Bullying is often thought of as a discomfort that affects children and adolescents, who, as they grow up, will likely change their attitude. However, this is not always the case. If you think you are a victim or, perhaps, you know someone who is, here are some suggestions to respond to the abuses.
Steps
Step 1. Remember it's not your fault
If you have been the victim of an adult bully for some time, you may be berating yourself for how this person reacted to you. However, this is not the case. Everyone is responsible for their own relational choices. This, however, is easier said than done, especially if the bully who harasses you has developed strong feelings of anger towards you. In any case, such a reaction from you will confirm that he got what he wanted. Bullies, in fact, feed negative emotions because, deep down, they feel inferior and insecure, and only by hurting others can they increase their self-esteem. Reacting by blaming you will only further encourage him and even make his behavior worse. The adult bully is a coward.
Step 2. Try being nice to the bully, even if that doesn't always work
However, if you don't know him well (for example, he was just introduced to you at work), this method may be successful. Often, a bully takes the liberty of behaving in this way because he believes that the person he is targeting is, in some way, a threat; Furthermore, it has been noted that bullies have this attitude because, in the course of their life, they have not received sufficiently kind treatment. By showing him that you are not going to bother him and by being friendly, you will encourage a positive response from him. You could greet him warmly in the morning or help him do something. However, if after two or three attempts things don't change, then this approach is not the best. In fact, the step we're considering doesn't work with all bullies, and sometimes being nice to them can get the message across that you're actually rewarding their behavior by making it acceptable.
Step 3. Try to be assertive with body language (looking the bully in the eye firmly and assuming a straight posture), tone of voice (clear and firm without sounding threatening) and lexical choices
For example, you might say "I have recently noticed that you are acting like a bully towards me and I would like you to change your attitude." That said, opting for appropriate assertive behavior will depend on the specific situation you're facing. What might work in the workplace may not be effective in the family or on the internet.
Step 4. If nothing seems to work, consider seeking help from a trusted colleague or supervisor (if it is bullying at work), a relative or friend (if it is family bullying)
If the situation is causing you physical and / or mental problems, see a doctor.
Advice
- Before doing any of these steps, do some research on bullying. In fact, it is not always easy to distinguish between a real bully and a person who is often in a bad mood. By informing yourself, you will also understand the reasons for adult bullies and find out how to deal with them.
- If you are a teenager, talk to someone you trust (your parents, your friends' parents, a relative, such as an uncle or aunt, or a teacher) as soon as you suspect that an adult is bullying your parents. comparisons.
- Confide in a close person, be it a member of your family, your partner or a friend - don't be ashamed of what's going on.
- Consider contacting a psychotherapist, since bullying could make you feel negative emotions, such as shame, anger, anxiety and depression.
- Try relaxation techniques to combat stress.
Warnings
- Assertive behavior can be very effective when used in the early stages of bullying. However, if you've been a victim of it for a while, it might not work.
- Sometimes, the only solution to bullying is to distance yourself from the source of the discomfort.
- The bully could be someone you can easily avoid, an organized criminal, or a person with enormous political power. Check for the existence of a way to get around it without direct confrontation and remember any negative consequences that may arise. For example, if you try to solve the problem directly, you could make permanent enemies who, in the future, could take revenge. In short, if you are dealing with a bully who exercises some power over you, prudence is never too much and, sometimes, you have no choice but to do what is required of you while, in the meantime, you try to strengthen yourself. itself, your connections and your power to protect yourself.
