The possibilities are endless: you've moved to a new city, or you've lost your relationships due to your poor social skills, or maybe your social skills are a mess - whatever the reason, we all need friends. What should be as easy as eating and breathing is worrying, right? As with all things, you have to take one step at a time. A good place to start? Step 1 below.
Steps
Part 1 of 3: Be Nice
Step 1. You have to be comfortable with yourself
Life is like a revolving door used by so many people. Which time after time makes us meet strangers who may or may not become our long-term friends. And you know what? That's okay. It's okay if they come and go and that has nothing to do with you. So all the acquaintances you do or have yet to do could become friends, or not and that's okay. Because in any case with them or without them, you will feel good anyway. Do they want to know or not how nice you are?
It will be easy to notice: if you sweat when you meet other people, if you think the last thing you said was stupid, weird and embarrassing, and if you think the people you talk to will never want to see you again. And you know what? Enough. People are harmless and are often too busy with their talk to notice anything else. And if you don't see them anyway … so what? There are tons of people on this planet looking for friends
Step 2. Be Friendly
Obvious, right? However, it must be remembered - if you are not sociable with friends people will think that you are not interested in them. Many people are easily intimidated; if you are not receptive, warm and welcoming they will not come knocking on your door. And since this is a concept that you have been taught from an early age, you know what we are talking about.
Sometimes you have to pretend. You will have to pretend that you are interested in your colleague's dog who unfortunately eats late at night. That's what friends do. They act interested, ask questions, and are happy to have other people in their life even as they talk about how much they love bacon. If dating is worth it, the good things will outweigh the bad
Step 3. Smile
Greet people with a smile. It is a gesture that attracts people, shows that they are interested and that you want to make a connection. Can you imagine making friends with someone who is watching you making faces? No thanks. Make things less stressful for your potential friends by opening yourself up and being warm.
It is good in general to have an open and inviting body language. When you are with other people, try to keep your body aligned with that of others (and not towards the door). Keep your arms outstretched and do yourself a favor, stay away from your cell phone. People deserve attention
Step 4. Get people talking about themselves
Most of us blame not knowing how to speak when we are in company thus blaming our social skills, but instead the hardest thing is knowing how to listen. People are looking for friends who listen to what they have to say and not who talk freely. So if talking isn't your specialty, relax. It will all be fine.
Three words: ask questions. Everyone loves questions and it also serves to steer clear of the spotlight. Especially the open questions. Dry answers (yes or no) get the conversation nowhere and stress you out to find a question that follows the previous one, so ask questions that require some processing
Step 5. Remember their details
Isn't it surprising when you meet someone who remembers your birthday, your mother, or something you told them about the last time you met? It's good to feel that people care about the things you have to say. So do it too! Making friends also means making them feel good.
You can also notice the details. If they are wearing or carrying something, ask questions! An interesting conversation could arise
Step 6. Put aside shyness and insecurity
People naturally gravitate towards safety. If you are a grumbling person who forces people to make friends, you will be isolated quickly. There's no need to be cold and what people think of you doesn't matter. Be yourself. The best thing you can do.
Easier said than done, right? Insecurity is something people often don't get over easily. But to do this you have to think positively. If the insecurity is daunting, focus on that aspect instead
Part 2 of 3: Meet the People
Step 1. Visit many places
The only way to meet new people after high school and college (people you meet all over the world. How many of them do you actually like?) Is to get out of the house. The more activities you do, the more interesting you will be, so the more interesting people you will meet. Very raw but true thing.
All kinds of places. Even places you wouldn't dream of going - these are the places you'll have the most surprises. Go to that coffee shop you heard about. Visit the neighborhood painting exhibition. Go see your brother's football game for a change. You will have so much to say at the end of the week that the conversation won't be a problem
Step 2. Do something
All time. Always do something. The more you do (like visiting art exhibitions), the more interesting and varied your points of view will be. You will see more things, you will meet more people although with the risk of looking like a hippy! And you will be busy! Busy meeting people to experience and live life.
People who meet you always take on things. After that it's your job to take those labels and place them in the right place with your dynamic and multifaceted character. Are you a blonde with nice legs? Well, maybe you are on the covers of newspapers or on TV shows? Man, are you a sharpshooter? Wow! Do you only wear flannel clothes and only listen to Radiohead music? Wait a bit… do you speak Russian and study French cuisine? Beautiful
Step 3. Write down your contacts
Even with only one friend you can access a vast network of relationships. Your colleagues, neighbors, cousins - they will surely know people you can make friends with. Take advantage of it! Invite them over and tell them to bring friends. Go to essays, festivals and other public events. Work on the connections!
It's a good way to make friends from acquaintances. If you have a colleague who loves red wine, let him know that you like it too and would like information about it. Do you have any suggestions? Talk to the neighbors about the garden - how do they care for it? Before you know it, you will go to a wine tasting and be invited by the neighbors to a party. You might end up babysitting too, but it's worth it
Step 4. You never know
Go do your thing where you don't expect to find friends, because that's where you'll make friends. Your cousin's football match? Sure why not? Karaoke at the bar? Of course! If you frequent these places, you will end up seeing the same faces. And you already know you have things in common!
Step 5. Accept the invitations
Because if you refuse, you will no longer be invited. So while you're thinking "I don't want to own, it's going to be boring", you're going to have to get ready to go. The party could be boring and meet someone you don't like. You may not like or care about the event, but accept it anyway. If that's just terrible, you can always walk away.
Obviously, if convinced that it will be boring, it really will be. So don't waste your time going to places that will make you in a bad mood. Instead, open yourself up to possibilities that can be fun. And if it isn't, it will always be an experience. What's the worst that could happen to you? Go away. The best thing? Meet lots of people and do something you like. So better try, right?
Step 6. Get started
Beware: we are all nervous when we have to meet new people. It is easier to live in our world and wait for people to enter it. The problem arises when everyone does this; so take the initiative. Normally people are warm and polite and will not walk away embarrassing you. The worst part is that they may give you little confidence and walk away. You haven't missed anything.
In its own way, getting started is terrifying. To make things easier, focus on one thing: making a comment. That's all you need. In line at the cafeteria? Talk about coffee, waiting, or needing caffeine. In a party? Of the guests, of the food or of those who are stupid. The conversation starts like this
Step 7. Write down their contacts
People often meet at parties, they get along well but they don't make an effort to become friends. So you will have to make this effort. Ask for Facebook contact, mobile number or sometimes even email. Use it!
If you've had a nice and interesting conversation then don't worry. A simple, "Hey, what's your Facebook contact?" Or, "Give me your phone number so we can go to the show together sometime." There is no need to do who knows what. If you are calm and spontaneous, there is no reason to refuse
Part 3 of 3: Make Relationships Last
Step 1. Stay positive
It is important to remain friendly and positive at the beginning of a friendship. Otherwise you risk passing for the usual loser who sees everything negatively. New friends are the ones you laugh with, not the ones you cry with … yet.
Compassion is a powerful tool. Having a common enemy can help you get closer and share negative feelings. But it is generally better to choose this option if the relationship is already solid. Leave the gossip for later, when you get to know each other better so that it doesn't seem like a nastiness. When the time is right, you can talk about your boss's ridiculous decisions or Sara's "pregnancy"
Step 2. Ask for advice
How do you go from small office conversations to friends on weekends? Heavy topic, really. An adequate level of trust must be established to address certain topics. So to ask for advice to solidify the relationship. Tell him a little about your problems and ask for opinions. They will feel important to you and they will like you even more. And maybe they will do the same with you!
We're talking about information on a coffee maker to buy, places to visit in New Zealand and how to deal with an annoying tenant - that is, how to handle a few problems in your life. It still has to be something your friends can handle, okay? Something they can judge well, something they can talk about positively without feeling embarrassed
Step 3. Work on it
Like when you keep your body and mind in shape, you have to do the same with your friendships. After you have solid friendships - that is, you will see each other often and become more and more comfortable together - don't let them fade away! Send a funny message about something you've seen. Invite them over for a coffee, party, or public event that you think they might like.
And when your friends are having a hard time, be there for them. Being a friend means sacrificing time. If they need a favor, help them if possible and if it's something reasonable. Go to them when you feel the need to whine! Show them that you care for them. Friendships aren't always plain sailing; sometimes it takes care to make them bloom
Step 4. Never take it personally
The older we get, the more responsibilities we have. If you don't have any, you have taken the wrong path. In other words, people are busy. He has lives to carry on. If you're not a best friend yet, that's okay. You too have your own life to manage. If you can make people's lives better at times, so be it. That's all you need.
Step 5. Be a good friend
Friendships don't last if you treat people badly. Knowledge is not enough for friendship - you need to be good friends with each other: someone you care about who you love to spend time with. Reap what you sow. So if you want someone to trust you, to take the time, to make you feel good, you have to do the same for them.
Being a good friend in normal situations is good, but it is more important to be good in difficult times. If your friend is sick, you obviously don't have to rush to his house to cook him, instead text him asking how he is and if he needs anything. If they have any problems, say you're there for them. And when it's your turn, hopefully they will do the same
Advice
- If you are afraid of being rejected (and we all are!) A good rule is to make friends with people who inspire trust and sympathy by looking at them by asking them what time it is (obviously don't do it if you already have a watch!). Most of the time, people are happy to answer. Then introduce yourself and start the conversation. And if the conversation doesn't start, at least you will have gotten some important information (the time!) Without getting too stressed.
- Laugh, smile and tell jokes! If you don't know any, learn them! Google them and memorize them. Use something to make yourself laugh or smile and try to see the bright side of everything. Laughing is good for physical, mental and emotional health. It helps to keep you happy and to make you seem sociable and thus you will have more opportunities to make friends. People are attracted to people who smile so surprise them like this!
- Here are some questions to start a conversation: "What are your hobbies?" What music / movies / TV shows do you like? "Do you work? What kind of work do you do?" (Hopefully we can find a common topic to start an interesting conversation!)"
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Try to accentuate the common points and interests.
It will serve to strengthen and develop a solid and lasting friendship.
- To remember their names (and other things) before you leave, say hello using the name (for example, "Hi Gabriella"). If you get the names wrong, they'll correct you so you can remember it. Later, if you want to get to know that person better (and you have the memory of an ant!) Grab a pen and paper and write down information about the things you want to talk about next time. You will need it for future conversations.
- Write a list of your excellent and unique qualities and take it with you in case you feel insecure. Or, better, make a list in the morning of all the things you know how to do and the things you love before starting the day.
- You may find yourself getting a knot in your tongue. Don't be afraid, it will give you a golden opportunity to focus on something: THEM! It's always a good idea to let people talk, to get to know them better and because people love to do it.
- If you are embarrassed (if you walk into the wrong room, or bump into someone) laugh at yourself first (and apologize). The embarrassment will lessen by showing you lighthearted and fun. And at least people will laugh with you instead of you.
Warnings
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Don't be rude.
Even if it's hard, don't interrupt people when they talk. New friends especially, otherwise you will show disinterest in them by making them believe that you are not a good friend.
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Don't criticize or judge.
Nobody likes you (especially if you meet someone for the first time!)
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Don't brag.
Nobody likes hearing how big your bank account is or how beautiful your home in the Bahamas is! You can talk about these things periodically, but at first these things can turn people away from you who will avoid you next time. (Worst situation: They could get jealous and thus miss out on good opportunities to make friends!)
