One morning you wake up and you are a different person. What made you complete yesterday no longer satisfies you today. It may seem incredible to you, but parting with someone is the best choice you can make for yourself. If a loved one has died, you have gone through a romantic breakup, you have to leave unrequited love behind you or you no longer have anything in common with a friend, moving on is the right step to be happy, and this is what matters.. Find out how to do it.
Steps
Method 1 of 4: Distancing from a Broken Love Relationship
Step 1. Face your feelings
First, you need to know that pain is good. Feeling emotions is good. Crying is good. Anger is good. Whatever feeling you feel is probably normal, and you need to let it emerge. Once you stop hiding under the covers, the process can begin. However, to forget someone there is a well-defined and linear procedure to be faced, so first the brutalization phase must come (that is, you hide in your room, eat a tub of ice cream in front of a sad movie or dye your hair a color unlikely, that you will not be able to show off anywhere). Let it take its course.
Typically, the first phase you face is that of denial, followed by anger. It will not seem real to you but then, when you find yourself coming to terms with reality, the words you exchanged and the experiences lived will evoke frustration and pain. Instead of tormenting yourself not only with the breakup, but also with the way you are handling it, you need to know that this is how it works. These emotions that you feel are part of you. You are not crazy and you are not useless. You are only a human being
Step 2. Don't put the past on a pedestal
You may find yourself reliving all the best moments you shared with your ex. Inert in your bed, you will mentally repeat them like a broken record. However, if this person came back to you, 10 minutes later you would think, "Yeah, that's why it didn't work." When you are carried away by particularly intense emotions, it is difficult to remember all the negative aspects of a relationship. Remember one thing: if you happen to sigh for the best memories, you are not realistically evaluating what happened.
If you want scientific evidence to back this up, emotions have actually been shown to impact memories. So, if you are desperately searching for the positives, your mind may even rework your experiences to meet your current expectations. Basically, the memory reviews what happened with the filter of a pair of pink glasses to match your mental processes
Step 3. Distance yourself as much as possible
Basically, "letting go" of your ex is an understatement that you should forget her so that you never care again. It will seem a bit drastic, so this is why we often break up and decide to remain friends or use euphemisms to describe this stage. That said, distancing yourself from this person is the only way you can get into the fast lane to forget them. You know when you found that old shirt at the bottom of the closet and you exclaimed, "Hey, I loved this shirt! How is it possible that I didn't realize I lost it?". That's right: out of sight, out of mind.
For many people, this is definitely a lot easier said than done. Nonetheless, you can make an effort to limit the amount of time you spend around your ex. Take advantage of this process to have the excuse of dedicating yourself body and soul to a new passion. Find a new place to spend your free time or a new group of people to hang out with every now and then. Don't renew your life for this person, but keep your best interests in mind
Step 4. Don't put yourself in second place
You felt anger and sadness. You have made a pact with yourself: in the future you will not make the same mistakes. You've probably spent seemingly eternal days, weeks, or months wondering where you went wrong. You felt like you were wandering in the fog. Surely you will be tempted by the temptation to drop everything, but you can't. You don't have to, for yourself. To enrich your world, you need to move on.
At this point, you have to do whatever you want. In this moment, come first of all the rest. Do whatever makes you happy (as long as it's not harmful, of course). So, have a party. If you can't get a friend to change for their own good, that's not your problem. Take this opportunity to be selfish. Your mantra should be "me, me, me". Because? Because you are a great person
Step 5. Don't blame the entire male or female universe
Soon you will come out of this stage and meet the right person (and, at that point, the "me, me, me" phase should be replaced by "me, you, me, you"), so the last thing you need it is holding a global grudge. Learning from an experience does not mean becoming tired of everything and cynical; more than anything else, it means giving up. Strive to see the best in people. Not all are the same, although sometimes you have to dig a little.
Not all men are despicable and not all women are sneaky. You may have a soft spot for sneaky and despicable people, but that's a problem in its own right. Look carefully at all the types of people you meet: how much diversity can you spot? Surely a lot. In fact, not all are the same
Step 6. Control negative thoughts
The mind is yours, so this means you can control it. If negative thoughts surface, you have the power to stop them. When you get on a train of thoughts, the beauty is that you can get off whenever you want. Sometimes it takes some effort, but it's doable.
- Process negative thoughts by repeating them in a cartoonish voice, such as Donald's. With his voice, he tries to say, "I hate myself for being such an idiot." Hard to take it seriously, right?
- Keep your head up consciously. This posture reminds the body that you are present and proud. If you turn it down, you will be enveloped in shame and negativity, so you can actually feel worse. This little movement can make all the difference.
Step 7. Trust your friends
Right now, the absolute best source of support will be your social network. Your friends will allow you to get distracted and help you fight. Don't be afraid to ask for help - they've probably been there before you!
Ask them to help you not to brood. You absolutely have to talk about your feelings, but with a limit. They should give you 15 minutes of their time to discuss it, but it won't do any good afterwards to do unnecessary analysis and regret. They will keep you from drowning in sorrow
Step 8. Rediscover yourself and learn to love yourself
The truth is, you are a great person and what happened is just a small snag. You've probably felt this way before and got over it, so why shouldn't you be able to do it now too? If you have recovered once, you can do it again. You are resilient, only you have forgotten it. Keep living and you will let this person go.
It is when you stop living that you cannot leave it behind. If you live to the end (you look for opportunities, enjoy life, surround yourself with things and people you love), you end up forgetting it naturally, and you will barely realize it. Think back to your identity before this relationship. What did you like? What characterized you? Why were you appreciated?
Method 2 of 4: Forget Unrequited Love
Step 1. Evaluate your standards
Clearly, this person never really liked you in the first place, so they're not worthy of your attention. Don't ask yourself "Did he deserve me?" or "Didn't he deserve me?" You have to be 100% sure he didn't deserve you, no ifs and buts. You deserve someone who understands you, who is aware of your worth and who wants to be an integral part of your life. Those who are unable to do so may very well leave.
Take a moment to focus on your self-awareness. Analyze yourself as objectively as possible. Did this relationship give you a feeling of security precisely because it was unreal? Did the assurance that no one would ever harm you for lack of commitment reassured you? If your answers to these questions come even remotely close to the truth, the situation has to do only with yourself. The other person has nothing to do with it: it is just a symbol that you have given a meaning to
Step 2. Rate your happiness
Whether you were this person's lover or just had a big crush, would you have been truly happy with her? You would probably never have been happy and wish for a different relationship, which you idealized. How real was your relationship? How much was instead made up of desires, hopes and foolish ideas?
Clearly this relationship didn't meet your needs, or you wouldn't have felt the need to walk away. Remember it. Put it well in your head. This person was not a good fit for you, but you will meet one who will be. The fact is, to find another one, you have to move on. And that's why you ended up here! You are already halfway there
Step 3. Don't wait
Life is too short not to start living it now. This person has definitely gone their own way, so why don't you turn the page and do the same? It would be unfair to avoid it. This doesn't mean throwing yourself headlong into a new relationship, but being sociable and doing your best to have fun.
- Don't wait in the hope that the situation will change. You would find yourself facing a practically eternal wait. In general, the best way to predict future behavior is to look at past attitudes. Since this person's actions have broken your heart, why should it be any different from now on? That's right, it won't.
- Part of you may already know all of this. You are aware that this relationship was not for you and that moving on is the most logical thing to do (after all, that is why you are here). Regardless of your degree of awareness, let rationality take over for at least a couple of hours a day. Let it protect you and stop you from getting hurt. There's this part of you that knows what you need to feel better, whether it's a night out with your friends, a nice daily jog at the park, or that vacation you've been planning for a while. Whatever it is, put it into practice.
Step 4. Keep your distance physically
Now that you have decided to distance yourself mentally, it is essential to distance yourself personally as well. The only way to put an end to inner torment is to stop seeing this person. If it is possible (for example, you are not a co-worker), do it. The process will be much faster.
This doesn't give you an excuse to stay at home instead of going to class, the gym or the pub with your friends. However, it gives you the opportunity to change your routine. Do you always go to the same bar? Find a new one. A certain gym? Go to another time. Choose an entirely new hobby
Step 5. Be clear
If you keep seeing this person, he will ask you questions. There's no point making up excuses that don't stand up to why you're avoiding it. Eventually, it all comes out. It would be preferable to offer a rather diplomatic version of the truth.
Nobody can give you a script to follow, only you know your real situation. However, a sentence like "I need to be alone to figure out what's best for me" cannot be countered by anyone. If he doesn't accept it, you'll have one more reason to go (or run) away
Step 6. Don't blame yourself
What happened is not your fault. That's life. It happens to everyone, and do you know what it is? You will learn from this situation. Past sentimental breakups have taught you something and you have managed to overcome them, in this case there will be no differences. You haven't done anything wrong. Back then, you believed your decisions were right. All you can do now is move on.
Having regrets because you would have preferred to do something differently, behave differently, or express yourself in another way is useless. You are who you are, and if things haven't worked out, something better is on the horizon. Pretending to change yourself is an exhausting process that would only result in resentment and fatigue. Blaming yourself for who you are doesn't make any sense. Why on earth should you be any different?
Step 7. Focus on yourself
Take advantage of this moment and dedicate it to your life. It is not only for your own good, but for that of all future relationships as well. If you don't experience emotional closure and can't understand who you are, you won't get anything and you won't be able to evolve. It is not a question of selfishness, it is pure and simple logic.
What do you like to do? Think about at least five activities and spend two weeks on them. Eventually, there will come a time when you have forgotten this person without even realizing it. You will be too busy thinking about your life to notice. When you realize it months later, you will feel great
Method 3 of 4: Letting a Dead Person Go
Step 1. Learn to get rid of remorse
When a loved one dies, all of a sudden the mind is bombarded with what would have been best done or said, with what was done and said and then regretted it. However, it is not possible to make up for the past, and brooding will cause even more suffering. Wouldn't this person have wanted to see you happy?
Getting rid of remorse often involves the ability to forgive yourself. Unfortunately, there is no manual about it, and the only thing you can do is remember that you are a human being. You are human and you have loved as much as you could. Now, it's time to focus on the present
Step 2. Don't run away from suffering
The five stages of grieving are denial, anger, negotiation, depression, and acceptance. In that order. However, remember that not everyone reacts in the same way. What is certain is that you have to allow yourself to suffer, whether curled up in a corner hugging a teddy bear or running around until you can't take it anymore. Give it a go. In the long run, you will feel better.
Others' preconceptions about pain can be safely ignored. You should handle it just as you think it's right, provided you treat yourself and others respectfully (read: don't resort to drugs, alcohol, and so on)
Step 3. Don't suffer in silence
At this time, you need to join your loved ones. Sometimes, when the pain is shared with others, it feels much more bearable. Joint efforts can make time go by much faster.
If it seems to you that you are the only one going through this moment and that no one else is suffering, you just need to be in the company of others to feel better. Letting someone take you by the hand allows you to understand that you are not alone. That everything will be fine. Seek support from those around you, whoever you have next to you
Step 4. Find yourself
In the past there will have been a part of you that existed outside, regardless of this relationship. And still there is. It's just a matter of finding yourself once again. Just a dusting and you will be back to being what you were before.
Reconnect with people and things from your past. What filled you with enthusiasm? What made you feel alive? What's that thing you've always wanted to have more time and energy for? Finally, answer this question, the most important: why not start now?
Step 5. Look to the future
The only reason it's not bright is because you're wearing dark lenses. The future holds many promises for you, just as it held them six weeks, six months or six years ago. It is just a matter of deciding what you will do with it. Instead of basking in the past, think about tomorrow. What will it bring?
When you cling to the past, there is no room for the future. However, you risk losing an entire world, which is waiting only for you. Did your loved one ever want such a thing? To find love, you have to give and receive. If your hands are busy holding on to what you had, you can't grab something new
Step 6. Write a goodbye letter full of positivity to find emotional closure
Express all the words you've never said. He must be optimistic, focus on the life of your loved one and the great happiness he has given you.
It is up to you to decide what to do with it. You can keep the letter in a place near you, wait for it to be carried away by a wave by the sea, or burn it and watch the smoke rise into the sky
Step 7. Remember that sooner or later you will be able to move on
It will happen automatically, it is not something forced or to be controlled. It will just happen. It could not, should, can or could. The only tense that fits this situation is the future. For some it will take longer than for others, but it will happen. Until then, relax. Let time take its course. It will heal all wounds.
When it starts to happen, you probably won't even realize it. You will change and grow so much that you will never look back and you will never be the same again. Maybe that time has already come. Maybe the process has begun and you are so caught up in the situation that you are unable to understand it. Will it happen to you too? What questions: of course yes
Method 4 of 4: Distancing from a Toxic Friendship
Step 1. The detachment must be as peaceful as possible
Nothing is absolute: it is individual perceptions that define the positivity or negativity of an experience. Ending a friendship doesn't have to be a bad thing. It is a symbol of growth and maturity. The choice to move away shows the world that you have found your path and that you cannot share it with this person. That's all. You are not abandoning anyone and you are not being inflexible, you are doing what you have to do.
All experiences and relationships have value. However, some people are meant to stay in the past, not become part of the future. And there is nothing wrong with that! The world is beautiful because it is varied. Be grateful for the experiences, because they have allowed you to grow. They made you the wonderful person you are today
Step 2. Surround yourself with other people
This friendship was turning you into a person you don't want to become (and yes, friendships have the power to do that). Toxic relationships can be exhausting and affect other areas of life. The only way to overcome the problem is to slowly immerse yourself in a different social group. A group of new people who make you feel good.
If you don't know new people to rely on, you will find them. Maybe you will have to search a little. It will scare you, but if it were too easy, it wouldn't be worth it. Join a club or class. Try a new hobby. Allow yourself to become part of a larger world. The more your horizons broaden, the less this person will have an influence on you
Step 3. Be kind
If this friend sucks up your energy and doesn't contribute anything to the relationship, he or she may not even know about it. The last thing you should do is let off steam in a moment of anger - after all, you were friends for a reason. Part of you loves this person. When he asks what's going on, be honest, but kind.
If you are not sure what to say, simply explain to him the reasoning you made between you and yourself: "We took different paths, and this is fine. I still respect you as a person, but our friendship is based on who I was, not on what I am. Your behavior prevents me from moving forward and I no longer want to be held back by this relationship. " He'll ask you questions, he might get mad, but at the end of the day, you'll be better off, regardless of his reaction
Step 4. Take your distance
Sometimes, when a person sees himself deprived of something, he wants it even more. This friend may start calling you more often than before. As much as you swear you understand his mistakes and want to change, don't believe him so easily. You need time to analyze yourself, step back and look at the situation from an objective perspective.
Your friend must do the same. If he wants to talk about what happened, tell him why you should distance yourself. You both need to move away to understand what it means to give up the relationship. You need to take a step back and take a detached gaze to look at the situation with a critical eye. If after a few weeks you feel like seeing your friend and he feels the same way, slowly recover the relationship. Every now and then, people really realize they were wrong and they change
Step 5. Define what you want to find in your future friendships
It would be useless to abandon a friend only to replace him with his double. So, when you are looking for a new group of great friends, what characteristics do you want them to have? What do you admire in others?
This research may also require a bit of self-analysis. Why did you make friends with this person? What did you admire about her? What did you need? Why didn't it satisfy you? What are the three adjectives you would use to describe your ideal friend?
Step 6. Focus only on what can be changed
Your friend is a separate person. You can't change it, however hard you want to try. And that's right. It is what it is and you are what you are. There is nothing wrong with that. However, since it is not possible to make changes, do not waste energy attempting it. Dwell on what can change to make you happier.
For example, your environment can change. Your mindset can change. Your needs can change. As you begin to grow, focus on just one of these aspects. Getting more in tune with yourself will make the right path much clearer
Advice
- You also have to believe in yourself and love yourself, in any case. Remember that everything happens for a reason. People come and go all the time in life, so don't suffer from it. Also, don't forget that there is someone just around the corner waiting for you and wanting to meet you.
- Getting away from someone doesn't always mean erasing them from your life. Turning the page also means being there for this person, worrying about them, without letting them wear you out, hurt you or stop you from living your life.
- Going back to old memories is always painful, but there comes a time when you have to clean up the closets, keep the photographs and open a new door.
- After losing a loved one, give yourself time to grieve, then start walking a new path that you won't share with them. Make new friends, make new experiences that interest you. Starting a new life on your own can be difficult at first, but this new path will give you satisfaction and fulfillment.
- Remember, there is no expiration date for pain. If you want to go out for dinner with someone four or six months after your spouse dies, don't feel guilty. Everyone reacts differently, they have their own times and begin to want to live a new life at different times. Keep living, you owe it to this person. When and how you will do this is entirely up to you and your emotions.
- Get involved in a sport or hobby that keeps you busy and get rid of anything that reminds you of this person.
