Thousands of children are anxiously waiting for someone to love and help them. Children have so much to offer the world, but they need support. Tutoring a child and setting a positive example for him can have a decisive impact on his life. The mentor or tutor is a figure halfway between a parent and a friend and his or her job is to help a child in need. Read the steps below to learn how to tutor a problem child.
Steps
Step 1. Be a friend to him (or her)
Remember that you are not a surrogate for a parent or other authority figure. You are a friend with whom the child in difficulty can converse.
Step 2. Lead by example
"Whoever practices the lame learns to limp" is an ever-present proverb. If you want to teach a child how to be a good citizen, you need to set a good example. Children observe how we behave and often repeat what they hear and see. Be the person you want him to become.
- Being a good role model doesn't mean you are perfect, and it doesn't mean you can't show your weaknesses. Children can - and must - learn to deal with their own problems and defects.
- If you are able to apologize to the child, and in front of the child, when you are wrong, you will have a much more positive impact on him than if you never admit your mistakes. This is one of the greatest life lessons a mentor can give a child - it's normal to make mistakes and it's okay to apologize.
Step 3. If possible, connect with the child
In doing so, your child will gradually gain confidence in you and feel understood, especially if you share life experiences similar to his or her. He is likely to feel more comfortable with you from then on and open up to dialogue.
Step 4. Be honest with him
Problem children are often very good at exposing dishonesty and untruth, probably because they have already been deceived so many times in the past. If you cannot relate to the child, do not pretend that you have, because the child will understand that you are lying. If you are dishonest, it will be harder for the child to trust you and open up.
Step 5. Listen to it
One of the basic needs of a child in difficulty is to have someone next to him who devotes time and attention to him and knows how to listen to him. Many problem children do not have figures who take care of them and who know how to listen to them. This does not mean that you have to share all your knowledge and thoughts with him: simply let him tell you about his life and listen to him by creating an atmosphere of empathy.
Step 6. Make plans for the future
An important part of a mentor's business is to guide the child towards achieving short, medium and long-term goals. Feeling fulfilled is a fundamental need for any child. For this reason, your job is to direct and guide him towards full self-realization.
- Sharing projects with the child and letting him choose his goals is a very effective method. Hear what his goals are and help him define them better. Guide him in his choices but make sure that he is the one to make the final decision, after having examined all the alternatives with you. In this way you teach him to be independent and to know how to plan his future. Furthermore, the child will face life with more safety and confidence if he has been empowered to do so.
- Goals that seem unattainable at first glance can be divided into more affordable goals. A child who wants a horse can broaden his knowledge of horses and learn how to care for them, save money and plan a future life in the countryside, where it is easier to raise a horse. Listen to the child and pay attention to his "impossible" goals, especially if he repeats them often and with conviction, among many other fantasies. If he feels deeply drawn to a particular profession, the child will be a happier adult if he can make his dream come true, be it a horse breeder, doctor, truck driver, restaurateur, artist or whatever. People who love their jobs are happier.
Step 7. Have fun with him
Remember that the child you are mentoring is still small, and needs to play and have fun. Being a child again and playing with him from time to time will do him good and allow him to forget the problems and difficulties for a moment. The baby will relax and open up more, because he will see in you a friend he can trust.
Advice
- Be a strong and positive example.
- More than talking, listen.
- Make sure the child is aware that you are always there and that you enjoy being around him.
- Avoid authoritatively pontificating about what is right and what is wrong: the child would feel judged and attacked.
- When the child shares a problem with you, agree with him on possible solutions and alternatives to deal with it.
Warnings
- It will take some time for the baby to open up and learn to trust you. This is normal, give it some time!
- At first, the child may be very oppositional and grumpy.
- If the child shares traumatic and shocking life experiences with you, do not appear upset or amazed. It is important that you listen to him with empathy and understanding, not with horror or disgust at his stories. If you want to arrive prepared, read stories of children who have suffered similar or worse trauma, so you know in advance that these things, sadly, happen. You can also share with him the stories of children who have gone through similar experiences but passed them, to give him the hope that he too will be able to do it.
