after your change?
- What's the best way you intend to spend your time?
Step 2. Determine how you intend to change your lifestyle
Once you have a clear idea of the direction to take, you will need to figure out how to get there. It is often the hardest part of the change, but you can make it easier if you reverse it. Try saying what your goals are for becoming a famous writer. To make change a reality, think about all the steps you will need to take to establish yourself as a writer until you have achieved your goal. Eg:
- Goal: to become a famous writer.
- To publish a book.
- Find a literary agent.
- Write and correct a book.
- Write every day.
- Find ideas for your books. If you don't have an idea yet, you should start here. If not, it's time to write every day!
Step 3. Save
It's much easier to make a big change in life if you have a safety parachute you can rely on. You'll be more likely to take some risks when you know failure isn't the end of the world, so save some money. That way you can focus on the changes you plan to make in your life, not the bills you have to pay.
- Open a deposit account and start paying a small percentage (5-10%) of your income.
- Many financial advisors suggest that you have enough money to cover at least 6 months of room and board costs before making a major change, which could be, for example, moving to another city or changing your job.
Step 4. Study
It is not a good idea to make a profound change in lifestyle without knowing the slightest bit about what to expect. If you intend to pursue another career, often the best way to get back on track is to go back to studying, because more specific training will prepare you to manage yourself in the professional sector of your choice. Even those who are looking for less conventional changes, such as traveling for a year or becoming an artist, must do research and careful evaluations in order to radically change their lifestyle.
- Read biographies of people like you. While there is no need to follow in their footsteps, they do offer valuable advice on what you can expect from a change.
- Find the time to research the goal of your change - what do you need? Do you have to move? What are the negative aspects of your new lifestyle that dissuade you from changing?
Step 5. Get out of your old life quickly and with respect for others
Once you have decided to make a change and are confident that it is time to start, you need to sever old ties. This does not mean that you will not have to see the people who were part of your "old life" again, but it does mean that you need to break away from the routine, habits and lifestyle of the past to really change your life. situation. Don't get scorched around by walking away with merciless goodbyes or showing anger. Rather, let people know that you are ready for a change and that you would like their support along your path.
Step 6. Do everything to make your change a reality every day
You have to commit to living your new life fully if you want to change. Sometimes it's easy: if you want to travel for a year, just take a plane and go to another country. However, in certain circumstances it requires daily discipline. However you do it, you will have to write every day if, for example, you want to become a famous writer.
Remember that change is a matter of choice. Do the right ones to make the change you want
Advice
- Do not rush. It doesn't have to move at the speed of light, because changes happen slowly.
- Use your imagination. A change can happen based on mysterious logics.
- Get out of your routine. Do something because it feels right to you, not because everyone says it's right.
- Never change for someone else. You have to do it because you want to and because you think you can become a better person.
