It is normal to feel nervous and, in fact, it happens to everyone, you just need to learn to hide this emotional state well. Whether you are preparing for a big event or facing an unexpected event, there are several methods that allow you to calm your nerves and prevent the situation from getting out of hand.
Steps
Part 1 of 3: Preparing to Support a Stressful Situation
Step 1. Assess how nervous you are
To learn how to relax your nerves, look at your symptoms. By doing this, you will be able to think and find ways to calm down. Typically, the most common symptoms include:
- Sweating;
- Dry mouth;
- Shaking / tremor
- Stomach cramps;
- Difficulty concentrating
- Stuttering / shaky voice;
- Rapid heartbeat;
- Stunning;
- Shallow breathing;
- Gnawing nails / fiddling with hands;
- Defensive physical attitude (such as crossing arms and legs).
Step 2. Practice
As always, when we prepare, we feel more self-confident and up to what we need to do. Imagine what it would be like if you got a positive result under unnerving circumstances. Think about the success you might experience as you reach the goals set for that purpose. Don't try to plan everything perfectly (otherwise you'll end up holding back). Although the nervousness will not completely disappear, it will tend to lessen with experience.
Step 3. Breathe
Try learning some techniques for deep, relaxing breathing. They will help you deal with various situations and can also be useful in moments of strong nervousness. Whether you have a tendency to breathe shallow, controlled or fast, deep breathing exercises will help you do it more efficiently. At the same time, the body will receive what it needs to cope with a greater expenditure of energy. Additionally, you will allow the autonomic nervous system to relax despite being overstimulated.
Step 4. Reformulate negative thoughts in more positive terms
Nervousness is just a rush of adrenaline that promotes the release of energy. So, when we get nervous, our mind is crossed by a flood of thoughts that are a mirror of the strong state of stress we are at the mercy of: "I can't do it" or "I'm not good enough". Even if you can't stop running thoughts, you can replace them with more positive ones. It's about describing your abilities firsthand in more optimistic terms. Here are some phrases that show you how to invalidate negative thoughts and leverage your self-esteem:
- "I'm the best candidate for this job";
- "I am prepared for this show and it will be a success";
- "I can do it";
- "They want to pass this exam and I will succeed."
Step 5. Use visualization techniques
Imagine yourself in a nerve-wracking situation and think not only of succeeding, but of succeeding in spite of all predictions. Try to be determined and confident and focus on the little details that surround you. Mentally retrace all the most rewarding events and do not abandon that feeling of accomplishment that accompanied them. This technique is often used by athletes and is very effective when it is essential to have self-confidence.
For example, if you're afraid of talking to the girl you like, imagine starting out by making everyone laugh with a hilarious joke that prompts her to look at you differently
Step 6. Accept your personality and inclinations
To focus on what you are doing, you need to accept your proclivities instead of being insecure. Not everyone can be perfect in everything, and if you have difficulty with something, accept it and avoid being too critical of yourself.
- Know what to expect from yourself and what a nice surprise can be. You may have higher expectations than necessary. While it is always better to get excellent grades, maybe you just need enough to pass a geometry exam!
- For example, if public speaking isn't one of your best skills, don't judge yourself harshly for some mistake or if you didn't act promptly. Also, if you have more realistic expectations through a greater awareness of your abilities, you will have a less inflexible attitude towards you, even when you tend to be hypercritical due to nervousness.
- Don't leave with too high expectations. For example, if this is your first time participating in a martial arts tournament, it is unlikely that you will take home a trophy. So, if you put too much pressure on yourself, you will only become more anxious. Rather, it would already be more realistic if you thought about ending the first match.
- Accepting one's inclinations means honestly evaluating one's strengths and weaknesses in order to have realistic expectations. If you would like more information on self-acceptance, click here.
Step 7. Accept being nervous
This may seem counterproductive as you are trying to avoid this emotional state! However, trying to suppress an emotion could even exacerbate it.
- Don't shy away from the feeling of discomfort, but keep in mind that feeling distressed doesn't stop you from reacting.
- See nervousness as an emotional state that occurs naturally in some situations, just as happiness, sadness, and anger can emerge in others. Instead of staving off these feelings, let them come to the surface without getting swallowed up.
- When you are nervous, it means that there is something that matters to you. And if you care, you will most likely do a great job compared to someone who has no interest.
Part 2 of 3: Calming the Nerves in the Immediate
Step 1. Start with momentum
Begin clearly and strongly to have the right drive to move forward. For example, if you have to do a job interview, prepare a sentence that demonstrates how much you appreciate certain aspects of the company.
Step 2. Focus on what you need to accomplish
Usually people prone to nervousness are much more focused on themselves than on what they do. The nervousness can even increase when there is the feeling that the triggering cause (such as an interview, an exam) is overexposing one's potential. Instead of thinking about how you are emerging and the judgment of others, review the material you have prepared for, whether it is an exam or a piece of music.
Step 3. Be careful
Nervousness can manifest itself in facial expressions, gestures and the intonation of the voice. If you are aware of these nuances in approaching people, you can create the right distance in order to adopt postures and gestures that show greater confidence. By changing these aspects, you will learn to "act as if" you are not nervous. When the body changes, the mind will naturally follow suit.
Signs of nervousness to correct include: fiddling with your hands, slouching or defensive posture, looking little or no at the other person, and touching your face and neck
Step 4. Don't be in a hurry
By rushing to get everything up and running out of your way, you will end up confusing others and showing how agitated you are. If circumstances force you to speak (as usually happens), remember to express yourself calmly. By slowing down the speech, you will be more understandable and, by lowering the tone of your voice slightly, you will avoid the risk of it breaking or screeching.
Step 5. Don't lose sight of the situation
Remember not to blame yourself for the little things. Most of our fears never come true, and even if they do, reality is never as bad as you imagined. Try to focus on the general scheme of things, regardless of the repercussions that may arise from a mistake or an oversight, even in a year's time.
For example, if you are nervous about having to give a presentation in front of an audience, realize that a wrong pronunciation or use of the hunchback is unlikely to be remembered at the end of the meeting. Also, even if it doesn't go well, a single failure cannot compromise your self-esteem - it is an isolated case
Part 3 of 3: Making Long-Term Change
Step 1. Give yourself a chance to feel nervous
If this happens often, try to let go and feel this emotional state completely, without resisting. Don't set time limits, but give it space while it lasts. You will be sick for at least a minute and then suddenly you will calm down. This is a great exercise in learning to understand that nervousness does not continually threaten psychological balance (as we often believe).
Step 2. Get rid of the neuroses
Do you have a habit of fiddling with your hands or shaking your legs when sitting? Try to notice or ask someone to point out when you take neurotic attitudes with your body. You can consciously quit by controlling yourself and changing your behavior as soon as you notice it, or by correcting yourself with small punishments, such as hitting the wrist with a rubber band. In this way, you will learn to calm the nervousness caused by these behaviors and, in addition, it will change the way people relate to you. Over time, these steps will help you build your confidence.
Step 3. Don't be a perfectionist
Often nervousness is accompanied by a magnified view of our imperfections. It pushes us to underestimate all the things we are good at and to harshly judge our mistakes. Even if you make a mistake, it's not a problem because everyone can make mistakes. Plus, nothing is more impressive than getting up gracefully and moving on.
Step 4. Go for a run
To have a healthy body and mind it is essential to adopt an active lifestyle. Jogging or any other aerobic activity helps to dispose of the adrenaline by eliminating the related nervousness symptoms. Regular exercise allows you to stay calm day after day, reduce stress and tension, and increase energy. Think of it as a preventative measure against the most stressful moments.
Step 5. Regulate the circadian rhythm
Try to get 7-8 hours of sleep every night even if your nerves feel like they are breaking down. Lack of sleep and fatigue impair your ability to cope with stressful situations and you may find yourself in a bad mood and unable to concentrate. A good night's sleep is what you need not only before a nerve-wracking event, but also to relieve anxiety.
Step 6. Learn relaxation exercises
Instead of distracting yourself from tensions by watching television or surfing the Internet, try some deep relaxation techniques that are effective on a psycho-physical level. For example, deep breathing relaxes the main nerve from the diaphragm to the brain, instructing the whole body to relax. This is a very useful exercise when you need to prepare yourself for particularly nerve-wracking situations. Here are some widely used methods for relieving tension in daily life:
- Mantra meditation;
- Deep breathing;
- Progressive muscle relaxation;
- Yoga.
Step 7. Start a diary
When you are afraid of not remembering something, you tend to repeat it in your mind over and over again. In these cases, the agitation may take over to the point of worrying or scaring you more than necessary. By writing down your thoughts, especially the most recurring ones, you have the opportunity to free yourself from the burden of having to remember them. A diary can act as a basket for thoughts to cast out, such as self-destructive beliefs and opinions.
Step 8. Build a bond with others
A solid network of support that you can rely on at any time can do more than just distract you from nervousness. Speaking of your state of mind, you may find that others don't see you as nervous as you think. Also, you will realize that people are not always calm and seraphic, but they can easily get nervous, especially in the most important situations that deserve attention.
