One of the best aspects of having friends is that they can be by your side when you are not feeling well. They can console you, or even help you in some way. This article will explain how to be a good friend in times of need.
Steps
Part 1 of 2: Before starting
Step 1. Find out the situation before trying to help your friend
This will give you an advantage because it will make it easier to know what to say and not to say. Also, you will be able to understand the problem, so that you can avoid awkward silences without having a clue what is going on or what to say.
If you don't know the situation, don't worry. As long as you are available to help, it will be enough
Step 2. Observe the state of mind of your friend
In case he is really in great trouble, you may have to expose yourself to reach him. If he's not too upset, even if he's worried about something, it shouldn't be too hard to help.
Part 2 of 2: Console your friend
Step 1. Compliment your friend on his other great skills and competences, especially if he's sad about something he's not good at
Compliments will also improve his self-esteem in case of recent failures or rejections. In any case, be moderate with compliments, because exaggeration or half-truths or lies could hurt your friend and make him withdraw even more in himself. Remember that your friend's frailty increases when he feels he has no confidence in himself.
Step 2. Let your friend know he can count on you
You can do this with a note, with a voice, or with a simple hug. Make sure your friend knows he can talk to you whenever he wants, and make sure he understands that he can trust you regardless of the subject. However, be careful not to be too pushy and push him even further into depression.
Step 3. With kindness and understanding, gently remind him that no one is perfect
The important thing is to learn from your mistakes. Ask your friend "What can we learn from this experience?". However, make sure that he wants to talk and think about the situation before starting the conversation, otherwise you could unintentionally hurt him.
Step 4. From time to time, all your friend needs is a chance to let off steam and talk about their problems without being judged
So be ready to listen patiently for as long as necessary. However, in case you have a date or think you are not in the right place to talk, gently point it out by saying something like, “I think we should talk about it somewhere else” or “Can we move on later? I have to go somewhere, but I'll be back as soon as possible”. Make sure he understands your real intention to listen, but also the reasons for putting off the conversation.
Step 5. Tell your friend that you really love him as he is, but be careful when the friend is of the opposite sex to yours, or he might misunderstand, especially if he has just gotten out of a relationship
It doesn't matter how she looks, her wardrobe, etc. Make sure you have a sincere tone of voice when talking to your friend, as he could experience a moment of great uncertainty about himself!
Tell him the world wouldn't make sense without him
Step 6. A hug will have miraculous effects on your friend, whether he has said something to you or not
Sometimes, a friend just needs contact with another friend to feel better and surrounded by affection. You can also give him a gentle pat on the back or shoulder.
Advice
- Don't tell other people about your friend's problems. It will make him angry and he will have less confidence in you.
- Be an active listener. When your friends stop and look at you for an answer, repeat what they just said, but in your own words, to show that you were really listening and sympathizing.
- Don't be afraid of not being able to solve all your friend's problems, sometimes you just need someone to listen. And sometimes it can be worth more than anything else.
- If he is crying, hug him tightly, tell him you love him and that you will always be there. Hugging a sad person will always let her know how much she is loved and how much you care about her. It also helps make her feel better.
- Joke a bit to cheer him up, but without making him angry.
- Be affectionate but not too much. Just say what you want to hear at a bad time or a bad day.
- Show your friends how important they are by politely ignoring other people who would like to tell you something. Turn off your cell phone. The person you are helping will appreciate it.
- Take him somewhere (cinema, shopping, park, his favorite restaurant, supermarket…).
Warnings
- Never underestimate the feelings of your friends. Telling someone to simply bounce back or downplay their problems only risks hurting their feelings and will rarely be helpful.
- If your friend doesn't want to talk about their problem, don't insist. He may just need to be alone for a while. Give it to him.
- Avoid talking about yourself and your problems, even if they are the same. You may feel bad too, but saying it won't make it any better.
- Don't be cruel when he's crying. Cruelty will only add to his sadness!
- Avoid saying that "Life sucks" or "Well, we all have that problem." It will ridicule his problem, and most of all it won't make him feel any better. Unless he's really overstating it, or you don't know (and can) tell him that everything will be for the best.
- If hugs are forbidden in your school, give him five or say something nice.
