In a world full of copies, mass production and cheap imitations, being "genuine" seems a little out of place. If you decide to see what the world thinks of the real "you" (and congratulations, by the way!), Here's how to start finding it.
Steps
Part 1 of 3: Remove the Mask
Step 1. Take some time for self-indulgence and think about who you really are
You don't have to put on a facade when you enter a certain group of people, nor do you have to give this image to your family, or close friends. Try to be alone and meditate on yourself. Who are you when you are alone?
If you are interested in it, try meditating. A break not only relaxes and brings stress to lower levels, it can offer you mental clarity you've never had before
Step 2. Forget what the company says is acceptable
Every day we see pictures of what is "good". They constantly change (which shows that they don't really exist). To really be you, you don't have to try to live by non-existent models. Being a conformist, an athlete or a hipster has no more value than simply "being". One bag is no better than another just because it has the Coach label!
Throw away your aspirations to fit into any group, clique, or social class. If your true personality is what they want, they will come after you later when you have established your true identity
Step 3. Make a list of truths about yourself
Unfortunately, in today's world, we are so bombarded with what society expects of us that sometimes we don't even know who we are. We spend years (sometimes decades, sometimes whole lives) modeling ourselves and giving someone else an idea of who we should be, burying who we really are under layers of platitudes and masks. Take a minute to write down what you actually feel you are. It can be the things you do, what you are, or the things you think; it can be anything as long as it is true.
When you have a list of about ten things (simple things like "I'm happier with flip flops" or "I'm looking for adventure above all else"), hang it somewhere where you can see it often. Then, when you make a comment or when you think back to your day, you can see if your behavior aligns with who you really are. You will probably find that some things you do / say / think are not true for you
Step 4. Think about your family history and culture
We may not always like where we come from, but we cannot escape the influence our story has had on who and what we are. Many people spend a lot of time and effort escaping their past, such as changing the spelling of their names to sound more politically correct, or giving other people too much power to culturally reshape them. Where do you come from? After all, your parents shape you the way your grandparents trained them. Think about the following:
- Your education. What is your most vivid memory about it? How was it different from that of most people?
- Your location. How did it affect you? What hobbies and personality traits do you have thanks to it?
- Your likes and dislikes. How many of them are shared with your family? How many do you have because they belong to your family?
Step 5. Harmful friendships
It is a natural human inclination to strive to be surrounded by people… even when people drain us. But to be truly authentic, to truly be a genuinely happy person, those people who leave you exhausted after any kind of interaction have to be cut out. This is all you need to do. Take thirty seconds to think about it and you will know exactly who I am.
- There are people in the world who are not good for us. It is difficult to rule them out, especially when it makes us feel cruel. But it is important not to view this behavior as selfish. Of course, it's in your best interest, and if you don't act in your best interest, you won't. You are not selfish, you are just trying to be practical.
- Forget all the latest trends, unless they fit your genuineness. They last only a few months; why do you want to change different identities so quickly? Look at your style and preferences. It's great even if you were a "jeans & t-shirt" type!
Step 6. Enough with the games now
It is easy to think that we are honest and sincere - but in order to act tactfully and appropriately with others, it seems that mind games need to be incorporated into everyday relationships. That innocent little lie we tell Gina about how people like her, when we make allusions to a friend, without being explicit, because we think it is rude to ask too many favors directly, etc … When we behave like this it is not us, we are the person who people think we should be. Let's cut it out.
The two big problems are pleasing people and avoidance. If you sacrifice your happiness to please others, you fall into the first category. If you avoid saying or doing things just because they may not be frowned upon or may be embarrassing, then you are in the latter. These little voices that are in our heads, and that inhibit us, are not our "I", they are just a part that has been inculcated in us
Part 2 of 3: Rediscover the Real You
Step 1. Establish what it means to be "authentic"
This may not be as easy as it sounds, considering the enormous influence the media has on us all. Of course, we are all unique individuals, but few absolutely resist the persuasive influence of advertisers, the media and peer pressure. Since it's so difficult, decide what being genuine means to you. The beauty of it all is that you have a choice.
Does being authentic mean pursuing your fashion? Does that mean whatever is on your mind? Does it mean showing your emotions, whatever they are? Does it mean ignoring what is popular? There are many things in this concept; which one inspires you?
Step 2. Spend time with those who charge you
If you've decided to ditch your harmful friends (and we all have them), this shouldn't be too difficult. Who do you need to go out with? Who always makes you feel good about yourself? And then think about this: what will be the person you will become?
We all have versions of ourselves. Some are "worse" than others since they cannot all be the same. The idea is to bring out the best in you and to make "the best in you" a constant. And the best in you is naturally authentic, of course
Step 3. Wake up
Do you know the phrase "stop and smell the roses"? Millions of people walk around in a technological induced stupor, barely doing the things we call "living." We are unaware of how we are, how we really feel, how we affect others, etc… So wake up! Pay attention to the world around you. Stop right now and see the world around you. Observe 4 things you didn't notice before. Strange how your mind evaluates stimuli, huh?
There are so many things in our heads at times, that it is difficult to realize that we are playing those games we have already talked about, especially when we have been doing it since childhood. If it can help you, start looking at others. How do they reconcile with others? How do they deal with things? What positions do their bodies take? Once you notice others not saying and doing what they want to say / do, you can observe if you have a similar style, and wake up
Step 4. Become vulnerable
When you give up on the games of mind and socially acceptable behavior, you are bound to feel vulnerable. You will no longer use the same defense mechanisms that were so comfortable before. What a bad thing. But when you feel vulnerable, you know it's a good thing and it will pass. You just have to get used to being honest and showing how you really feel.
There is a time and a place for everything. If you're sitting in chemistry class and get a text from your mom yelling at you and making you cry, it's definitely best if you hold back the tears and finish the test. Try to be aware of your priorities. If Jenn said something that bothered you, don't verbally lash out at her if you're angry. Being vulnerable doesn't mean jumping to conclusions! It is still important to use a level of rationality
Step 5. Be honest
This can be difficult. Of course to be genuine you have to be honest, but how can you stay honest in such a sensitive world? Heck, doctors can't even tell obese patients anymore that they're fat. So how can this be? Well, very carefully.
Let's take the classic example of "Do I look fat in this dress?" Instead of saying outright, "Yeah, you are" try something like this: "In fact, the lines don't suit you." You're still honest (lines definitely don't fit), but you've shifted the focus elsewhere instead of her
Step 6. Know your impact
It's easy to go around the world and not realize how even the slightest mood swings can have repercussions. A friend is having a hard time when we're super busy and giving him some kind of hello. We flirt with someone right in front of a person who has a crush on us. For the same reason, your genuineness will impact those around you. If you use your powers for good, you can start a positive ripple effect all the way.
Do you know that guy who enters the room and lights up the atmosphere? Why are his passion and charisma so contagious? Because it is true. He is 100% himself. It's a very powerful thing and you can have the same impact
Step 7. Give your appearance the look you want
Imagine this scenario: the zombies are attacking. Everyone you know is dead. You take refuge in a city that has been abandoned, and you can do whatever you want. Literally every door is open for you. Now, where do you do your shopping? What do you look like when you look in the mirror? This is the real you (except the anguish and practicing with the gun).
Some people feel proud of thinking they are cute. They like make-up, they like to do their hair, they like beautiful clothes. This is fine. Others don't. This is fine too. If you want to wear a jumpsuit and not comb your hair, honor to you. If you want that Coach bag and buy some expensive make-up, credit to you. The important thing is to make sure you are doing it for yourself
Part 3 of 3: Interacting with Others
Step 1. Be realistic
Many of us are engaged in self-presentation, in conveying an image instead of being who we really are. See to get out of the figure of the macho or the super-beautiful or the intellectual or the nonconformist. Forget it! Put your true self on the line. If you feel something, experience it.
Most of us are guilty of trying to look "cool". This is not being authentic. If you spent the afternoon playing bridge with grandma, talk about how you spent the afternoon playing bridge with grandma. You have nothing to hide. This is just hard work
Step 2. Interact with one person at a time
When you speak in front of a large audience, you are tempted to look at everyone, staring only at the surface of the tide of people in front of you. Many do. But it's much better to make eye contact with one person at a time. Imagine if Barack Obama stared into your eyes! What a shock! He saw you. He is real. Instead of moving mechanically, he made eye contact with you. You should apply the same concept in your life.
The next time you are around people, focus on one person at a time. You cannot fully appreciate an individual and be your true self if you are trying to pay attention to more than one person. In this way, not only will you be authentic, but the other person will be enchanted by your social skills
Step 3. Say what you mean and mean what you say
Complimenting, gossiping, or saying something just to fill a void in the conversation is not genuine behavior. We all find ourselves guilty of this sooner or later, even if we have the best of intentions (we don't want to be embarrassed, etc…). The only thing you can do is be aware of your desires and behaviors and face them in the most honest way you can.
There will be many enemies. There will be a lot of people who will take it out on your honesty and straightforwardness. As long as you are not cruel, it will only be their problem. Most people will hopefully appreciate your candor. Few people are brave enough to be true
Step 4. Smile when the smile comes naturally to you
Don't stick a fake smile on yourself. The same is true for all emotions; if you want to show your true self you can't hide anything. By doing so, your smile will have even more value.
The same thing applies to activities. If you don't want to do something, don't do it! If you don't feel like drinking, don't drink. If you don't feel like going to a club and partying, don't. If you prefer to do something that the rest of the group doesn't like, okay do as you like. There are better ways to spend your time, be alone or change groups of friends
Step 5. You lose the attitude of a powerful person
When we talk to others, we are tempted to emanate an image of strength and power both verbally and with body language. We straighten our shoulders, show our bodies and make people look at us. Do not do it again! This is another one of those games. When you are authentic you don't have to worry about your image and reputation.
- When you meet someone, be welcoming. People aren't a threat, unless they put a gun to your head. And if that's the case, posing as a superman won't get you anywhere.
- Showing self-confidence is a good thing. However, there is a difference between showing and flaunting self-esteem that is not there. If you are completely relaxed, your self-esteem will show when it is appropriate.
Step 6. Don't compete
There is no need to pose and have aggressive body language when talking to someone. If a person starts making hints just to pique your curiosity, don't take the bait. This is a game he plays because he is not genuine and is an indicator of his low self-esteem. Resist the temptation to tell him the story of how stunned you were when you met Vasco Rossi at the bus stop.
Unfortunately, many want to make a good impression with the people they meet. We always try to shoot it a little big, we exaggerate or we tend to exaggerate our successes. This is not really the way people-to-people interaction should work. The next time someone says to you, "Yeah, I just got a promotion," congratulate them and keep on your way. That's all you have to do
Step 7. Don't force your hand
Sometimes there are people with whom we just don't find ourselves. With whom we are unable to be authentic because interacting with them seems… false. If you find yourself in this situation, don't force it. This person may not be destined to come into your life for now, and that's okay. Maybe later it could or maybe never, but still not now.
Step 8. Give sincere compliments
If you were to die tomorrow, you could probably feel remorse for not telling someone how important they are to you. It would be a shame to live like this, so all the brakes off! Let people know how much you appreciate them. You could get the same from them!
If you find yourself giving false compliments just to make conversation or find yourself asking for things with a different intent than your real one, these are all indicators that your behavior is not sincere. Take your time. You may have to test the ground a little first
Step 9. Think about yourself
Now that you've spent some time resetting your actions with people and the world, take a moment to reflect. What did you struggle with? What changes have you already observed? Think back to a couple of times you were honest today and others you could have done better. What's your goal for tomorrow?
- If it helps, make a list of the people you think are sincere and true. Sometimes it is difficult to see our behavior for what it really is; it's easier to imitate someone else!
- Look in the mirror at the beginning of each day. Consider that the image you see is what others will see and therefore you decide to be the real you. When you manage to be, the liberating feeling will be immense and you will feel right at home.
Advice
- Be aware that not everyone will appreciate your sincerity, some may think that you are a simpleton or naive.
- Politely reject any invitation to step out of your comfort zone, especially if it could compromise your integrity or involve stupid risks.
Warnings
- When you become authentic, people begin to treat you differently.
- Do not try to change from day to day. Take the time to get to know yourself and focus on becoming more true naturally and gradually. It will take some practice.
