You are convinced that a guy no longer likes you - perhaps a friend, your boyfriend or a guy you like. He has probably started ignoring you or declining your invitations, and wondering what you should do. If it is difficult to approach him in person, you may want to try to win him back via text. There are helpful strategies you can try - read on to find out - but before you get started, make sure it's really a relationship you want to recover.
Steps
Part 1 of 3: Understanding What Went Wrong
Step 1. Think about what may have happened
He may not talk to you or want to see you because he is upset about something you did, or he has found new friends and is busy with other things.
- If he's changed his attitude towards you because he's no longer interested in being your friend (or mate), there's not much you can do. In these situations, it's her problem, not yours.
- If you think he may be angry, try to understand why. People get angry when they think you've done something that has had a negative impact on them. The first step towards reconciliation is therefore to understand what you have done wrong.
- Remember that what may seem like a small thing to us can sometimes have a big impact on others, so don't think about all your actions that may have had a negative impact on the guy.
- Once you have an idea of what you did to make him angry, you can try to make up for it.
Step 2. Put yourself in his shoes
The key to getting someone out of anger is to show them that you understand their point of view and how what you did may have affected them.
- Put yourself in his shoes and imagine how what you did made him feel. Try to understand these emotions and approach him with this mindset.
- For you, for example, you may have arrived late to pick him up because the traffic was terrible and you realized you didn't have your phone halfway there. It wasn't a drama, that's how it went. But for him, who had to sit on a sidewalk for 45 minutes in the cold and dark, after telling you three times what time you were supposed to pick him up and getting your promise, the perspective is very different.
Step 3. Express your understanding
Once you understand what made him angry, work hard to understand what he is feeling.
If you've been picking him up late, besides thinking about what he may have thought from his perspective, imagine what he may have felt. For example, he may have thought that he is not a priority for you, that you are not worried about his discomfort or his commitments and that you have broken your word. Think about how you would feel about these things and try to understand it
Part 2 of 3: Apologize
Step 1. Apologize
Apologize now and do it often; admit you were wrong and take responsibility for what you did.
- Tell him that you made a mistake and that you will not repeat it. Then make sure you don't repeat it.
- Don't use fake "I'm sorry you're mad" excuses. Such a sentence shifts the responsibility to him and gives the impression that you are not sorry for your actions - you just wish he hadn't been angry.
- If he replies with an angry message - maybe rightly - apologize again. Keep apologizing until he responds otherwise. Just say something like "I'm sorry, I was wrong".
Step 2. Show that you understand the impact your actions have had on him
Apologizing and trying to explain that your intentions were good will not be enough.
- Saying that you are sorry is not enough: you will have to show that you understand the negative consequences your actions have had on him and that you sincerely regret what you have done.
- If he thinks you really understand why your actions made him angry, he'll be more likely to start forgiving you.
- Even if you don't think her feelings or reaction are justified, apologize anyway. You want him to like you again, you want him to see that you understand how he feels.
Step 3. Avoid escalating the situation
Even if you say you're sorry, it won't be enough to catch up if you start saying things that will escalate the situation.
- For example, don't say that you think his reactions were irrational or unwarranted. You will make him believe that you are not really sorry and that you have not understood the situation - and you will make him angry again.
- Don't bring up the things he's done in the past that made you angry. Turning the conversation into a contest to see who did the most wrong won't help you turn the situation off - you will only continue his anger and delay his forgiveness.
Step 4. Ask what you can do to fix it
Asking his advice on what you can do shows that you listen to him and that you really want to know what would improve things from his perspective.
For example, you could say something like, "I know you had to wait for 45 minutes, and you felt like you weren't a priority for me. How can I fix it in the future?"
Step 5. Make him smile
The comedy is disarming. If you can make him laugh, or even smile, you'll have one foot in the door.
- Try to be self-mocking. If comedy is disarming, affable self-irony is doubly so. So make fun of yourself or talk about one of your adorable flaws.
- You could write something ridiculous to him like, "I'm really sorry I was late - we both know I'm clumsy, and I must have tripped at least five times before I got there."
- Or you could write something more honest but delicately self-deprecating, like, "You know I look at the time on the clock as a challenge, rather than a warning? Well, this time the clock won."
Step 6. Let him know you think about him
In particular, if a guy is angry because he thinks you have somehow ignored him or his needs, remind him that you think about him - often.
For example, you could write him a message referring affectionately to something you saw that reminded you (bonus points if you use a special joke for you), such as: "I just saw a car with a Turin license plate and it reminded me of the stories of the your childhood there. It made me smile."
Part 3 of 3: Knowing When to Give Up or Walk Away
Step 1. Know when to give him his space
Don't write too many messages. Apologize, and if he doesn't answer you right away or doesn't forgive you, give him some space.
- If you keep writing to him, you can make things worse by making him angry.
- If he needs time to forgive you, leave it to him. He'll be looking for you when the time comes.
Step 2. Don't pressure him if he doesn't tell you why he's angry
If he doesn't tell you what's troubling him, he does it because he's so angry he can't talk about it or because he's looking for attention. Either way, you'll need to let things calm down and wait for him to come to you.
- If he seems really angry but can't or won't tell you why, he probably needs time to think and let the anger pass. Even if you don't know what you've done wrong and go crazy at the thought, don't do anything. Don't insist that I tell you; let him take his time. When it is ready, it will come to you and at that point you can solve your problems.
- If his anger doesn't seem genuine to you, he's probably doing a staging to get your attention, and the more you ask him what's wrong and what happened, the more he'll prolong this state to get the most out of it. Just tell him that you don't understand why he is angry and that you are sorry that it is because of something you did. Then say no more and let him come to you when he's done trying to manipulate you.
Step 3. Know when to give up
If you've made him so angry that none of your attempts to apologize and fix it work, walk away from the situation.
- There is nothing else you can do or say at this point to win him back, so it's best to walk away.
- After some time has passed, he may be less angry and may decide to talk to you again when he's ready. You can't make him talk to you before he's ready, so the best option is to wait.
Step 4. Learn when it's not worth it
If a guy always gets angry for reasons you don't understand or think are reasonable, consider whether it's really worth continuing your relationship.
- If being with this guy causes you more pain than happiness, maybe it's time to end the relationship.
- If he abuses you verbally, emotionally, or physically when he gets angry, end the relationship right away.
Step 5. Find some satisfaction
If all else hasn't worked out and the guy won't forgive you anyway, you can at least have fun.
- The "make up" apps allow you to choose the gender of the person you are trying to make up with and the excuse to be forgiven. Of course, if your sincere endeavors have not been successful, the app probably won't have better luck, but if you have nothing to lose, you might as well give it a try. In the worst case, you will be amused by the messages the app will send on your behalf saying that you have been kidnapped by the Nazis.
- Try to find clever answers to his non-answers. If he doesn't answer you and you know he probably never will, you could at least leave him in style. Use hyperbole ("I waited so long for your message that stray cats ate my face and hands and now I'm writing to you and soon I'll be dead"), or integrate relevant memes or gifs into your latest. goodbye.
Step 6. Go ahead
Don't dwell on the situation and don't stay up at night thinking what you might have said or how hurt you feel.
Accept that he is angry and that the relationship must end. Start moving on with your new life
Advice
- If he doesn't want to text, ask if he prefers to speak in person. Some people need to interact face to face.
- Remember to be patient. You can't insist that someone no longer be angry with you. If he's really angry, it will take some time for him to pass.
- Accept and acknowledge their feelings. Even if you think what he thinks is unreasonable, acknowledge and value his feelings. It's the least you can do if you want to fix it.
- Know when to give up. If he refuses to forgive you, you cannot force him to do so. The harder you try, the worse the situation will become.
