Do you often take jokes, jokes or jokes too seriously? After a while, this inability to joke can affect your relationships, especially if other people think you feel superior, or if you dampen other people's fun. Maybe you can't understand jokes or the content of a joke hurts you, or you think those jokes are directed against you; however, learning to understand why your overreaction and your inability to see innocent humor is a useful way to start relaxing.
Steps
Step 1. Think about why you hardly ever find jokes funny and take humor moments between friends too seriously
Sometimes a joke is not funny or is really offensive or humiliating. However, once the offensive humor is ruled out, if you are unable to accept any jokes and take it all as a personal attack, or as if people are making fun of you, then perhaps you are having an overreaction. The reason for this reaction or your assuming that "all" jokes hurt can be complex and depends on your personal experiences. Some possible reasons can be:
- Maybe you are having a bad time and your sense of humor suffers. Whatever is said in jest seems to turn the knife around in the sore, and instead of seeing jokes as a way that others use to try to have fun or just be funny, you choose to think that the person making the jokes does not take the joke. your sad situation seriously enough.
- You behave reactively rather than receptively, possibly due to a painful experience you had where someone used a joke to belittle you and be mean to you. Being reactive means acting without thinking or exploring your emotions or options - in this case about a joke. Most people behave reactively when they feel threatened or emotionally assaulted. In the case of jokes or jokes, if someone previously used them to hurt you, you could project that negative experience onto any person who tells a joke in your presence, because your hurt sensitivity assumes the joke is a way of attacking..
- You can't tell if the other person is joking or being serious. The reasons can be many: perhaps it depends on the fact that the joke is ambiguous, or on the attitude of the person who tells it, on the way you see the world, on the way you were educated, and so on. Whatever the reason, failing to tell if the other person is serious or joking can be very frustrating.
- Maybe you take yourself too seriously and that makes you take other people's jokes seriously. If you have a negative attitude towards things and somehow feel like a victim, the jokes may seem threatening to you. Or you feel superior to those who "play the fool" and want to show that you do not lower yourself to their level. If the reason is the latter you have to be careful: it is a protection mechanism that can easily become arrogance and detachment from others.
Step 2. Before assuming that your sense of humor has somehow become blocked, it is important to accept the possibility that it is the misuse of humor by a particular person or group
Intimidating humor occurs when the person telling the jokes oversteps the boundaries of etiquette and respect for human dignity. This can happen when jokes marginalize a certain group or type of society, and when someone tells derogatory or offensive jokes. You may be fully or vaguely aware that it is a joke that it marginalizes, but the more you are exposed to it, the more vulnerable or stressed it makes you feel, especially if you think you can't resist the joke or if it targets you. In reality, intimidating humor isn't humor at all - it deliberately wants to hurt a designated victim. In some cases, having been the victim of intimidating humor can make you very sensitive to any type of humor.
Step 3. Identify the motivation of the person telling the joke
Your reaction will depend on what the person really wants to convey with the joke. There are so many reasons to tell jokes and many are based on good intentions. People tell jokes to provoke laughter, release tension, to feel good, to be popular, to laugh at a stupid or even difficult situation, to mock ridiculous social norms, and so on. As we saw in the previous passage, some people tell jokes to demean a person or a group, to control someone by belittling them, to downplay other people's successes, and the like; this use of jokes serves to manipulate and control, and deliberately aims to harm. But most people use jokes in a positive way - negative use is usually limited to specific people who have relationships where power between people is very unbalanced. When listening to a joke consider how you feel:
- Do you feel comfortable about other aspects of your relationship with the person telling the joke? For example, does he try to intimidate you or control you in some way? Do you think this person is always "teasing" you and justifying it by saying that "he was joking"?
- Does the person telling the joke often use the joke in their conversations, perhaps because they feel uncomfortable or nervous? Maybe that's his way and he doesn't intend to hurt anyone?
- Is the joke really funny? Does it cause laughter because it's fun, engaging, without being offensive?
Step 4. Listen carefully
When they tell you a joke, don't immediately assume it's a direct attack on you or something you need to defend against. Before giving your personal interpretation, evaluate the context in which the joke is being told, the actual content and the way it is told. Maybe the joke is part of a larger conversation, or was it said to lighten the mood? Remember that most people tell jokes for a positive, not a negative, purpose, so avoid thinking the worst in any situation.
Step 5. Establish a line of communication between you
If someone is telling a joke or making a joke and you just can't tell if they meant to hurt you, it can be helpful to point out that they hurt your feelings and explain why. Focus on your point of view and let the other person explain what they really meant by that joke. Probably, once you hear the explanation, you will find that the person had no malicious intentions towards you, and may even feel pained to find out what you felt. Some lessons that can be learned from an honest discussion of a joke include:
- Try to see the next pranks from this person in the appropriate context instead of thinking the worst.
- If you like this person, trust them and get along well, keep in mind that they would not purposely say nasty things to you in the form of jokes.
- If a particular topic bothered you when the person was joking, mention it. Ask him to avoid talking jokingly about that subject in your presence because it lends itself to misunderstanding or hurts you.
- Be prepared to compromise. Even if your feelings are important, try to keep your point of view from cutting that person off. Her feelings must also be respected, and if there was no intention of hurting, avoid feeling morally superior. Clarify the limits but respect the explanation given to you by the other person.
Step 6. Try to be receptive rather than responsive
If you have the general feeling that jokes are a way of attacking you that includes criticism and disapproval of you, then it's time to test your expectations. If you continue to overreact to jokes or jokes, not only do you risk missing out on a good laugh but it also means that you base your self-esteem on the approval of others. If you interpret the jokes as a lack of approval towards yourself you make yourself vulnerable and easy victim. It is up to you to restore your emotional balance and base the measure of your worth on the fact that you believe in yourself, without waiting for the approval of others. If instead of getting too upset, you manage to be receptive, regardless of whether a joke is directed at you, you won't take it personally and keep your self-esteem intact. Instead of letting doubt consume you, receptivity will allow you to see jokes in perspective and respond with reason rather than emotion. To be receptive:
- Realize that the jokes are largely benign. Even if they weren't and they are maliciously directed at you, it doesn't detract from your worth. Only you can do it.
- Recognize that you are on the defensive. If you let a joke hit you, you only increase its power and let the situation go far beyond the initial impact. If you think that the other person disapproves of you because they are joking about you and you are being offended or superior in order to assert yourself, then you are being defensive and letting the other person's attitude affect you. Even if the joke was malicious, avoid turning it into an occasion for conflict or drama. Instead, acknowledge that you are being defensive so that you can neutralize your reaction.
- Stay calm and peaceful. A simple statement is best, like "It's not a very nice / kind thing" or "Everyone thinks how they want it." Sometimes, it's best to say nothing, or change the subject.
Step 7. Keep trying to improve your self-esteem
Remember what your qualities are. You know you're not stupid or dumb or what the joke seems to imply or your inner voice keeps saying. You know your friends or your partner wouldn't be with you if it wasn't worth it. Make peace with your self-esteem. This is the most important thing, because when you have faith in yourself the jokes will seem like just… jokes.
Step 8. Laugh more often
Give yourself the freedom to laugh instead of trying to appear "proper" or "snobbish". You have to laugh at jokes. When the joke is innocent, funny and said without malice, laugh a little. With a little laugh you will realize the funny side of both jokes and many other things. Even if the person who joked wasn't exactly nice, sometimes laughing at the joke he wanted to annoy you makes it harmless and makes the person stop trying again.
Advice
- It often happens that perfectionists take jokes too seriously, because they fear that any lack will show imperfections. In this case, learning to accept constructive criticism and be less of a perfectionist can help ease the tension when you hear a joke.
- Don't hide the fact that a joke hurt your feelings. The more you keep quiet, the more your friend will think that you find jokes just as funny as he does.
- If you find yourself in a relationship (in the family or with your partner) where jokes and jokes have become habitual, as a way of relating without having more serious conversations, it may be difficult to understand if those around you are talking. seriously or not. This is a different and complex psychological problem, and if it occurs it would be better to seek professional support.
- If you lack information or don't have in-depth knowledge about something you may be taking jokes too seriously just because you don't know all the facts. Make sure you are aware of the facts before coming to negative conclusions about a joke.
Warnings
- Taking jokes seriously can be a form of manipulation or arrogance, a way of trying to "be a martyr" or "the hurt person" to make the other person see them as you or do what you want.. Avoid this behavior –– it's a mean way to spoil the mood and stifles novelty, fun and creativity. Plus, it's a way to silence others and make your own opinion prevail, which is just bad.
- Jokes that refer to race, gender, sexual orientation, a disability, or religion are usually offensive and should be taken seriously. Do not allow any kind of intolerance. Furthermore, in some contexts this type of jokes can be subjected to disciplinary (in an institutional context) or legal (in a personal or social context) sanctions. Don't assume that derogatory speech or verbal intimidation ruins your life.
- Don't do to others what you don't want them to do to you. It's not nice or smart to say bad things to your friends or other people, even if they started it. Don't stoop to their level!
- Sometimes the culprit just wants to hurt you with his jokes and will continue to do so as long as you allow it. Ignore it, or let someone in authority know that those jokes are directed at you and make you feel vulnerable, and the person who targeted you may stop.
