Holding a grudge is the act of feeling intense anger or contempt for others, based on a real or perceived offense. A customer could resent a company for its bad practices or defective products, boycotting it and taking revenge by talking badly to people. Spouses may hold a grudge towards one another, leading to contempt and loss of trust. Some religious philosophies emphasize the importance of forgiveness in unfair situations, while other people or beliefs are more geared towards revenge. Scientific literature suggests that holding a grudge can have negative effects on cardiovascular and psychological health. Forgiveness leads to greater psychological and physiological well-being, causing a reduction in diastolic and systolic blood pressure and offering many beneficial health effects. Below you will find guidelines for overcoming grudges.
Steps
Step 1. Recognize the pain, suffering or disappointment
To stop holding a grudge, you won't have to deny the existence of a problem or suppress latent emotions. Name the emotions you feel.
- Write in a journal. Express your feelings in a journal by writing down the details of the incident and the aspects of the event that led to anger or offense.
- Share your feelings with a trusted friend. Talking to someone who expresses understanding to you, whether it's a close friend or a psychologist, will help you find peace and a better perspective.
Step 2. Talk to the person who has offended you
If it is appropriate to do so, talk to the person or company who has treated you badly. In some situations it may not be possible, for example, if the person has died or is unavailable.
Explain your feelings about the act or incident that offended you. Talk, for example, to a restaurant manager who overcharged you or treated you badly, to get an apology or improve their relationship with future customers
Step 3. Don't have too many expectations from people and events
Human beings and organizations are imperfect. Don't dwell on how things should be or how people should behave and your stress levels will drop. You will be able to focus on other ways to get what you want, such as exploring healthier relationships and more trustworthy companies.
Step 4. Avoid unfair situations
If possible, avoid interacting with people and organizations that are routinely unfair or unfair.
Distinguish between bearable and unfair. For example, if your wife forgets to take out the trash, be tolerant. Consider leaving a partner who abuses you physically and emotionally. In all cases, forgiveness, without necessarily condoning sins, will have benefits for your well-being
Step 5. Focus on forgiving the person or organization
Whether they apologized or met your needs or not, make a conscious decision to forgive and stop holding a grudge.
Step 6. Choose peaceful and productive thoughts
Whenever anger returns or negative thoughts persist, acknowledge that you are angry or hurt, but consciously shift your focus to something constructive.
- Spend more energy on trustworthy people. Spend more time with people who are reliable, trustworthy and worthy of your attention.
- Focus on the positive qualities of the person who offended you. For example, if you are in a relationship with a person who has betrayed your trust, reduce the emotional charge of the grudge by focusing on the qualities of the person to praise.
Step 7. Organize a hate release ceremony
One way to move forward in life is to leave hate in a tangible way. Write down your feelings, your resentment, the name or names of the people who are bothering you and take that piece of paper as tangible proof that you will move forward. You can arrange the piece of paper however you like - burn it, throw it, toss it to the wind, put it on a paper boat and let it drift, bury it, and so on - whatever makes you take a physical step in the direction of change.
Step 8. Exercise gratitude every day
Start looking for the good in your days and stop focusing on the negatives. Start looking for something to be grateful for every day. Come to find five things every day to be grateful for. Use gratitude to overcome resentment.
