Breakups can be difficult, especially if you didn't want them to. But if you're absolutely sure he's the right person for you, don't despair. Use these helpful ideas to make him want you again.
Steps
Part 1 of 3: Give Your Ex Some Space
Step 1. Accept the breakup
Behave with grace and maturity. If he broke up with you, respect his decision and give him time to see things more clearly. He will appreciate that you understand and respect him, and above all he will respect your dignity.
- The last thing to do is a scene. Crying and getting mad at him will get you nowhere. On the contrary, it is likely that it will push him to move further away.
- By calmly accepting the breakup, you are changing the rules of the game. He would probably have expected a different reaction, now he will be curious to understand why you are not angry. This may be the first doubt that will sprout in his mind.
Step 2. Cut all forms of communication
After a breakup, emotions are skyrocketing and it is difficult to make rational decisions. For this reason, it is advisable to cut off all forms of communication with your ex for a while.
- Don't harass your ex with phone calls, text messages, or Facebook messages. It will achieve the opposite effect of that desired. Wait for him to contact you.
- It will be tough, but don't try to contact your ex for at least 2 or 3 weeks. Allow enough time for him to miss you.
Step 3. Give both of you time to recover
Breakups can be violent. Harsh words are often exchanged and feelings are hurt. You need to give both of you time to calm down, reflect, and heal your wounds. Only then can you consider resuming the relationship.
- Getting back together while the wounds are still fresh will bring back the same problems that led to the breakup, and your efforts to resume the relationship will only fail.
- Wait until enough time passes so that you can think about the relationship objectively and be able to talk to your ex without feeling anger.
Step 4. Evaluate your relationship honestly
Use this time to honestly reevaluate your relationship, think about what went wrong and what was good. Try to focus on exactly the problems that led to the breakup and imagine how they can be solved.
- If you believe that the problems in your relationship are solvable, and both you and your ex are willing to make an effort to make this happen, then your relationship has a chance.
- If, on the other hand, the circumstances that led to the breakup aren't very likely to change, or if you and your ex aren't willing to change behavior for the sake of the relationship, getting back together may not be a good idea.
- Use your head to make the decision, not just your heart.
Step 5. Apologize, if necessary
Towards the end of the relationship or during the breakup, you may have said things you didn't think or regret. It is never too late to act nice and apologize.
- If the breakup is a consequence of your actions, you may want to make the first move and apologize. Your ex will appreciate the gesture and may feel more empathy and warmth towards you.
- You will never be able to get over the past if you don't take responsibility for your mistakes.
Part 2 of 3: Focus on yourself
Step 1. Stay calm
If you're going through a breakup that you didn't dictate, you may feel like your world is no longer in your control. Don't panic. Stay calm and remember that you are strong and can deal with whatever happens in your life.
- Don't make hasty decisions. You are in a moment when your mind is vulnerable, try not to do anything you might regret.
- If your mind is focused on getting your ex back, that's fine. But give yourself some time to work on yourself first.
Step 2. Talk to someone
After a breakup, you can probably tell that there are some shadows in your emotions to work on. The best thing you can do is talk to someone you trust - a friend, a family member, a therapist. With them you can express all the anger, pain and tears that are inside you. You will feel much better later.
- Speaking of breaking up with a person not involved in the situation, you will feel free to express any feelings and thoughts without risking irreparable damage to your relationship with your ex.
- Talking about the breakup will help you work on your feelings and give you a new perspective on the situation. You will be able to start seeing things from another point of view and better understand your ex's behavior. This understanding and empathy can help you put yourself in a balanced position later on.
Step 3. Be independent
Use this (even if only temporary) break as an opportunity to free yourself. In a relationship, people tend to rely excessively on their partner, forgetting the ability to "function" independently. This is your opportunity to recover your long-forgotten autonomy. You will not regret.
- Go out alone, meet new people, try new things. Doing your own thing will allow you to gain confidence and help you feel like yourself again.
- Get back in touch with friends. Many people forget about friends when they are in a relationship. Now that you're free to do whatever you want, take the initiative and organize a girls-only night at home or out. You'll soon find yourself laughing so hard you'll wonder why you haven't done it more often.
Step 4. Take care of yourself
You've been through a tough time lately, so take a moment to focus on yourself and your needs. Do things that make you happy and that make you feel good.
- Give yourself long baths, rest, eat healthy foods, and do some exercise. You will feel better and it will benefit your appearance.
- You need to feel good about yourself before you think about getting into a relationship again.
Step 5. Work on improving yourself
Have you complained about your work all last year? Leave it and find something better! Have you always talked about cultivating a new hobby or going on a diet and exercising? This is the moment! Take advantage of this opportunity to improve yourself and become the best you can be.
- Many people find that a sexy body is the best way to recapture your ex's attention. But don't do it just for him, do it for yourself. Exercise and healthy eating will help you release good mood hormones and give you more energy and motivation to go through the day.
- Finding a new job or pursuing a long-desired new hobby will give you a new target to focus your attention on and leave you less time to break down. Maybe your ex will also be impressed by your new purposeful approach.
Step 6. Hang out with people
Having your heart focused on getting your ex back doesn't mean you can't have fun in the meantime. Dress up, go out and woo whoever you want and like. If nothing else, you will remember that you are an attractive and interesting person and that you have so many other options if your relationship doesn't work out as planned.
- Letting your ex see you with another person can spark feelings of jealousy and desire in your ex. It could make him realize he wants you back and help you get there.
- However, be cautious about using this tactic; if your ex feels that you are perfectly happy with someone else, they may proceed further as well.
Part 3 of 3: Starting over
Step 1. Let him contact you
Let him take the first step. It can be hard to wait, but try to be strong. So when he contacts you, you will know that he was thinking of you and that he is ready to resume the relationship. If you keep insisting ahead of time, you may be pushing it in the opposite direction.
- When he contacts you, don't be too difficult. Don't wait, answer and behave gently and politely.
- After they contact you, you may want to suggest a meeting to talk in person. Opt for a neutral venue that offers you the opportunity to have a private conversation, but that you can easily leave if things take a turn for the worse. A bar or a public park could be the perfect solution.
Step 2. Remind him of the reasons that initially made him feel attracted to you
Sometimes the negative things that happen at the end of a relationship can overshadow all the positive things that have happened before. Remind him why he fell in love with you in the first place.
- Awaken her memory by putting on the same perfume as your first meeting, or the dress that she thought suited you so much.
- Remember the good times you lived together. Remind him of what he felt about you when things were going well.
Step 3. Take it slow
Don't rush headlong into the relationship again. Take time to talk and make sure you are both on the same register. Make sure you both understand what needs improvement and that you share a desire to give the relationship another chance.
- Try dating him again. Go out for dinner, go bowling or see a movie. Spend short, intense periods of time together. Rediscover each other.
- If you tried to pick up exactly where you left off, history would repeat itself.
Step 4. Leave the past in the past
If you've both worked through the problems and want to have a fresh start, be grateful for that. See your relationship as new, with no ballast. Forget the past and focus on the future together.
Advice
- Trust yourself. Remember that men love self-confident women - show them that you have control over your world and you will get their attention.
- Have good intentions. Sometimes the thought of revenge can be a temptation, but in case you don't want to get back with your ex, it's better to look ahead and find someone else rather than spending energy unnecessarily.
Warnings
- If he's already into another girl, you probably won't be on his mind. But be strong and happy and he will soon realize the value of what he had.
- It may be that for him the relationship is definitively terminated. It's not the end of the world, look ahead, it's for the best.
- Make sure you want to be with this person again for the right reason, not because you feel lonely or because loneliness scares you.
