It does not matter that you have found yourself in the middle of a quarrel between your parents who usually get along in love or that it is a habit for them to quarrel in front of you; being a spectator at such a show is certainly not a pleasant experience. Don't let it negatively affect your self-esteem and relationship with yours by following these steps.
Steps
Method 1 of 3: When They Are Not Arguing
Step 1. Talk to one or both of them to explain to them how these fights make you feel
It would be better if both of them were present, so they can hear it directly from you!
Method 2 of 3: During the Lite
Step 1. Leave the room if possible
Go to your room, put your headphones on and turn up the volume if necessary. The further you are from the "line of fire" (metaphorically speaking), the less likely you are to be troubled by this experience. In other words, walk away. Do not you really need to hear them.
Step 2. Understand that they are not fighting over you
It also applies if your name is mentioned during the dispute. In that case, their quarrel would be due to a disagreement on the education to be given to their children and not to a lack of you. Remember it was never your fault, nor will it ever be.
Step 3. Maintain your self-esteem
Don't let these fights make you doubt yourself. Stand in front of the mirror and remind yourself that you are worth as a person. Do this before you go to school or anytime you feel the need to.
Step 4. Call the authorities if you think you or another person in the house may be in imminent danger
It is difficult for a child to decide to call the carabinieri, but it is the best choice to defend himself from violence. The authorities could take you and your siblings away from home until the situation calms down.
Step 5. Remember that there is a solution to every problem
It may take some time, but everything will work out.
Method 3 of 3: After the Lite
Step 1. Try to vent your emotions
It is normal to experience emotions of various kinds ranging from anger to sadness after a stressful situation of this type. Just let it out as long as you don't completely lose control; for example, cry, scream into a pillow or do something creative like writing a poem or painting a picture. This should help you.
Step 2. Go to your parents when both you and they are ready to talk
If you or them need more time, wait a little longer before going to talk to them.
Step 3. Remind them how much it annoys you when they argue
This is not the time for a lengthy clarification. A simple and straightforward sentence such as: "Please don't fight in front of me anymore."
Step 4. Forgive them and move on with your life
Advice
- Maintain your self-esteem. Remember, every fight comes to an end and it's never your fault.
- Understand that it is not in your power to resolve your parents' marital problems. However, some issues need to be resolved if your parents are divorced. If this happens to you, they may argue over which of the two you should be with and when. Don't blame yourself, even if the situation is worse; it would be too heavy a burden for you to carry on your shoulders and the more you try to pacify them and fail, the more you will damage your self-esteem. They are the only people in the world who can resolve the situation that has arisen between them.
- Try as hard as you can at school if the situation at home negatively impacted your grades. Don't worry: recovery is always possible. Talk to a school counselor, tell him that you are distracted by the situation you are experiencing in your home. Chances are he will try to help you in any way he can when he sees that you have gone to him to ask for help. See to improve your grades! Don't get distracted by family problems. Study and do your homework in a place where you can be at peace and focus. Try a bookstore or at the home of a friend you trust. If that's not possible, get out of the house away from your parents and go to a park.
- If you need help managing your emotions due to your parents' quarrels, talk to a school counselor or other trusted adult. Choose an adult who is not biased. For example, if your grandmother often makes negative judgments about your father (or mother) it would be best to try someone else.
- The best thing you can do is work on yourself, find out who you really are, be true to yourself as an individual, and develop your interests. The best gift you can give your parents is to give your best, try to be as happy as you can, and make the right decisions that affect you.
- If you don't have friends to support and encourage you, you'll be better off without them. They may not understand the difficulties you are facing and the strength you must have to cope with the situation. It is also possible that they are going through a situation similar to yours and have no idea how to cope with it. You will find that true friends will come to them if you don't give up.
- If you know your parents might want to separate, remember that this could affect you. Perhaps, you too want one of them to leave. Always remember to think about your needs. If one of your parents has been the victim of the other, try to stay as close to him as you can and give him some good suggestions. A separation may be necessary.
- Remember it's not your fault.
- If you are concerned that one of your parents may harm the other, call 112. If this is something you worry about all the time, even when they are not fighting, realize that you are not their babysitter. Talk to your parents about how you feel about the situation so they can end it. Tell them that you feel unable to cope with these concerns and that you can no longer take it upon yourself to listen to their arguments to make sure they don't hurt themselves. From then on, it will all depend on them. Don't feel guilty, because domestic violence is never the fault of the children. You can't force your parents to behave civilly, so don't neglect yourself to prevent them from hurting themselves. Trying to do so would still be dangerous and would only be a temporary solution. Also, don't let your parents use you, getting involved in their quarrels, to keep bonding to each other in an unhealthy relationship.
- If you have brothers or sisters, don't be afraid to leave the house when your parents are arguing; consider taking them with you to the place where you go to do your homework or spend your time. If that's not possible, take them somewhere where you know they will be happy and safe.
- Keep busy. Have respect for yourself, inside and out. Enjoy your youth like any other child (or teenager) would. While you may feel you have grown up too quickly due to this situation, it has certainly matured you.
Warnings
- Don't be afraid to ask for help by calling 112 if needed. Some parents can get caught up in an uncontrollable anger that requires the intervention of the police. It can be infuriating when things get to this point, but you need to remind yourself that you are doing the right thing in typing that number. This should help you find the courage you need.
- Avoid taking sides with one of your parents, even if they ask you to. The best thing to do is to distance yourself.
- Don't go talk to your parents if they're still angry. In the heat of anger, people rarely listen to anyone and may turn their anger to the first person they come within range.
