Having a Zen attitude means being able to become fully aware of the present moment. Such an approach to life allows you to relieve stress, anxiety, frustration and anger. Focus on positive thoughts and actions that help you relax and react in a more balanced way to small daily challenges; don't waste time trying to change the things you can't control. Learn to understand your feelings and take the time to take care of yourself - each of these steps will help you develop a Zen attitude.
Steps
Method 1 of 3: Finding Peace in Your Life
Step 1. Let go of the things you cannot control
The only individual you can truly be in full control of is you: your thoughts, feelings and actions are what you are able to change. Conversely, what others think and do is exactly what you cannot control, even if you try hard. Stop caring about others' actions and thoughts and instead focus your attention primarily on yourself.
- Give everyone the benefit of the doubt. Even when you think someone has wronged you or treated you badly, try to evaluate the situation from an external point of view. Remember that the person who offended you may have done so unknowingly. Give her the benefit of the doubt, she may have been acting in good faith.
- Also, when a person disappoints you, think about your expectations. Were they realistic? Did the other person know about it? Sharing your feelings with the person in question may be the best thing to do. There is a good chance that you will notice that it was a simple lack of communication, and that there is a chance to fix it in the future.
Step 2. Put the situation in a larger context
Looking at events from a different perspective will help you take a more balanced approach. This method goes hand in hand with the decision to let go of the things you can't control. Ask yourself what other events may have contributed to the ongoing negative situation.
- When your worries are about a problem you can't control, make a list of those unmanageable factors that contribute to getting you into trouble. For example, if you are struggling to find work, consider the current economic situation and the possible downturn in your industry.
- Put a stop to your worries by wondering if what is currently troubling you will matter in an hour or a day.
Step 3. Take control of those aspects that you can modify
When you put yourself in the position of being able to dominate certain aspects of a situation, the chances of being able to remain calm increase.
For example, if morning traffic tends to get on your nerves, consider leaving the house at a different time or using public transportation to change the way you interact with the problem. Do what you can not to feed the feelings of stress, anger and frustration. Avoiding harassing situations helps you calm your mind
Step 4. Focus on getting things right
Be aware of the many positive aspects of your life, noting all those favorable events that allow you to proceed smoothly.
Make a list of things that go according to your expectations. Stick it on the fridge or re-read it frequently so you don't lose sight of the many positives in your life
Step 5. Display a positive result
As often as it is impossible to control with absolute precision how things will play out, you can make a prediction of the best achievable scenario; by doing so you will lead your mind back on the path of positivity, preventing negative thoughts.
- Use an image that helps you visualize the desired result. If you want a new or more reliable car, take a picture of it, then stick it on the fridge or bathroom mirror so you can see it every day.
- Use affirmations to help you visualize a positive outcome. These statements will help you focus on your goals. For example, you might say, "I run a successful company that has a large number of satisfied customers." Repeat your message to yourself, several times a day: it will help you stay focused and confident of achieving the desired results.
Step 6. Enjoy the journey beyond the goal
On occasions when you don't get what you want, you may feel demoralized or frustrated. Even in these cases, however, you must strive to look for a positive implication in every event. For example, if you have been fired, even though you feel angry and worried you should be able to notice the multiple possibilities opening up to you or the opportunity to spend more time with your family during an important moment.
- Try to appreciate and praise spontaneity and uncertainty. It may seem unnerving, but only by being able to remain open to every possibility will you be able to see the potential positive implications of certain situations.
- Keep a gratitude journal. Each day, write down some of the things you feel grateful for. Reflect on your present life to notice the many positive aspects about yourself, your environment and those around you. At the end of each week, re-read your words to remind yourself how lucky you can be.
Method 2 of 3: Recognize Your Feelings
Step 1. Observe and channel anger
Spend 15-30 minutes simply observing it. Sit comfortably in a quiet room where no one can disturb you. Close your eyes, then start taking deep breaths. Think about your anger. In which part of the body is it enclosed? Do you feel pain in your head? Are you keeping your teeth clenched? Do you have tight shoulder muscles? Can you associate your angry feelings with particular shapes or colors?
- Now open your eyes. Breathe in through your nose, then exhale as you push the air out of your mouth.
- Make a list of the things that make you angry. They could be important reasons or small factors considered futile by others; fear not, none of them will be too silly or insignificant. Remember that the goal of this exercise is to observe and channel anger, not to keep it hidden.
- Select the 3 points that you think are most relevant. Choose the 3 main triggers, then briefly list 3 strategies that could help you remedy those situations. This process of observation and analysis will help you take control of your feelings, encouraging you to change those aspects of your behavior that you can master.
Step 2. Look for symptoms caused by stress
Sit in a quiet environment for about 15 minutes. Take deep breaths with your eyes closed. Try to identify where the stress is in your body. Could you have stored it in your shoulders? In the neck? In the legs? Watch your hands, are you holding your fists clenched?
Recognize the presence of stress by saying, "I am aware of the tensions in my neck."
Step 3. Observe how you react to negative situations
When an unfavorable event happens, stop and observe your feelings. You may feel stressed, sad or angry… this is normal. The important thing is not to allow those emotions to wear you down. Strive to see the positive side of any negative situation. For example, if you've missed the bus and are forced to wait for the next one, take advantage of your time to indulge in a good coffee.
Step 4. Try not to take things personally
Sometimes people may approach you in a rude or rude way; in those moments remember that their words come from their state of discomfort, not yours. There is no reason to get infected with their unhappiness.
Step 5. When you feel low, try to smile
Often, when you are overwhelmed by negative feelings, it is not easy to direct your thoughts elsewhere. Having a Zen attitude means knowing how to move on, rather than getting bogged down in brooding over the unfavorable aspects of a situation. The first step to cheer yourself up is to smile. By smiling you will be able to momentarily fool your brain, causing it to formulate more positive thoughts. In no time you will be out of the quagmire!
Step 6. Neutralize negative thoughts
When you let yourself be pervaded by negativity, your mind starts to run fast, creating connections that highlight, one after the other, hypothetical unfavorable implications of everyday life; as a result, life tends to appear much meaner than it actually is. Practicing the following exercise helps the brain make more positive thought connections:
Spend about thirty minutes listening to your deepest thoughts. Let your mind wander freely, paying attention to any clues of negative internal dialogue, such as: "I'm a hideous person. I forgot my mother's birthday." As soon as you see them, neutralize negative thoughts by emphasizing their uselessness, saying for example: "I don't need this thought, so goodbye forever!". Formulate a new, more positive thought, with a sympathetic attitude towards you, which will help you reaffirm your worth as a person, for example: "Right now my life is very hectic, but by making use of an agenda I will be able to remind me of important things"
Method 3 of 3: Take Time for Yourself
Step 1. Start the day right
A positive morning routine can help you maintain the correct attitude well into the evening. Set your alarm 15 minutes earlier than usual, then spend a few minutes in bed, taking deep breaths, as you repeat in your mind that today is going to be fabulous. Remind yourself that each new day can represent a new beginning - it will help you stay centered for the rest of the day.
Step 2. Find some time for yourself
During the day, cut out some spaces for reflection; you can use them to find remedies, solutions, leave problems behind or take care of yourself. This daily practice will help you maintain a Zen attitude.
Step 3. Slow down the pace
Being under constant pressure inevitably increases your stress levels, making it more difficult for you to stay calm. Find time to dedicate yourself to small everyday joys, such as cooking for yourself or your family, walking in nature or writing in a diary. In addition to feeling better, you will feel that you have gained more control over your life.
Step 4. Meditate every day
Meditation helps the mind process and relieve everyday stress. Try to establish a wellness routine by meditating at the same time each day. Fixing your meditation practice early in the day will help you face the rest of the day in a state of greater serenity. It is not necessary to meditate for long, so adapt the practice to your needs; the advice is to start with a minimum time of 5 minutes, and then gradually increase from 10 to 25 minutes.
- Find time to sit in a quiet environment for at least 5 minutes. Get into a comfortable position, then focus on your breathing. Inhale and exhale slowly and deeply through the nose, encouraging the air to push past the lungs until the abdomen is inflated. Mentally count to 4 during both inhalations and exhalations.
- Keep your eyes open, gazing softly at one point. If you feel more comfortable, you can also keep them closed.
- When the mind begins to get distracted, it placidly returns the attention to the breath, starting to count again.
Step 5. Rest, rest, rest
When you sleep, your body heals itself naturally, preparing to face the new day with all the energy and tranquility it needs. Aim to go to bed at the same time each night, aiming to get at least 7-8 hours of sleep a night.
Step 6. Turn off your electronic devices
Stop using mobile phones, computers, etc. it's a great way to clear your mind. Email and social networking messages push you to address the needs of others quickly and consistently. Turning them off will allow you to focus solely on yourself, helping you calm your thoughts.
Advice
- Learn more about Zen practices, including Zen meditation.
- Look for a place to participate in guided group meditations in your city.
