Convincing people of the validity of what you think or do is often very difficult, especially when you are not at all sure why you are being rejected. Learn to turn the tide of your conversations and persuade others of your points of view. The secret is to get them to wonder why they have decided to reject your ideas. With the right tactics, you can do it.
Steps
Method 1 of 5: The Basics
Step 1. Understand that timing is everything
Knowing how to persuade people isn't just a matter of vocabulary and body language, you also need to find the best time to talk to them. If you approach someone when they are more relaxed and open to arguing, you are more likely to get better results faster.
People can be persuaded faster immediately after thanking someone, because they feel indebted. Similarly, people are more persuasive after being thanked because they feel entitled to ask for something. If someone thanks you, take this moment to ask for a favor. In short, this is based somewhat on the principle of karma. If you've done something for someone, it's time to be reciprocated
Step 2. Get to know this person
Successful persuasion is largely based on the overall relationship that exists between you and your client / child / friend / employee. If you don't know him well, it is essential to start cultivating this relationship immediately. Identify the aspects you have in common as soon as possible. In general, humans feel safer (so they become more attached to) people like them. Consequently, identify what you share and make this person feel understood.
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First, talk about his interests. One of the best ways to get someone to open up is to get them to discuss their passions. Ask intelligent and thoughtful questions to learn more about his interests. Also, don't forget to explain to her why you want to know more. If this person realizes that you are similar to them, they will have no problem being receptive and open to you.
Does a photo on your desk show you skydiving? Wow, what a coincidence! You have just started looking for information to do this experience, but you were wondering whether to try to jump from a height of 3000 or 5000m. Since she is obviously an expert, what is your opinion?
Step 3. Speak positively
If you say to your child "Don't leave your room in a mess", when what you mean is "Order your room", you will not go anywhere. "Do not hesitate to contact me" is not synonymous with "Call me Thursday!". Your interlocutor will not be able to perceive what you want to say and therefore will not be able to give you what you want.
As for transparency, a clarification needs to be made. If you do not speak clearly, your interlocutor may decide to agree on the moment, but he will not necessarily be sure of your request. Speaking in the affirmative will help you show some frankness and clarify your intentions
Step 4. Leverage on ethos, pathos and logos
Do you remember the philosophy lessons on Aristotle and his three ways of persuasion? No? So, this step will help you brush them up. Although centuries have passed since their development, these rhetorical tactics are so intrinsic to human nature that they are still true today.
- Ethos. This tactic is based on credibility. A person tends to place their trust in an individual they respect. Why was the figure of the spokesperson created? Exactly to implement this way of persuasion. To clarify your ideas, consider the example of the US underwear brand Hanes. It produces good quality linens and is a reputable business. Is this enough for you to sell your product? Perhaps. However, the company became famous mostly thanks to Michael Jordan, who was its official sponsor for over two decades. In short, it imposed itself thanks to its spokesperson.
- Pathos. This tactic is based on emotions. On the internet, look for the SPCA (Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Animals) ad featuring Sarah McLachlan. It's a spot that features tear-jerking music and sad puppies. It will definitely hit you. Because? Because you will look at it, you will be saddened and you will feel obliged to adopt a puppy. It is therefore a classic example of the use of the pathos technique.
- Logos. This word forms the root of the word "logic". It is perhaps the most honest of the methods of persuasion. It simply consists of stating why your interlocutor should agree with you. This is why statistics are used so extensively in an attempt to persuade someone. If they told you "On average, adults who smoke die 14 years earlier than non-smokers" (which, by the way, is true), and you want to have a long and healthy life, logic would tell you to quit. Here, that's how persuasion works.
Step 5. Generate a need
In case of persuasion, this is rule number one. After all, if what you sell or do is useless, you will not be able to achieve the desired result. You don't have to be the future Bill Gates (although it must be said that the entrepreneur was able to create a need in consumers), you just have to consider Maslow's pyramid of needs. Think about the different types of needs. Whether they are physiological, linked to security, love, a sense of belonging, self-esteem or personal fulfillment, you can definitely identify an area where something is missing and that only you can improve.
- Create a lack. Aside from all the basic needs necessary for human survival, almost everything else has relative value. Sometimes (perhaps most of the time), you want certain things because others want or have them. If you want someone to want what you have, are or do, you have to start keeping this aspect to yourself, making it scarce, making it precious, even if it were your own presence. In short, you have to create a question.
- Create an urgency. To get people to act in the moment, you need to be able to create a certain sense of emergency. If they're not motivated enough to want what you have now, they're unlikely to change their minds in the future. You have to persuade them in the present, so use the urgency card.
Method 2 of 5: Your Skills
Step 1. Talk quickly
Exactly. It is easier to convince a person by speaking to them quickly and confidently than accurately. In fact, if you think about it for a moment, it makes sense. The faster you speak, the less time the listener has to process your words and question them. Also, by presenting the facts at the speed of light, without hesitating even for a second, you feel like you have a thorough understanding of the subject.
In October 1976, a study published in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology analyzed the impact of variables such as speed and attitude in a conversation. The researchers talked to the participants in an attempt to convince them of the deleterious effects of caffeine on the body. When they spoke at a rate of as much as 195 words per minute, participants were more easily persuaded. On the other hand, those speaking at a rate of 102 words per minute were not convinced as easily. The following conclusion was reached: when speaking at a fast pace (195 words per minute is approximately the fastest pace one could have in a normal conversation), the message is considered more credible, and consequently more convincing. Speaking quickly seems to indicate confidence, intelligence, objectivity and superior knowledge. A pace of 100 words per minute, the minimum of a normal conversation, was instead associated with less or no persuasion
Step 2. Be presumptuous
Who would have thought: presumption can have a positive connotation (at the right moments). In fact, recent research has shown that humans prefer impudence to actual knowledge. Have you ever wondered why politicians and seemingly inept bigwigs always get away with it? Why is the word given to people deemed incapable by public opinion? This is due to the way human psychology works, and it is not necessarily a rational decision.
Research carried out at Carnegie Mellon University has shown that humans prefer to receive advice from self-confident people, even knowing that such individuals do not have a particularly brilliant track record. If a person is aware (consciously or not) of this mechanism, this can cause him to exaggerate his confidence about the topic he is talking about
Step 3. Master your body language
If you seem inaccessible, withdrawn, and unwilling to compromise, people won't listen to a word you say. While making correct statements, they will rely on what you communicate through posture and gestures. Look closely at the positions you take just as you control what you say.
- Show yourself open. Do not cross your arms and turn your body towards your interlocutor. Make eye contact, smile, and control yourself to avoid nervous gestures.
- Reflect the other person's behaviors. Once again, humans feel attracted to people they can identify with. By reflecting the movements of your interlocutor as if you were a mirror, you literally find yourself in the same position as him. If he leans on one elbow, repeat the same movement in a mirror image. If you lean against the back of the chair, ditto. Don't do it in a way that gets attention. In fact, if you build a sincere relationship, you should do it almost automatically.
Step 4. Be consistent
Imagine a classic politician: he's dressed formally and making a speech. A reporter asks him a question about why he is mostly supported by people over 50. In response, the politician closes his hands into fists, then points a finger at the people and aggressively addresses the reporter saying: "I have never neglected young people!". What's wrong with this picture?
Everything is wrong. From the body to the movements of the politician, it is the image in its entirety that contradicts his words. The answer is apparently appropriate and right, but the body language does not support it. You notice that he feels uncomfortable and angry. Consequently, it is not credible. To be persuasive, the message being conveyed and the body language must match, otherwise you end up looking like a liar
Step 5. Be consistent
Of course, you don't have to push and pester people even though you keep saying no, but you don't have to let a refusal stop you from reaching out to other people. You won't convince anyone, especially when you're at the bottom of the learning curve. Consistency will pay off in the long run.
The most persuasive person there is is the one who is willing to constantly ask for what he wants, even if others continue to refuse it. No world leader would have reached the top if he had surrendered to the first no. Abraham Lincoln, one of the most acclaimed presidents in US history, lost his mother, three children, a sister and his girlfriend, was unsuccessful in business, and was defeated in eight different elections before being elected to office. presidential
Method 3 of 5: The Incentive
Step 1. Leverage an economic incentive
You want something from someone, and there is no rain on that. Now, what can you give him in return? How do you know if there is something you would like? In general, no one can say no to money.
Example: you have a blog or newspaper and you want to do an interview with an author. What suggestions would be more effective than "Hey! I like your books"? Here is one: "Dear Mr. Rossi, I have heard that your book will be published in a few weeks and I am sure that my readers would be more than happy to know more. Would you be willing to give me 20 minutes for an interview? thousands of readers and we could even better present your upcoming book. " Now, the writer knows that if he accepts, he will advertise to a wider audience, sell more copies, and earn more money
Step 2. Leverage a social incentive
Reading the previous passage, you probably thought that not everyone gives that much importance to money. If this solution is not for you, follow the path of social incentive. Almost everyone cares about their public image. If you know a friend of the person you want to convince, even better.
The example is the same as before, only in this case the social incentive is used: "Dear Mr. Rossi, I recently read the article you dedicated to your research and I couldn't help but think that everyone they should know him. I was wondering if he would be interested in doing a quick 20 minute interview to discuss this piece. In the past, on my blog I talked about Massimo Bianchi's research, and I know that you collaborated a few years ago. So I believe that his studio can be a great success on my site ". Now, the writer knows of Massimo Bianchi's involvement (this is linked to the persuasive way of ethos) and he also knows that the author of the blog has a very positive opinion of his work. From a social point of view, the recipient would have no reason not to accept, indeed, he would have many more valid reasons to say yes
Step 3. Try the moral path
This method seems the weakest, but it may be more effective with someone. If you think a person can't be convinced with money or social image, give this tactic a try.
"Dear Mr. Rossi, I recently read your latest research and I couldn't help but think that everyone should know it. In fact, your studio is one of the reasons why I launched a podcast called Social Mechanisms. My greatest goal is to make academic essays more accessible to a wide audience. I was wondering if you would be interested in doing a quick 20 minute interview. We can highlight your research to make it known to more people and perhaps raise awareness of certain issues in the world ". This last sentence ignores money and the ego and follows only the path of morality
Method 4 of 5: Strategies
Step 1. Use the guilt and reciprocity tactic
When you go for a drink with a friend, do you ever hear the phrase "I'll offer the first round?". Probably, you immediately thought: "So this means that I will have to pay the second?". This happens because you were brought up with the idea that favors must be returned, that's right. So when you do a good deed for someone, consider it a future investment. People will want to reciprocate.
If you are skeptical, you need to know that there are people who use this technique all the time with you. You got it right, they always do. Those pushy ladies who offer you a product to try at the mall? The technique they use is based precisely on reciprocity. The mint that is offered to you at the restaurant at the end of the dinner? Reciprocity. The free shot of tequila the bartender offered you? Reciprocity. It happens everywhere. Stores and businesses around the world use it
Step 2. Harness the power of consent
By nature, human beings want to be liked and accepted. When you let others know that people appreciate you (preferably, a respected group or person), they feel reassured. In fact, they become convinced of the validity of your proposal, and their brains don't have to bother to actually analyze your words. The "herd" mentality lets humans succumb to laziness mentally. Also, it helps to avoid getting left behind.
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An example that attests to the success of this method? The use of information sheets in hotel bathrooms. According to the results of a study, the amount of customers who reused their towels increased by 33% in cases where the information cards found in the room showed the following sentence: "75% of the customers who stayed in this hotel have reused their own towels ". The research was conducted at Influence at Work, in Tempe, Arizona.
All this is nothing. If you have ever studied psychology, you will have heard of the following phenomenon. In the 1950s, Solomon Asch carried out a series of studies to analyze the observance of social conventions. He placed a subject in a group of complicit volunteers who were asked to answer a simple question incorrectly. It was a question that a three-year-old boy could have answered. In practice, two lines were shown, and accomplices had to claim that the visibly shorter line was longer than the obviously longer one. The result? 75% of the unsuspecting participants (a surprising percentage) said the shorter line was longer, completely compromising what they really believed in order to accommodate the pressure imposed by others. Incredible, right?
Step 3. Ask for more than you expect
If you are a parent, your child has probably implemented this tactic himself. Example: A child insists that his mother take him to the beach. Mom says no, so the baby says, "Okay, okay. So let's go to the pool?". At this point, the mother decides to respond positively and accompany him.
As a result, don't ask for what you want right away. People feel guilty when they refuse a request, regardless of its scale. If the second request (i.e. the real one) is feasible and they have no reason not to fulfill it, then they will take the opportunity. The second request therefore frees them of guilt, as if it were a way out. They will feel relieved and at peace with themselves, and you will get what you want. If you want a donation of 10 euros, ask for 25. If you want the project to be finished in one month, first ask for it to be done in two weeks
Step 4. Use the personal pronoun "we"
Several studies have shown that the reassurance provided by this pronoun is more effective than other less positive approaches to persuade people, such as the threatening approach ("If you don't do this, then I …") and the rational one ("You should do it for the following reasons … "). Using "we" conveys a feeling of team spirit, sharing and understanding.
You will recall that, at the beginning of this article, it was stated that it is important to establish a relationship so that the listener feels more like you and likes you. You will also remember that you should reflect his body language like a mirror to make him feel closer to you and make him enjoyable. At this point, add the use of the pronoun "we", so for your interlocutor these feelings will be even stronger. You didn't expect such advice, did you?
Step 5. Take the initiative
You know when sometimes a team doesn't seem to be making progress until a player intervenes with decisive action that overturns the result? You must be this person. If you take possession of the ball, the other person will be more likely to play with you.
People are more likely to finish a task than to do it from scratch. When you need to do laundry, try putting clothes in the washing machine and turn it on, then ask your partner to hang them out. What he has to do is so easy that a refusal would be inexcusable
Step 6. Get people to say yes
People want to be consistent with themselves. If you can get yourself to say yes (one way or another), they'll want to keep their word. If they have admitted that they are in a certain way or that they would like to deal with a certain problem and you offer a solution, they will feel compelled to make an effort to change. Whatever the situation, get them to agree.
During a study by Jing Xu and Robert Wyer, participants were shown to be more receptive to anything if they are first shown or told something to agree on. During one of the sessions, some participants listened to a speech by John McCain, others one by Barack Obama. Next, they watched an ad designed for Toyota. Republicans were more influenced by advertising after watching McCain's speech. What about the Democrats? You've probably guessed by now: They showed themselves in favor of Toyota after watching Obama's speech. So if you're trying to sell something, first get customers to show some agreement with you, even if what you're talking about has nothing to do with the product you are selling
Step 7. Be balanced
While it sometimes seems quite the opposite, many people think independently, not all of them are manipulable. If you don't mention all the points of view of an argument, people will be less likely to believe you or agree with you. If you have weaknesses, talk about them yourself, especially before someone else does.
Over the years, many studies have compared arguments that offered one point of view and arguments that offered two. They compared their effectiveness and their degree of persuasion in different contexts. Daniel O'Keefe, of the University of Illinois, studied the results of 107 different studies (50 years, 20,111 participants) and developed a kind of meta-analysis. He came to the following conclusion: overall (therefore with different types of persuasive messages and various types of audiences), the arguments that present two points of view are more convincing than those that give only one
Step 8. Use secret footholds
Have you ever heard of Pavlov's dog? No, it is not the pet of the protagonist of a nineteenth-century Russian novel. It is an experiment on the conditioned reflex. That's right. You make an action that subconsciously elicits a response from your interlocutor, so this person doesn't even realize it. Just remember that it takes time and a lot of diligence.
If you grumble every time your friend mentions Pepsi, this would be an example of a conditioned reflex. Eventually, when you grumble, your friend ends up thinking about Pepsi (maybe you want him to drink more Coke?). A more useful example? Your boss uses the same phrases to praise anyone. When you hear him congratulating someone else, it makes you think back to the time he said the exact same words to you. As a result, you work a little harder because the surge in pride improves your mood
Step 9. Raise your expectations
If you are in a position of power, this method is even preferable, and it is absolutely useful. Make it clear that you fully believe in the positive attributes of your subordinates (employees, children, and so on) and they will be more willing to indulge you.
- If you tell your child that he is smart and that you know he will get good grades, he will not let you down (if he can avoid it). By reminding him that you believe in him, it will be easier for the child to believe in himself.
- If you are the boss of a business, be a source of optimism for your employees. When you assign a particularly difficult project to an employee, tell them you did it because you know they will get a good job done. In fact, it demonstrated the X, X and X qualities to prove it. With this encouragement, his work will be even better.
Step 10. Refer to a potential loss
If you can give someone something, great. However, if you can prevent something from being stolen, even better. If you can help people avoid a stressor in their lives, why would they tell you no?
- During a study, a group of executives was presented with a proposal for a computer science project. Compared to a scenario that the project would have resulted in a profit of $ 500,000, more than half of the participants approved the proposal only when the forecast indicated losses of more than $ 500,000 if it was not accepted. Could you be more persuasive by just defining costs and talking vaguely about profits? Perhaps.
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This method also works well at home. Can't get your husband off the TV to have a nice night out? Easy. Instead of harnessing guilt and nagging him because you need quality time, remind him that it's your last night alone before the kids get back. If he knows he is going to miss something, it will be easier to persuade him.
This method has to be taken with a grain of salt. There is research that suggests the opposite idea, which is that people don't like being reminded of negative things, at least not personally. When the words are too truthful, people react badly to the negative implications. For example, they would rather "have beautiful skin" than "avoid skin cancer". So, before choosing between the two methods, keep in mind what you intend to ask
Method 5 of 5: Tactics for Selling
Step 1. Look the other person in the eye and smile
Be polite, nice and charismatic. A positive attitude will help you more than you think. People will want to listen to you. After all, the hardest part is getting her to listen to you.
People don't have to think that you want to force them to see her as you. Be kind and confident - that way, they'll be more likely to believe your every single word
Step 2. Know the product
Show potential customers all the benefits of what you offer. Talk about the benefits to them, not you. This always gets people's attention.
Be honest. If you have a product or idea that doesn't necessarily suit them, they will understand. The situation will become awkward and they will stop believing even the words that are true. Talk about the pros and cons of a situation to make sure you are rational, concrete, and have their best interests at heart
Step 3. Be prepared for any contradictions, even ones you never thought about
If you've practiced a speech and analyzed it to evaluate it accurately, it shouldn't be a problem.
If it seems like you are getting the most benefit from the transaction, people will look for an excuse to say no. Minimize this risk. Your interlocutor should benefit from the sale, not you
Step 4. Don't be afraid to agree with your interlocutor
Negotiation is an integral part of persuasion. Just because you've had to negotiate doesn't mean you can't win in the end. Indeed, much research has argued that the simple word "yes" or "already" has persuasive power.
While they don't seem like ideal words for persuading, they seem to have this effect because they give the impression that you are available, friendly, and willing to include the other person. Presenting your request in the form of an agreement, not a favor, could lead your interlocutor to intervene to be on your side
Step 5. With leaders, use indirect communication
If you talk to your boss or another person in a position in power, you should avoid being too direct. The same goes for a rather ambitious proposal. In the case of leaders, you have to guide their thoughts, allow them to think that they have come to a conclusion on their own. They need to constantly feel that they have power in their hands. Join the game and feed them your ideas gently.
Start by making your boss feel a little less confident. Talk about a subject you are not very familiar with. If possible, discuss them outside his office, in neutral territory. After your introduction, remind him who the boss is (this helps make him feel powerful once again), so he can step in to accommodate your request
Step 6. During conflicts, be detached and stay calm
Being overwhelmed by emotions will not allow you to be effective in the art of persuasion. In emotional or conflict situations, staying calm, being detached and unperturbed will always give you a certain advantage. If someone else loses their temper, they will turn to you to regain their stability. After all, it will seem to him that you are perfectly capable of controlling your emotions. In those moments, he will trust you and your guide.
Use anger for a purpose. Conflict makes almost everyone uncomfortable. If you are willing to go this far, which is to create a tense situation, the other person will likely give in. However, don't do it often, and you definitely don't have to do it in the rush of the moment or when you lose control of your emotions. Use this tactic wisely and intentionally
Step 7. Believe in yourself
It cannot be stressed enough. Confidence is compelling, intoxicating, and attractive like few other qualities. Anyone on their team would want that person who is able to say 190 words per minute with a smile on his face and who exudes self-esteem from every pore. If you truly believe in what you do, others will notice and respond. They will want to be as safe as you are.
If you are not, you need to remember that it is in your best interest to fake it. If you enter a five-star restaurant, no one is required to know that your suit is rented. Provided you don't go there in jeans and a T-shirt, no one will ask questions. When giving a presentation, think in these same terms
Advice
- If you are friendly, outgoing and have a good sense of humor, this will help. If others enjoy your company, you will exert more influence over them.
- Try not to negotiate with someone when you are tired, in a hurry, distracted or just "out of phase". Probably, you will make concessions that you will regret later on.
- Check your words. Everything you say should be upbeat, encouraging, and flattering. Pessimism and criticism discourage. For example, a politician who makes speeches about hope is more likely to win an election. Speaking bitterly won't work.
- Whenever you make an argument, be in agreement with your interlocutor and state all the positive aspects of his or her point of view. For example, you want to sell trucks to a certain furniture store and the manager replies rudely by saying, "No, I don't want to buy his trucks! I like that other brand much more for the following reasons …". At this point, agree and respond by saying, "Sure, that brand produces good quality trucks. In fact, I've heard that the company has had a good reputation for over 30 years." Remember that, after such a statement, it will no longer be so controversial! From this point on, you could bring water to your mill by saying, "However, maybe she doesn't know a thing. If the trucks don't start when the temperatures drop below freezing, the company won't intervene. She'll have to call. the removal service and find a mechanic on your own. " This will convince him to consider your opinion.
- Sometimes, it is useful to explain to your interlocutor that something is actually important to you; in other cases, it isn't. Do it at your discretion.
Warnings
- Don't give up out of the blue. Your interlocutor may think that he has won, so in the future it will be more difficult to persuade him.
- Do not preach, otherwise your interlocutor will completely close his doors and you will lose all influence on him.
- Never being critical or argumentative towards your interlocutor. Sometimes, this can be difficult, but you will never achieve your goal with this method. In fact, if you're even slightly irritable or frustrated, he'll notice and immediately get defensive, so it's best to wait a bit. A lot'.
- Lies and exaggerations are never, ever positive choices from a moral or practical point of view. Your interlocutor is not stupid. If you think you can fool him without being caught red-handed, you risk deserving a negative response.
