When a situation becomes too difficult to handle, you may need to emotionally detach from it. Emotional detachment is not a way to escape from or passively suffer from problems; it should not be used as a weapon against others or as a substitute for communication. However, if you are having a hard time in a relationship, temporary separation can help you calm down and evaluate problems from a different perspective. Similarly, distancing yourself from an argument can help keep your temper. Finally, if you have ended a relationship, you will need to gradually but permanently break away from it.
Steps
Part 1 of 5: Setting Limits
Step 1. Examine your personal boundaries
These are the limits you set to protect yourself. Boundaries are emotional, mental, physical, and sexual and can be passed on by parents as you grow up or can be acquired by dating other people who have their own healthy limits. If you can't manage your time, your habits, or your emotions, you probably have poor personal boundaries.
- If you feel overwhelmed by the feelings of others or believe that what other people think of you can affect your image of yourself, you must respect your limits.
- If you often accept the impositions of others against your will, set limits.
- Follow your instinct. Do you think there is something wrong? Do you have an unpleasant sensation in your stomach or chest? This may indicate the need to enforce your own limit.
Step 2. Enforce your boundaries
When you know what you want, or what you don't want, take action. Set limits with yourself: a daily schedule, the refusal to take offense. Set limits with others: distance yourself from arguments, don't give in to pressure, and don't allow others to dump their emotions on you. Respond with a sharp "no" when they force you to do something against your will.
Choose the person to talk to about your life. If you have a parent, friend, or manipulative partner, don't become an easy target by sharing your emotions with them. Assert that you are willing to bring up a topic, as long as they don't give you advice (and don't give you orders)
Step 3. Detach yourself emotionally to communicate your intentions
When you need to set a boundary with someone, you need to be able to express yourself without fearing their reaction. That's when emotional detachment takes over. Before you speak, remember that you are not responsible for his reaction. You have the sacrosanct right to set limits.
You can communicate your limitations verbally or non-verbally. To give a trivial example, when you want someone not to invade your spaces, you could get up, look him in the eye and expressly state: "Now I need my spaces"
Step 4. Stick to your limits
At first, you may encounter resistance from people who are used to getting what they want from you. Respect your beliefs. Don't compromise your limit. If they accuse you of being cold and unfeeling, respond by saying, "I am loving. I would have no self-love if I pretended to want what I don't want."
For example, if you set boundaries with an elderly relative you care for who becomes offensive to you, they may stop doing this after realizing that you are unwilling to tolerate it
Step 5. Make a backup plan
Emotionally detach yourself from the expectation that your limits are respected. If you are unable to communicate your limitations to someone or if you communicate them to them, but they do not respect them, take control of the situation. Determine the consequences it will face if I overstep your limits by saying, "If you insult me, I will walk out of the room. If you peek into my phone, I will feel betrayed and express my disappointment without hesitation."
- If someone in your life is acting aggressive or unable to control their anger, take action without saying a word.
- Take the space you need. Move away if you feel an air of confrontation.
- Physically protect items you don't want to be hacked. For example, enter the password on your PC or mobile phone.
- If you are caring for a relative who does not respect your limits, hire someone to look after them until both of you have calmed down and get to know better.
Part 2 of 5: Detaching from a Situation
Step 1. Learn to recognize times when the situation could go wrong
If you notice that you always end up arguing under certain circumstances or when discussing certain topics, detach yourself before you get upset. To do this, learn to recognize the triggers and be prepared for the times when they may arise. Go through past episodes and isolate the problems that have angered you or the other person.
- You may notice that your partner is always fighting when he is stressed out from work. On grueling work days, you can prepare to detach yourself early, remembering that he may be in a bad mood.
- If the problem is not between you and another person but depends on a situation, try to recognize it in advance.
- For example, you may always panic when you are in traffic. Understand that this is a source of stress for you.
Step 2. Stay calm
When a situation escalates or a stressful episode occurs, give yourself a few minutes to calm down. Remember what is happening and breathe deeply twice. Don't forget that in these moments no one but you can take control of the situation.
Step 3. Come back after you have calmed down
Take your time to stay away from an argument. Spend some time telling yourself how you feel. She says, "I am angry that my mother tried to tell me what to do and I feel frustrated because when I expressed my disappointment, she started yelling at me." Naming your emotions will help you distance yourself from them.
Return only when you have managed to define your mood, without being assailed by a new wave of emotions
Step 4. Speak in first person
Don't hide your feelings and desires. Avoid the temptation to criticize or blame. You can say, "I'd like to hear what you think, but I'm afraid we'd fight. Can we wait a minute, and then you tell me again?" Or: "I realize that I exaggerated when I saw the house so untidy. I would feel much better if we followed a program."
Step 5. If possible, exit
If it seems to you that it is better to take a physical break from a situation that you would like to let go, go ahead. A walk around the block or some alone time in another room can help calm you down. Focus on your emotions during your break. Try to give them a name. For a moment, forget about your partner and pay attention to your feelings.
You can return when you are ready to face the situation again. Resume the conversation calmly, not forgetting that your partner may still be upset
Part 3 of 5: Temporarily Detaching From a Relationship
Step 1. Determine if it is appropriate to detach
If you're dissatisfied with a relationship, severing it on the spot may prevent you from grasping the crux of the matter. It may take a few months for you to figure out if your relationship can improve or not. In some cases it would be advisable to detach emotionally for a short time, while remaining together.
- For example, you might detach yourself if your relationship has soured due to a recent change in your habits. You may simply need some time to adjust to the new state of affairs.
- If you and your partner are always at odds or are always on and off, consider detachment.
- When the tension has eased, both of you can decide whether to continue being together or not.
- Do not detach yourself before trying to solve the problems. Detachment should be the last resort, to be adopted only if you are on the verge of breaking up.
Step 2. Detach yourself without forgetting common responsibilities
If you live together, have a child, a pet, a home or a business, you need to be physically present and alert. Detaching emotionally means keeping your distance from the relationship for a while, but you can still share work and daily activities with your partner.
Step 3. Take your spaces
If you and your partner don't share responsibility for a child, another person, a home, or business, you may want to spend time alone. Go on a business trip or vacation alone, or with a group of acquaintances, such as a group of hikers.
Step 4. Tell your partner that you need to focus on yourself for a while if they ask you for explanations
Don't tell him your intention to detach, but if he asks you questions, tell him that you need to reflect on your relationship and focus on yourself. You shouldn't use the words "detach" or "detach", unless they are terms you already use. Instead, tell him that you need time to focus on a project or work or to make peace with yourself.
Step 5. Ask your friends for support
It would not be fair to your partner if you expected psychological support from them, without expressing your emotions to them. This would make it even more difficult to free yourself. Rely on friends and family for advice and companionship. Confide in your friends and family rather than your partner's.
Step 6. Focus on yourself
During the period of detachment, focus your attention on your emotions. What needs to change in your relationship? Which of your needs do you not feel satisfied? You may find it helpful to speak to a therapist. It's time to examine your feelings, not criticize your partner.
Refrain from sexual intercourse during this time
Step 7. Decide what to do next
If you have realized that you want your relationship to continue, maybe you should win your partner back. He may feel hurt and neglected due to your estrangement. Explain that you were sorry to end the relationship and that you were trying to calm down to avoid making a rash decision. Try to reiterate your needs frankly and listen to those of your partner.
If you have come to the conclusion that your relationship is over, use the perspective gained during your separation to end the relationship as a civilized person
Part 4 of 5: Detaching from a Permanent Relationship
Step 1. Take a break away from your ex
If you are trying to forget someone, even someone you are still on good terms with, avoid texting or talking to them for a while. If you have no contact, keep it up. If you see each other again, the next time you talk, mention that you need some time for yourself. Tell him, "I hope we can be friends again, but I can't rush things. I need time to process the situation."
- Go out with other people. Enjoy the company of family and friends.
- If you've lost your friends as a result of separation from your partner, or aren't sure who to contact among your mutual friends, probe the ground. Try to contact the people closest to you first and see what happens.
Step 2. Stay away from social networks
Try not to think about the person you are drifting away from. Establish the external limit of detaching yourself through social networks. If you are on good terms with your ex but are trying to get your own space, you can temporarily close your account or any site you both use. It can be helpful to avoid looking at photos of your ex, and because you are in a state of confusion, it can also help you spend some time disconnecting yourself from other people's lives.
- If you are not on good terms, you can simply block him from accessing your account or take him out of friendship.
- Depending on the site, you may temporarily block the person's notifications without changing their "friends" status. However, if you fear that you are obsessed with the idea of constantly checking what they post and are disappointed, you should close your account or unfriend them.
Step 3. Remember why the relationship ended
Every relationship is filled with fantasy; if it's over, there are probably valid reasons. After breaking up, you may remember only the best moments or wonder what could have happened. On the contrary, dwell on the quarrels, the disappointments and what you can do now and what you could not do then.
- You don't have to discredit your partner. Just remember that both of you weren't satisfied and that if I didn't end the relationship, the situation would degenerate.
- If you can't remember what went wrong, try to write down the worst moments in your relationship. Reread them and give free rein to your bitterness.
Step 4. Learn to forgive
After you indulge in the resentment and pain of the breakup, move on. Put the anger behind you. Try to feel compassion for yourself and your partner. When you find yourself feeling anger or resentment, name your emotions.
- She says: "I'm annoyed for always paying for dinner out", or: "I'm still angry because he never asked me what I really wanted", or "I'm ashamed for having lost my temper with him, instead of letting him talk".
- Write a letter. You don't necessarily have to let your ex read it, but you can if you want to. Write how you felt and how you feel now.
- Forgiving does not mean justifying whatever happened during your relationship, but leaving behind the anger that makes you sad and harms your health.
Step 5. Take care of yourself
Your attention in the months or even years after a relationship ends must be on learning to live well without a partner. After you've been hurt, angry, and committed to forgiveness, you can start having fun. Dedicate yourself to what makes you happy: take care of your health, spend time with your friends, do your best at work, and engage in other activities.
If you feel depressed, try to see a therapist. It doesn't have to last forever, but if the breakup has plunged you into depression or if you're overwhelmed with suicidal thoughts, talk to a professional
Step 6. Consider it a time of transition, not a defeat
It's okay to grieve over a broken relationship, but don't dwell on what might have happened forever. Instead, reflect on what you have learned from falling in love, from the relationship, and from the breakup. Remember that a relationship that ends is not a negative relationship - relationships can be short, but positive.
Step 7. When you are ready, go out with someone else
When you feel really good about yourself you can go out with another man again. To figure out if you're ready, ask yourself if you're still angry at your ex, if you still want to be with him, if you feel unattractive, or if you're sad or unstable. If you don't experience any of these sensations, you're probably ready for a new date.
Part 5 of 5: Focus on Self
Step 1. Realize that you can only control yourself
You can try to guide the actions and reactions of those around you, but when all is said and done, each person must make their own decisions. The only person whose behavior, thoughts and emotions are in your hands is you.
- Just as you cannot control another human being, another human cannot control you.
- Know that the only power another individual has over you is the one you give them.
Step 2. Speak using first-person affirmations
Get in the habit of talking about negative circumstances from the point of view in which you perceive them. Instead of saying that someone or something has made you unhappy, express your disappointment by saying, "I feel sad because…" or "This makes me sad because…".
- Seeing things from a first-person perspective can change the way you think, allowing you to separate yourself from the situation. This separation can really help you make yourself more emotionally detached from the other people involved.
- First-person language can also help ease a tense situation, because it allows you to communicate your emotions and thoughts without judging others.
Step 3. Walk away
Physical detachment can lead to emotional detachment. Distance yourself from the person or situation that is causing you anxiety as soon as possible. It doesn't have to be a permanent breakup, but the breakup should last long enough for you to ease an intense emotional state.
Step 4. Give yourself some time for yourself regularly
When you are struggling with a difficult relationship or one that you are unable to end, make a habit of giving yourself time to relax after analyzing the source of the problem. Always take this time for yourself, even when you think your emotions are under control.
- For example, if you need to disconnect from the emotional stress of work, give yourself a few minutes to meditate or relax as soon as you get home.
- Alternatively, take a few minutes during your lunch break to do something you really enjoy, like reading or going for a walk.
- Isolating yourself from others, even for a few minutes, can give you the calm and balance you need when you return.
Step 5. Learn to love yourself
You are as important as anyone else. Understand that your needs are important, that love for yourself is essential, and that you have a responsibility to preserve your limitations and well-being. You may have to compromise with others from time to time, but you also need to make sure you're not the only one sacrificing yourself.
- Loving yourself also means taking care of your needs and goals. If you have a project that involves further education, you should take the necessary steps to do so, regardless of the approval of other people, such as your partner or parents. However, be prepared to pursue your goals on your own.
- Loving yourself also means finding your sources of happiness. You should never rely solely on a single person to be happy.
- If you think your partner or another person is the only source of your happiness, it's time to set healthier boundaries.
