Being able to think before speaking is an important skill that should be practiced in all situations. It can serve to improve relationships with others and to express oneself more effectively. You can use the acronym "THINK" (which in English means "think") to decide if what you want to say is truthful, useful, motivating, necessary or kind (in English "True, Helpful, Inspiring, Necessary, Kind"). So look for ways to choose your words more carefully, possibly taking breaks or asking for clarification. You can also use communication strategies, for example by adopting open body language or focusing on one topic at a time. With a little practice, thinking before speaking will become a completely natural action.
Steps
Method 1 of 3: Use the THINK Acronym to Filter What You Say
Step 1. Determine if what you want to say is true ("True")
Think about what you are about to say and ask yourself if it is the truth. Don't twist reality just to have something to say and don't talk if what you are about to say is a lie. When you have to give someone an answer, change what you are about to say to make it at least truthful.
- For example, if someone asks you "How are you today?" and you are about to say something that does not correspond to reality, stop and answer with sincerity.
- If you are telling someone how the math exam went and you were planning to magnify reality, stop and be honest about the grade you took.
Step 2. Speak if what you are about to say is something useful ("Helpful"), otherwise keep silent
Having your say can be helpful if you can help others in some way with words, so when you have something constructive to say, do it. Conversely, saying something offensive can ruin your interpersonal relationships, so if what you're about to say might hurt someone, it's best to stay silent.
- For example, if you are watching a friend play a video game and you know a trick to pass a difficult level, it is okay to tell them about it as it could be useful information.
- Conversely, if you are watching a friend who is struggling to pass a difficult level playing a video game and you intended to talk to tease him, remain silent.
- Saying something offensive is not the same as communicating an unpleasant truth for the purpose of helping someone. For example, constructive criticism might be helpful.
Step 3. Determine if your comment could be "Inspiring" for other people
Saying something that stimulates, encourages or comforts others is always a good thing to do. If you're going to compliment someone, encourage them to pursue a goal, or tell them a story that might motivate them, do it without hesitation.
For example, if you are going to compliment a friend on his introduction, you can speak freely as this will help him to have more confidence in himself
Suggestion: In another variant of the acronym "THINK", "I" is the initial of the word "illegal" ("Illegal" in English). If what you are about to say is something "illegal", be silent. These kinds of statements can include, for example, threats or discriminatory comments.
Step 4. Speak only if your comment is "Necessary"
In some cases, speaking is necessary to prevent something unpleasant, for example to warn someone about a potential danger or to communicate an important message. If so, it is correct to speak. If, on the other hand, what you are about to say is superfluous, remain silent.
- For example, if someone is about to carelessly cross a busy street, warn them immediately of the danger.
- If a friend's mom calls you and asks you to tell her child to get in touch with her right away, deliver the message as soon as you meet him.
Step 5. Avoid talking if what you are about to say is not kind ("Kind")
Another way to determine when to speak or remain silent is to assess whether the words you are about to say are polite and polite. According to an old saying, "If you have nothing good to say, don't say anything." Consider whether the words you are about to say can be described as kind. If so, come forward and speak freely, otherwise remain silent.
For example, in case a friend shows up at your house dressed in an extravagant and flashy way, only compliment their look if you think it looks good, otherwise don't say anything
Suggestion: If what you mean passes the "THINK" acronym test, say it. If you don't meet all the criteria, rephrase the sentence or say nothing.
Method 2 of 3: Choose Words with More Care
Step 1. Listen carefully to your interlocutor
When someone talks, give them your full attention. Focus hard on being able to give thoughtful answers when the other person has finished speaking.
- For example, if a friend is telling you what he did over the weekend, listen carefully. Only then will you be able to ask coherent questions and make honest comments.
- Don't think about what you want to answer until the other person stops talking. If you shift your attention to what you want to say, you will inevitably stop listening to the other's words and your response may not be related to the last words spoken.
Step 2. Pause if you find yourself saying "uhm" or "uh"
If you notice that you are hesitating and cannot find the words, you are probably unsure what to say and are thinking aloud; if so, take a minute off and keep your mouth shut so you don't miss out on exclamations. Give yourself time to think about what you want to say before continuing.
When someone asks you a question, there's nothing wrong with saying "I need a minute to think about it."
Suggestion: If you're giving a presentation or having a conversation with someone and need to take a longer break, sip some water to give yourself time to think.
Step 3. Clarify what the other person just said by asking questions
If you are talking to someone and you don't know how to reply to something the other has just said, ask them for clarification. Reword his statement or the question that was asked of you to check if your interpretation is correct.
- For example, you might say "What did you mean when you said you didn't like the structure of the film?".
- To give another example, you might say "If I don't get it wrong, you're saying you'd rather go home because you're not feeling well, right?".
- This can also be a good way to take time to think.
Step 4. Take a few deep breaths or gently pull away in tense situations
If you are in the middle of an argument, starting to fidget, or if the conversation becomes more lively, you can take long, deep breaths to calm down, collect your thoughts, and take some time to reflect. Take long, nose breaths as you count to 4, hold your breath for 4 seconds, then very slowly exhale through your mouth for a count of 4 again.
If you need to take a longer break to calm down, apologize and go to the bathroom or go out for a short walk
Method 3 of 3: Using Communication Strategies
Step 1. Stay focused on the ongoing conversation to avoid distractions
It will be easier to think before you speak if you are not watching your cell phone, television or computer. Put away or turn off anything that might distract you from the conversation, then focus all your attention on the person you're talking to.
You can ask your interlocutor to take a break to remove distractions. For example, you might say "Wait a minute please, I'd like to turn off the TV so I can give you my full attention."
Step 2. Show the other person that you are listening to them using open body language
Body language can help you communicate with someone more sensibly. Pay attention to the position of your torso, legs and arms when talking to other people. Things you can do to improve body language include:
- Keep your torso completely turned towards your interlocutor, rather than turning it in another direction;
- Keep your arms relaxed and straight at your sides, instead of crossing them across your chest;
- Maintain eye contact, avoid staring or looking around while the other person is talking, otherwise they will convince themselves that you are not paying attention to what they are saying;
- Keep your expression neutral, for example try to smile slightly and relax your eyebrows.
Suggestion: You can also lean your torso forward in the direction of the person who is speaking to show that you are interested in what they have to say. If you tilt your torso back or in another direction, you will send her the opposite message, which is that you are not interested in her words.
Step 3. Tackle one topic at a time and only provide additional information when needed
If you have a tendency to talk nonstop or offer a lot of information in a confusing way, try to address a single topic at a time and only give examples if necessary. When you're done, pause for one minute to allow others to answer or ask questions. If necessary, reiterate the concept or provide additional information.
- For example, if someone asks you how your day went, you can start by saying that it went well and tell a positive episode instead of throwing yourself into a minute description of all the events that happened.
- If you are discussing politics with someone, you can start by presenting your general point of view and the main evidence supporting your ideas, rather than listing all the reasons you made that opinion.
Step 4. Summarize what you said, if necessary, then remain silent
After you have said what you meant, it is okay to simply stop talking. There is no need to fill the silence with other words if you have nothing else to communicate. When you feel the need to end your speech somehow, briefly summarize what you just said, then stop talking.
- For example, you might say "So basically I had a really nice trip to Florida and plan to go back next year."
- You can also end without summarizing your speech. When you have finished your story, you can simply stop talking.
Expert Advice
Use these tips to prepare for a situation where you will have to converse for a long time:
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Practice learning how to adapt body language to speech.
The position of the body greatly influences the way in which words are perceived.
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Create and listen to a playlist of songs that motivate you.
This will help you feel energized and excited about speaking in public or with people. Conversation doesn't have to be a boring chore.
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Stop and first ask yourself why you are talking.
Is the topic you are addressing important to your current audience? Is it of significant value to those people? Remind yourself how relevant your words are to the listener.
