It can be very difficult to ignore a person who makes you agitated or in pain. It's even more difficult when you have to see her or interact with her regularly at school, work, or at family events. However, learning to distance yourself from negative people (and then replace them with positive, supportive people) will help you be happy and maintain good stability in your life.
Steps
Part 1 of 4: Taking Distances
Step 1. Avoid places where you risk meeting this person
The easiest way to ignore it is to directly avoid seeing it. You can reduce the chances of running into this person by keeping a safe distance from places you frequented together or where you know they go often.
- Look for new restaurants, bars and clubs to hang out, perhaps slightly out of the way for this person, not in their immediate vicinity.
- Try to shop away from her home (if you know where she lives).
- If your mutual friend invites you to do something, ask if this person will be there as well. You can then decide whether to go there or not.
Step 2. Limit your interactions with this person
It is a useful strategy to ignore it without necessarily excluding it from your life. If you are related or work together, bridging can be difficult. In any case, it is useful to avoid regular interactions: this can improve the situation.
- Minimize conversations and interactions by answering them in a short and detached way, without going into detail. For example, you might say, "I'm fine. I have to get back to work now."
- Resist the temptation to make petty or insulting statements or you will make the situation worse.
- If you limit your contact and avoid having unnecessary interactions with a person you don't want to hang out with, you will essentially cut ties. However, you will not close the door to any future social interactions, which can happen in a polite manner.
Step 3. When trying to converse, deflect this attempt
Whether you work together, have mutual friends, or cross paths from time to time, you need to firmly object when trying to engage in conversation. If that happens, you can deflect his attempt.
- Try to ignore his words and don't give in to the temptation to respond.
- If you are in a social context that forces you to say something, try sharing thoughts or emotions on topics that have nothing to do with the other person's topic.
- If you directly ignore what she is saying or talk about your interests (as if you have not heard or understood her), you will immediately let her know that you are not interested in what she has to say.
Step 4. If you really need to talk to this person, get help from an intermediary
When it is impossible to avoid crossing paths at work or social events, it is useful to get support from an outside friend. It can act as a buffer when meeting with the person you intend to ignore. He will make sure the exchange is civil and can help guide the conversation towards a neutral topic, in case your interlocutor tries to make the dialogue unpleasant.
- Tell your friend what he should do. Before engaging them, make sure they are willing to take this responsibility so they don't feel used or confused at a later time.
- Agree on a non-verbal cue, so that you can both apologize if you need to get away from this person right away.
Step 5. Try to be polite towards people you cannot avoid
You can always try to follow the path of good manners. Often a particularly gentle approach can contain the negative behaviors of the people you want to avoid.
- Resist the urge to be rude to people you don't like.
- Instead, you need to be strong and confident. Bring out your strengths and remember that you are a smart person who deserves happiness.
- Don't allow these people to demoralize you with their negativity. Show yourself superior by refusing to get involved.
- When you feel the need to respond in a mean way, try saying something nice instead, then apologize and walk away. For example, you might say, "You had a great presentation this week. I'm going to have another coffee, sorry."
Step 6. Try to be strong and confident
If you want to avoid someone, it is possible that this person is giving you negativity or other unpleasant feelings. People of this gender usually try to touch painful buttons or irritate (consciously or not). They may call you a fool when you decide to take risks or undermine your dreams and hopes. If you have decided to distance yourself from someone, it is important to be firm and not allow them to sting you or change you.
- While you don't feel confident or strong, it's important to believe you can be. This will help you create a buffer between yourself and the negative people around you.
- Don't let others' negative words or actions affect how you think about yourself or your lifestyle. Use positive affirmations and inner dialogue to drive away any negative thoughts that may have been aroused by these people.
- Remember that you are a good person, that your friends and family love you. If there are people who care about you, it means that you have many qualities: the truth is that negative people are not willing to see them.
Part 2 of 4: Cutting the Electronic Communications
Step 1. Block the telephone contact of someone you no longer want to deal with
If you want to cut ties with someone, you may want to think about preventing that person from calling or texting you. It may not be necessary if it is not someone you have frequent contact with, but surely prevention is better than cure.
- To block phone calls on an iPhone, select this contact from the list and press the "Block contact" button. To block text messages, open the messages, select the person you want to block, then tap "Details", "Information" and "Block contact".
- To block calls and messages on an Android phone, open the call settings and select "Blacklist". At this point, a screen will open that will allow you to choose the number you want to block. You just have to search and select the right number.
- To block phone calls and messages on a Windows mobile phone, open the settings and select "Call Filter + SMS", then activate the "Call Filter" function. Press and hold the number you want to block until a dialog opens, then select "Block number" and "OK".
- If you use a BlackBerry, you need to contact your carrier to prevent an unwanted number from contacting you.
Step 2. Even if you manage to avoid someone in person, they may still be able to contact you via social media
If you have a friend or follow someone on a social network, this person may know what you are doing or where you are, and may also send you threatening or harassing messages via the site.
- If you are friends on social networks or follow it, you can delete it or stop following it. You can also block it, so that it cannot see what you post or contact you.
- If you are not friends on social networks or do not follow it, or you have already deleted your friendship, change your privacy options within the site, so that only your friends can see what you post.
Step 3. Stop someone from emailing you
If the person you are trying to avoid has your email address, you may be afraid of receiving an aggressive or threatening email from them. You can avoid this by preventing that individual from writing to you, or by filtering all messages from that individual (depending on which email server you use).
- To filter emails in Gmail, select a message from that individual in your inbox by checking the box next to it. Click on the drop-down menu, choose "More", then "Filter messages like these" and, on the redirected page, select the "Delete" option.
- To block e-mails in Microsoft Outlook, simply click on a message from that person, then on "Spam" followed by "Block sender".
Part 3 of 4: Cultivating Your Happiness
Step 1. Understand what demoralizes or angers you
In some cases, it is impossible to avoid a negative person. Whether it's a colleague, a relative or a neighbor, every now and then it is necessary to meet or interact with ill-disposed people. When this happens, it's important to recognize the things that make you lose your temper and become aware of them so that you don't get upset.
- Make a list of people, places, and things that make you feel unhappy, angry, or frustrated.
- Consider why these people, places, and things trigger an adverse reaction in you.
- Think about how these triggers present themselves in your daily life and develop strategies that will help you avoid or limit these situations.
Step 2. Resist the urge to complain about people you don't like
Even if you feel the urge to vent your frustrations, you risk alienating others. Maybe they are friends with the person you can't stand, or they may get tired of hearing you speak ill of others. If you just complain about someone, the friends and colleagues you hang out with may start to distance themselves from you.
- Instead of complaining about people you don't want to see anymore, make a point of not mentioning them when you talk to others.
- When you talk to others, share what you like, otherwise the person you can't stand will waste your time and energy.
Step 3. Take responsibility for what you say and what you do
When you blame someone for your negative words and actions, you allow them to have power over you and, without realizing it, you deprive yourself of your own self-control. As much as a person makes you upset, only you can decide whether to let yourself be overwhelmed by anger / frustration or to let it go. What you say or do (even the actions you do because of the frustration you feel towards someone) is still your choice and your responsibility.
- Your words and actions are not in a bubble: you cannot blame others for what you decide to say or do, even if you are angry with someone you want to stay away from.
- Try changing the way you see this person. Thoughts affect words and actions, so grabbing and blocking negative thoughts can help you stop materializing them.
- Once you have learned to ignore the people who get you upset, let them go. Stop wasting time and energy thinking about them. Whenever you find yourself doing it, stop.
Part 4 of 4: Attracting Positive People into Their Life
Step 1. Recognize and show your strengths
Positive people generally feel attracted to their fellow men. If you want to surround yourself with bright and constructive people, you should obviously convey the proper vibes. Once you understand how to tune into your best qualities and how to bring them out, you can skillfully demonstrate that you are a positive person too.
- Think about the character traits and behaviors that make you a positive person. For example, do you usually compliment others or do you behave particularly kindly even when you don't have to?
- Make a conscious effort to spend more time on these behaviors. Don't do it just to impress others, but also to cultivate a more constructive lifestyle yourself.
- To demonstrate what kind of person you are and what lifestyle you lead, let your actions speak for you.
Step 2. Identify the positive people you already have in your life
You are probably already surrounded by very strong and constructive people. As you distance yourself from people you no longer want to hang out with, it's important to start replacing them with people you want to keep around. Generally, it is best to cultivate a good relationship with positive, loving people - they are good friends and can inspire you to improve.
- Think of those friends, relatives and colleagues who always have a smile on their face in the face of adversity. You should also consider who are the kindest, most caring, and supportive people you know.
- Get close to these people. Make an effort to attend them more often and try to invite them to different events so that you can spend more time together.
Step 3. Get to know and associate with other constructive people
In addition to the people you already have close to you, make an effort to find others to make friends with. Finding proactive and supportive people will help you expand your social circle, enriching it with people you admire and want to know better. As a result, this will improve you as a friend and others will feel compelled to be around you.
- Look for constructive and proactive people in the gym, in the parish, in a club that organizes outdoor activities (such as trekking) and in other places frequented by people who tend to be well-disposed and positive.
- Try volunteering. You will feel great and meet people interested in a shared cause (generally, you will meet people who are positive and supportive).
- Just going for a coffee or lunch with these people to improve your mood and your outlook on life.
- Be proactive. If you know busy people, go ahead and make appointments with their needs in mind.
Advice
- If you meet this person in a shop, pretend you haven't seen them. Change the speed at which you walk, stop or turn away. If she sees you, tell her that you are in a hurry and that you really need to escape. If you don't get to safety, keep calm and speak as little as possible.
- The fact that you are related to this person does not mean that you have to tolerate their attitude. If someone makes you feel bad or hurts you, you have every right to end the relationship with politeness and respect.
- Don't pay her back in the same coin, i.e. by being rude or unpleasant. You won't make up for what he did to you and you will eventually get worse as a person.
Warnings
- If it is an abusive spouse or partner, ignoring it will provoke it and make the problem worse. Contact a professional and get rid of this situation.
- At some point, you may decide to talk to the person in question to try to resolve the conflict. Remember that it will not always be possible or reasonable. In any case, if you are obliged to see it regularly (for example it is a relative or a colleague), it will be necessary.
- If you decide to ignore someone for an extended period, be prepared for the fact that you may never speak again and accept it.
