Hitting is a common practice in very young children. All children get angry every now and then, and very young ones, who typically have difficulty with verbal communication and impulse control, strive to express anger in appropriate ways. Do you have a small child who does not stop hitting? Go to Step 1 to read some simple tips.
Steps
Part 1 of 3: Understanding Why the Child Hits
Step 1. Accept that anger is normal and healthy
Everyone gets angry sometimes, and your baby is no exception. Being in the early stages of development, young children are limited in expressing their anger, and so they sometimes start hitting and kicking when they don't get what they want. It is their behavior that needs to be changed - not anger.
Step 2. Understand how the child is trying to express an emotion
Young children still have a very limited vocabulary, and their language skills still do not allow them to describe their feelings correctly. Sometimes they physically snap because they can't express their frustration in words.
Step 3. Recognize the child's need for control
Young children have very little control over their lives: for the most part, they have to follow the rhythms imposed by adults and play, eat, drink, dress as adults say. Hitting gives children a sense of control, can be fun and gives them the feeling that they are capable of doing something.
Step 4. Watch out for negative patterns
Many young children beat up because of development, but if they see you, an older sibling, or another adult blurt out in an angry or violent way, they are likely to want to imitate this behavior.
Part 2 of 3: Coping with Situations in which the Child Hits
Step 1. Deal with the situation right away
If your child hits you or someone else, you need to deal with the situation right away; do not postpone it to another time. Young children have a confused sense of cause and effect, and if you scold or punish them later, they may not connect your words to their previous actions. You need to be as clear as possible.
Step 2. Make it clear that hitting is not acceptable
Say hitting hurts people and you don't intend to allow it.
Step 3. Punish properly
If your child continues to beat up, you will need to institute a clear consequence, and it will need to be adequate - if you allow your child to get away with it once, he will feel free to misbehave in the future. Don't waste time scolding him when he's out of control; that will not work. Much more simply, calmly apply the punishment.
Punishment is a widely used punishment. If you choose to use retribution, put the child in a quiet (and possibly boring) environment, and make him stay there until the retribution is over. You will probably need to be there, to make sure the baby stays still. In general, the punishment should last one minute for each year of your child (so, if the child is 3 years old, the punishment should last 3 minutes)
Step 4. Follow up on punishment
Don't say "the punishment is over!" sending him to play. You need to remind the child what happened ("you were punished because you hit your brother"), and make sure you are consistent ("every time you hit, I will have to punish you").
- If possible, you can use this opportunity to tell the child to apologize to the person who hit.
- You can also take advantage of this to start teaching him the difference between an emotion, which is healthy and natural, and a behavior, which can be unacceptable. You can tell the child that "being angry is okay, but hitting is not okay."
Part 3 of 3: Prevent the child from beating again in the future
Step 1. Recognize the stimuli
If you pay attention, you will probably find that the act of hitting the baby is somewhat predictable: it happens under certain circumstances (for example when he is hungry or tired) or at certain times (such as bath time or bedtime).
- You can also be able to minimize the child's misbehavior by making sure he never gets too hungry or tired. Stick to a regular meal and sleep routine.
- If the baby hits at certain times, it can help to warn the baby: “It's almost bedtime. Soon you will have to put the toys away. I expect you to obey and keep your hands to yourself”.
Step 2. Recognize emotions
When you notice that the child is getting angry, say something right away - don't wait for it to get worse. Recognize the emotion, and give the child words to describe it. Over time, this will prevent hand attacks, and the child will begin to express anger verbally.
You could say, for example, “I see you are feeling really angry now, and that's not a problem. It's okay to get angry every now and then. Do you want to tell me what makes you so angry? " If you stay calm and use phrases similar to this when you notice your baby is getting angry, you will teach him how he has other options than hitting
Step 3. Discuss right and wrong behaviors when the child is quiet
Teaching a child when he is in the midst of a violent outburst is unlikely to achieve anything; instead, discuss the matter when he is calm and happy. Tell him hitting is not good.
Step 4. Limit screen time
Too much time in front of a television or computer leads the child to use too little physical energy; later, when he is angry, he will be less able to control himself and is likely to end up hitting. Content matters too - if the child sees violence (even that funny cartoon) on TV, he may be mimicking that behavior.
Step 5. Give the child time, attention and love
Involve the child in your daily activities, and spend time talking and playing with him. It will then be more difficult for the baby to burst out in an attempt to get your attention.
Step 6. Check your behavior
Children mimic the behavior of adults, so don't become a negative role model. Refrain from any violent behavior.
Many experts believe that spanking falls into this category, and that they could teach the child that hitting is acceptable, especially when you are angry, confusing him: parents tell you not to hit while they are hitting you
Step 7. Reward good behaviors
When the child can handle anger or frustration without hitting, compliment him and give him positive encouragement.
Advice
- Try not to worry too much about the baby hitting. Hitting is a very common behavior at this age, and is unlikely to indicate a real problem. On the other hand, it is very likely that it only expresses an obstacle to growth that is difficult to overcome.
- Stay as calm as possible. If you yell at him (or spank him or otherwise explode), you will only add fuel to the fire.
Sources and Citations (in English)
- https://www.parenting.com/article/ask-dr-sears-toddler-hitting
- https://www.parents.com/toddlers-preschoolers/discipline/improper-behavior/toddler-hitting1/?page=4
