Divorce is one of the most emotionally draining and devastating experiences a person can have, but that certainly doesn't mean it can't be overcome. If you want to cope well with your breakup, you need to give yourself time to heal, work on appreciating your newfound single life, and know that you don't have to go this path alone to leave it behind. Coping with a divorce takes a lot of time and energy, but you will feel more stable and peaceful once you get over this bad relationship and learn to love your life again. If you want to find out how to achieve this, follow these steps.
Steps
Method 1 of 4: Take Time to Heal
Step 1. Give yourself time to grieve
If you want to deal with divorce in the best possible way, you need to give yourself time to feel pain. You can't expect to completely move on as soon as your ex partner leaves home or divorce proceedings are finalized. As bad as the relationship has been for some time, you still need to feel the pain of ending a relationship with someone you once loved deeply. Instead of denying the sorrow you feel, you should embrace the confusion, regret, and sadness.
- It's okay to allow yourself to cry for some time. It is therapeutic and will make you feel better; it is preferable to keeping the feelings inside and letting them accumulate.
- If you don't want to spend time on your social life, talk to your friends about it or just go out every now and then. As good as it does you to get back in touch with the rest of the world and set up a comfortable routine, you can't expect to do it overnight.
- You can keep a journal to write down all your thoughts related to confusion and pain. It will help you heal because you will be able to define and release your emotions.
Step 2. Let go of regrets
You certainly have some after your marriage ends. You may regret deeply hurting the person you loved, not being present enough, or not taking the time to do those little things that may have helped the relationship grow. But you can't waste your time wondering "What if …" all day. This will make you feel worse because you will try, in your mind, to change things that are beyond your control.
- Try making a list of all the things you regret and then tear off the paper. Once you put everything you regret on paper, you will be able to manage it much easier.
- Your ex probably has regrets too. However, remember that this feeling will lead you nowhere.
Step 3. Don't go through it alone
When you feel ready to talk to your family and friends about it, take the time to talk about your divorce and to let off steam with them. You don't have to do it with everyone, maybe discuss it with a close friend or brother. What matters is that you don't face all the pain alone. Call your friends, meet them for lunch, or invite them to your home to help you heal. You should also consider the help a mental health professional could give you.
- If you don't feel ready, you don't have to talk about your divorce, but you can't hold onto all the pain and suffering forever.
- Your friends can also provide you with a nice distraction when you need them. Having a good friend by your side can help you not think about pain. You may be surprised to find that your best friend can make you laugh even when you are at the lowest point of suffering.
Step 4. Accept that it's over
Maybe you still can't believe it, even if your divorce is now final. It takes some time to accept that your life with your ex won't go the way you expected, but that doesn't mean the rest of your life won't go on without him. Take some time to understand that it is truly over and that no attempt at discussion, improvement or compromise will change it.
- You will only be able to move on with your life if you accept that the marriage is truly over. Until you do, you won't be able to enjoy your new existence.
- Reminding yourself of all the reasons why the marriage ended and all the unhappiness you felt will help you appreciate its ending even more.
Step 5. Don't be hard on yourself
As you begin the healing process, you should avoid judging yourself or raising your expectations of how you should behave. Now is not the time to shed those 10 pounds you've always hated or to start becoming a work addict to make a good impression on your boss. You can reach your goal after you have recovered at least some of your mental strength. Until then, just focus on not sinking.
Don't blame yourself for overeating, waking up late, or forgetting a friend's birthday. While you can't use divorce as an excuse for undesirable behavior, you can't even meet your highest standards in a moment of regret
Step 6. End all communication with your ex, if you can
If there are no children in the middle and after the separation you have divided your things, then you should avoid talking to him, texting him or using social networks to communicate with us. And, while you think it's mature of you to have a good relationship with your ex to show him that everything is fine, you shouldn't see him for coffee or chat on the phone until you've really gotten over it. It could take years, so be patient.
If you have children, then obviously you can't ignore it entirely. You should still talk to him when you need it and show politeness and kindness, but don't use your kids to have long, deep conversations about how much you miss each other
Method 2 of 4: Changing Mindsets
Step 1. Prepare for a long process
Once you have started to heal, you can begin to realize that it will take a long time to forget about your ex. This is not just any teenage breakup or the end of a relationship that lasted a few years. A marriage required more effort and certainly left you with a lot of baggage, especially if you share things (whose properties are they?) And children (how will visits be organized?) With this person.
The sooner you accept that you won't be able to get through a divorce in a few weeks, the more you will be able to deal with it much faster
Step 2. Admit your flaws, and work on them
You can blame your ex as much as you want for the end of the marriage, but chances are you have your fair share of shortcomings too. There must be various occasions when you would have acted differently in hindsight and must have character traits that should be blunted to have good future relationships.
- Write a list of everything you would like to change about yourself and draw up a plan to address each issue. This will be a positive way to occupy your time and feel less anger about the relationship breakdown.
- Don't knock yourself down even more. Doing something to correct your flaws does not mean that you feel worthless and full of negative characteristics.
Step 3. Don't rush into a new relationship
Although you think doing this will help you get your ex out of your mind, in reality, you will feel worse about embarking on a new relationship when you haven't gotten over your old one yet. If you date another person, you will constantly compare them to your ex and use a lot of emotional energy to date them, when you should work on overcoming the regret caused by divorce.
Starting a new relationship right away will not only make it harder to get over the old one, but it will also cause pain to the person you're dating
Step 4. Don't involve the children
Sure, you have tremendous regrets or even hate your ex after the divorce, but carrying your kids into all of this will make the situation worse and cause them confusion and great pain. As much as you and your ex are at loggerheads, you should take the tension away from the children and not let it emerge, or they will feel guilty and will not be able to be comfortable with either you or your ex.
- Don't say anything bad about your ex to the kids. This will make them feel confused and hurt.
- When you bring the kids to your ex's house, make sure you are at least friendly.
- Children are intuitive and understand if things are not going well between you and your ex, so you should try as much as possible to make everything seem normal.
Step 5. Avoid making big decisions right away
You may have thought about going back to college, moving across the country, or quitting your job to pursue a new career, but you should pause your future choices, which you will need to make when you are a little more stable. Wait a few months before making a life-changing decision and make sure it isn't affected by the divorce.
If you make an important decision right after the divorce, you will have to go through too many changes at once. Wait for the situation to calm down and then reconsider this possible choice
Step 6. Find your path to healing
When others learn about your divorce, your ears will immediately be flooded with well-meaning advice, much of which will be useless and won't apply to your specific case. They might tell you to go on a romantic fling, stop believing in love, let it all go right away, or get busy so you don't even have time to breathe. However, you will have to find your own path, do not follow the tips that do not convince you.
Every relationship is different and, therefore, so too is the end that marks it. This is why you will need to decide which advice suits you and will help you find your path to happiness
Method 3 of 4: Don't Let Go
Step 1. Listen to your needs
It is important to connect with yourself and make sure your mind and body are reasonably healthy during this time of crisis. Although you want to throw yourself on the couch and cry, you should make sure you eat when you're hungry, get out of the house, take a walk when your body needs to move, and take your eyes off the television when they need to rest.
- And, if you're craving an ice cream or would like to spend a night out with your friends but don't want to admit it, treat it to it. Do what your mind and body tell you instead of ignoring your real needs.
- The sooner you start eating, sleeping and doing whatever your mind and body need on a regular basis, the sooner you can get back to your normal life.
Step 2. Develop a solid routine
While you shouldn't be burdened with so many things that you don't have time for anything else, you should still make sure you keep yourself busy as much as possible so that you don't have hours and hours off to think about the divorce. When you're ready, put some social gatherings, a physical training routine, and time for the things you love into your schedule so that you always do something new and always have something waiting for you.
- You should try to have at least one thing a day that you look forward to, whether it's a phone call with a close friend or an old Katherine Hepburn movie you haven't seen in 10 years.
- Having goals can help you develop a routine. For example, if you want to run a 5K, you will need to dedicate a few hours a week to training.
- Try to change. Don't fall into the routine you were married to, or you'll miss out on your life even more.
Step 3. Stay healthy
While you don't have to become a health-conscious after divorce, working towards healthy lifestyle habits will help you feel more mentally stable and physically stronger. Eat three balanced meals a day, sleep seven to eight hours a night by going to bed around the same time, and exercise at least three times a week.
- Do not overdo it. Don't take divorce as a reason to lose 20kg or become a health lifestyle fanatic. Keep yourself healthy, but in moderation.
- Exercise will make you feel more energized and positive.
Step 4. Explore your interests
Use divorce as an opportunity to experience things you've never been able to do when married. Maybe you've always wanted to enroll in an art class but never had the chance or maybe you never had the chance to expand your culinary repertoire because you didn't have the time. Now, spend a few hours discovering your love of cooking, ceramics or foreign films and be happy to hear that you are expanding your mind and body and finding new things to indulge in.
- Discover all the lessons held in the gym below the house and choose a course you like. Don't be afraid to go there because you are an amateur: you will not be the only one.
- Exploring a new interest will also expose you to a wider selection of people to know and hang out with.
Step 5. Change your environment
If you stayed in the house you shared during your wedding, then you need a change of scenery. Although it is not financially or practically possible for you to move, you can make some adjustments so that the presence of the person you were married to does not “haunt” the house. Move furniture or buy new, paint the walls or treat yourself to a new bed to slowly remove traces of the past.
- If you want to take a mini vacation, plan a weekend away or a trip to a faraway place to visit a friend. Taking a trip isn't a permanent solution to divorce, but it can help distract you.
- You can also change your environment by avoiding the bars, restaurants and old places you used to go to when you were married.
Step 6. Don't consume alcohol to get better
It may seem like drinking can ease the pain and make it easier to cope with divorce, but, in reality, it will complicate your problems and bring you more physical and emotional pain. It might be fun to forget about the breakup for a couple of hours and let yourself go, but you don't have to drink so much that you don't know where you are, lose control and end up embarrassing and hurting others.
If you don't want to drink for a while, tell your friends so they know they don't have to pressure you to have a crazy night
Step 7. Pamper yourself
You are facing a bad period and you deserve to be pampered every now and then. Treat yourself to a day at the spa, a massage or a relaxing hot bath and see how stress levels are lowered. You can also spend a few extra bucks on a new haircut, manicure, or new outfit and feel great.
This is not the right time to be hard on yourself or to punish yourself. Rather, let your body feel relaxed and cared for
Method 4 of 4: Turn the Page
Step 1. Benefit from your friendships
When you get over a divorce and start coming back to you, you should make time for your friends, appreciate them, and understand how much their help and support meant to you. Take some time to talk, go out, take a yoga class, or plan a hike with those closest to you. Your friendships will grow as your stability regains.
- Use this time to resume seeing long-lost friends and try to rebuild a friendship with them.
- You can also turn acquaintances into friendships. Don't be afraid to invite a potential friend over for a cup of coffee or a movie.
Step 2. Spend time with your family
Take divorce as an opportunity to reconnect with your family members and spend more time with your parents, your brothers and sisters, and your children, if you have any. They will know you are struggling and will be there when you need them; you can count on your family, whatever happens. If your loved ones live elsewhere, plan a trip to see each other or spend more time talking on the phone, emailing each other and communicating with each other as often as possible.
If you have children, you spend more time than ever bonding with them. They will need you in this difficult time and you can help each other
Step 3. Welcome your single status
After a while, you will be able to see the benefits. You don't have to answer to anyone, you don't have to tell anyone (except your children) what you will do and you can make your own decisions for yourself instead of considering another person with respect to where to eat, what movie to see and who you will go out with this weekend.
- Have fun going out, dancing and flirting. There is nothing wrong with that.
- If you are single, you can dance with whoever you want, spend a weekend out with your new partner, or do whatever you want.
- Don't think that being single is sad. Rather, enjoy your independence, your new acquaintances and the fact that you only have to be accountable to yourself.
Step 4. Start dating the opposite sex only when you are ready
If a few months or years after the divorce you feel like you've truly accepted it and are ready to move on, then it's time to start dating again. You can create an account on a dating site, ask a friend to introduce you to someone, or meet new people when you go out.
- You don't have to start a serious relationship right away. Going out with the same person a few times will let you know if it's worth continuing to see them or not.
- Go easy. Take the time to get to know each new person instead of telling them all about your divorce right away.
Step 5. Do the things you couldn't do before
Take time after divorce as an opportunity to do what you always wanted to do. Maybe your ex hated trekking while you always wanted to try it: take this chance to become an enthusiast. Maybe your ex hated classic movies - now you can watch all of the Cary Grant films. Maybe your ex hated traveling: now you can plan the vacation of your dreams.
