Almost all relationships go through several stages, each with various challenges and quirks. However, it is not certain that all couples face the same stages. You may have a hard time understanding which stage you are in, but each of them gives you the opportunity to analyze the degree of compatibility and involvement of the couple. Whether you are in a new relationship, cultivating a more serious relationship, or have made a long-term commitment, you should pause for a moment to assess where your couple is at.
Steps
Part 1 of 3: Evaluating a New Relationship
Step 1. Determine if the novelty factor is still alive
The early stages of a relationship are characterized by infatuation and the desire to always be together. Consider whether you are still discovering your partner regarding tastes, dislikes, hobbies, interests, and ideas. Examine if you are analyzing his personality and habits to determine your compatibility level. You need to figure out if you feel comfortable enough to continue dating. For example, answer the following questions:
- Is your partner loving and open?
- Is she bossy or grumpy?
- Do you tend to be unhappy or irritable?
- Is your company generally pleasant?
Step 2. See if you focus on physical attraction
Examine if you idealize her, if the arousal is strong, or if you think about her often. If you can't find fault with it, then you are still in the infatuation stage. When you see your partner, you probably observe the following signs, typical of physical attraction:
- Blush
- Your hands are shaking
- You have a tachycardia problem
- You feel like you're on the verge of fainting
Step 3. See if you find it very important to always make a good impression
Ask yourself if you're trying to be your best, go out of your way to please her, or try to flatter and woo her. If so, you are probably still in the infatuation phase, so you feel more pressure to impress and connect with her. You will be so enthusiastic about the attention you receive that you will try your best not to make a single mistake.
- For example, you take more time to prepare for appointments, agree to do activities that usually don't interest you, buy or wear more beautiful clothes, and spend more time with your partner than alone or with your friends.
- Remember the importance of limits. For the relationship to grow and be healthy, you need to learn to be authentic and stop trying to impress your partner all the time. Giving up on friends and family is not healthy for a long-term relationship.
Step 4. Determine if you are willing to date seriously
As you spend more and more time together, feel more and more comfortable with her and get to know her better, the relationship becomes monogamous. In this phase, you will discover the other person's true identity and assess your compatibility on a deeper level. Ask yourself the following questions:
- Does he know how to console and support you?
- Does she trust you and has no problem being honest with you?
- Do you respect your family and friends?
- Does he understand your sense of humor?
Step 5. Pay attention to expectations
By seeing each other more often, you will likely begin to have expectations of each other that may be different and affect the future of the relationship. If you consider these deeper aspects, you are passing the stage of infatuation and entering the stage following the "honeymoon", typical of a more realistic love. Consider:
- What do you like to do in your spare time, be it with your friends or your partner.
- How long do you need to be alone.
- Who pays the bill when you go out together.
- How much physical contact or displays of affection do you need.
Part 2 of 3: Evaluating an existing relationship
Step 1. Assess whether you accept your partner's flaws
Are you aware of its imperfections and quirks? In that case, you've come to a realistic stage of the relationship: it's no longer all roses, you start noticing things that might annoy or irritate you. Not a problem at all: no one is perfect, and your own partner will begin to notice your flaws and quirks. It is important to understand if you are willing to accept these characteristics.
- Have you begun to notice that your partner never does the dishes after eating? Have you noticed bigger problems that need to be addressed (for example, she always tells you that she is fine when in reality she is not)?
- If at this stage you can't tolerate your partner's flaws or you think there are things you can't improve on, you may want to end the relationship.
Step 2. Observe how you handle misunderstandings
When intimacy strengthens, you are more likely to argue and disagree. If you are willing to compromise and put your partner or relationship first, then you are going through a relationship phase characterized by greater commitment and greater fulfillment. Disagreements are inevitable, but you can improve couple communication in the following ways:
- Listening carefully.
- Avoiding judging or blaming.
- Asking for clarification.
- By rephrasing or repeating what it tells you to show that you understand it.
- Speaking of thorny topics, such as what hurts your feelings.
Step 3. Determine the degree of trust
Can you give each other what you need? To build a successful relationship, you need to trust each other. If you support and listen to each other, rather than getting angry or denying the other person's needs, then you are surely in a more mature and fulfilling phase of the relationship. To assess your degree of confidence, ask yourself if you are capable of:
- Being vulnerable with your partner, sharing worries and insecurities with her.
- Opening up to your partner's feelings.
- Avoid getting angry, jealous, or possessive.
Step 4. Try to notice if you are thinking about the future
If you are in a healthy and fulfilling relationship, you will start sharing dreams at this point. You will begin to imagine a future together and it will be natural for you to talk about it with her. You can ask yourself if your partner:
- He wants to grow up with you.
- He has similar ideas about marriage and family to yours.
- She feels motivated to imagine and achieve goals with you.
Step 5. See if you are starting a life together
In the fulfillment or co-creation phase, you will face new challenges and may need to put relationship first. While you strive to develop new habits and a daily life based on teamwork, you will also recognize a greater need for independence, both on your part and on your partner's part. At this stage, it is normal to have to negotiate new roles and rules regarding the following aspects:
- Adopt a pet
- Moving in together or buying a house
- Think about engagement or marriage
- Share or merge finances
Part 3 of 3: Evaluating a Committed and Enduring Relationship
Step 1. Play as a team
See if you continue to cultivate commitment and loyalty by working together. Relationships require ongoing work and support, even if you know each other well and have been together for a long time. In a more mature phase, it comes to the point of:
- Counting on each other.
- Fulfill or keep promises made.
- Feel comfortable with the responsibilities and roles assigned to each other.
- Rush to your partner in difficult times.
Step 2. Watch out for boredom
When the relationship is stable and the romance fades a bit, it can be difficult to tell if the relationship is still healthy. Examine whether habits shared with your partner bore or frustrate you. If so, it's possible that the relationship ran aground.
- Take the time to do something fun together.
- Do dynamic activities together.
- Open up to new activities.
- Try something you enjoyed doing when you were little.
- Avoid overly competitive activities.
Step 3. Predict your partner's wants and needs
In this phase, usually, we already know each other very well, so it is possible to foresee the needs of the other person in difficult times or in daily life. Knowing and giving importance to your partner's needs even before she makes requests allows you to take care of her every day.
- For example, if you know he's had a stressful day, make dinner before I go home, then do the dishes. If she's been through a rough patch, encourage her to go out with her friends - tell her she shouldn't feel guilty when she does something without you, like spending a night out and having fun.
- If you're not sure what your partner's wants and needs are, you need to talk to her about it. Ask her what she is looking for in the relationship and what she needs, without interrupting her or getting defensive. Then, do the same.
Step 4. See if you take the time to nurture the relationship
If you have children and / or both work, it can be difficult to maintain a healthy, stable and loving relationship due to commitments and stress. Consider whether you tend to do several activities at the same time, spend more time with your children or work, and neglect your partner. If that's the case, the relationship could go to a halt, so you need to remember the following:
- Express your appreciation to her. You might say to her, "Thank you for making the coffee this morning. Yours tastes so much better and saves me time. I appreciate everything you do for me."
- Express affection. Knowing what she likes, surprise her, be it with a hug, a simple "I love you", a card or a bouquet of flowers.
- Listen to it. Take 20 minutes each day to tell yourself what you have done. Don't try to solve a problem or judge - just listen to each other and pull the plug together.
Step 5. Respect can never fail
If you always treat her with love, even when you don't agree with her opinions, the couple has reached a stage based on commitment and solidity. You are once again able to accept your partner for who she is - flaws included. You will learn to manage or let go of your expectations of him. If you can't, or find the conflict or disrespect escalating, consider couples therapy.
Violence is never healthy or acceptable at any stage of the relationship. If the other person becomes physically or verbally abusive, seek help from a counselor or a shelter for abused people
Advice
- In the later stages of the relationship, when you tend to focus more on work, children, or other responsibilities, don't forget to continue nurturing the relationship and communicating with your partner.
- Seek help from a psychologist if you are having difficulty with communicating, trusting, or meeting each other's needs.
- Keep an open mind early in the relationship - you may think the other person is perfect, so you may miss certain red flags or problems visible to others.
- If you're still not completely sure about the state your relationship is in, don't tell everyone you're dating someone.
- If fights or arguments turn aggressive, violent or physical, ask for help and think about your safety. You don't have to be in an abusive relationship.
