Have you ever had a fight with someone and felt sorry afterwards? Or maybe you weren't truly sorry, but couldn't afford or didn't want to lose the perks you had before? Do you feel your friendship just fell apart? If you have a lost friend or partner, you can reconcile even though things have gone wrong. We are often surprised when people act and behave differently than common sense, which often teaches a rather bleak view of life. Many writers who have broken off relationships without reconciling themselves propose to devote themselves to other activities, neglecting the possibility that the previous bond could transform or change, regardless of the level of conflict it touched. Basically the main objective is to weave as many meaningful relationships as possible, because without relationships we risk depriving ourselves of a truly human existence. Sometimes we need good judgment to better manage our personal situation, when we cannot see it clearly and completely on our own. Therefore, one must find a way out of despair and recover amiability and joy in life.
Here are some useful techniques to reconcile with someone we thought was lost. However, it is important to remember that it is a profound psychological and emotional process. It can happen in moments or over the course of several years, and sometimes it doesn't happen at all.
Steps
Step 1. Decide what you want
First of all, decide whether or not you want to save this relationship, and why. "Moving forward" isn't always the only or the best choice, and don't even think that if you lose a true friend, you won't find another one. Any relationship can repair itself over time, however, if you are not completely ready or if it is an unhealthy relationship that requires you to trample on values you believe in or respect for yourself, then it may not be the case now.. By realizing that the friendship is not at the stage you want it to be, you can take a concrete step towards resolving the problems that exist between you and the other person. Your self-esteem will improve when you help a friend feel valued and gain a sense of mutual respect; bad friendships undermine confidence and self-esteem. A little dignity can go a long way in the early stages of rapprochement. Don't fall into the trap of focusing on the negative qualities of the person you broke up with to justify your estrangement. If you are going to end a friendship, devaluing the other person is a sleazy and immature solution.
Step 2. Forgive as best you can
When someone neglects you, offends you, or hurts you deeply, it is easy to want to respond in kind, take revenge, abandon, get openly defensive, sink into depression, self-destruct, or simply resent. The problem with these attitudes is that they are imprecise reactions that we use to "protect" ourselves from dangers, real or imagined, but in the end they are in direct opposition to what we really want and seek: they prevent us from communicating and put us in a position to to be on the defensive and to have hostile behavior, condemning our attempts at reconciliation to failure or to forced reconciliation that does not work in the long run. Ultimately, conflict only breeds more conflict, so we need to avoid this vicious circle and get rid of the desire to hurt again or collapse into quiet despair. Basically we are trying to tip the balance in our favor, which in itself is not necessarily bad, except for the fact that it overlooks the human essence of the other individual involved in the fight. Put your pride aside and realize that the other person's perspective can be completely different - they probably don't even understand how they hurt you. You can get to the point of forgiving as long as you can without communicating.
Step 3. Make meaningful contact
Once you have decided that it might be a wise idea to reconnect, you need to write a note, call or meet the other person to convey the fundamental message with the utmost sincerity: "Our friendship is important to me and I miss seeing you. Isn't there a way we can resolve the situation between us? " The point is simple: to convey your affection, express a willingness to reconcile and invite him to an open and honest discussion. There is no need at this time to make recriminations or even to make elaborate excuses.
Step 4. Find out what went wrong
You both have to find a way to understand the situation well, adopting a logical, truthful and rational perspective. Admit that people are neither inherently bad nor inherently good (instead the harsh reality is that we are all in between these two extremes). This does not mean that we do not have innate destructive tendencies, but it also does not mean that we do not have innate constructive tendencies. All this becomes clear to us if we adopt a more realistic view of reality. We are not always aware of the consequences or the meaning of our actions.
Step 5. Understand the differences
Throughout history there are various examples that show both sides of the same story and tell us that differences can be accepted and understood. It is not the differences themselves that are the problem, but the way we relate to them. People also have different ways of dealing with conflicts and it is necessary once again to understand them in order for reconciliation to take place.
Step 6. Take Your Responsibilities
You have to admit your role in the affair, since disputes always arise between two people. Begin to sincerely apologize for not being the friend you wanted to be and / or could have been. Identify precisely what you did that contributed to the ruin of the relationship and confess it to the other person. Ask for forgiveness, but don't force the other to give it to you. Even if your apology isn't accepted, you can always try it later once you've thought a little bit more.
Step 7. Rebuild trust and respect
Whether the friendship is to be rebuilt or survives in some way depends a lot on the value you give to yourself and the other person (that is, it depends a lot on the concept of respect). It is more ethical and responsible to focus on the positive characteristics of the other, because focusing on the negative lowers the value of the human essence of others, prolonging the conflict and avoiding reconciliation.
Advice
- From an ethical point of view, it is better to be sincerely repentant than to pretend to be.
- While it can be quite difficult to remember, try to keep a cool head. Remember that the more anger you have, the greater the possibility of saying things that you will later regret and the deeper the abyss from which you will have to climb in the end.
- An apology is always apparently more sincere when made in person and accompanied by an attitude of repentance. However, don't assume that just because the apology is sincere you will be forgiven.
- It is up to you to look down in shame or to maintain "sincere" eye contact.
- Some relationships do not return to the original joy of the past, but that does not mean that it is not possible or that it cannot be tried. If you feel pain, regret, or remorse when you think of a lost friend and do nothing to recover them, you will never know what could have happened.
Warnings
- Do not overdo it. Unless you already have such a reputation, don't apologize a thousand times. Two or at most three sincere apologies will do.
- If your friend is very sensitive, it's probably best not to talk about the mistakes he made.
- Don't give away too expensive things. You will give the impression that you want to bribe, and unless your boss is dishonest, this will make you look… well, dishonest. And if your supervisor is a profiteer, he could drag you into a spiral of extortion and blackmail (it's not as exaggerated as you might think; just think of sibling situations around the world).
- As long as the other person uses them often and it's the only way to contact them, don't text them to apologize. Your apology may appear insincere when you use this tool.
- Don't give tacky gifts. Younger siblings will appreciate a teddy bear bought on sale, but a teacher or boss probably won't.
