You knew that dating your roommate, colleague, or classmate wouldn't be a good idea, but a few months ago you weren't really going to listen to what your reason was telling you. Matters of the heart can make us lose our minds, but if you are forced to see your ex every day following a breakup, you need a strategy to manage the embarrassment that may arise. An effective strategy is to distance yourself from these kinds of situations, adopt a positive lifestyle and move on with your life.
Steps
Part 1 of 3: Get away from the Situation
Step 1. Accept the breakup
Relationships are important because they allow us to experience multiple states of mind (even conflicting ones), to know ourselves, to learn to love and be loved. They are essential for a fulfilling life. Regardless of whether you've left someone or been left, you can't escape the pain of separation.
- Try saying to the other person, "I just want to let you know that the end of our relationship makes me feel bad. I know it will be difficult and embarrassing to see each other in the early days. I will do my best to respect your space and would appreciate you doing it. same for me ". This premise could lead to a more articulated discussion, during which you would have the opportunity to explain in more detail what you expect.
- It is important to recognize that the relationship was important to your personal development, regardless of how long or engaging it was.
- If you deny what you are feeling about the breakup and pretend it doesn't matter, you won't learn anything from this experience.
Step 2. Accept the pain
Most people learn to conquer things, but very few know what to do when they lose them. Whether the loss is about a love relationship, a loved one, a job, a physical ability or trust in someone, the damage that has been created must be understood and managed. Pain is a complex emotion that manifests itself in several ways.
- Mourning is made up of different phases that can be used to understand the entire path of one's painful experience: denial, confusion and disbelief; plea bargain; depression; anger; acceptance.
- Keep a journal in which to write down how you feel at each stage of your pain.
- Mourning is subjective. Everyone experiences it differently.
- You can take longer to get through one phase than another.
- Don't be in a hurry and don't let anyone suppress the pain you are experiencing. There is a time to suffer and it is essential to be able to recover permanently.
Step 3. Brace yourself
The end of a relationship seems to leave us emotionally in suspense. You have to call upon all of your attention and all of your energy to get out of this tunnel. Find a way to prepare for future challenges. It's normal to break down, but each time you get up, you will gain more confidence.
Think, "I can do it. I can forget it because I'm strong and I'll be fine."
Step 4. Imagine the possible scenarios
Consider all possible social contexts and relationships on your own or talk to a friend about them. Choose a person you trust, who does not share your confidences with others. Better not to pour gasoline on the fire. By practicing responding with words and behaviors, you can relieve anxiety and acquire the skills you will need in times of need.
Be friendly when you meet your ex. Try saying "Hi! How are you?". Kindness facilitates relationships. However, if there is a way to avoid it, put it in place
Step 5. Don't rush
Emotions should not be pressed or inhibited. It takes time to recover after a relationship ends, so you may get tired or impatient. However, channel your energies towards an activity that avoids the arising of the most nagging thoughts.
- By dedicating yourself to something you enjoy, you can pass the time and find a balance when emotions take over.
- Take a break from your worries by watching a movie or TV series. Stay away from romantic comedies and love stories as you may get further depressed.
- Play a board game or join a book club to put your time and attention to good use.
Step 6. Try to react
The most natural and immediate reaction in this kind of situation is to change job, apartment or habits. It might be the most practical thing to do. However, very often it is not possible to do this and therefore you have to keep your job, stay in your home and keep your habits. If so, devise a more "artificial" solution to distance yourself.
- Change your route when you get to work and need to go to the office.
- Avoid the other person's paths so you don't cross paths.
- Sit on the other side of the room or out of sight.
- Do what you can to increase the distance between you and the other person. This way, you will feel able to move on with your life.
- Don't wait for me to take the first step. You absolutely have to distance yourself, so don't hesitate.
Part 2 of 3: Adopt a Positive Lifestyle
Step 1. See the glass half full
Change can do you good. Maybe your relationship was emotionally heavy and caused more stress than joy. Consider the freedom you have now, because it can offer you new opportunities.
- Recognize the relief of no longer having to worry about the other person or the difficulties they brought into your life.
- When you finish work, cultivate healthy relationships with friends and make new acquaintances, without ruling out the possibility of some new relationship.
Step 2. Maintain a positive attitude if you are dating someone
Take everything more lightly. In other words, avoid deep reflections, arguments, problems and recriminations. Show that you are a calm and optimistic person who does not let down by the difficulties or embarrassment caused by the situation.
- By focusing on the positives, you will avoid getting drawn into unpleasant arguments.
- Nobody can destabilize you if you keep a positive spirit. If you react to a challenge, the other person will feel stronger. Remember that you are able to stay in control and be responsible for what you think. It is an important task.
Step 3. Don't judge yourself
Learn to accept yourself. If you feel guilty or are plagued with remorse that you have been in a relationship with a co-worker, classmate, or roommate, you need to forgive yourself. This does not mean forgetting what you did and then repeating it. Forgive yourself for trying to learn from your mistakes and avoid any attempts to boycott your decisions in the future.
Step 4. Pretend
Actors get paid to pretend. You may not be an actor, but there may come a time when you have to pretend that everything is going well even when the reality is very different. It is a way to protect yourself from further injury. Try to survive the embarrassment created by the situation as best you can.
- Talk about it later with a friend or family member you trust so that you can process any feelings you have experienced.
- By trusting what you feel, you will be able to metabolize it and you will probably feel better.
Step 5. Use silence to your advantage
Many people feel uncomfortable when they are silent. They believe that, by giving air to the lungs, they are able to release the tensions that arise in certain situations. Learn to be familiar with silence. When you don't know what to say, don't talk. If you choose this path, you will not feel embarrassed in the most delicate moments.
- Silence is not synonymous with rudeness.
- Remember that many people feel uncomfortable when no one is talking, so they may say or ask you something. Respond as you see fit.
Part 3 of 3: Moving On With Your Life
Step 1. Learn from your mistakes
If you think you made an unforgivable mistake by starting this relationship, let the pain stop you from repeating it. Certain rules in life have a reason. By respecting them, you will be happier and you will get away from pain. Follow this simple but important principle to ensure a happy future.
Step 2. Trust your survival strategies
By trusting yourself, you will be able to handle the end of this relationship. Because you know what makes you happy, do something that can cheer you up.
Step 3. Consult a mental health professional to identify behaviors you would like to change if you are having difficulty doing it on your own
Search online to find a psychologist or psychotherapist.
Step 4. Fight for yourself and the life you want
You only have this life and you have to learn to live it in the best way. By being respected, you prioritize your happiness and the rest of the world will notice. When you fully recover from a bad experience, it feels like a positive change has taken place because you are clearly ready to grasp all the good things that can happen to you.
People might say to you, "Have you changed anything? You look great." Try to answer: "Thank you. Yes, I have decided to be happy and it is working"
Advice
- Sometimes, human behavior is difficult to understand. Mistakes are made, but they must not be repeated.
- If you see your ex with someone, don't be jealous even if you are.
- Show your ex that you are happy and that you are fine without him.
- Don't jump into another relationship right away.
- Don't try to make him jealous by starting a relationship with the first one that happens. Pay attention to the feelings of others.
- He might try to get you back together. Make a clear decision by considering all possibilities.
- Find something to do. A new hobby or diversion will help distract you.
- Ask your closest friends not to qualify him as your ex anymore, but as a friend.
- Live your life showing yourself strong and confident. This way, you will be able to build healthy relationships.
- Respect your ex's relationships.
Warnings
- Remember that alcohol lowers the guard level of inhibitions and increases the risk of making bad decisions that you may regret.
- If you encounter obstacles and missteps, know that people can become more intolerant of your behaviors.
- If you continue to have romantic relationships in the workplace, you will earn a bad reputation at the risk of getting fired or being accused of sexual harassment.
- Don't be too nice and don't flirt with your ex just for fun as he may consider this behavior as an attempt to get back together. Don't fool people.
- If you've tried to be civil and still avoid yourself, forget it. You can't be friends with everyone. You would not accept this behavior from someone who shows you friendship.
