Coming up with a compromise can be incredibly difficult, no matter if it's with your boss at work or with your partner. Fortunately, there are a few ways to make the trade-off easier and less burdensome. Sitting at a table and being willing to listen are two of them!
Steps
Method 1 of 2: Compromises in the Relationship
Step 1. Open the communication
You need to make sure you establish open communication before you start trying to compromise. Open communication allows you to be sincere and honest during your transaction. If you try to communicate without opening up, the partner will know that you are trying to get something out of him and will be less inclined to compromise.
- From the beginning it indicates what it is you want and then listen to what the other has to say. In this way everything is out in the open.
- Use quiet ways. If you are angry, sarcastic or mocking, you will immediately close the other person to your point of view.
Step 2. Make sure what you are asking is reasonable
Consider closely what you are asking the other for a compromise. There are good trade-offs and bad trade-offs. The bad ones are when you ask the other party for a compromise about him or her.
- Ask yourself a few questions about what you would like your partner to compromise with you about: Are you asking him to change his personality? Are you asking too much of the other person?
- If the compromise stems from a deep need to change another person, you will most likely find that it is not possible. For example, if you absolutely need all the shared space to be spotless, while your partner doesn't mind the clutter in their life, unless you can find a way to balance these two needs, maybe you need to consider. that you cannot share the same space.
- Good compromises involve situations in which the partner is asked for better communication, to take on more responsibility (for example: if you see that you are doing all the housework, asking the other party to take on more tasks is entirely reasonable) or to make sure that every need is met.
Step 3. See things from your partner's point of view
You may be very focused on your requests, but it is also necessary to be able to see the needs of the other party, which in turn may be busy considering their own point of view, exactly as you do. If you can gauge how and why he feels this way, you will be more inclined to a compromise that works for both of you.
- Ask him to present his ideas as specifically as possible. Compromise comes only through effective communication. Ask open-ended questions, like "Why do you feel this way?" and "What can I do to make a compromise that is also acceptable to you?", and ask him to help you understand the problem more clearly.
- For example: if you and your partner are in conflict because you want to take a one-month vacation during the summer, while he wants to take shorter vacations throughout the year, make sure you understand the reasons for this choice. Perhaps it is more difficult for him to take away the time needed for this type of vacation from work, perhaps he prefers to dedicate a part of his vacation to his family during the winter holidays. These are all absolutely valid reasons, which you should consider.
Step 4. Listen
Part of an effective compromise is also to listen effectively. If the person you're compromising with doesn't feel like they're being listened to, they won't even feel attention to their requests.
- When the other person is talking, listen to them seriously. If possible, make eye contact with her. Don't look at the phone or fiddle with any object.
- If you lose track of what the other person said, ask them to repeat. You can say something like "I'm sorry, I was so busy thinking about what you said about X, I didn't hear what you just said. Can you repeat?".
Step 5. Assert yourself appropriately
Supporting your needs is a great thing. Women, in particular, are taught to be conciliatory, instead of speaking openly about their needs. However, there are appropriate ways to do this and ways that hurt the partner or cause further friction, instead of leading to a good compromise.
- Here are some examples to assert yourself appropriately: speak clearly, explain what you want, know what you are least willing to compromise on.
- Here are other examples of how to impose one's point of view improperly: yelling, talking about the other, hitting him, making derogatory comments about him, silencing him, forcing him to follow your plans "for his own good".
Step 6. Be honest
If you want to make sure that both of you are transparent about your needs and that your partner understands what you want and why you want it, you need to be clear. It can be hard to be honest at times, especially if you don't want to hurt the other person with your bluntness. There are a few ways to be honest that can limit the hit.
- Do not attack, even if what you say is true. For example, your partner has been sent away from work, while you feel the need for a period of leave, so you are looking for a job for him, even temporary. Instead of calling him lazy (maybe he will be, that's not the point), you can say that you really need a break and some real help in terms of income.
- It's always a good idea to stuff a criticism with gratitude or something good your partner has done. Let's take the example that you are both looking for a compromise on housework. You can say something like, "I really appreciate the fact that you take out the trash every week, but I really need some help in the kitchen and cleaning, and I know you're a great cook, so I'd really like you to help me with that."
Step 7. Recognize that the trade-off doesn't have to be 50/50
You will not be able to create a perfect 50/50 when there is a compromise with the partner in between. You just have to make sure that one of you doesn't compromise at all, while the other person doesn't accept any of them.
- For example, if you are looking for a compromise to paint the children's room pink, while on the other side you prefer blue, combining the two things will not work. Instead, see if you can find a second color that you both like (like yellow or light green). Otherwise, you can have one person decide the color of the children's room, while the other decides the furniture.
- If a person accepts all compromises, make sure that the next one is to his advantage, or consider giving in entirely.
Step 8. Take on the bigger problems
Sometimes compromise problems are associated with bigger problems. If you don't tackle the bigger problems, you will run into further difficulties along the way.
- To give an example: if both of you are trying to find time for a coffee and you can't agree on the moment, this difference probably isn't the problem. Instead, the bigger problem may be that the other person threw a dime at you earlier, while you aren't interested in compromising your plans for the risk that it won't come.
- Just as you would when trying to find a suitable compromise, it is advisable to approach the other person calmly and kindly. To use the same example, explain to your friend or partner that when he doesn't show up without even warning you, he makes you feel like he doesn't appreciate the time you take to be together.
Step 9. Plan something fun
Compromises and serious discussions can be incredibly difficult and exhausting. To make it easier for both parties, plan something fun later, especially if the compromise is about something important. The person who will yield more, will come to choose what fun you are going to do.
For example, if there is a compromise on something big (like the family you are going to visit for the holidays), then look for some entertainment, such as going out for dinner or having a picnic. This will make the compromise less unpleasant for both of you
Method 2 of 2: Tradeoffs at Work
Step 1. Calm down
Compromises, even those that occur in the workplace, can ignite one's emotion and be frustrating for both parties. Before trying to beat the details to get everyone to get what they want, you should take a step back from the emotions that cover your point of view.
- Even if it's only for a few minutes, take time by going somewhere alone and admitting to yourself what you want or need beyond compromise. It is particularly important if it concerns something you have to do with your boss or if there is a high risk involved in this compromise.
- If you can't take some time for yourself, then just take three deep breaths, all the way to the bottom of the diaphragm. This will help calm the nervous system and you can more easily process information to effectively present your point of view.
Step 2. Ask questions and open statements
It is advisable to have an idea of what the other wants beyond the compromise. Also, make the interlocutor feel that you are listening to him. The best way to compromise is to actually listen to the other party.
- Ask questions like "Why do you feel that way about X" and "How can we do better?"
- As for the affirmations, you can put it like this: "Help me understand this situation / your point of view better."
Step 3. Be respectful
To achieve any kind of compromise, you need to be respectful of the other's point of view, even if you disagree. Respect him and his ideas, showing that you respect his person.
- Don't address yourself with abusive names, don't use words like "stupid", "useless", and don't say things like "Why would you propose such a thing?" or "It will never work!" By denigrating the other person, you will make them entrench themselves in their positions and it will be more difficult to reach a compromise.
- For example, if someone at work comes up with an idea that is different from yours, don't talk about how wrong it may be or why it's a bad idea. You can point out the flaws, while remaining respectful. In fact, you can propose some ways to make it achievable.
Step 4. Create common ground
Remember that you and the other person both want to come to an agreement. Getting stuck in a stalemate isn't useful for anyone. Try to find something on which it is possible to establish an understanding, even if it is a small thing. The good will will be mutual.
- Report your commitment to resolve the dispute. In this way, the other person will think that you are both committing to the same goal, even if you are moving from a different point of view. This means listening closely to the other person, asking if there is a way to combine your ideas and showing that you understand why the other person's point of view is important.
- Common ground could also be based on something small, like a joke, as long as it creates some sort of bond between the two of you. For example: you could start a meeting by saying that you are probably all worried about making it until lunchtime!
Step 5. Present your point of view
It is best to give your version or point of view on things in a calm and rational way. This is where you need to demonstrate why you want what you are proposing and what the benefits are.
- Provide the facts. The more ways you can find to validate your feelings and opinions, the more likely it is that the people you are reasoning with will consider your position.
- For example, if you are trying to set up a four-day work week (good luck!), It is not enough to say that you propose it because you are always tired and need a cheaper rest period. Instead, it brings to attention the statistics and studies conducted on worker productivity and on the highest performance by employees when work provides more advantageous intervals.
Step 6. Offer more than a possible compromise
A great way to find something that works for everyone is to offer more possibilities. Combine ideas in different ways and see if creative solutions to the problem can be found.
- Compare your ideas with those who oppose. Answer questions like: What are you trying to accomplish? If there were no obstacles, how would you deal with the problem? What would be the optimal solution for both of you?
- Engage in discussions, bringing several options that you are willing to work on with the other person.
Step 7. Aim for a deal not to win
If you enter a situation where you are looking for a compromise, you cannot try to "win", because in this way you will build an almost certain failure with your own hands. Victory comes when you and the other person both feel that you have achieved what you wanted or what comes closest to what you wanted.
Try not to get attached to your view of things. You can want things to go your way, without dampening the other person, as long as you listen and consider the other side of the equation
Advice
- Be gentle. Nobody will want to compromise with you if you don't seem available and ready to listen.
- Even if you don't necessarily agree with the other person, be willing to take into consideration the good in their approach and what they have to offer.
